Eng Dead in a Week: Or Your Money Back (2018)

0
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:34,000
HD Movies application
Please, Support with Rating and Share :)

1
00:00:35,685 --> 00:00:40,685
Subtitles by explosiveskull

2
00:01:26,999 --> 00:01:28,198
I could
push you, if you want.

3
00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:29,800
Jesus Fuck!

4
00:01:33,698 --> 00:01:34,531
You
should be careful.

5
00:01:34,533 --> 00:01:35,600
You could kill yourself.

6
00:01:37,299 --> 00:01:38,133
Can I watch?

7
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:40,697
You can't stop me.

8
00:01:40,699 --> 00:01:41,967
No I wouldn't try.

9
00:01:44,532 --> 00:01:46,563
Can I ask why you're doing this?

10
00:01:46,565 --> 00:01:48,564
I mean jumping off a bridge?

11
00:01:48,566 --> 00:01:51,696
Look, I
don't mean to be rude,

12
00:01:51,698 --> 00:01:53,166
but could you, you know...

13
00:01:54,299 --> 00:01:55,664
Oh, sure, sure.

14
00:01:55,666 --> 00:01:56,600
Yes, yes.

15
00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:14,499
Are you going to be long?

16
00:02:15,532 --> 00:02:16,163
Duh!

17
00:02:16,165 --> 00:02:17,564
You've ruined the mood.

18
00:02:17,566 --> 00:02:19,164
I'm here to help you.

19
00:02:19,166 --> 00:02:21,898
You can help
me by leaving me alone.

20
00:02:21,900 --> 00:02:22,831
Sure?

21
00:02:22,833 --> 00:02:23,699
I could make this much easier.

22
00:02:24,899 --> 00:02:25,732
No?

23
00:02:26,832 --> 00:02:29,597
Well, it's your death.

24
00:02:29,599 --> 00:02:31,201
Here, I've got a card.

25
00:02:32,866 --> 00:02:33,700
There you are.

26
00:02:35,132 --> 00:02:36,165
If you need any help.

27
00:02:36,167 --> 00:02:40,596
Look, I appreciate
what you're trying to do,

28
00:02:40,598 --> 00:02:41,233
but

29
00:02:43,699 --> 00:02:44,599
I'm past help.

30
00:02:46,566 --> 00:02:47,600
Yes, well,

31
00:02:49,832 --> 00:02:50,666
good luck.

32
00:03:21,099 --> 00:03:25,466
(dramatic orchestral
music rising

33
00:03:43,065 --> 00:03:43,900
Hell.

34
00:03:52,865 --> 00:03:54,700
And you
didn't look down?

35
00:03:55,732 --> 00:03:56,866
I had my eyes shut.

36
00:03:58,066 --> 00:04:00,967
In a way
you're very unlucky.

37
00:04:03,199 --> 00:04:04,566
And what prompted this time?

38
00:04:06,065 --> 00:04:07,763
Must be something.

39
00:04:07,765 --> 00:04:08,699
You can tell me.

40
00:04:10,232 --> 00:04:11,963
Our lives are
a futile struggle

41
00:04:11,965 --> 00:04:14,233
to make sense of the senseless.

42
00:04:15,133 --> 00:04:16,100
Oh William.

43
00:04:17,666 --> 00:04:19,596
You can see my predicament.

44
00:04:20,733 --> 00:04:22,897
One of my lifeguards
is suicidal.

45
00:04:22,899 --> 00:04:24,467
That's hardly reassuring.

46
00:04:25,665 --> 00:04:28,199
I'm really trying to
understand William-

47
00:04:32,798 --> 00:04:34,964
you're not the only one
with problems you know.

48
00:04:34,966 --> 00:04:37,630
Yeah, the world is shit.

49
00:04:37,632 --> 00:04:39,229
But if you stare
all day at the shit

50
00:04:39,231 --> 00:04:42,033
then there's no wonder
you can only see shit.

51
00:04:43,265 --> 00:04:44,563
The trick is to find something

52
00:04:44,565 --> 00:04:45,866
that makes it appear bearable.

53
00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:48,196
You've got the
gun in your mouth,

54
00:04:48,198 --> 00:04:50,564
your finger on the
trigger but you think,

55
00:04:50,566 --> 00:04:51,666
"I've never eaten a Twix."

56
00:04:55,633 --> 00:04:56,563
What?

57
00:04:56,565 --> 00:04:57,497
It's about finding something

58
00:04:57,499 --> 00:04:59,466
to distract you from
the terrible reality.

59
00:05:00,799 --> 00:05:02,263
Like this job.

