The Adventures of the Chaos Colt (CHPT 6)

May 1st, 2017
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  1. The Adventures of the Chaos Colt!
  3. Chapter 6 - Friends Come From the Strangest Places
  6. >”Wooohooo! I’m digging this water slide! WEEEEEE!”
  7. >And with a loud SPLASH, both you and Eris land in… Chocolate syrup? Huh, lately you’ve been getting covered in all sorts of food. Not like you’re complaining, this stuff’s good! You stick out your tongue and struggle to lick the chocolate liquid off your face. Bringing your hooves to your eyes, you wipe the syrup off.
  8. “Mmmm! Kinda tasty for being in the belly of a dodo bird, right Eris? Uh… Eris?”
  9. >Where’d she go? She didn’t- OH NO! You dive down and thrash your hooves around, reaching into the goop for any signs of your friend. Something grabs the back of your neck and pulls you out, but you keep flailing in the air.
  11. >”You will?! Then hurry!” Whatever grabbed you lets go, and you continue your search. No no no! You’re not losing a friend again- Wait a second… You stop and pop back out onto the surface. Oh…
  12. >Eris puts her talon against her mouth and holds in her laughter as she hovers in mid-air. ”Why’d you stop? Aren’t you going to save me?” You narrow your eyes and cross your forelegs.
  13. “It’s not funny. I thought I lost you! Like how I lost… Dad…”
  14. >”Oh come on! It looked so hilarious watching you play around in the mud.” You grumble and turn around, plopping onto your rump, causing some syrup to splatter around you.
  15. >Eris notices your change in attitude and taps her chin. She picks you up from the chocolate lake, and puts you down near a platform made of pink fur in the middle of the lake. “Now hold still.” She levitates the chocolate off of you and forms it into a giant solid rectangle.
  17. >At incredibly fast speed, she takes out a chisel and sculpts a chocolate Eris. The sculpture had Eris leaning back against an imaginary wall all cool and relaxed. The real Eris mimics the pose and stands next to it. “Dang, I’m gooood…”
  18. >Meanwhile, you looked at your reflection in the lake, feeling all down and glum again. “Heeeey, stop it.” Eris teleports over and wraps her neck around you, patting your back with her paw. “C’moooon! Where’s that cute smile that I’ve seen a couple times for the past maybe fifteen minutes we’ve known each other?”
  19. “I’m worried about Dad…”
  20. >He had to have lost, he’s been gone for too long already. And now everything is going more topsy turvy than it usually is, he should have checked in by now. What if those alicorns were actually meanies that took him and locked him in prison? When you find them, you’ll, you’ll-!
  21. >Oh what’s the point… Not like you’ll get out of here ever. And now that you think about it, they said something about Discord harming ponies and stuff. Well, it didn’t SEEM like he was doing something bad. Dad said they just don’t like fun and games like you and him do. Then again, Dad sometimes tends to- Ow!
  22. “OW! Why’d you do that?”
  23. >You rub your head and scowl towards Eris. She slithers off of you and props herself next to you at the edge of the fuzzy island. “Felt like you ate too much chocolate that it was making you act weird, so I bonked ya on the head. And stop looking like a buzzkill; makes you look less cute.”
  24. “I’m not cute!”
  25. >”Ya-huh.”
  26. “Nuh-uh.”
  27. >Both of you turn towards each other. You lean your head closer to Eris, not breaking eye contact. ”Ya-huh!”
  28. “NUH-UH!”
  29. >And lean so close that your foreheads touch. ”Are we seriously going to go through this again?” You roll your eyes and pull away.
  30. “Fiiiiine. I’ll drop it for now.”
  32. >Eris laughs and pumps her talon fist. “Yes! I won!” You point your hoof and strike a heroic pose.
  33. “Yeeeah, whatever! I’ll get you next time!”
  34. >She giggles at your adorable display and strikes a smug grin. “We’ll see about that, lil’ dude. Feeling better?”
  35. “Huh, I guess I do feel a bit better.”
  36. >You look back the lake, and so does Eris. “Worried about that old coot? Huh, kinda wondering what’s the story behind that. Well, I mean, how is a normal, cute-” You cringe and contain yourself. You’re not cute… “Yes you are.”
  38. >”Whoops! Couldn’t resist! Like I was saying… You’re too ‘normal’ to be Discord’s son. Heck, how’d he even get a colt to be his son, considering he HATES ponies?”
  39. “Actually!”
