Love poem for Tingle

A LOVE POEM FOR TINGLE
BY FUTANARIDAMACY

Oh Tingle my sweet,
Oh Tingle my love,
Your eyes are like raisins,
Covered in feces.
Seriously, you're fucking ugly as sins.

Oh Tingle you shit,
Oh Tingle you fuck,
Your nose is like that of a happy merchant,
You fucking jew.
Like holy fuck do you really need such a large payment?

Oh Tingle the fag,
Oh Tingle the bitch,
You wear a clock around your neck,
You stupid shit.
You are not Flavor Flav, you're more like a midget Shrek.

Oh Tingle the pain,
Oh Tingle the sphincter,
You're a thirty-five-year-old overweight midget who wears skin-tight clothing,
Is obsessed with fairies,
And holy fuck I can't even bear to describe you anymore.
You're just so horrible.  Fuck, man.  I don't even care about the poem anymore.  You disgust me, and forcing me to break you out of prison and give you money repeatedly to progress in the game was the worst thing that Nintendo has ever done.  Seriously.  I am putting this above releasing a timeline that upset everybody and even that time that Nintendo licensed out several Zelda characters and we got the fucking CD-i games.  Those at least provided some funny cutscenes, but you?  Tingle, you are without a doubt the worst character to ever appear in a Zelda game, probably also the worst to appear in any Nintendo game, and maybe even the worst character in any game, ever.  And the worst part is, you keep showing up.  It would have been fine if you were just some horrible character confined to one game, but you've been in almost every Zelda game since your first appearance in Majora's Mask, and you even have several games of your own.  That's right, it's not even one horrible spin-off, it's fucking four of them.  Meanwhile, we'll probably never get to see Saria again.  Fuck you, Tingle.  And also fuck you, Nintendo.  I hate you so much, holy shit.  Fuck you.  Fuck you.  FuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyDoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoOufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckNyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyouTfuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyouEfuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyou.