Unforeseen Consequences - Enter Accord.

Apr 11th, 2018
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  1. >“Rise an’ shine, ma dear girl. Rise an’ shine! no thon A wish tae interrupt yer slumber, really, ye leuk sae peaceful an harmonious in thon state, but dinner is ready an thare are matters thon A wish tae discuss wi ye in private.”
  2. >Hnnng! What the heck, dude? I don’t remember having an Scottish alarm! I frickin’ hate the accent and…
  3. “Ugh, my head! I swear, whoever smacked me just got himself in a world of… uh… now where the heck am I?”
  4. >This… this place really didn’t look like an office. I mean, I ain’t exactly an expert on this, but offices are lit by actual bulbs, not by a whole lot of candles placed on top of a super long dining table.
  6. >Sure, the higher ups liked to eat with silver stuff like this, but I don’t think their food is like this fish-smelling glue, or their wine is just muddy water, that’s more like what my old man likes to eat every now and then.
  7. >Okay, this place was giving me the creeps and I don’t see Starlight anywhere, so I think is time to leave…
  8. “UNGH!”
  9. >What the…? Who put these straps on my cute limbs? No wait… that ain’t the problem here, what really bothered me was…
  10. “What the heck, dude? Why is my magic not working?! Ungh! Let me go! Ugh! My head!”
  12. >“A'm sorry, ma dear girl, A will tak fou responsibility for the brutish way in which ye and yer friend are bein’ treatit, but ye have tae understand, thare wis na other way for us tae have a civilizit conversation.”
  13. >Hey, is it just me, or that dude sounds annoyingly familiar?
  14. “Listen dude, I’ve no idea what you said ‘cept for the conversation part. So, if you wanna chat, then please, go and ask your mom how to talk to a lady, maybe that way you’ll learn that the first thing you gotta do is to not be a creep and actually show your ugly face!”
  15. >“That’s a fair point, ma dear girl. Lurkin in the shadows is no polite or harmonious at aw. A shall reveal myself at once.”
  17. >AGH! Now there was too much light! Seriously! Didn’t that guy hear that my head was killing… me…?
  18. >Oh! You gotta be kidding me! It was him all along!
  19. “Daddy-O?! What the heck are you doing here?! And what’s the deal with that gentlecoltish suit? And the top hat? And the stupid cane? Did you go more senile or something while I was gone? No wait, why are you even talking with that lame Scottish accent?
  20. >“I’m afraid ye got me confused, ma dear girl. A may leuk like yer father, but A assure ye, we share na relation other than our physical appearance.”
  21. >I wanted to call him on his lie, but… I know my old man, and his pranks ain’t like this. Heck, I’m not even sure this was even a prank. Everything was too orderly and tidy and creepy to by my dad’s work.
  23. >So, since I can’t bail on this dude… or just punch him, guess the only thing I could do was to follow his game… for now.
  24. “Uh-Huh, sure … so if you ain’t Discord, then who the heck are you? And where’s the whiny pink pony that was with me?”
  25. >“Ma name is Accord, spirit o’ order. A pleasure tae finally meet ye, ma dear Eris. Now, A’m sure ye have a lot o’ questions in yer mind, but let me begin bi saying, neither ye nor yer friend are in any danger, we juist wantit tae talk wi ye in a more harmonious environment.”
  26. “You just danced and jumped all over my question, dude. Maybe your top hat is squeezing your brain, so lemme ask you again: Where’s the other gal that was me before you smacked me in the head? See? Is not even that hard to understand … unlike your goofy accent.”
  28. >“The unicorn is safe in a different part o’ our factory, is juist that… hou dae A put it? it wad be more optimal tae introduce ye tae our company’s goals gin ye are separatit for now, an syne we’re both draconequus it wad be better gin A did the talkin wi ye.”
  29. “So you beat me up and tied me to this chair just because you wanted to tell me how awesome your company is? I’ll give you an advice, from draconequus to draconequus… you’re doing a pretty craptastic job at selling me whatever your company does.”
  30. >“I’m aware o’ thon, ma dear Eris, but believe me whan A say, you’re aboot tae get an offer ye can’t refuse.”
  31. “On offer I can’t…? Dude, is this company you keep babbling about a cover for the mafia or something? ‘Cuz you’re not exactly giving good vibes right now.”
  32. >“No at aw, is quite the opposite really. Mafia brings chaos an’ suffering, ma company is dedicatit tae spread harmony an fulfillit lives. Hou can we dae such thing, ye speir? Well, ma dear Eris, they say a picture is worth more than a thousand words.”
  34. >Oh, look! This Accord guy had one of those little bells that rich ponies use to call their slaves, aaand a door opened behind him! Cool! I know now where I have to go when I escape.
  35. >I wonder who those two ponies are tho. There’s too much light to really tell anything, but one of them gotta be a giraffe or something. I mean, she was sooo tall!
  36. >MMM! Maybe if I squint my eyes a bit and try really hard I may get… an…
  37. “Oh, my gosh! You gotta be kidding me! You just gotta!”