  40. >You hop up and try your best to mimic your dad.
  41. “‘Having normality when things are in the state of abnormality means that the normality is the abnormality, in comparison to the abnormality…’ Still don’t know what any of that stuff means, but I think it has to do with what you said.”
  42. >”Huh…” Eris taps her chin. “Old coot makes a good point, but it still doesn’t justify you being TOO normal. Tell me, Anonymous, son of Discord, the-” She changes the tone of her voice to seem more mocking. “-’Spirit of Chaos’, what’s your backstory?”
  43. >Huh, should you tell her about it? OH! You get the chance to be like your dad and retell the story! Like during story time! You clear your throat and once again, attempt to do your best impression of dad.
  44. “‘Let’s see. It all started when Discord was in his humble abode…’”
  45. >And so you told her every little detail from the story. From the Windigos, to your dad finding you in a cardboard box in the human world, all the while inside the dimly lit belly of a four-eyed dodo bird on a pink fuzzy island.
  47. >But once you reach the human part, Eris’ eyes widen and she zips towards you. “D-Did you say human? As in, humans that have two legs, two arms, and look like monkeys?”
  48. “Uh, yeah. I mean, they sorta look like monkeys, I guess?”
  49. >”Ehhhhh… I just gatta check something reaaaaal quick.” She digs into a pocket formed against her leg, and fishes out a weird contraption with a scanner. With the press of a button, she moves around you and starts scanning you for… What exactly?
  50. “Eris, what are you doing?”
  51. >”Just gimme a moment-” Eris sticks out her tongue as she lifts up your foreleg and scans your belly. “...And done.” She reads the scanner for a moment until she lets out a satisfied sigh. “Phew! For a second there I thought-” You raise an eyebrow and slowly approach her.
  52. “You thought what? What did you do with that scanner thingy?”
  53. >Your draconequus friend flinches and looks back at you. She sheepishly smiles and waves you off. “Oh! Just checking for any human diseases and all that! Haha!” She swings her arm in the air. “Can never know if something’s carrying interdimensional illnesses!” Eris leans in and whispers into your ear, using her talon to cover a portion of her face. “Trust me, it happens A LOT.”
  54. “Okaaaaay then.”
  55. >She’s being really weird again...
  57. >Eris snaps her talon, getting rid of the scanner, forms a beard, and then starts stroking it while humming to herself. She goes back to hovering in the air. “I don’t knooow… He found you in a cardboard box just coincidentally placed in an alley way, away from anypony? Not sure if it’s the smell of this place, but that sounds pretty fishy to me.”
  58. >Is she calling out on your dad’s story time story?!
  59. “What? Are you saying Dad lied to me? He’s retold me that story dozens of times, and he only lies when he pulls a prank!”
  60. >”Eeeeeehhhh…” She takes out a razor and in a quick few swipes, shaves off her beard. “Heck if I know. Just sounds a bit off for that geezer. Regardless of that, quite a cute little story. But there’s one teeny tiny thing I doubt most.” You raise an eyebrow and tilt your head to the side.
  61. “What’s that?”
  62. >”Your powers. I think you’re just trying to trick me. Weeellll.” Eris walks by you, slides her paw finger along your back, and boops your muzzle. “It’s not gonna work.”
  63. “WHAT? B-But I do! I just- Lemme just- Ugh!”
  64. >Should you prove her wrong and use your powers? But what if something goes wrong?! No! You can’t risk it. Groaning, you let yourself fall to the side onto the fluffy ground.
  65. >”Then prove it.” She stands infront of you, paw and talon behind her back with an innocent smile. “Alright, show me what you got, kid!” You look away, avoiding eye contact.
  66. “...I can’t…”
  67. >Eris takes the side of her mouth and flips it upside down, making her frown. ”Welp, I knew it. Have to say, Anon, you can’t follow up on jokes.” Lifting your head up, you try one more time to show her that it’s not worth putting you both in danger.
  68. “I just can’t! Like I said before, things go cooky and crazy whenever I use them. I don’t…”
  69. >You groan and faceplant against the ground.
  71. “I don’t have control of my powers…”
  72. >”And that’s a problem why?” Eris found it silly how you were acting about a few hiccups in your experience. “That’s why you keep practicing! I mean, I didn’t have to practice, pretty sure I got it on the dot.” She lifts your head off the ground and stamps a dot onto your cheek. You rub it, and even attempt to lick it off.
  73. >”But not everypony is the same. You’ll get it eventually.”
