Marriage Counselor (Cadence)

>Day Easy money in Equestria,
>You are Anon the Marriage counselor.
>At first you thought this job would be easy.
>These Canterlot ponies may be stuck up , but they pay good money to cling to their trophy husbands and wives.
>Seemed easy enough, counsel fighting couples, with your usual "uh huh, mhm"shit and take their bits.
>But too bad for you, these couples, didn't want any of your long haired, goatee counsoling.
>Things would start out somewhat stable, but then the couples would start to yell and scream at each other in your office. No matter what you did , they would be at each others throats until their sessions were over, and  would end up leaving angrier than they came in.
>Your practice began to take a nose dive.
>Every week you would see fewer and fewer clients.
>Then the day came when you lost it. You couldn't take anymore of their bitching and moaning and yelling and screeching.
>You remember clearly the first couple you yelled at. A stallion named Caesar and a mare named Autumn Gem. And boy were they shocked.
>For the last hundred visits, the both of them had been bitching and moaning about how neither of them were felling as if they were being treated fairly and it all came down to who was spending more money than the other.
>Caesar was not shockingly, the bread winner out of the two. Apparently he owned several mines somewhere in the north and he met Autumn Gem while on a business trip.
>They seemed good together otherwise, but you could tell that Autumn had a taste of the good life, and she wanted more.
>You finally snapped at the two when they were arguing about how one wanted some shit because the other had bought some other shit and that it was only fair that they got the shit they wanted.
>You can't remember exactly what you said, but it was something along the lines of: Your husband swept you off your feet, and pampers you daily, so be happy that your husband loves you enough to buy you the world.
>And: Quite using stuff to make your wife happy. If she's upset, don't buy her another ring or necklace, watch a movie with her, pick her up and dance, eat dinner with her in some romantic place. Just stop buying her so much shit.
>Servicive to say they were speechless.
>They just sat there and stared at you.
>You remember imaging you kissing you practice i.e. your ass, goodbye.
>Then they both broke down into tears.
>They both hugged each other and started apologizing for this and saying how much they loved each other.
>It took another hour for them to calm down, but time really didn't matter considering they were you only appointment that day.
>After talking to them about whatever, they left nuzzling each other while walking out the door.
>The weeks to follow, were some of the busiest weeks you've ever experience as a practicing marriage counselor.
>Not only had Caesar put in for more appointments, but he had also put in a good word for you, with all his married friends, as did Autumn.
>With each passing appointment, your clientele only increased. Couple after couple came in seeking to mend their marriages and their financial futures.
>And with each client, came more you, telling off each couple. And every time, your words seemed to do the trick.
>Literally no couple left you office unhappy.
>You began to wonder why you never did this back home. Then you remembered all that sensitivity and tolerance training you went through.
>But your new method spread through Canterlot and neighboring cities like wildfire. You even got an article written on you and your method in several magazines.
>And the money you raked in from this, allowed to to buy home and land an office out of the lower ring of Canterlot.
>You even raised enough money to hire a sexy sexy full time assistant.
>Safe to say life was pretty freaking good.
>Then. Then it happened.
>Your assistant got a call.
>You don't think you've ever seen her as excited as she was when she handed you the pone. And you don't think you've ever been as excited as you were when you hear the voice on the other line.
>It was Princess Celestias steward. The mare who took care of day to day occurrences for the ladies up in the castle.
>Princess Cadence and Shining Armor.  THE, Princess Cadence and Shining Armor, wanted to book an appointment with you.
>It was to be three days from then.
>If you nailed this appointment, then you would be set for life. You quit your practice early and leave with fewer gray hairs than expected.
>Then, you got another call from the Steward and what she said turned the game against you.
>You remember to this day what she said.
>"Hello Dr. Anonymous, I believe you already know who I am so we can skip introductions. I'm just calling to tell you that the crown requests that you follow a certain code of conduct when dealing with the royal couple."
>That word. That fucking word. C-O-N-D-U-C-T. When you heard her utter that word, you knew the rules were about to change.
>"The Crown wants you to be aware, that Prince Shining Armor, is very sensitive when it comes to the current situation with his marriage. So we ask that you refrain from coming off too hard and too direct when dealing with the royal couple."


>Fast forward to today.
>You lean against the door, and walk into the front office with all your shit under one arm and a cup of coffee in another.
>"Morning boss."
Mornin Sunny.
>"I'm guessing I don't have to tell you what day, today is..."
>You set you coffee down on the granite counter and rub your temples.
No. No you don't.
>"They should be here in an hour."
And the hour between now and them coming in, won't be long enough.
>Sunnny gives you a warm smile.
>"Listen, I know its tough, but I'm sure you'll be able to find away around the Stewards rules."
