I fear of falling madly, deeply in love. The kind of love that people can see when they look at you. The kind of love where you are in constant state of happiness that makes your entire being ever glowing. The kind of love that brings out the best in you.

I fear of being in that state of love because it was also the kind of love that brought out the monster in me. Take it away from me and I will be the most selfish thing on Earth. I will vie to bring back my happiness, disregarding everyone that might be hurt from my struggles. I will be cold-hearted woman who will look at a small, insignificant negative thing and turn it into a black hole of unimaginable nightmare. I will close myself off not only from potential man who is willing to wait for me until I am ready to be in love again, and in process I will most likely close myself off from everyone else in my life.

I never want to put my guard down for people who only see me as a challenge. I am not a trophy to be won. I am not a task to be completed. I am a woman who has realized her worth far too early in life. I don't give half-assed love to people, romantic or platonic. I want to find a love that will drill through my walls and make me believe that they are willing to see me in my peak or in my lowest of the lows. The person who wants to build a future with me, not around me. The person who will let me be the uncontrollable being that I am, most likely all over the place because of my ambitions and passion but will also reign me in to not hurt myself in the process. The kind of person who will let me do it to him as well.