  74. “That’s what Dad says ALL the time, and nothing EVER gets better. He says I just have too much chaos energy in me that it just goes BOOSH!”
  75. >You use your hooves to mimic an explosion to better display the problem. Eris slips to your side and leans against you. “Really? So you’ve got all this bottled up energy that just bursts out every time you try using your powers? That’s pretty rad.”
  76. “It’s not ‘rad’. It sucks! Stupid chaos powers always making things worse!”
  77. >You get up and kick the ground with your foreleg. Meanwhile, Eris continues to think about your situation. “So how come they’re not going crazy now?” Oh! You can answer that easy!
  78. “That’s because the Void new- neeeew…”
  79. >”Neutralizes?”
  80. “Yeah! It neurolizes my powers so I can use them! But recently, well, since everything is getting kinda outta control, I’m scared of using them…”
  81. >You tap your front hooves together shyly, tilt your head down a bit, but still look up at Eris.
  82. “Dad gets kinda angry when I screw it up… Well, not at first, but he’s not very, um… Patient…”
  83. >Your friend snaps her talon and points it at you. “Or maaaybe… He just sucks at teaching ya!” Uhhhh…
  84. “I don’t think-”
  86. >Eris teleports you both in the air, with her arm wrapped around your body. She taps your chest and gives you a smug grin. “Don’t you worry, lil’ guy! Eris’ll give you a few pointers in good ol’ fashioned chaos and fun!”
  87. >Another version of Eris appears, but she’s wearing a suit and holding a briefcase. She takes out a giant stack of papers that realistically could not fit in that tiny briefcase, places them down on the ground, picks you up, shoves a pen in your mouth, and forces you to sign them.
  88. >”Just sign here, here, here… Oh! And here! Over here, over there. Now draw a cute picture of a cow. Yeeaaah, like that! Annnnd done!” The well dressed Eris snaps her talon, making herself and the stack of files disappear. You just sit there, blanked out.
  89. “What just happened…?”
  90. >Eris flicks her hand down. “Psssh, just a few requirements if I’m going to be teaching you how to use your powers properly. Stuff like that I’m not liable if let’s say... You get blown up… Or turned into a seahorse… You get the gist of it.” You gulp.
  91. “I-I guess it kinda makes sense?”
  92. >You have a baaaad feeling about this. Nothing good ever happens when you try to use your powers… But maybe… Maybe she’s right. Could Dad just be a really bad teacher? I mean, he’s good at EVERYTHING, except maybe being nice to ponies, but a bad teacher?
  93. “You really think Dad just doesn’t know how to teach?”
  94. >Eris chuckles and pulls you close where you’re nearly squished against her. “Of course that’s the reason! That geezer is so out of his mind from being too old that he’s forgotten how he learned what he knows! Or maybe, he just knew it all to begin with.” She shrugs. “Doesn’t matter. You ready for your first lesson with your bud Eris?”
  96. “I don’t knooooow… Can we get to my room first before we do anything like this? I feel cozier there.”
  97. >”Well, if you couldn’t tell already, we’re in quite the pickle right now. It could be cool if you… Used your powers to get us out of here?” You point a hoof towards Eris as she raises her eyebrow to hint something.
  98. “Can’t YOU do that? You’re a spirit of chaos, too!”
  99. >Eris closes her eyes, looks down, and shakes her head. “Tch, and ruin a perfect opportunity to test your mettle? Stop being such a baby.” Anon… Stay calm… She’s just trying to make you angry. Oh! You’ve got it! This should stop her from calling you that name.
  100. “Fine then. I’m a baby! Big deal…”
  101. >”You are?” Your friend pulls out a bib and a pacifier, causing your eyes to widen. You jump into the chocolate lake, trying your hardest to escape her wrath.
  102. “NO NO! I’M NOT A BABY I’M NOT- GAH!”
  103. >Eris scoops you up, shoves the pacifier in your mouth, and pulls the bib over your head. Grrrr…. You give the pacifier a few suckles before spitting it out and scowling.
  104. “...Don’t look at me like this…”
  105. >She giggles and rocks you in her arms. “Daaaaaw, but it fits you so well! Or would you prefer a chicken suit?” OKAY! YOU GIVE IN!
  106. “Okay okay!”
  107. >You shake your head, causing the bib to fly off.
  108. “I’ll use my powers, I’ll use my powers! Just no more outfits! Please!”