>You smile weakly back at her.
Eyah. Let's hope so.
>You take your coffee into the back office where everything still smells of the tears and shame from the last time Cadence and Shinning were here.
>You lost track of time, among all the crying when they last payed you a visit.
>Jesus fuck just the memory of the Captain of the Royal guard balling his eyes out in front of you, still gives you douche chills.
>But you can't say anything bad about him, because if you DO, then you'll be thrown in jail.
>Words can not describe how much you hate that steward.
>The one question that has been haunting you since they booked their third appointment was: WHY DO THEY KEEP COMING BACK!!
>What force is propelling them to keep coming back to you!? Nothing has worked and their relationship is as bad as it was the first day they came in.
>Cadence is still domineering and needy with a hint of coldness and Shining is still castrated and overly emotional.
>By what cosmic trick have the gods played on you, to make them want to come back , time after time after TIME.
>Alright, calm down Anon... Just calm down.
>Just a matter of time now.
>It is probably best if you just sit in your chair and enjoy your coffee while you wai-
>Your thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a slamming door.
>"Cadence, why don't you understand!!!??"
>Oh god why.
>"We're in public!"
>"I know but-"
>You put on your headphones to block out the sound, or the horror, that's going on in the lobby.
>You sit there and close your eyes for a few minutes, before you feel the door slam from across the room.
>You make a quick effort to immediately remove the device and put on a warm smile for the happy couple.
>All your show is for not.
>Cadence simply stand staring at you with her eyebrow raised and with Shining shaking next to her.
Good morning you highness.
>"Where were you-"
LISTENING to music, heh heh heh...
>She can smell your nervousness.
Shall we begin then?
>"Cadence looks at you for a few more seconds before sitting on the couch followed by her husband."
>The sight of a red spot on Shining leg manages to catch your eye.
Wow, Shining what happened?ine?"
>"Well, this week she yelled at me fo-"
I mean your leg.
>"Oh *sniff* I was on a patrol and we were attacked."
Wow! Are you sure you're alright like this?
>"Y-Yeah... *sniff* But you know who is not f
I-
 "NOAH CALHOOF!!"
>Oh god.
>"SHE LOVED HIM!! AND HE LOVED HER!! AND NOW SHE'LL NEVER REMEBER HIM FOR WHAT LITTLE TIME SHE HAS LEFT!!"
>Ah Christ, you know what he's talking about. He's talking about a shitty romance movie that is eerily similar to the Notebook back home.
>"Here we go again..."
>"Why don't you understand how tragic it is!!??
>Here we go again.
>"I'm not saying it isn't sad, but do you HAVE to act like this!!??"
>"See doctor what did I tell you!!"
>Ah Christ.
>And here they go with the arguing. Quite frankly this could have been solved ages ago ,had you been allowed to tell the both of them off.
>....
>Wait. Fuck wait. Yes that's it!!
>You can't tell of Shining, but there is somp0ny who you can. And she just so happens to be a pink love butt princess.
>"And then he thinks that just because I won't rub his hooves at the end of the day, then that I mean I don't appreciate him!
>"Then what does it mean!!??"
>" I shouldn't have to rub your hooves period!!"
>" See! See Doctor!"
>" Oh for the love of-"
>You shift slightly in your pimp chair and nod your head while taking a sip of your coffee.
Mmmm, I see. Well, I think that perhaps we should try something different today.
>"Like what?"
>Time to put on your shrink voice.
Well I think, that perhaps we should.... Have a bit of one on one. Just to let all this negative energy flow out, so that nothing but positivity is left.
>Shining nods happily while clutching his handkerchief. Cadence doesn't look very amused.
Shining, I'll speak to Cadence first. If you would be so kind as to wait in the lobby while her and I speak.
>Shining looks slightly crestfallen. He probably thought that you would tell Cadence to get out so he can spill his guts in front of you for an hour.
>Sorry, buddy but after this, you will never see the both of them ever again.
>Shining gets up and takes his sweet time heading out the door.
>As soon as you can see your secretary give you the evil eye, you shut the door behind him and silently lock it.
>This is going to feel nice. Ooooh so nice.
>"Well?"
>You can feel Cadences scorn. Just need to take a few breaths.
>You turn around and give her a therapist smile while you twiddle with your empty cup of coffee.
Okay, Princess. Now, the reason I'm doing this, is so you can... Let out all your feelings without having to worry about causing any friction, or hurt feeling.
>You almost want to smack your lips at how delicious this is going to be.
>Taking at seat you wave to Cadence, telling her to start.
