Ka-Tula helping Toratori get over his self blame

[14:08] Ka-Tula whispers: Something about him gave mee calm... At least a little bit.
[14:09] Ka-Tula whispers: I wanted to show you this.. Because... You need it. Calm.
[14:09] Ka-Tula whispers: as much as I do.
[14:09] Toratori whispers: Huh. . .
[14:09] Toratori whispers: Now that you mention it. . . The place does seem pretty beautiful.
[14:10] Toratori whispers: Really calming...
[14:11] Ka-Tula sighed a content and tired sigh. She looked at Toratori, seeing the hurt he carried, similar to hers and the others who experienced such a loss within the Mire.

"I meant what I said earlier... That I refuse to blame you."
(Ka-Tula)
[14:14] "I will flick you so hard that you'll end up in Moxtli from here."

His response was monotone, but clear to the point. No one was going to make him believe that it wasn't his fault. He told Howl and the rest to come, and Zetsubo relied on him yet he wasn't able to be the prominent figure to lean on.

"If that's how you feel fine. But I'll always continue to blame myself..."
(Toratori)
[14:15] Ka-Tula says, "You're an idiot."
[14:15] Ka-Tula asks, "Will self blame actually help you grow stronger or something?"
[14:16] Toratori smiles softly as he shakes his head to reply.
(Toratori)
[14:16] Toratori says, "No. But it'll make me feel better instead of placing the blame on someone else."
[14:16] Ka-Tula spoke with a still hushed tone, watching the major butterfly float just above the waterline. It did calm her from snapping back at Toratori's idiocy and hurt.

"Does the event need to have blame?" It was a hypocritical question. She blamed herself equally as much as he did himself. And she blamed her past. She wanted and needed a target to direct her hurt and anger at. Toratori needed one as well, one that wasn't himself.
(Ka-Tula)
[14:19] Ka-Tula asks, "Why do you need to place blame?"
[14:44] Does what happened really need to have someone to blame for?

"Huh."

Toratori slowly lowered himself to the ground, throwing his left leg out infront of him while hugging his right knee to his chest. That was a question he wasn't even sure how to answer. Was it truly his fault? Howl blamed the ogre with the rude awakening, Mister Killian had blamed each one of them individually, however. Just because people think those things, was it truly right?

"I. . . Don't know.." his words grew soft as he looked out to the butterflies in the distance, slowly moving around the king. He'd smile softly before explaining his side of the story.

"You see, I understand that no one specifically deserves the blame. No one, we are kids, young adults that doesn't have a firm grasp on reality. We thought that since we were kids, students of the Academy and being the strongest of all Students. That we could just run in there without harm. Confident that our skills who help us."

A sigh escaped his lips as he closed his eyes. Thinking back to the horrific event where each of them, one by one fell.

"No one was to blame. I know that. But when I think back at it. I played a big role in that event." his words now full with regret as the event flashed before his eyes.

"Zetsubo looked to me before we entered. I reassured him, he trusted me. But his faith in me, and without thinking about any consequences or if there was a creature stronger than me in there. I thought that I can beat anyone. I knew that Howl and you had bad encounters with Shadowmire. But I told you guys to come in."

"So even though each one of us could've said no. It was your trust in me, that led to that event."

Finally Toratori opened his eyes, his gaze coming back to the butterfly.

"That's why I feel like it was my fault. Zetsubo might've led us there. But I was naïve enough to believe nothing could stop us."
(Toratori)
[15:13] Ka-Tula had expected a more firey answer from the fire magi, but when he instead just took in her question she didn't know what to do other than to follow his lead. She sat down next to him, crossing her legs and leaning back on her arms. She watched the Ookami next to her, his silver hair as wild as his temper. But he'd grown.

She needed to as well.


She listened to his perspective, his side of the story. His musings and thoughts. She resonated with him, but from a different perspective - her own self blame and this made her look away in shame. She watched the flowers ahead, and then shifted her position, pulling her legs back, locking them into a meditative cross. She rested her hands within her lap, and for a while she watched the scars that had acculminated over the years on them. Very few scales remained at this point, and a few scabs dotted them.

For once, she actually looked at what she'd caused herself over the years of anxiety and self blame then she said;

"I understand... I feel the same way... That it is my fault, that I played a big role In it too. But.. Like you said it isn't a one persons fault. We have to deal with what happened, and fuck. It's hard. Really hard..."

She went silent again, before opening up further.

"I thought you were to blame, when my memories were scrambled. In all honesty some still are scrambled. But when they returned I instead blamed myself; I thought that my bad luck had once more been the reason for us all to get hurt. Like how Hector had attacked you and me. Like every other time things happen. The ogre looked for a vampire, and thought I was it - all because my hood was up. How could I not blame myself? The talks were going well..!"

Her emotions started to swell within her. Anger, hurt, sadness, and she forced herself to take a breath, and calm down.

"But.. You will say it isn't my fault, the same way I will say it's not your fault. Our feelings are not the truth. That Is what i'm learning.. even though I still struggle to accept it."
(Ka-Tula)
[15:41] "Heh. Look at you being all soft and stuff." Toratori smiled softly at Ka-Tula's response.

He knew deep down just how difficult the situation was, after all. The group could have very well died that night. Without a shadow of a doubt, their lives would've ended. What makes it worse is that they told no one about them running off into Shadowmire, so no word would get out.

Which meant no one would know who killed them or where they went.

"Mmm... I guess there is some truth in what you're saying. But still, don't you dare go off thinking that it's your fault or else I'll flick you." he'd say jokingly before giving Ka-Tula a playful nudge.

"You know if you sit any closer to me, anyone who walks in are going to think that we're on a date."



(Toratori)