  109. >Eris snaps her talon and teleports you back on the island, all cleaned up. “Glad I could change your mind.” She changes her position so she’s laying on her belly, chin resting on her talon and paw. “Soooo… You gonna show me or what?”
  111. >Okay, Anon. Just… Just show her what you got. How about something small! You look over to the chocolate, life-sized statue of Eris. Making one of yourself couldn’t be that hard. Let’s try it!
  112. >You close your eyes, take a deep breath, and focus on the chocolate syrup- Wha? You open your eyes and notice Eris’ paw pushing against your forehead. “No no no no… What do you think you’re doing?”
  113. “I’m using my powers, like you said. Now stand back- HEY! Quit it!”
  114. >Again, she interrupts your concentration with a flick of your muzzle. “Ugh, are you for real? Let me show you how it’s done.” Your new teacher cracks her knuckles, then her neck, then she bends down and stretches her legs and knees… Oh boy…
  115. >It takes a while, but after Eris does her ‘pre-power’ warm up, she snaps her spine one last time before snapping her talon and making a glass of milk appear. “Done! See? Easy.” Wuh?
  116. “...I don’t get it… But, um, I tried my best to keep up?”
  117. >You nervously chuckle as Eris’ raises an eyebrow unamusingly. Then she starts laughing to the point where she falls over and starts turning blue. “PAHAHAHAHAHAH! OKAY! OKAY! That’s a good one, dude! Ya got me good! Saying you don’t get it. Pah! And I thought you couldn’t come up with a good joke!”
  118. “I wasn’t joking, though. I don’t get it.”
  119. >You shrug and give the most sincere look. Eris freezes, straightens herself up, coughs, and twists her horn. The color of her fur then changes back to normal after a few twists. “Did you at least catch on to something I demonstrated? Even a smidge?” Eris pinches two of her talon fingers together while you tap your chin.
  121. “Well, all I saw you do was snap and make the glass appear.”
  122. >”Yeah! It’s that simple. With a quick motion, or just by thinking, you get what you want in an instant! Now you try.”
  123. “Huh, I do notice Dad snaps his talons alot when he wants something to appear, or when he teleports, but not all the time. Let me try!”
  124. >That shouldn’t be too hard. Just have to snap… Your… Oh… You look down at your hooves in disappointment.
  125. “Eris… I don’t have a way to snap. Hooves can’t snap.”
  126. >”Eh, I just do it because it gives me a queue of when to use my powers and combine it with my thoughts. Maybe that’s what you have to do. Time your thoughts and ideas with reality, and just let it all out!” Oh no, that sounded exactly what Dad told you. Nuh uh! Not happening!
  127. “Dad said the exact same thing! Or something similar, I think… But the idea is still the same.”
  128. >Eris picks up the glass of milk, takes a big swig, and spits it all out. “EUGH! It’s skim milk! Gross!” This time, she conjures up regular milk, takes another swig, and spits it out again. “WHAT? Now way. No flippin’ way! Don’t compare me to that old donkey. My methods are totally different from his.”
  129. “But it sounds exactly how he said-”
  130. >”Noooope! Toooootally different.”
  131. “Eris-”
  132. >”Don’t care.” She stretches her paw all the way infront of your face. “Don’t wanna hear it!” You pout and move her paw aside.
  133. “C’mon, Eris. Stop being a jerk. It’s fine, I get that I’m just a big loser when it comes to using my powers.”
  134. >Eris sighs, pulls up a couch, and thinks for a moment. “Well, you said you’ve used them before. So fine, I’ll let you do it YOUR way, or whatever lame way your dad taught you. Go on, let’s get this over with…” Alright, here it goes! Again!
  136. >Using your past experiences with your powers, you try to hook your thoughts with an action of doing something, and focus that into actually happening. And in a few brief moments, a blob of chocolate slowly rises from the lake, and builds itself into a tiny statue of yourself doing a heroic pose.
  137. >Huh… You did it.... YOU DID IT- Wait a second. But Eris got caught totally off guard and teleports next to the chocolate figure, taking out a camera and snapping some photos. “WHOA! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! An actual colt, or rather, an actual pony who’s a spirit of chaos like me! It’s like… A dream come true!”
  138. “A dream come true? Really?!”
  139. >You jump up and begin celebrating with her, but something catches you off guard about the chocolate statues.
  140. >”Psssh, yeah! Every pony I meet is a lame-o’ who can’t take a single prank or joke. And they can’t even join in on the fun because they don’t have awesome powers like you and me. But now!” Eris teleports both of you back into the air. She held you like a puppy and spun you around with her.
