Monty Python MG greentext contest entry

Aug 26th, 2018
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  1. >"Behold the cave of Caerbannog!"
  2. >Imperial Wizard of the Kool Kids Klub and a bunch of LARPers looking at the cave
  3. >Bones everywhere around the entrance
  4. >And a rabbit girl randomly strolling about
  5. >Small one, 5'11, could accidentally step on her if you weren't careful
  6. >"There she is!"
  7. >"What, behind the rabbit?"
  8. >"It is the rabbit."
  9. >"...You silly sod! You got us all worked up!"
  10. >"That's no ordinary rabbit! That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!"
  11. >They start arguing while the rabbit stands there doing nothing
  12. >"Notbors, chop her 'ead off!"
  13. >Absolute unit of a lad steps up and goes onward, "Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin' right up!"
  14. >But he suddenly stops, then turns
  15. >"Oi doesn't that count as cannibalism with this one?"
  16. >"Shut up and go!"
  17. >Shrugs and goes up to the rabbit girl, sword drawn
  18. >Face-off, both stare at each other, lad about to go full chinatown chef on her
  19. >But the rabbit speaks up
  20. >"You're only a knight because you can't do anything else."
  21. >"what"
  22. >"You're only useful in dumb labor and being expendable, which is why they sent you first."
  23. >Silence
  24. >Notbors takes off his helmet and throws it to the ground, everyone sees he's bawling his eyes off and stomps away
  25. >"Jesus Christ!" Notarthur screams
  26. >"I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew it all, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it? Well, it's always the same. I always tell them--"
  27. >"Oh, shut up! Knights, charge!"
  28. >Everyone steps up and charges
  29. >End up surrounding the rabbit girl ready to chop her up
  30. >One knight raises sword to attack
  31. >But the rabbit girl speaks up again
  32. >"You follow orders under the excuse of duty and honor as a knight, but in reality you're perpetually lost and need someone to tell you what you should do."
  33. >And the knight dropped his sword, holding his heart and stumbling back
  34. >And another knight rose up, readying to stab
  35. >"You march to certain death without caring where you'll end up in or what situations you'll be stuck in, because you feel that clinging to what little purpose you can find even if dumb is better than being alone in your bedroom each night contemplating what you're doing with your life."
  36. >Pained screech from the knight, who then fell to the ground almost lifeless
  37. >Now Notarthur himself readied for a slash
  38. >"You're not really that skilled at leadership. You're just the loudest in the room surrounded by people who don't feel like coming up with a plan."
  39. >Hit too hard
  40. >"...Run away! Run away!"
  41. >And so all the knights left in full retreat, all while the Imperial Wizard of the Kool Kids Klub laughed his arse off
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