AGDQ 2020 Reflection

AGDQ 2020 was such a crazy nonstop week for me that I have trouble figuring out where to start talking about it.
The first and most important thing I want to do is thank every person I met there old and new for helping me to have an incredible time. I don't really want to start listing names because I'll forget somebody, but know if I saw you there my week would have been worse without you. I also did want to apologize for not really getting to say goodbye to anyone. The night kinda just ended on me and everyone was gone before I knew it. I guess that's what happens when you're coming down from a GDQ run. Regardless, sorry and me not saying goodbye doesn't mean anything one way or another. That kinda plays into the other part of the social aspect of GDQ: I had to send a lot of time in the private practice room this year in order keep 4 categories straight in my head. It was fun, and I did it in the mornings to try to have time to relax but even still by the time I ran into most people they were already set up to do their own thing so I was left a little annoyed with how little it felt like I actually ended up interacting with everyone. It wasn't for lack of trying and I still had a great time just being in the same room and watching other people's shenanigans, but I want to get better at getting actively involved while at social events like this. It's never really been my thing, so hopefully I can slowly push to change that. Regardless this GDQ was always going to be more about the runs than anything else for me just because it had to be. So I guess I should talk about those.

Spider-Man:

This was a case for me about being happy with the end result and unhappy with the process. The run went well and most people seemed to really enjoy it and I had a really good time showing it off, but I didn't feel like the Ultimate difficulty incentive was handled especially well. Spidy, the game immediately after that run, and the game immediately after that had donation incentives totaling $55,000 that were all opened 24 hours ahead of the runs. So donations for those 3 games ate each other up and none of them were met. I understand why GDQ is starting to open incentives throughout the week instead of all at once, it keeps the donations coming and spread throughout the week and keeps everything focused on what's going on right now, but I feel you can't do that and still expect the total numbers for incentives they would have gotten in a 4 day period in just 24 hours. Considering how close we got during the run, my Ultimate incentive would have been met if opened at the start of the week. Also the fact the suit bid war was opened before the difficulty incentive when the former doesn't affect the run is beyond me. We made due, screwed up muscle memory from me due to difficulty change and all, and put a good run together while nearly meeting that incentive during the run. It was a really good time, but it was hard for me to feel very happy about it considering I wasn't able to show off the category I rerouted, optimized by 3 minutes, and practiced for months prior to this marathon. Even now days and a whole extra GDQ run later it's hard for me to separate the two. The experience left me more dejected before and after the run than anything and that's the last thing I want, especially since I had just raised $18,000 for charity in incentives by playing video games. Regardless Hobz, Vortex, and SeaAverage did a great job on the couch and we put an entertaining run together. Sucks I didn't get to show off the cool strats, but the end result was good regardless and I'm overall quiet happy with that. I'm not mad with how GDQ decided to run things, I can't be and I genuinely don't think they did anything "wrong". They put a fantastic event together and raised an unbelievable amount for charity doing it. But it seemed like other games also ran into the same issue mine did this event and that sucks for everybody involved (audience, runner, and charity). I just hope everyone pushes for a better balance between pushing to raise as much for money as possible, and giving the runners and audience the best experience they can get. That's a very hard balance to reach and they'll be bumps trying, but the more everyone can learn from this first attempt at it the better.

Birth by Sleep:

Over the course of running this game for 2 years nearly nonstop, getting a chance to show it off at a GDQ kind of became a dream of mine. No one could have written a scenario for that to happen that could have been more bonkers.
I was asked if I'd run BBS for the marathon on December 26th. I was on vacation at the time. By the time I was back, I had less than a week to derust 3 categories. At the time I wasn't horribly worried about it because I knew I could get under estimate and be alright in that time, and the fresh, rabid support of the KH community upon hearing the news pushed me onward. Thursday night the incentive opened and it became hard for me to focus on anything else that next day. By Friday afternoon I was ready to do a single Aqua no reset and go to bed early. Then the donations kept coming. Then I had to do a Terra no rest as well before bed. The sheer amount of excitement and expectations coming from the KH community Saturday morning desperately pushing for Terra to win the bid war made me so nervous I was rattled and had to do extra Terranort practice after my initial practice in the morning just to settle down. Turns out running a category you have practiced for a month and having the difficulty changed on you last minute isn't stressful in the least. Walking onto the GDQ stage and doing sound check while having no idea what run you are about to do with only a couple weeks of recent practice to back it is terrifying. So I went on stage, Terra was winning and I did my sound check on my Terra profile. Then Aqua sniped it during the interview and I switched my profile to Aqua. Spike even came on stage, shook my hand, wished me luck and said something to the effect of "RIP Terra". GDQ staff asked us to close the incentive there and we said no, close it once the stream gets on us. So that's what we did, and Terra sniped it back. The pop off of the whole present KH community stunned me in a way that made concentrating on playing the video game practically impossible. I went up onto stage ready to play Terra, I then reset my mindset for a completely different type of run, and then I had to reset back to the original mindset of an incredibly difficult speedrun on a dime. I was flustered from that mindset change the entire run. My commentary was more stuttery than expected even for me, the menus were sloppy, the fights were 10xs harder than practice, it was like wondering through a dream and blindingly let my fingers feel me through. I was just unthinkingly hoping muscle memory would carry me under estimate most of the run. It did. I cannot possibly complain about a 54 in a Terra no reset. People seemed to enjoy the run, I got to show off how hard Terra is while I did it, some good memes were had, by the end it all felt worth it. It was a long overdue thing I worked hard to make possible finally completed. I was never going to be happy with my execution of this run just because I was never going to be at my best for it. You can't be with that amount of prep time I had for 3 wildly different categories. But the mythical Terra Crit showcase at a GDQ happened and it was actually under an hour. Rebel carried me on the couch like always and poor Wyatt got bodied (I'm sorry dude) and it was a good time. Between the build up, hype, and everything else it's hard to say I'd change a thing about it. And the sheer amount of donations we got considering how last minute and not hyped the run was- mind blowing. The type of achievement I can be proud of being part of for the most of my life.

It was only then that I could actually settle and hang out and by then most everyone had one foot out the venue door. It's funny how that works- you look up to that stage for long enough, hope you can one day walk on it, and once you leave it you realize how much fun being no where near it was. This GDQ being about the runs for me was inevitable, and I'm unbelievably thankful to GDQ for giving me the opportunity to get on stage and give everything I had for two 40-50 minute showings. But I left it feeling like I wanted the event to be more about my friends than it had been. I'm the most introverted person of all introverts. I stammer and stutter when I speak and I'm awkward in conversation just to add to it. I'm naturally quiet (as those who met me know) and I don't like to go out of my way to do things, but being around such crazy, wonderful, smelly people for long enough (take showers more guys, please) and making a fool of myself on that stage combined; all of what happened makes me feel like I can be better. That I can push myself to make it more about those people who make my experience great. Not that I can magically become not quiet and introverted, but that I can make more of an effort to have a good time with people while I'm at events like this and that I can be either comfortable enough with social situations to not stammer and stutter as much or vice versa. I guess you could say it's a catalyst to make me want to be a better person. Not that that's easy, but that's my goal this year and beyond: figure out my defects and be better. In both streaming and in life. And as Rebel told me after my runs, when you do something stupid on the GDQ stage once, there's no getting nervous about anything again.