  141. >”I’ve finally met somepony who can relate to me! This is so awesome!”
  142. “Eris, I think we should-”
  143. >”Think of all the possibilities!” Eris extends out her paw arm and moves it across the air as she speaks. “Eris and Anon, the Chaos Duo! Spreading pranks and disorder all across Equestria!”
  144. ”E-Eris, but I told you that-”
  145. >”Not now, Anon, can’t you see I’m daydreaming about all the fun we’ll have? And it’s funny, because we complement each other so well! I’m awesome, daring, smart, adventurous… And you’re cute!”
  146. “Hey! I’m smart and adventurous, too! But I don’t think we should be worrying about that right now.”
  147. >She tilts her head and gives you a confused look. “Don’t ruin the fun already, Anon. I hate it when you get all serious. Show me that energetic, kiddish side!”
  149. “Because, just look behind you…”
  150. >”What?” Eris turns, and looks at what you’re pointing at. The chocolate statue of you AND Eris had come to life, and were both mocking your friendly display. Eris’ ears start fuming as she drops you and turns towards the dairy doppelgangers.
  151. >“HEY! What are you laughing at, coco puff?” They continue to snicker, sticking out their tongues and doing raspberries.
  152. “See, Eris. I told you my powers go out of whack. Now they’re alive and making fun of us!”
  153. >Oh pony feathers, now look what you’ve done. You knew you shouldn’t have used your powers. Who knows what those chocolate versions of both of you will do now!
  154. >The real Eris spits into her paw and talon, rubs them together, and rolls up her arm fur. “Not for long… I’ll show you!” She takes out a giant mane blower, plugs it into a floating outlet, and flips it on. “Let’s see you laugh when you’re just a puddle.”
  155. >But the chocolate figures dodge the heat, the chocolate Eris teleporting away, and your chocolate version popping on wings and flying around. They start to bounce off the walls of the stomach, causing the bird’s stomach to bubble up and rumble.
  156. >Eris continues to chase them around with the blow dryer, while you panic and look for a way out. Oh jeez, the chocolate syrup is slowly rising. This reminds you of the time you ate too much cream puffs at home at threw it all up. At least Dad gave you tummy rub to make you feel better, even if it was his powers that did all the work.
  157. >Okay! No time to think about happy times! You lift up a hoof from the rising syrup and look up at Eris.
  158. “Eris! We gatta get out of here! I think the dodo bird isn’t feeling too well from all the bouncing!”
  159. >”Gimme a moment! I have to melt this knock-off’s face off!” You facehoof and groan.
  162. >The blow dryer stops working, causing Eris to turn around. The chocolate Anon had unplugged it from the outlet, and was giggling hysterically, all while flapping his wings and pointing at her. “YEAH! I’M GONNA BE SICK SEEING THESE GUYS ANY LONGER! Never was a fan of chocolate, anyways!”
  164. >The sudden rumbling startles all four of you, as the brown syrup begins to churn and rise. Waves of chocolate toss and flip you around, bringing you closer and closer to the top of the chamber.
  165. >”Heeeeeey! What’s with all the ruckus?” And as fast as the room filled, it starts to drain, making you all swirl in a whirlpool of chocolate until it went back to normal. A tiny, four-eyed dodo bird with the angriest look in the world steps forward. “I mean, if ya wanted to use my stomach for a party, ya could have just asked! I would have been fine and daaaaaaandy with it if ya asked first!”
  166. >It takes a moment for you to stand straight, since your head is still turning in circles.
  167. “Whooaaaaaaa… There’s four of you, Eris! Coooool!”
  168. >”Actually, there’s only two.” Eris takes your head, twists it multiple times, then releases. It cranks around until it snaps straight, curing your dizziness.
  169. “Wehehew! Thanks!”
  170. >”No sweat, lil’ dude.” While the clones are still getting up, Eris takes the moment to replug the blow dryer and melt ‘em while they’re tired. They begin to ooze and flow back into the lake, solving that little problem you caused. Eris screams out into the lake, raising her paw fist. “Dark chocolate is better! ...Stupid milk chocolate...”
  171. >As your friend dusts herself off, you both get startled as the dodo bird steps up to you, his feet pitter pattering and leaving tracks of chocolate.
