My Only Friend Derpy - Get Ballsy

>The bus is like someone took a bunch of retarded pokemon and put them in a handy tin can
>A tin can that the driver needs to stop for a half hour every time a piece of paper gets thrown
>No one knows if they wanna blame the driver or the dumbasses in the back throwing shit
>Dumbasses can beat me up
>Ergo, the bus driver earns my hate for the year
>When we get to the school, we're only 4 minutes late
>Lesson #1: 4 minutes count in High School
>After the Principal reams our class, we all head to the food court
>First day, this is where they weed out the socially awkward ones, like you, in the huge day of introductions and schedule assignments and, "Did you get that?" and, "What clubs are you joining?" and, "Faggot!" and, "Did you hear who broke up over the summer?"
>No, I didn't, because I didn't live here during the summer
>No, that's too long a story
>No, I don't have a hall pass
>The science team of teachers has the least amount of assholes, so I'll probably get lucky in that class
>All the Social Studies teachers are young, hip, fresh-outta-college teachers; neato
>All the math teachers, like every math teacher, are ugly people who have given up on life and only wish to inflict their pain on others
>We'll get right along

>You see yourself through a lens of self-hate, peppered with an underlying ego you can't explain
>Tried everything; different clothes, different hair, different music
>Still have no friends
>If there's some kind of secret; some slurr in your voice, or necklace, or power ring, or cheat code you're supposed to be using to seem appealing, no one explained it to you
>You're not appealing enough to get that tutorial
>Lunch comes fast, because it's a half-day
>Oh man, it's happening
>Again
>This is the third school
>You have no one to sit with
>What's worse, there are no empty tables
>Dear god: What the fuck did I do in a past life?
>You scan the area
>High school kids don't group into clans and stay in them like in the movies, it's more complicated than that
>There are a LOT of subcultures and they inter-mingle
>You find a table to the corner with what looks like two scene girls on the end of it
>You're baggin' it, so you don't have to go through the lunch-bar
>Lets get this invasion out of the way
>You plant it on the opposite end of the table
>Phase 1: Silence, like the serial killer just dropped in behind them from above
>Phase 2: Dirty looks, like you're molesting a little girl where you sit
>Phase 3: Desertion, like you're a high school wierdo no one wants to talk to
>You know, like reality

>You're alone
>But not for a while
>It was only a matter of time before a kid who's even more awkward and boring than you clings up to you because you don't have friend standards
>This kid comes up and sits right down right next to you
>Doesn't even ask if he can sit there
<Does he have to?
>Shut up, logic
>"Hey, man! My name's Rocky!"
>God, he sounds like a character on a cartoon Christmas special
<So did you, three years ago
>Shut up
>I have good reasons to want to not be reminded of that
<All I'm saying is, TOLERANCE
>Oh god shut up he's staring at me
"Hey. I'm Anon."
>"What's up?"
>Can't he see you have no answer for that?
<No
"Not much, just... lunch."
>Awkwardity: 65%
>"So, you new?"
"Yeah."
>"Cool. You like video games?"
>I do, but I can't play them with you because of circumstances with my family that I don't care to go into right now that resulted in me having no internet connection
"Yeah, I guess."
>"Oh, cool. You wanna play MW3 some time? What's your gamertag?"
"[the above explanation]"
>"Oh."
>A sullen look comes upon Rocky's face like his master plan just went out the window
>He looks like a 3-year-back mirror made by Doc Brown

* * *
TWO DAYS PASS
* * *

>You may have mis-judged Rocky as an asset
>He's annoying as hell and won't shut up about whatever rumors are about conscerning MW4 or something
<You'd be interested if you had internet and you know it
>Logic, you're an asshole
>But at least he talks to you in most of your classes, which makes you look a LITTLE bit less like a plague victim
>You and Rocky are coming into the school
>"Hey, man. You hear about the new girl?"
<Why does he think I would care about a new girl?
>For once we agree
"No. Who?"
>Rocky looks like he's about to go on about something when he's taken aback by a sight behind you
>"Uh, her."
>You turn around
>A blonde girl with sunglasses walks in through the front doors

>Wow, she looks... decent
"That's her?"
>She hears you slightly, looks, and then scampers off to the main office like a frightened bunny
>You feel kinda bad for accidentally making her feel awkward, she thinks you were making fun of her
>"Yeah, that's her. Nice, eh?"
"Uh, yeah. Why do I care?"
>"Because she's in our Algebra 1, our Science, and my Writing Workshop. And I think I have a chance with her."
>The bell rings for class
>Lesson #2: 4 minutes only matter in high school if your teacher is the Principal or a Math teacher
"Yeah? Why? She looks fine, she'll blend right into the popular-ish girls. She could get way better guys than us. You. Us."
>"Yeah, that's what I though too, but my friend Chris said she switched schools because she was getting bullied a shitton."
"Really?"
>You glance at her through the main office's big windows
"Why?"
>"I don't know, maybe it has to do with the glasses. Point is, she probably doesn't realize just how good she looks, and therefore, probably doesn't have standards."
>You feel slimy talking about a person this way