>"Well first off, you don't even KNOW how bipolar he is. First he's kissing my hooves, then he's locking up in our room, crying about how I don't respect his masculinity. OH and don't EVEN get me STARTED on how-
>Yeah that's right. Let loose, let all those emotions loose, you're like a fucking childrens book sweetie. A. FUCKING. CHILDRENS. BOOK.

>Cadence's assault doesn't stop for the next twenty minutes. Normally you'd have told her to stop, but this ends here and now.
>All you have to do now is nod, say 'yea, yea, yea" and stroke your beard.

>"And all this makes me question HOW in Equestria, they made him captain of the guard. He was never like this when we were dating, all of this shit has literally been happening the day after our wedding!"
>Cadences torrent has subsided enough for your to jump in.
>It is time.
>Your nod again and add another Mhm before setting down your empty coffee cup.
I'm really sensing a lot of pent up frustration.
>Cadence wrinkles her nose in disgust.
And really after all the time I've heard you two talk with one another I think that both parties are, really frustrated.
>You grin slightly when you see her roll her eyes.
And after everything, all I can really say is...
>Here it comes.
That you have the emotional range of the sofa you're sitting on right now. I think that you have absolutely zero respect for the feelings of others and that you're caught up in your own neediness, that you've complete killed your ability to sympathize with others.
>You can't see Cadences reaction because you have your eyes closed and your head is resting between your hands.
>But you don't have to see anything to get your salivary glands going.
I think that you of all ponies should be the most sympathetic pony on earth. But from what I've seen, I can definitely tell that you're the kind of mare who would watch a maternity ward burn and not eve blink. All of your problems are stemming from the fact that you want everyone around you to act a certain way, and you can't even FATHOM why no one can live up to your expectations. And so you put up a wall around you and you keep your emotions inside.
>Cadence is speechless.
And you know what? Through out my entire time in Canterlot, I've always heard that Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, is the most caring, more generous, most loving, pony in Equestria. Well let me tell you Princess, you have to be the most uncaring, ungenerous, unloving pone I have ever seen!
>You can't take it anymore, you look up and feel yourself internally scream with joy, at the deliciousness of her reaction.
And I know the reason you're with Shinny out there, is because you thought he would be your knight in shining armor. I mean, who wouldn't? His name is SHINING. ARMOR. And he's the captain of the royal guard! WOW right from the story books! And I know you had that spark, the both of you had that spark when you first met, and you were both infatuated with one another, its obvious. And just imagine your shock, when you found out how emotional he is! Wow! That's not in the fairy tales!
>You stop and take a breath for affect.
And you know what? I know how you can solve all of your problems. You heard me? ALL OF THEM. Quit expecting everything to be a fairy tale. I know everything has been a fairy tale up until now, but you know what? The dream has ended. You're a princess, you have authority, deal with your problems in a mature way. Take your wall down and face your problems, don't compensate for how emotional everyone else is. Wake up and stop living in your little fantasy world, and I GUARANTEE. GUAR- AN- TEEE!! That your problems will be solved.
>You take a deep breath and look Cadence straight in the eyes with a thoroughly satisfied look on your face.
>At least a minute goes by before Cadence say anything.
>"You..."
Me?
>She get ups off the couch.
>"You, have... No right..."
>Wait.
>She starts walking toward you.
>"No RIGHT... To talk to me like that!!"
>Your heart stops.
>And it explodes when you feel her launch herself at you, knocking your chair back onto the floor.
Princess what are you-
>"Mhhhhmmm!~"
>You're going to hang for this. Fuck you're going to hang.
>Cadence breaks the kiss and looks you dead in the eyes.
>"You... Have... No right... But I've wanted this for so long."
>Oh god.
>"I've heard so many stories about you. How couples have come in screaming at one another, and how they have come out like love sick teenagers."
Princes, Iy ah-
>She shuts you up with her taffy hoof.
>"I thought you could help Shining and I, but, but I never knew there would be any stallion who could mend love as well as I. And... And... I want it... I want a Stallion. A man, like you.
>She brings her lips to yours once again and you can feel her getting hotter by the second.
>She pulls away again this time shaking and panting. You wouldn't have cared about your wood, if there wasn't the chance you could get caught and hung for it.
>You hear a knock at the door.
>No.
>"Dr. Anonymous? Princess, is everything alright in there."
>Cadence doesn't seem worried.
>"Yes."
>She sounds irritated.
Er...
>Cadence looks back down and glares at you.
Oh, uh... Ehem. Yes, everything is alright.
>Cadence gets up off of you and walk back to the sofa, letting you put your chair back.
>Your heart is pounding out of your chest when you see her get off the couch and walk to the door.
>She turns her head back to you and gives you bedroom eyes that could get you killed.
>"I'll book our next appointment for Friday.~"
>Your jump as soon as she opens the door.
>"Your turn Darling~."