  173. >“What in the- What’s a colt and his twisted up lacky doing in my food pouch? Don’t remember havin’ ponies for breakfast, let alone a zoo animal that lost its parts, and fished new one’s out of the Lost n’ Found department!”
  174. >”Oh hey! It’s the bird that swallowed us. Yo dude, why did you go and ruin our flying stunt show- LOST AND FOUND DEPARTMENT?! Listen four-eyes...” Eris walks up and judgingly eyes the bird.
  175. >WAIT! That’s the bird that swallowed you?! But if he’s here, but you’re in his stomach, than how- But wha- Oh, right… Chaos… You collapse on your back, panting heavily from the adrenaline.
  176. “I need a nap… Mr. Dodo bird, do you have a bed in your tummy I can sleep on?”
  177. >”No, but I do have a patio near the lower intestine! But no one uses it. Wonder why… ANYWHO!” The bird flies up and gets face-to-face with Eris. “What’s it with you coming into MY stomach, and throwing a party without MY permission? Is it ‘Violate Your Neighbor’s Property Day’ already? Huh, I thought that was next week.”
  178. >Wait, how can the dodo bird fly? Aren’t they like chickens or something where they can’t fly? Well, it does have four eyes, you guess that it’s a chaos bird.
  179. >Eris scoffs and headbutts with the bird. “Us coming into YOUR stomach?! You ate us up in the middle of the Void for no reason! Is it ‘Eat Your Neighbor Randomly Day’ already? Wait, I think that’s next week.” Meanwhile, you take the time to rest and understand what the hay is going on.
  180. >So the pink four-eyed dodo bird is in its own stomach. Does that mean that the tiny version has an even tinier version of you and Eris inside of him? But that would mean- Noooooo! Better stop now before you get another headache. Eeuuuugh.
  181. >You get up and shake your head, walking towards the both of them. You push away Eris using your forehead, which you struggle with since you’re so tiny.
  183. “Okay, okay! Let’s not be mean to each other! Dad always says it’s best to calm down, look at the situation, and then see which prank is best for the victim. Wait… That’s not what I meant! Uh! We didn’t mean to throw a party, Mr. Dodo Bird.”
  184. >Mr. Dodo Bird tilts his head and gives you a disgusting look. “Mr. Dodo Bird? That’s my uncle’s, cousin’s, grandfather’s, best-friend’s roomate’s name! Actually, nevermind. I made that up. The name’s Humphrey.” Eris rolls her eyes and chides in.
  185. >”Yeah, pretty ‘hungry’ to swallow a draconequus and a defenseless, cute colt....” You turn to Eris and glare.
  186. “I’m not cute OR defenseless! And be nice!”
  187. >Your friend tries to play coy, shrugs, and looks around before looking back at you. “What?! I didn’t saying anything!” Riiiight….
  188. >Humphrey huffs, lands back down, and folds his wings while tapping his talon foot. “I don’t know WHAT you’s all talkin’ about, but I ain’t eaten nuffin’ today! NADA! ZIP! ZILCH! So if ya’d PLEASE get outta my stomach so I can continue collectin’ bubbles? Thank youuuu.”
  189. >Humphrey turns around and begins walking away. He walks towards a door stuck on the stomach wall. Was that there before? It might have just appeared when Humphrey decided to check on all the noise. You gallop after him and call out.
  190. “Humphrey! Wait!”
  191. >He turns again, and strikes you down with an impatient glare. “Listen kid, I ain’t got no time for bed time stories. So why don’t ya run along with your mangled up motha’, and let this dodo bird collect bubbles, aight?”
  193. “I’m super sorry, Humphrey. We just wanted to ask a teeny tiny favor. If you could please, preeeetty please, drop us off at my room door? That’s where we wanted to go before, um… We accidentally got into your stomach.”
  194. >”Accidentally? Anon, stop kissing up to this-” You quickly use your powers to zip up Eris’ mouth. She protests through the zipper, but only muffles come out. She furiously starts pointing at you, but you ignore her and politely approach Humphrey.
  195. “We’ll even help you find some bubbles!”
  196. >Humphrey lightens up and smiles. “Ya will?”
  197. >The zipper on Eris explodes open. “WE WILL?!”
  198. “Of course! Just as long as you keep your end of the deal!”
  199. >Humphrey scratches his chin and shifts his eyes up and to the left. “I dunno… Maybe if ya sorry excuse for a donkey friend apologized for bein’ so rude.” Eris wasn’t having anymore of this dude. Her cheeks puff up, her horns float up and start spinning as steam floods out of her ears. You swear you can hear a tea kettle burning up.
