Anxielestia

>The Summer Sun Celebration is quite beautiful this year.
>The town of Ponyville is the chosen one, meaning you are able to witness it, getting there just in time to see the sun Princess herself.
>However, what you have seen was more than just the beauty of the sun, or the graceful form of the Eternal Princess.
>You are Anon, the only human in Equestria, and as such, you are of a different world.
>Back there you worked in a zoo, your profession being animal psychologist.
>The zoo you worked in? It had cheetahs and they required help - your help - to be less anxious.
>Poor big kitties are rather anxious by default, being held captive makes it even worse.
>Not while you are around however.
>But that is in the past.
>Right now you are watching the tallest pony you have ever seen leave the ‘stage’ and get praisings from her staff.
>You are seeing the unmissable signs of her being uncomfortable, with a hint of worry and a big load of anxiousness.
“Just like Zoe…” you mutter, taking the attention of the pony next to you - your closest friend for reasons unknown to you - and she looks up at you to ask about it.
>”What was that, Anon? Who is Zoe?” Lyra’s voice has a hint of an accent you can’t quite place, but she makes up for it with her beautiful singing voice.
“Oh? Nothing, nothing. Just… wondering about my old job,” you reply, shrugging, “One of the cheetahs I worked on was called Zoe.”
>Your explanation seems to satisfy the small minty unicorn.
>For approximately 4 seconds.
>”Who reminds you of Zoe?”
>The question is simple and you contemplate answering it for a few seconds, then you give in and respond to her.
“Celestia. Uhm, /Princess/ Celestia. She is rather anxious,” you think saying this much is enough to sate her curiosity once again, but lo and behold, you are wrong.
>”The Princess? But… she is the calmest pony alive! How could she be anxious? Are you sure, Anon?”
>You nod your head in the affirmative
“Been working on animals for over a decade, I know anxiety when I see it.”
>Lyra hums to herself, then shrugs it off.
>”Alright, I believe you. But… shouldn’t you go and talk to her then?”
>Her question is valid and you consider it.
“Well, why not?” you reply and shrug with your left shoulder, turning to walk towards the alabaster alicorn.
>By the time you get to her the ponies she talked to are gone and she seems visibly relaxed… or rather, more relaxed.
>You can still read anxiety on her, and the moment she spots you it skyrockets.
>Standing behind the stage, hidden by a cart that still has some unused decorations on it, Celestia’s ears droop for a fleeting moment as she realizes that you are going straight towards her.
>You see her sigh, take a big breath, exhale, then put on a forced smile.
>You are about to make a comment about these things to Lyra, but find that she isn’t by your side anymore.
>She is… nowhere to be found. Most likely sidestepped to avoid embarrassment on your behalf.
“Princess Celestia!” you greet her with a warm smile on your face, your right hand held out.
>Despite being the tallest pony, she is still a head shorter than you are, so you bend forward a bit to allow her for the hand/hoof shake.
>”You must be Anonymous, it’s a pleasure to meet you!” she replies and accepts the shake, although you can see the tiny movements in her right foreleg that tells of her unsureness.
“Indeed. I couldn’t help but notice how anxious you are, Princess,” you respond, throwing her into the deep of it, both to avoid smalltalk and to get started with the problem.
>”I-uh… what?” Celestia asks back, an expression of surprise, disbelief, confusion and then suspicion flashing on her otherwise calm looking face.
>You point at the stage and nod.
“Out there, even here… I couldn’t help but notice,” you repeat to her. You are blunt, sure, but you have the feeling that you have to be.
>”I’m… not sure what makes you think that, Anonymous,” she replies, nervously smiling.
“Perhaps I should tell you about the kind of work I was doing before, back on Earth,” you offer confidently.
>”That’s quite fine, I have heard reports of your background,” Celestia replies, her tone of voice telling you, as expected, the lack of confidence in her.
“In that case… would you like to go for a walk? With me?”
>This makes her arch a curious eyebrow.
>”A walk?” she asks, looking around. No ponies are spying on the two of you at the moment. “I… suppose? I am not quite used to this kind of interaction, mind you,” she tells you but follows your lead nonetheless.
>With the amount of ponies around your little walk quickly gathers a crowd.