  38. >L-Luna and Celestia! They were Luna and Celestia but with business suits! Which actually looked pretty well on those two, really helped to show their slick figures.
  39. >BUT I STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON! This totally wasn’t in the show, dude!
  41. >“President Accord, sir. I know you must be getting impatient, but the analysis of this world has proven to be more complicated than expected” WHY WAS CELESTIA CALLING THIS LAME-O LIKE HE WAS HER SUPERIOR! “So in light of these setbacks, I must ask you to please give me and my sister more time to finish our full report.”
  42. >“Oh, that’s quite alricht ma lads. A completely understand hou difficult yer job micht be at this moment, sae please whatever time is necessary for thon report tae be perfect. A juist callit ye sae our lovely guest coud get a better idea aboot whit our company entails. Ye are more than free tae gae now.”
  44. >“Oh, in that case, with your permission Luna and I will be leaving to continue our research and analysis.”
  45. >And… they just left… to continue with their work… because Luna and Celestia now work for this Accord guy.
  46. >Dude, this seriously wasn’t in the show, maybe this Accord dude was like, a villain for a later season?
  47. “I… I don’t… what the heck was… Alright! You have A LOT of explaining to do! And you better not go in circles this time, ‘cuz I’m seriously getting peeved off by this company talk garbage!””
  48. >“A thoucht it wad be quite obvious bi this point, but very well, A suppose thon there’s still some gaps thon neit tae be fillit but don’t worry, ma dear Eris. A will be direct from here on oot.”
  49. “You better be!”
  51. >“O’ course! Sae let me start from the top. As ye may realize ma dear, i’m no from this dimension. Ye see, ma Equestria usit tae be very similar tae yours, a place where disorder lurkit wis practically everywhere. Thon is no tae say thon it didn’t have positive qualities, no at aw, but the negatives far outweichit the positives.”
  52. >Exposition… I hate, hate, HATE exposition! It’s always so lame and booooring!
  53. “Oh, brother! You don’t need to tell me where this is going, ‘cuz I already figured your ugly butt out! You showed up one day and used your power to take over the whole business. Seriously dude, this is soooo cliché!”
  54. >“Despite the sarcasm, you’re no entirely wrong, ma dear, but wasn’t as easy as ye may think. While ma passion for pure order an’ harmony kept me motivatit tae reach ma goal o’ improvin Equestria. A must admit thon A simply lackit the correct strategy tae actually make a change.”
  56. “C’mon dude, I know what happened. You got your butt kicked by the alicorn sisters and their elements of harmony. Same thing happened to my old man… twice actually. Oh, you gotta tell me! Did you get slapped by Purple and her friends too?”
  57. >“Oh, na, na, na ma dear! You’re misunderstandin’ me! i’m a spirit o’ order an’ order means harmony, the elements don’t work against me, is actually the opposite, they serve ma ivery order. The problem is thon A coud niver find a way tae get i charge without gettin involvit intae a physical ficht.”
  58. “So you were scared of getting your ugly suit and hat dirty? Pffft! Give me a break, dude! You sound like you’re lazier than my daddy-O and he can’t even lift his socks from the floor.”
  59. >“Seizin power like a brute is the exact opposite o’ order an harmony. Sae e'en whan A haed the power, A coud dae nothin but watch Equestria becomin more an more insufferable wi ilka passin century. Ay, indeed, the situation wis ower desperate for poor accord, sae much thon A startit thinkin aboot takin the power for myself wi a swift strike, order an harmony be blastit. After aw, wha coud stop me? Luckily, A met thaim before it got ower late, an that’s whan things startit tae get better.”
  61. “So, you’re in cahoots with somepony else. Well dude, I can already tell who you’re talking about. Yeah, you can’t fool Eris! You somehow got a certain annoying purple unicorn and her band of actually cool comadres to help you with this company shtick!”
  62. >“No at aw, ma saviors are entirely different ponies from Twilicht sparkle an’ her friends, in fact, A'm afraid A'v niver haed the please o’ meetin thae six ponies.”
  63. >WHAT?! No, seriously, WHAT?!
  64. >“Oh, don’t make thon face, ma dear! Ye will meet the lads later, A promise ye thon. Whit ye neit tae know richt now is this. Thae lads creatit the perfect strategy tae brin order an harmony intae Equestria without any ficht. Juist use the elements o’ harmony tae reshape the world intae whit A knew wad be the perfect utopia o’ order. Tae create the successful company o’ Harmony Inc.!”
  65. “Wait, wait, wait! Time-out, mister! Do you…do you really think that I will swallow that your company is actually Equestria?! ‘Cuz if you do, then that ain’t a funny joke, and I know all about jokes and pranks!”
  66. >“This is na joke, ma dear. Everypony in ma world now lives in perfect order an’ harmony bi bein’ employees o’ harmony inc. instead sufferin chaos an’ disharmony bi bein aimless scoundrels in Equestria.”
