Chain 231: Avengers vs X-Men

Chain 231: Avengers vs X-Men

Location: Utopia Island
Age: 25
Identity: Mutant
Drawbacks: [+1000] You My Mugga, Summers Time, Respecting You, Cosmic Bounty, Break Point, Dark Phoenix vs You

[Free]      Professor Kitty
[100/2000] This Mutant Life Matters
[300/2000] Jumper Was Right
[1500/2000] Psionics (Nate Gray)
[Free]      Wakanda Style
[1600/2000] School for Powered People
[1900/2000] Illuminati
[2000/2000] Import: Demona, Galatea

Oh, what fun. The Avengers and the X-Men are playing Let's You And Him Fight, and everyone is being an absolute asshat about everything.

The only logical thing to do in this situation is, of course, to drop Castlevania just off the coast of Utopia Island and open a competing school for mutants- oh, wait, was that YOUR helicarrier? Oh no I'm so sorry to hear it, go tell Tony Stark to buy you a new one with all his animu parn money. I mean, sure, the Conspiracy can work to staff the place, and both Demona and Galatea can hold the fort down since apparently they don't feel the need to do LITERALLY ANYTHING outside of the school for mutants.

I mean, okay, maybe it's a little much to drop a giant fcking castle out of nowhere, crushing a SHIELD helicarrier and causing the Avengers to decide I'm suddenly public enemy number one, but who asked them? Nobody, that's who. The world's pretty much screwed, and if I'm going to be here I'm going to do a few things that make reasonable amounts of sense. Like, instead of waiting around for the Phoenix, using massive amounts of science and energy to turn the de-powered mutants into powered mutants again. Also to resurrect the dead mutants again. And to use reality warper tier psychic powers to augment the work.

Also: sticking it to the MAN. Who... being various interstellar bounty hunters, militaries, and assassins, all quite frankly have zero authority on Earth but that really doesn't stop them. Especially when it comes to them teaming up with the Avengers, who are of course absolute pricks. I mean, it was just one little helicarrier, it's not like I INTENDED for a castle to come crashing out of the sky ... well, maybe I did. A little. But come on, what's a little massive destruction of property anyway?! Tony built a new one out of nanotech! Which comes apart when he wants to use it to attack someone. Into something like ten thousand Iron Man suits.

I mean of course that someone is ME, but that's not really a huge surprise anyway.

Also not a surprise: the Phoenix got its role usurped, so it pretty much wants to kill me. Also the X-Men (and for some reason Namor?) are cheesed off because 1. I started a competing school, 2. my school is way better, 3. I conned Xavier into teaching here, and 4. JEEEEEAN- wait, what the fck?

God damn it, Cyclops.

So then there was a massive brawl on the moon. By the time the dust settled from that, it pretty much wiped out the Shi'ar's fleet, four bootleg Super Skrulls, Wade Wilson, some asshole on a motorcycle who said his name was Definitely Not Fraggin' Lobo, and the Inhumans. All of them. I mean, that last bit might have been my fault, but the Phoenix Five rose from the ashes and promptly tried to hand me my own ass before challenging me to a rap battle. Which somehow took the form of them dithering around for ages before they finally got down to business.

Their sick rhymes being exposed as no more than mere mumble rap were too much for the Phoenix, which decided to just blow up the Earth starting with the place I was standing. This was according to keikaku, because the idiot bird attacked the mako siphon that I'd set up well in advance for just such an occasion. And the resulting energy, instead of blowing up the Earth, was enough to power the device to kick up into overdrive and grab onto the bird itself and seal it away until the next crossover event.

Hope got a Phoenix summon materia and a pat on the head.

Wolverine switched sides so many times that it was hilarious, but I upgraded his adamantium to gold adamantine anyway because fck it, that motherfcker's still my mugga and he needed to be blinged out. Deadpool reappeared after this happened despite being completely atomized and annihilated earlier, and he seemed the most sane one here; he complained that I never got him anything. So he got a grill. No, literally. A grill. For barbeque.

Wanda got a swift kick in the ass and a depowering, because fck you, Wanda, this was all your fault anyway. She tried to chaos magic herself back to power, and I gave her a second swift kick in the ass and she was at the epicenter of the local Fappening which served to depower her, because everyone knows that chaos magic is powered by womyn and respect and she was promptly stripped of all respect, what with the badly-hidden scars from her plastic surgery so that she wasn't floppy and... well, nuff said.

(Oddly, Wanda was the only one who lost respect. Everyone else's pictures got a 'goddamn, that's fckin' hot' response.)

Also, I tracked down and murdered the fck out of Sublime. Fcking player-hater.

Now let us consume all of the alcohol aboard Hyperion and NEVER SPEAK OF THIS JUMP AGAIN.