Omake Final boss

“Are you sure about this?”

“Yes Sven, I’m bloody sure.”

“I mean, if you aren’t sure then we can back out, it’s not too late, and it is a Dragon… no one fucks with dragons unless they’ve got everything together.”

“I’ve got everything together, and I’ve got you now stop whining and let’s get to it. Besides last I heard a couple of months ago it wasn’t much bigger than a horse. Besides we aren’t going to be trying to slay it, just get a little distraction going on while we rob it blind.”

“And you’re sure this distraction will work? Like stake your life sure on it? Cause you certainly seem eager to stake my life.”

“Oh stop being so sour, you owe me after all. Besides, if you didn’t get my cute lil’ass out of trouble who else would fuck you?”

“Well... there’s the girl in the tavern, she’s looking pretty nice right about now... and there’s that thing she does with her tongue.”

“What thing with her tongue? That girl wouldn’t know technique if it bit her in the arse. I should know.”

“Dammit Ril… Stop banging fucking chicks I have my eye on. And besides, stop detracting from the fact that we’re going after a freaking dragon horde without a full party.”

“Look… how else am I going to make sure they’re good enough for you? Seriously, she needs some work... If you want I’ll invite her up for a threesome and you can compare.”

“Ril... you’re a terrible boyfriend.”

“No, I’m an awesome boyfriend. You’re the one questioning all the goodness. I certainly make better boyfriend material than you do.”

“Ugg... look get off it, and back to the subject of the freaking Dragon. How the hell do you plan to distract the thing? I heard from that last group it had skeleton guards, and another group said something about a rape Dyrad...”

“Stop focusing on the details Sven, I got this covered. Ugg... look if you’re going to be such a tighass about it I have everything here prepared. A wizard owed me big time after I bailed him on some fugly chick he really wasn’t into banging... Turns out she wasn’t the she that she pretended to be. I didn’t mind taking one for the team.”

“God dammit wipe the dammed smile off your face and just tell me what he gave you… You’re insufferable you know that right?”

“And that’s why you love me!”

“No you’ve got a great ass is why I love you... but you’re as big an ass so it’s a fifty-fifty split.”

“So mean... well anyways he’s friends with an Alchemist and an Arcanist and they worked up a sweet interactive illusion spell, one time use guaranteed to imitate the target party, that’d be us if you’re following. Said he wanted to test it out so he did me a solid by handing it to me for free.”