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a guest May 19th, 2019 88 Never
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  1. Hi, Dom.
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  3. This is going to form as a letter of resignation. It's going to form as me finally getting this all off my chest. It's going to form as a sort of finality, where we can finally put this relationship that should have died years ago to rest without any qualms or hopefully any bitter feelings.
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  5.  We have been on life support. We have used extraordinary measures. It's time to pull the plug, so that everyone involved can finally begin to move on and heal. Perhaps it will act as something for you to self-reflect on in the future. It will be for me. It will be a reminder to keep a pleasant distance, to not give a fifth chance, to let sleeping dogs lie once and for all.
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  7. If you were any normal friend, I definitely would not have used this level of effort to try to keep things alive. I felt and feel guilty about how things were ruined. It fucked up everyone involved. I wanted to make that up to you by being a good friend to you. I wanted to help you get new friends, something to rely on, help you with your mental troubles. But there's a point where I can't just be your friend out of what is pity and guilt anymore. We don't communicate on a level that is fulfilling or satisfactory to me. If we don't communicate like friends, I don't want to pretend to be friends or do friend things. I told you I wasn't holding you to that friend standard anymore. You didn't hold up to it. That's fine. Our relationship from my end has completely faded away. I don't want to pretend to be your friend if I don't care about you. It's a service to both of us.
  8. What I've said above and will say below is not meant to be hurtful. It's more meant for me. I'm very excited to see a therapist in my future. It's been my hope that I can go and finally become a better person and overcome my traumas and past. I don't want to be neurotic. I don't want to be angry or hurt or unmotivated every time one of my triggers comes up.
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  10.  But I've been trying to heal on my own without a therapist, too. I do my self-reflecting. I do my thinking. What went wrong, where my traumas stem from, why I act the way I do. Is it a disorder I have, will medication treat that? Do I just need someone to talk it through with, a professional? I'll find that out in a year or so, I guess. But I know this whole relationship from when we revived it has been very destructive to me. It hurts me. Everyone from that group, their names and faces and presence hurts and unmotivates me for up to weeks at times. It includes Ian, it includes you. I'm not really blaming anyone for it at this point. That's just how it is.
  11. This is the part that's probably going to be controversial and inspire an argument or fight. I feel like it needs to be said. It hurts to be thought of as selfish by you when I feel like you're the person I've probably sacrificed the most for. If you disagree, that's fine. I'm saying this for me. So that I know I said it to you. So that I can live with myself, reflect in the future and say, 'Chloe, you did everything you could. Everyone has their different perspectives and opinions. From your perspective, you did right by yourself. You have to live with yourself and your mental state. Everyone else has the right to leave. You don't have the right to leave yourself. She is all you have, and the only person that can't leave you. So do right by her.'
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  13. This is what I have done for you in intent to help you. It has hurt me. I feel like I put all of these sacrifices out there for you and I feel as if I am getting minimal effort in response. I feel like to me that you are an energy vampire because I don't believe any of these sacrifices have been returned. Just because I did a bad thing once does not define me. But I feel like all you see are those bad things. I feel like you don't see what I've tried to do for you or others. How I've tried to change or expended myself.
  14. This is the part that's probably going to be controversial and inspire an argument or fight. I feel like it needs to be said. It hurts to be thought of as selfish by you when I feel like you're the person I've probably sacrificed the most for. If you disagree, that's fine. I'm saying this for me. So that I know I said it to you. So that I can live with myself, reflect in the future and say, 'Chloe, you did everything you could. Everyone has their different perspectives and opinions. From your perspective, you did right by yourself. You have to live with yourself and your mental state. Everyone else has the right to leave. You don't have the right to leave yourself. She is all you have, and the only person that can't leave you. So do right by her.'
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  16. This is what I have done for you in intent to help you. It has hurt me. I feel like I put all of these sacrifices out there for you and I feel as if I am getting minimal effort in response. I feel like to me that you are an energy vampire because I don't believe any of these sacrifices have been returned. Just because I did a bad thing once does not define me. But I feel like all you see are those bad things. I feel like you don't see what I've tried to do for you or others. How I've tried to change or expended myself.