>Ponies are watching Celestia and you as you walk through the town, heading towards whatever destination.
>A few moments is enough for you to see her worry, so, you get into action.
“I was the cheetah handler,” you begin, Celestia’s ears perk up as you take her attention, “in the zoo I worked in. But I worked with other animals, too. An animal psychologist, that was my job.”
>She nods to you, and by the way she glances around, you realize that she would rather not be there with you.
“I have learnt to notice and understand the body language of various animals… like the way you ruffle your feathers, flare your nose, twitch your ears and dart your eyes around. Honestly, I don’t know how your ponies are not noticing them.”
>”E… excuse me?” she asks, sounding almost offended.
>You take back a notch.
“You are anxious, Princess. I just happen to see it… and can help you with it,” you tell her, looking around.
>Her subjects are still basically staring at you and their princess, it’s almost creepy.
>With a sigh you make a hand gesture to disperse them.
“Shoo, go away, nothing to see here!” you speak up, waving them off.
>The ponies look surprised but thankfully return to whatever they were doing.
>This earns a surprised but relieved little hum from Celestia which you can’t miss.
“I can help,” you repeat to her and point forward, in the distance, where you can see just a sliver of an open area with lots of green - a park. “Let’s walk to the park.”
>For a few moments Celestia just stares at you, probably contemplating her options, then nods. “Let us go.”
>Happy with the immediate progress, you look at her form again.
>Her body screams anxiety and worry at you, you feel rather bad for not being able to just hug and pet her then and there.
“I might come off like a douchebag, and I’m sorry about that. I am not used to interact with, uh, people,” you explain to her, thinking about the way you just talked to her.
>To your surprise and appreciation, Celestia just nods, although she gulps. “You have successfully dispersed the crowd, such thing could only be achieved by my trained Guards, I suppose I can give you credit for this. Above that, I really am not used to such… casual interactions.”
“Let’s drop being of any rank or title then. In fact, just call me Anon. We are friends here,” you reply, earning a small smile from her.
>”To be honest, your status as an off-worlder you are not under the rule of any of this planet’s rulers, which means I can make this exception,” Celestia nods, looking up into your eyes, “I will allow you to call me ‘just Celestia’.”
>You can practically touch the awkward in the air, however, the park comes into view, saving you from going into cringe territory.
“Much appreciated. Ah, we are in luck, there is an empty bench right there,” you point forward and quicken your pace a bit as you tell her this, she follows suit. “You can tell your guards that they can leave us alone, I’m not a threat,” you tell her then and point at her not-so-hidden, golden armoured security.
>”How…?” she asks, looking back and nodding to send them away.
“Not important. Let’s sit,” you invite her and take a seat on the bench.
>Celestia sits on your right, looking, as expected, uncomfortable.
“How long has it been like this?” you ask as you lean forward, propping up your chin with your left hand.
>”Like… what do you mean exactly?” she asks back, blinking a couple times.
“Well, no offense, but you look like a catastrophe waiting to happen, with all of those nervous twitches, distress signs and other various markers. A year? Ten? More?”
>You don’t expect her to answer right away, rightfully so. It takes Celestia about a minute to recollect her thoughts and give you the answer.
>”About seven hundred seventy years. It got this bad around then.”
>It is your turn to be surprised.
“I… oh. I didn’t know it was this severe…” you mutter, your expression changing to one of worry, “I’m sorry for acting this… straightforward about it. Like a douchebag.”
>Mentally beating yourself won’t help anyone, however, Celestia just waves it off with a hoof.
>”You have noticed that I have this trouble, that is more than anyone did in those years. Additionally, to be honest with myself and with you… I need help. I... have to fight off many of my feelings and instincts just to say this, but I do, indeed, need help.”
>Her expression alone tells you that she means it.
“I will do whatever it takes,” you promise her and smile.
>Her weak smile, the glint of hope in her eyes, it tells you that you are looking forward to many busy weeks, or probably months.