* * *
HALF A DAY PASSES
* * *

>Lunch again
>despite Rocky being there for you during your shared classes, you're still marooned in awkwardity during lunch because you don't share the same lunch period
>You're sitting in what you assume will become your "usual spot" and "That wierd kid's table" to other kids
>You look up for a second, as you usually do every now and then, then pull your gaze back down
>You saw something
>You look up
>It's that blonde girl you saw earlier
>You and Rocky's Algebra and Science classes aren't till later; you wonder if she's had Writing Workshop with him yet
>Is she coming over to your table?
>She's coming right for you
<Why wouldn't she? Bullying.
>Makes sense enough
>She arrives, and comes off like a more-experienced Rocky
>"Uh, is anyone sitting here?"
"Nah... you can sit there."
<That was implied, idiot
>"Cool. Thanks."
>She sits down
>You're fidgeting your eyes around her person vaguely, scanning for things to talk about without staring
>You both have brown bags
"Uh, baggin' it?"
>"...What?"
>
"Uh, brown bag? We both have brown bag-lunches, you... know..."
>"Oh... yeah. Sorry, I thought you were talking about my clothes or something..."
"No, yeah, no, your clothes aren't baggy... at all."
<Don't talk to her about her clothes
"Nice shirt, by the way."
>
>"Oh, uh... thanks.

>
>She takes a bite out of her sandwich
>
>
"Peanut butter and jelly?"
>"Yeah."
"Heh."
>"...What?"
<You moron
"Uh, it's just..."
<You're gonna look like a fucking egghead
"You know, you're not supposed to have peanut butter in schools, but, like, you know, everyone still does."
>"Well... yeah."
<Egghead
>Fuck off
"I mean, unless you buy lunch."
>
"I guess that's more people."
>"Mmh-hmm."
>
>
"So... you're new?"
>"Yeah."
"So am I."
<Good thinking
>"Oh. Cool."
"Yeah."

"Where are you from?"
>"Uh, [this small town].
"Oh. I'm from [hometown], I moved here just recently."
>"Oh. Why?"
"Well, my mom... has, like, a new boyfriend. So, you know."
>"Oh."
<Bust out that joke you thought up last week.
>Fuck you
<She'll dig it.
"Yeah, it's weird when you have to move whenever your parents change their relationship status."
>She giggles
>You try your hardest to swag, but it doesn't quite work so you revert to a simple smile
>"Yeah, I guess it is weird."
"Yeah."
>
<Well, I guess you can't coast off of that one bullseye for the rest of the conversation. Think fast, loverboy.
>Fuck fuck fuck

>"Your parents... split up?"
<Duh, bitch
"Yeah. A couple years back."
>"Yeah, mine too. Well, not really. My dad's, uh... not..."
"Yeah, I think I get it. That sucks."
>"Yeah."
"I, uh, heard you switched schools?"
>"You... heard about me?"
<Think fast, stalker
"Uh, well, my friend Rocky said there was a new student in our class this year, and he said it was you. Like, something about bullying or something."
>"Oh... how did he know that?"
>Fuck you don't know
<Don't throw Rocky under the bus, Anon.
"Heh, Rocky's kind of a stalker."
<YOU WILL BURN IN HELL FOR YOUR SINS
>You both giggle a bit
>"Heheh... but seriously, who told him about all that?"
"Uh, I dunno."
>
>
"Oh, he said something about the other day, I guess the teacher of a class we all have said we were getting a new student. I wasn't paying attention."
>
>She looks distressed
>"So you're saying they told everyone I'm new?"
>
"Uh, yeah."
>"And that it was because people were picking on me?"
"Yeah. I think. I don't know, but... I mean, I assume."
>"Oh. Uh... wow... yeah... that sucks."
>
>

"If you don't mind, like... I mean..."
>
>"...Yeah?"
"Like, why... were you getting picked on? I mean, was it something you did?"
>
>She sighs
>
>"Well, I'm wearing sunglasses indoors."
>Your dumb ass doesn't get it
"Uh... yeah?"
>
>"Lean over the table."
<Ignore your boner, she's not gonna make out with you.
>You lean over a bit and she does the same
>She catches a couple people looking at us and sarcastically laughing, and that makes her hesitate a bit
>She finishes leaning, and brings her hand up to the glasses
>She pulls them down just slightly
>Her eyes are a pale yellow, and one is locked up to the bridge of her nose
>You have to admit you jump a little

>You lean back into your seat, and she does the same
"Oh... well, that sucks."
>"Yeah."
"Uh, if you don't... like... why? What happened?"
>She pauses
>"I'd... rather not go into it?"
>
"Oh, yeah, okay. Sorry, I didn't mean to pry."
>"No, don't worry about it, it's just a real long story
"Yeah. That's cool."
>"So you can see why I attracted a lot of attention throughout my life."
>The bell rings; you've got four minutes.
"Uh, I think Rocky told me we all have Algebra together last period."
>"Yeah, sounds about right."
"So I'll see you later. Oh, and I think Rocky has Writing Workshop with you."
>"Cool."
>
"Don't get put off by him, okay? Don't like..."
>
>"...What?"
<GET BALLSY
"Just don't date him, okay?"
>You wanna grab the words and shove them back into your mouth
>"Uh, okay."
>
>Not a word of goodbye is said as you part

-TO BE CONTINUED-