AGDQ 2019

AGDQ 2019

I’m not writing this because I owe anyone an explanation.  I’m writing this for myself.  I want all this to be done and I want to give myself relief from all of this. I know that I know the truth. I want to put all this behind me and come back a stronger person.

Leading up to the event, I did not know him at all, outside of buying some controllers off of him in the past. Although at first we talked about sexual options while sharing a bed, I changed my mind, made it clear, and I told him that I didn't consent to anything else before he ended up purchasing my flight to AGDQ. I made sure before he paid for my trip to GDQ that he knew I was not interested in having sex, hooking up, or doing anything other than what we originally agreed upon, which was just to sleep next to each other, so he could sleep. And after stating this numerous times, after the conversation of screenshots, he told me he understood.

He still agreed to pay for my flight and room for me because he told me he “just wanted me to have a good time.” I told him in messages, and in person, at the airport, in the hotel unpacking. I told him how I felt again and again. We were not going to do anything. Every time we talked about it, he said he understood that I didn’t want to do anything and that he didn’t want me to be uncomfortable. I believed him. Of course, that’s the detail that was so conveniently left out during this whole process. It was never my intent to trade my body for a room at a hotel. That was never the deal we made.

When I went to sleep that first night, I was the only one in the room, I went to bed early and fell asleep. I woke up with his hands on me to the point where I literally grabbed his wrists and forcibly removed his hands from me. I had to move his hands off of me and stop him a total of three to four times that night. One of the times I pushed his chest with a flat palm of my hand and pushed his body away from me. This was NIGHT ONE. Then the next morning I woke up to him putting another blanket on me and tucking me in, with his hands down my body. The other roommate was awake and saw him do this. I was extremely uncomfortable and did not eat the breakfast he offered me, and I left the room. I later asked the roommate to tell GDQ staff what they saw.

On stream, I don’t mind talking about sex. As a single woman, I am free to engage in any kind of conversation or relationship I want. No one should ever be shamed for this. I talk about consent on stream A LOT. Consent is so important, and I know it’s not taught in a lot of schools, but it’s something that we have to talk about more. It doesn’t matter if two people are married, are strangers, have had sex before, have dated before, or talked about having sex before, or never really talked before, or sexted a week before, or anything.  It doesn’t matter.  If the last thing they said, is no, then no is no.  You don’t touch people in their sleep.  I don’t see how some people just don’t understand this. I said no multiple times. People can change their consent. And you must respect the last thing they say, even if it’s not what you want to hear. It worries me that people see those screenshots, a week before the event, and feel that it gives him the right to do what he did to me.

After telling him I did not want to share a bed with him anymore, and that I wanted to sleep on the floor, he said I either sleep in bed with him, or find somewhere else to sleep. So I left. From this point on, I didn’t answer any of his messages, and I did not believe anything he said anymore. After I left, he messaged me and told me he cancelled my flight home, and that I needed to find another way home. He lied to me and said whatever he needed to get what he wanted, he even came to the new room I was staying in looking for me. I felt really unsafe the entire week. It’s clear to me now that even though I made it known I didn’t want to do anything sexual anymore, that he went ahead with the purchase thinking I could somehow be persuaded.

I almost did not report this. I almost took a train home that morning. I just wanted to run away, I didn’t want to talk about this, or tell anyone, or ask for help. I almost didn’t post this, telling my story. I felt so ashamed and stupid. But I can’t be silent.  I can’t just run away.  I have to speak up. I am stronger than this.  We are stronger than this. Now that all of this has come to light, I found out he offered this to at least one other woman in the community.  This isn’t about me. This could’ve happened to anyone. If I didn’t speak up, this could have kept happening to other women.

Everyone at GDQs look out for each other.  That’s the spirit of GDQ.  It’s a positive place where friends can enjoy speedrunning together.  I trust so many friends, and friends of friends at GDQs because we’re all there for eachother.  But sometimes there’s just one person that doesn’t care about others, and I just happened to trust the wrong person. I’m not letting something like this stop me from believing what GDQ stands for. So many people in the gaming community are so wonderful, and would never, ever, do something like this to someone. Everyone should be careful when meeting people from online. I know I’ve made mistakes. I shouldn’t have accepted this money from someone who was basically a stranger. I should have realized it was too good to be true. I shouldn’t have walked into the event with last years badge, or accepted his offer to use his badge the first day, as if he wouldn't demand anything in return or feel that I should owe him anything. I realize my mistakes. But GDQs are about belonging and friendship and safety and trust, and I’m holding onto that. Not the idea that I should be afraid of going to these events because this person took advantage of me. We all have to take care of each other and hold each other accountable. That makes us stronger people and a stronger community. This is not going to break my love of GDQ.

The GDQ staff was so incredibly amazing through this whole process.  They get too much shit sometimes, and I know they want to do what’s right. I want to thank them, and I want to thank the OoT community.  Everyone at GDQ has been so amazingly supportive and I don’t know what I would’ve done without them.  They all made sure I was safe and gave me the courage to speak up and report this to staff. Without them, I would not have had the courage to speak up or even write this. The OoT community is so amazing, they even chipped in together to pay for a flight home for me when I had no way home. They are really the most compassionate and understanding group of people I’ve ever met. After all of this bullshit, they were there for me.  I am insanely grateful for everything they have done.

With all that being said, I want this all to be done. I just want everyone to treat each other with respect. I really tried to handle this situation the best I could. This whole ordeal has been very traumatizing, and I need to take time to myself to process everything myself and make sure I’m in a good mental state for the future. I hope everyone knows how appreciative I am for everything, giving me time, and being so understanding. Thanks for reading.

Mari