>...

>After the initial awkwardness and troubles around crowds, you learn how to read Celestia.
>Moving in to Canterlot, into a room in her castle was easy enough, dealing with servants and other personnel was less so, however a month was enough for you to learn even that.
>Being around animals for so long didn’t help you with your socially ineptness, however, you have spent most of your time with the elder of the two sisters anyway, which meant you were in your element.
>Of course, Luna had her own troubles, but she was lucky. Her naiveness and curiosity to learn the changes in a world that spent a millenia without her made her avoid problems Celestia couldn’t.
>With that said, you weren’t just loitering around in the castle, far from that.
>Celestia requires a lot of attention - same as a cheetah - which means that you are more often than not by her side.

>...

>”...for the Manehattan area,” an important looking pony says, finishing her monologous speech, making a face that makes her more pompous than ten other ‘noble’ combined.
>”The Royal Crown will discuss this request and send a letter in two weeks time,” Celestia replies, with her usual and rather forced smile on her face.
>You have been sitting behind the throne for the past two hours, listening in on the interactions between her and her subjects in the closing hours of Day Court, making notes in a notebook you acquired for this sole purpose.
>”Thus, the Day Court concludes its business for today. The Night Court will open in two hours,” a deeper female’s voice announces, probably a guard’s, making both Celestia and you let out a little sigh of relief.
>For a minute you hear mumbles, whispering, shuffling and the sound of hooves clattering as the ponies leave the throne room, where both Courts are held.
>After these noises die down and the large, ornate doors of the room close, you hear Celestia’s voice, barely louder than a whisper.
>”Anon, you… you can… please come out now,” her voice is lacking emotions, which confuses you.
>Standing up and stretching, you walk around the large throne, but to your surprise you find Celestia looking at you with furrowed eyebrows and a frown on her otherwise pretty face.
“What’s wrong?” you ask her, arching your left eyebrow.
>She does not reply, instead she just looks up at you with the same expression.
>For the past weeks you have been toying around with the idea of using an actual cheetah-handling technique you have learnt.
>This seems to be the right time.
>Leaning forward a bit, you reach out with your right hand and cup Celestia’s chin, holding her head gently.
>For a few moments she keeps looking up at you sternly, then her expression falters.
>Closing her eyes, sadness spreads on her face.
>You crouch down and with your other hand, you draw her into a hug.
>The entire throne room is empty, save for the two of you, thankfully saving you from her trying to avoid physical contact.
“It’s alright, Tia. You can let it out,” you gently tell her as she places her chin on your right shoulder, “you don’t have to do this alone. Not anymore,” you reassure her.
>You feel her nod and sniffle.
>”It’s… difficult,” she says quietly, “so many expectations… day after day…”
>You start to pet her mane. You wanted to do that for a long time, now it’s quite appropriate and she seems to like it.
>”I don’t know how long this could have went on. I felt like breaking every other moment today...” she says and sighs, her body finally relaxing, “ w-what are you doing, Anon?..”
>You only answer with a little hum, continuing to pet her ethereally flowing, silky soft mane.
>She quiets down after that, deciding to just enjoy the basically intimate physical contact between the two of you, letting the ambient sound of the castle rule for a while.
“Do you want something to eat? I feel starved,” you break the silence after a minute.
>”I would love to,” she replies, and as you lean back from the hug you can see a small but genuine smile on her face.
“Let’s go then.”

>...