  200. >But you put your hoof on Eris’ arm and look up at her. She glances at you and feels your touch, immediately letting out a sigh and folding her arms. After relaxing, she groans and looks at Humphrey. “Sure sure, whatever… Catch some bubbles or something…”
  201. >”Say ya sorry.”
  202. >”WHAT? I said I’d help you catch your dumb bubbles!”
  203. >Humphrey shakes his head and stares Eris down. “Nope. Ya gatta say sorry, then I’ll help ya out.” You nudge Eris and give her a confident smile.
  204. “C’mon, Eris! Didn’t you want to make more friends? What I’ve learned from ponies, is saying sorry always makes things better, even in the grumpiest of times!”
  206. >”With ponies, not flying weirdos…” The draconequus grumbles, finally approaching Humphrey. “I’m… Hold on, give me a moment.” Eris pulls out something from behind her, and hands it to Humphrey.
  207. >”What’s this…?” He mutters as he reads the letter, then his eyes bulge out as he reaches a certain part. “AN I.O.U. FOR AN APOLOGY? What da ya think your pullin’ off here, eh?”
  208. “Eris! Just say sorry already! Humphrey could be our only way out of the Void so we can find Dad! Please, for me?”
  209. >And use the puppy eyes. Hold it… Hoooold it… Eris can’t resist your adorableness, and gives in. Yes! “Fiinnnne… I’m sorry, Humphrey… Now can we please get on with this already, before I develope a hatred for chocolate?” Humphrey chuckles and turns around.
  210. >”Good enough for me. Aight, follow along, and don’t get lost. Even I don’t know my insides too well. Except my motha’. She comes in, bustin’ in and reorganizin’ the entire place! Lost my lungs for two weeks straight!”
  211. >So you both follow Humphrey into the wooden door, taking you into different places inside his body. But the weird part is, all his body parts didn’t look like what they should be. Instead of being made of fleshy stuff, some of it was made out of glass, metal, wood, even rubber! You swear, his bones are like, entirely made out of tied up rubber bands!
  212. >There were tiny little fish creatures that floated in his blood, making weird noises and stuff. It was like being in an aquarium and museum of weird body structures. Soon enough, you reach a hole in the fleshy ground. Purple noodles hung from the ceiling and went down the hole.
  214. >”Aight, kids. That’s the way out of my bod. But remember our deal? Gatta find bubbles.” You salute.
  215. “Yes sir, Humphry, sir!”
  216. >Eris giggles and puts her hands on her hips. “Where’d you learn to salute like that?” You smile and close your eyes.
  217. “A friend!”
  218. >”A friend? Besides me? Wonder how much of a buzzkill she’ll be, considering you’ve met me.” You giggle and roll your eyes.
  219. “She’s just as awesome. If we get out of here, we HAVE to visit the Crystal Empire… We…”
  220. >You drop your head and feel a wave of those bad thoughts come in.
  221. “We have to check on it…”
  222. >Eris notices your off behavior. “Lil dude, what’s wrong?”
  223. >Humphrey taps his foot again and crosses his wings. “AHEM! I don’t got all yesterday! Bubbles only come up once a blue moon! And there ain’t no moons in this place.”
  224. >Your friend rubs her temples and sighs. “We’ll talk about it later. C’mon, don’t look so down. We’re gonna help this guy find bubbles and stuff. Whatever THAT means…”
  225. >Yeah! Don’t sweat it, Anon! The Crystal Ponies are probably fine. Except the book said that they got enslaved by So- NO! BUBBLES! YEAH! BUBBLES SOUND NICE!
  226. >All of you hop through the hole, clinging onto the noodles. Eris freestyles, glides down, and does it all with one talon tied behind her back, while you carefully inch down, making sure not to slip. Once she reaches the bottom, she’s nice enough to give you a few encouraging words as you slowly make it down.
  227. >The pit lead to another hole, that seemed to be the way back into the Void. As soon as you catch up with Eris, you both jump through. Everything flips upside down as the gravity fixes itself. Now, you’re on top of the REAL Humphrey, or at least, the bigger version of him. The hole you came from slowly closes up from behind you.
  228. “Yeah! That was cool!”
  229. >” That was pretty cool. For being in the inside of a cranky dodo dork, this place could make a fun amusement park.” You gleefully agree with Eris, nuzzling into her. She pats your back and delicately pushes you away. “Okay, okay, enough affection for one adventure.”
