sign to def jam comedy

I want to film myself doing stand up, but I kind of have a face for audio recording, which is fine with me; there was a point in my life when all I had was a face for pre-webcam internet chat rooms. Luckily my acne mostly cleared up and I quit looking perpetually 14 years old. I could just record my comedy routines in a recording studio and add a laugh track. Then I could put some black guy’s face on the album and then finally live out my childhood dream of being signed to Def Jam. But then if my albums gained popularity, I’d have to hire the black guy on my album cover to lip sync my comedy live. But then what if something happened to that guy and in a tight pinch I had to go out on stage and perform my comedy routine myself? Do I try to pull it off by putting on black face? Is black face racist if I’m genuinely trying to trick people into thinking I’m black? It is? Oh right. I wouldn’t want to upset my Def Jam colleagues.