>You are sitting on one of the many balconies of the castle, Celestia by your side.
>The little incident in the throne room is just a bad memory now, even though it happened less than an hour ago.
>Celestia is happily munching on some sort of cake, showing no sign of anxiety.
>It’s a fleeting moment, and you are sure she will return to being anxious again soon enough, but you are happy to see her like this, however long it lasts.
>The setting sun gives more to the happy little scene, so when you notice that she is the one pushing the sun downwards, you chuckle.
“This is the job you like to do, huh? Not all of this… leading a country thing,” you state instead of asking, motioning around with your right hand.
>”Yes, this is my… original call,” she admits, her smile growing just a little larger.
“Let me ask you a question then.”
>”Oh? What is it?”
“What would you do if you didn’t have to… rule? Raise and lower the sun and that is all.”
>Celestia contemplates your question for a while.
>The sun sets before she finds an answer.
>”I would love that.”
>The next ten minutes are spent in relative silence.
>”Can I also ask a question?” Celestia asks you, looking at you with hope in her eyes.
“Sure,” you simply answer, looking at the bright orange horizon.
>”Nopony hugged me like the way you did for centuries… a-and with all due respect, you remind me of my father, Anon. May I…. can we… u-uh…” she trails off, leaving you wondering.
“Do you want to... cuddle?” you ask, loving how awkward she is behaving.
>”...Yes.”
“Alright. That sounds lovely.”
>Her happy - and rather relieved - smile is almost diabetes inducing.
>Practically jumping up, she stands and heads towards her chambers, giving you no time to react, and thus, behind.
>The plate with the cake is discarded too, unusual in your opinion.
>By the time you reach her room, which is right next to yours, she is already lying on her bed, looking relaxed in the weak lighting coming from the tall windows.
>She probably already magically showered and brushed her teeth, too.
>Darn magic.
“I will join you in a few minutes, alright?” you ask her, to which she nods, her expression is almost giddy.
>Once you are ready to get in bed, you return to her chambers and enter.
>Celestia is still on the same spot, looking a little less excited, but she perks up when she sees you.
>”Normally a mare wouldn’t be this excited for such an event,” she starts to explain as you approach her, “however both of us can agree that I need more physical contact to keep my anxiety levels lower.”
>You nod in agreement as you reach her luxurious, princess sized bed.
“You have picked up on my study, did you not?” you ask her and smile, climbing next to her.
>”I did. Convincing myself to do this also required of me to find and understand the psychological reasons behind it. In other words…”
>You continue talking in her stead.
“You convinced yourself it’s good for you. Well then. C’mere.”
>You are lying on your right side, holding up your left arm for her invitingly.
>Celestia wastes no time, rolling right into your arms, her barrel and soft belly pressing against your torso as your arms wrap around her back.
>It’s comfortable, and as soon as you start to gently caress her back, Celestia lets out a long held back sigh, relaxing into your embrace.
“Good night, Tia,” you whisper to her, once again using the name only her dear sister uses besides you.
>”Good night, Anon,” she replies, resting her head above yours as you find a more comfortable position to sleep, feeling a large blanket wrapping around the two of you.

>...