  68. “Riiiight… that’s a neato story, dude but, I’ve an idea! Why don’t you go back to that cool world you like so much? Y’know, have a cup of tea and rack up on those sick profits sounds waaaaay better than sticking around with losers like us.”
  69. >“Because the lads made me realize thon juist like any other company, harmony inc. needs tae grow at a constant rate, an’ our potential for growth back home became non-existent. That’s why we decidit tae expand our horizons tae other dimensions an’ we pickit yours as the startin point.”
  70. >Well, gotta give it props to this dude, he really thought like a cartoon villain. MMM! Maybe he was in the comics? Dunno, never bothered with those, I was more of a manga girl.
  71. “Uh-Huh… so I guess that’s corporate talk for “We are here to conquer your world” Geez, dude, you could’ve said that without blabbering all that info!”
  72. >“Harmony Inc. is a company, not a warmongering kingdom, so a forceful buyout would be a more appropriate term.”
  74. “It’s the same thing, dude! You just wanna take-over Equestria and enslave everypony!”
  75. >“Either way, ye simply don’t have the power tae stop ma company’s goals. Ye are a spirit o’ chaos, which means thon ye will disappear intae nothingness once A use the elements o’ harmony tae brin perfect order tae this world. A don’t want thon tae happen thouch, sae A will give ye twa options: One, become a member o’ our company an’ get aw the benefits thon comes wi it, or two… refuse tae join us an’ be banishit from existence. Is yer choice, ma dear.”
  76. >MMM! Okay Eris! I got an idea that will get our sexy butt outta this one! You just gotta follow my lead and remember the basics on how to get a job.
  77. “Oh! So you’re offering me a job then! Phew! And here I was thinking that you were gonna blow me up or something… A’ight! So! What are these benefits you’re talking about, and please don’t say “living” or some garbage like that. I’m talking about the real deal! Like, how are you planning to pay me!”
  79. >“Wi bits o’ course! But I’m gaun'ae be honest wi ye, ma dear. A didn’t expect thon ye wad agree sae easily or this fast. Gin anything, A wis thinkin thon it wad tak ye at least a couple o’ days tae come tae a decision.”
  80. “Oh, well! What can I say! I don’t like the idea of me getting blown up, especially after all the work I had to put on my mane to look THIS good… and I also like the idea of getting cash outta this, and speaking of dosh, tell me, how much am I gonna get for this?”
  81. >“The average wage for low class employees in harmony Inc. is around ten bits per month, but for ye ma dear, it will be thirty, wi the possibility tae increase yer salary up tae 0.5% in the first year basit on yer performance, an’ unlike most o’ our workin force, ye also get the benefits o’ havin’ three days aff o’ work ivery five years… non-paid, o’ course.”
  82. >Dude, that money can’t even get me a good sandwich back in Ponyville! Alright, Eris! Time to do what you always did when applying for a job! Bargain for more money!
  84. “Thirty bits?! Oh, no mister! Eris doesn’t work for less than forty!”
  85. >“Thon many bits are reservit tae hicher end jobs, which ye can achieve gin ye work hard enouch o course, the best A can give ye is thirty bits an’ an hour tae have lunch. Tak it or leave it.”
  86. >Well… this went as good as how I remember it being. Guess I should be glad this dude didn’t call security.
  87. “Meh, I’ve had worse jobs and is not like I gotta much room to bargain here. A’ight! You win! Thirty bits and lunch it is! So, why don’t you take out these things so I can sign whatever contract you have there?”
  88. >“Done! Now, please sign an write yer name here… here… yer initials here… an finally here”
  89. >Phew! It surely felt good to being able to move again, and would you look at that! I got my magic back! Hah! Now, let’s see that contract.
  91. >Geez, it was bigger than… well, any book in Purple’s library. Pffft! I ain’t gonna read that garbage! No sir! I have other plans!
  92. “Okay… I just gotta sign… SUCKER PUNCH!”
  93. >Hah! My extendible punch of chaos never fails, baby! Dude went down like a sack of rocks… hope I didn’t kill him tho, not that I care about him, I just don’t wanna deal with the interdimensional police.
  94. >Wait, he was snoring like a mother bear. Phew! I don’t have to hide the body and now I can actually do this
  95. “Take that! Nopony and I mean nopony tries to give Eris a job and lives without being punched in the face! Except for maybe Rarity… and Auntie Flutters… and Pinka… and Celestia… and the dork… oh, man! What am I doing?! I gotta find Motley and pronto!”
  97. >Alright Eris, you know how these places are! Go through the doors and down this gray and boring hallway with no windows and you’ll get to… the…lobby?
  98. “Holy-Molly! That Accord guy seriously wasn’t lying about his company!”
  99. >Cubicles, cubicles as far as my cute eyes could see, all of them had every single creature I’ve seen both in the show and in the real deal. Ponies, griffons, diamond dogs, you name it, all of them were dressed in boring office attires and typing like a bunch of zombies in old typewritters…
  100. “Dude, this is like, my worst nightmare…”
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