  17. - I got back with Dane at you and Ian's urging. Because I felt bad for Dane. Maybe I hadn't been clear enough. I had been mean and bad to him in the past. It's not his fault he can't communicate on a level I desire. I was being an inconvenience to your DND, to your friend group. But I  should've stuck to it. I should've broken up with him months ago. I know that I warned him. That I told him what I needed for him to do for us to have a healthy relationship. I felt neglected. I endured a bad relationship and came back to it because you guys wanted me to.  It became worse for everyone.
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  19. - I forgave you when we were fighting after I properly broke up with Dane. You called me selfish. I decided that was enough. I didn't think we could repair what was done. I didn't think our relationship could be what it was. I didn't think I could forgive you for it. I thought a clean break would be best for everyone, because I didn't think we could get through it. You asked me to forgive you. Said you couldn't handle losing more friends. I forgave you. It was your first chance in my mind. It became worse for everyone.
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  21. - I introduced you to Spires. The game that you escape to. That you have friends in. That you have chosen me over. It was Ian and I's game that we played. I wanted to include you. You even got mad at Ian for us playing a game together and not telling you. I tried to help introduce you. You ran off and made other friends.
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  23. - I got us vampires. My friendship with Chance was what got us in. I gave you Malentine in Spires, the ability to make that impact. I made us memorable. I made us impactful. I could've done an individual vampire instead of a trio. I would've been successful with just Coraline. I made her Coraline Invidia instead.
  24. - I left the spires friend chat to you. I left the chat I created. Those were my friends, too. I didn't kick you or cause drama within that chat. I gave you that space.
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  26. - I looked over your comment about me driving Rieaun to attempt suicide. Where did that come from? It was so left field. I had tried to be a confidant for him. His own emotions were too much. He tried to take his life because talking about the feelings hurt him too much. I helped to talk him out of it. Don't spread lies in an effort to make me look bad.
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  28. - I gave you a second chance and tried to be friends with you again after I left Spires and its associated chats.  I felt we didn't communicate properly. I blocked you.
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  30. - When I was messaging Plague once, he mentioned to me what a great guy you were. I didn't say anything. It was common decency, but a decision I made in your favor. Never once have I said anything beyond Ian to anyone about any of this. I hope you have done the same for me.
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  32. - I gave you a third chance and unblocked you. I said we didn't have to be held to the same standards. Unfortunately, the lack of maintaining them has deteriorated the relationship from my end.
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  34. - I had simpgang invite you to their new chat. It was my space. I finally had my spires friends without the spires. You wanted to be invited. I asked them immediately. You were in.
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  36. - I allowed you to trample my boundaries multiple times, especially in relation to spires. I even helped you in the group chat try to find something to help your situation in spires.
  37. There's probably more I'm moving past because I'm pressed on time. I see these all as selfless behaviors that either did not benefit me or hurt me in some way. Truthfully, I don't really want to argue about whether you think these are selfless or not. You may not think some of them are. That's fine. It's not the big issue here.
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  39. I feel the rate of return is not equal. I don't think it's fair that I have to come to you every time to ask you if you want to play a game or talk or hang out in some form. You've never invited me to a game, a chat, or a VC. I can understand not wanting to VC alone with us. We could have done it in the block or made it work. I feel as if you have never put forth the effort beyond saying 'no thanks, ask me next time.' You shot down Misuterii for spires. You shot down skribbl most of the time for spires. You shot down Minecraft because you didn't want to think of a solution to benefit us all. No conversations in the group chat. Our most pleasant experience has probably been in the waifu casino. Here's another one:
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  41. - I'm not going to kick you from the waifu casino after this. I said it's a place to keep your waifus, and I'm maintaining it.  You can leave if you like, but I will not be kicking you or taking your waifus.
  42. I know you have valid reasons for all of this. I understand them, and I am sorry. But at this point, it is just not working. I feel like this is one-sided. I feel like I'm killing myself just to be of little note to you. I feel like I am reliving my relationship with Dane with us as friends. I can't do that anymore. I feel like I've given ample opportunity for this to change.
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  44.  I'm not going to block you, either. I hope you will respect these boundaries and not abuse my lack of blocking. Please do not contact me in verdict OOC or IC. This really goes in any chat or game that we can help.
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  46. I hope you and Kristen and Kiki all stay well and have happy lives. I'm excited for you to get your new job and to move into your new place. Thanks for the advice on the bookstore.
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