>In the following days the behaviour of Celestia became visibly different.
>She didn’t only react to problems in a more calm and reserved manner, she lost her nervous twitches as well.
>However, this new facade of hers was only visible while she knew you were in an arm’s reach distance, which usually meant behind the throne, then next to it on your own chair, and as of today, following her everywhere like a bodyguard.
>As you are walking by her side, trying to figure out how to stop her from growing too attached to you, you don’t even notice that you are not walking the halls of the castle anymore, but in the gardens around it.
>”Deep in our thoughts, are we?” Celestia asks you, finally breaking you out of your contemplation..
“I, uh… yes, I was. Figuring things out… Why are we in the gardens?” you ask, looking around.
>How did you not notice this change of scenery, you have no idea.
>”To discuss an important topic, of course,” she replies, her tone of voice tells you of that she is not quite sure about whether or not it is a good idea to bring said topic up.
“Well then, out with it,” you reply and look around, noticing a certain lack of castle personnel in the vicinity.
>Celestia guides you to a nearby bench and after taking a seat on it she sighs and starts the explanation.
>”Anon, it’s been three months since you have arrived to Equestria,” her voice is serious and quite different from the anxious-adorable little Tia you grew used to, “and throughout these months you have done nothing but helped my little ponies and me.”
>You nod but say nothing, unsure of what to think just yet.
>”The ponies you befriended told only good things about you.. Especially Lyra Heartstrings of Ponyville. However, there is something that has never been discussed beyond the most basic mentioning.”
>You furrow your brows, not understanding what she is trying to lead you to.
“What… do you mean?”
>”What I mean is that none of my subjects know how you have arrived here to fair Equestria. You mannerism is professional and mareish, yet you are kind and caring like a proper stallion, but you avoid revealing too much of yourself. Please… tell me. Who are you, Anonymous?”
>You did not expect this question.
>Rubbing the bridge of your nose, you look into Celestia’s eyes and frown, rather sadly, unhappy about how quickly you have reached this point.
“I… can explain, but you won’t believe me. You never do for the first time.”
>Celestia’s expression turns into one of confusion upon hearing your words.
>”For the first time? But… this /is/ the first time we talk about this topic.”
>You shake your head a sad no and hold up your left arm, pointing at the wrist watch on it.
>The simple mechanical watch doesn’t look anything special, however upon closer inspection it reveals to Celestia that it does not show the current time, but a counter of a larger scale than a regular watch, ticking down. Its face also contains a smaller set of hands, unmoving, set on 37 of a 100 mark clock.
>”What is this… watch? I do not understand,” she asks confusedly, and for the first time you see a hint of fear in her eyes.
“My Marker. It tells me the remaining time to finish my work before reset,” you nonchalantly explain, your expression turning grim, weathered, “and now it’s going way quicker than it should.”
>Celestia’s frightened reaction makes you feel horrible, however, you can’t avoid this part. You never can.
>”To finish your work… before reset? Anon, you are scaring me, what do you mean by this?” she asks, her eyes darting around on your face, trying to find a twitch that would tell her that you are just jesting, how all of this is just an elaborate ruse.
>There is none to be found.
“This is the thirty seventh iteration, Tia. I have been working on it longer than any other agent, everyone else long gave up,” you explain to her, sounding tired, like an old man.
>”Thirty sev…. Agent… I-I don’t understand! Anon, please explain it to me!”
>The sky seems to grow darker with each passing second, the sounds of nature quiet down and everything seems still.
>You look into her beautiful magenta eyes once again, weakly smiling.
“Where do you think we are?”
>Your question is short and simple, only making Celestia blink rapidly in surprise.
>”Why, we are in Canterlot, Equestria, having a chat that is starting to frighten me more than it should, for a reason I do not know!” she replies, looking around.
>The bleakness of the gardens suddenly reaches her mind.
>”What… what’s going on?..” she asks quietly.
“I failed. Again. The simulation is collapsing,” you reply, staring down at the rapidly graying ground.
>”Simulation…” she echoes, staring off into empty space, “I… remember now. The fall… pain… darkness...”
>You look up at her, offering a forlorn smile to reassure her.
“I am sorry.”
>”N-no… please don’t… don’t leave… don’t leave me alone…” she begs you like a scared filly, pulling you into a hug.
”I will return to you, I promise,” you tell her as you pet her mane and back, feeling your senses grow dull with each passing moment.
>”Will I not remember you?” she asks, you can feel her warm tears hitting your shoulder.
“You won’t, but I will and I will save you from this,” you promise to her just as your wrist watch makes a loud clicking noise, its hands reaching zero.
>The world around you dissolves into nothingness.

>...

>You wake up with a sharp gasp of air, jolting up into a sitting position.
>After a few blinks you can see again, the pastel colors of a minty green unicorn mare welcomes you.
>”Attempt #37: Failure,” she notes it up on a paper, frowning sadly, then removes the diodes from your temples.
“I can do it. I can fix it. Fix her,” you tell Lyra, your partner, as you get off from the elevated chair-bed you lied on for hundreds of hours, your mind part of the most complex simulation ponykind has ever created outside Princess Luna’s dreamscape.
>”I have no doubts about that, but… it’s straining you, Anon.”
>Lyra’s words reach you this time.
>You look down at your hands, both of them are shaking and feel pained.
“I can take it. I will get this done, I promised her.”
>”Anon… you know how much we all love Princess Celestia, but... it does not seem to be possible to save her. We tried so many times, /you/ tried dozens of times alone! Maybe you… we should…”
“...Give up?”
>”...Yes.”
>Rubbing your eyes you look to your left, to where a large tank is stationed, holding a single, floating body inside: the body of Princess Celestia of Equestria, in a coma she can’t wake up from.
>You stare at her peaceful form for a long moment, then sigh.
“I made a promise. I can’t break it,” you tell her, stretching your limbs.
>Limbs that feel weaker than before, the wear of lying in pseudo-coma as you connect to the Simulation for literally weeks, showing.
>With one last look at Celestia you turn and leave the lab room, Lyra following you shortly after.
>Neither of you see Celestia stir in her tank.

>The End?