  230. >”An amusement park? After all that ruckus you’s been causin’? No way! Motha’ would kill me from the mess!” Eris lays across Humphrey’s head and taps her noggin with a talon finger thoughtfully.
  231. >”Wait, if you can enter your own body and do all chaosy stuff like any creature in here, why not make a clone of yourself for your mother to clean up? Then, you could have a cool amusement park, AND you don’t have to deal with your annoying mother!”
  232. >Humphrey’s eyes widen as he slyly grins. “Heeey… That ain’t a bad idea, jigsaw girl. Can even make a bit a cash on the side with that idea.”
  233. >”Jigsaw girl-” You pat Eris arm and shake your head.
  234. “Eris… He’s just playing around. Dad does that to me ALL the time.”
  235. >“Yeah… You’re right. Besides,” Eris says the next part to the side. “This guy ain’t worth my time...”
  236. >But then, Humphrey begins to sweat, noticing a flaw in Eris’ suggestion. “Actually, that’s a terrible idea. Cuz for one thing…” Everything gets dramatic for a second. “Motha’ knows everythin’. I swear, she uses some crazy magic to figure’s me out!”
  237. >You crawl up to Humphrey’s forehead and look around. All the floating islands, creatures, and sounds drifted by as you flew. You know, when you’re flying so smooth and calm like this, the Void seems like a magical land of the strangest things.
  238. >But based on what you’ve read and seen in your simulations, Equestria is a lot more… Less weird and mysterious. Everything here just likes to be weird and strange. Even then, it’s still pretty to look at if you look past the scary monsters and gross stuff.
  239. >Your feathered friend leans to the right, narrowing his eyes in search of what you assume are bubbles. You crawl up on top of Humphrey’s head next to Eris, lean over his forehead, and look down at him.
  240. “Now that we’re out of your body, we can help you find bubbles! Shouldn’t be too hard, right? They’re just ordinary, soapy bubbles!”
  241. >Eris titters and shakes her head, rolling over onto her back. ”Anon, haven’t you learned anything of this place? I mean, really? You’ve lived here since you were an itty bitty cutesy foal, and still don’t have chaos tied down and mastered.”
  242. >Humphrey chides towards Eris’ advice. “Ya friend’s gatta point. If I recall, bubbles for ponies is like, usin’ soap to make lil’ circles in the air that pop, right?” You look back at Eris, then look back down at Humphrey.
  244. “Yeah? And…? Ohhhh… So they’re not really bubbles, huh?”
  245. >Humphrey shrugs in the air, continuing to float forward. “I guess not. Heck if I’d know. WAIT! There’s one ova there!” You squint and lean close, almost slipping off, but Eris teleports at the last second and pulls you from behind. You both stumble backwards and get all mangled together.
  246. >”Dude! You seriously have to watch what you’re doing!”
  247. “S-Sorry! But is that… IT IS! IT’S THE DOOR TO MY ROOM!”
  248. >”Huh, it is! So bubbles are dimensional doors for you, Humphrey?” Eris snaps her talon, dismangling you both.
  249. >The dodo bird nods, and spreads his wings to a stop in front of the floating door. “Yeah, I collect these. They help ya pop in and outta places in a snap! If I gots guests or family over, it makes it easy to find the bathroom. Ogh, don’t even wanna talk about that one time with Uncle Liffy. Beak smelled like flowahs for WEEKS! Disgustin’!”
  250. >Before you get off, Eris places her paw on your shoulder. “Heeey… Did you use your powers back there to zip up my face?” She points behind her with her talon thumb.
  251. “I did? Wait… I DID! And nothing bad happened! O-Oh, sorry about that...”
  252. >You didn’t really mean to, honest! She just wouldn’t stop being so mean to Humphrey. ”Nothing bad’s happened ‘yet’… We’ll see. But, I’m proud of you, lil’ guy. Apology accepted.” She playfully punches you in the shoulder. “Soon enough, you’ll be almost as good as me! Almost…”
  253. >It all ends on a happy note. Humphrey cheered up and decided to let you off the hook with only finding one ‘bubble’, in exchange for letting him use your door from time to time. He even was nice enough to offer a ride if you guys needed it. Just knock on your door to the beat of La Mamba and he’d be there in a jiffy!
  254. >You open the door and hop in with Eris, but not before she puts on a snorkel and some swimming fins. Oh boy, you can’t wait to show her your room!
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