60
00:05:02,265 --> 00:05:03,664
I work in a leisure center.

61
00:05:03,666 --> 00:05:05,664
You're a lifeguard!

62
00:05:05,666 --> 00:05:08,596
What could be more important
than saving people's lives?

63
00:05:08,598 --> 00:05:10,531
But when did I
last save someone?

64
00:05:10,533 --> 00:05:11,163
Last year.

65
00:05:11,165 --> 00:05:12,098
Mrs Richards.

66
00:05:12,100 --> 00:05:13,663
She was in the shallow end.

67
00:05:13,665 --> 00:05:15,131
She was in distress.

68
00:05:15,133 --> 00:05:16,596
She could put her feet down.

69
00:05:16,598 --> 00:05:17,731
But she didn't.

70
00:05:17,733 --> 00:05:20,233
She was panicking
and you saved her.

71
00:05:23,699 --> 00:05:24,900
That's the problem, William.

72
00:05:26,232 --> 00:05:28,133
Besides your
questionable attitude,

73
00:05:30,566 --> 00:05:31,767
you need to be here!

74
00:05:34,899 --> 00:05:36,700
I don't think you're
suited to this profession.

75
00:05:38,532 --> 00:05:39,632
We have to let you go.

76
00:05:41,298 --> 00:05:42,766
Think of this as a good thing.

77
00:05:43,832 --> 00:05:45,766
Now you can concentrate
on your writing.

78
00:07:33,698 --> 00:07:34,830
Thank you for calling

79
00:07:34,832 --> 00:07:37,664
NRG gas and electrical supplies.

80
00:07:37,666 --> 00:07:40,596
If you've been disconnected
due to an unpaid bill,

81
00:07:40,598 --> 00:07:41,563
please press one.

82
00:07:42,199 --> 00:07:43,500
Yes, I was away.

83
00:07:45,598 --> 00:07:47,699
No I was hoping it
would be permanent.

84
00:07:48,933 --> 00:07:50,467
No I wasn't trying...

85
00:08:55,031 --> 00:08:56,564
Mr O'Neil?

86
00:09:06,198 --> 00:09:07,697
Mr O'Neil?

87
00:09:07,699 --> 00:09:09,663
I said 11 o'clock.

88
00:09:09,665 --> 00:09:12,166
It is now seven minutes past.

89
00:09:13,998 --> 00:09:14,831
Yes.

90
00:09:14,833 --> 00:09:15,665
Sorry.

91
00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:20,196
You said we could
discuss some options...

92
00:09:20,198 --> 00:09:22,197
I said we should meet at 11.

93
00:09:22,199 --> 00:09:25,196
I dare say it's
that casual attitude

94
00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:28,065
to arrangements that has led
to your current predicament.

95
00:09:31,699 --> 00:09:32,764
Tea?

96
00:09:32,766 --> 00:09:33,596
Sorry.

97
00:09:33,598 --> 00:09:35,162
Yes, thank you.

98
00:09:35,164 --> 00:09:37,566
Sorry, you're not
what I imagined.

99
00:09:40,566 --> 00:09:41,834
Meet many assassins do you?

100
00:09:43,632 --> 00:09:46,631
It's just I never
pictured a polo neck.

101
00:09:46,633 --> 00:09:47,897
What's wrong with a polo neck?

102
00:09:47,899 --> 00:09:49,196
My wife got it for me.

103
00:09:49,198 --> 00:09:50,631
What should I be wearing?

104
00:09:50,633 --> 00:09:51,664
I don't know.

105
00:09:51,666 --> 00:09:52,297
A cardigan?

106
00:09:52,299 --> 00:09:53,229
No!

107
00:09:53,231 --> 00:09:54,165
Hitmen don't wear cardigans!

108
00:09:55,365 --> 00:09:58,632
Well I'm so sorry I'm not
living up to your expectations.

109
00:10:04,798 --> 00:10:07,532
Are you sure
you're up to this?

110
00:10:10,099 --> 00:10:11,500
Let me tell you something.

111
00:10:12,932 --> 00:10:15,664
I've killed more people
than you've had hot baths.

112
00:10:15,666 --> 00:10:17,297
I'm the angel of death.

113
00:10:17,299 --> 00:10:19,597
I'm Abbadon the destroyer.

114
00:10:19,599 --> 00:10:21,530
I'm a one man euthanasia clinic.

115
00:10:21,532 --> 00:10:25,032
Only with me you don't
have to go to Switzerland.

116
00:10:26,565 --> 00:10:28,730
Ever been to Switzerland?

117
00:10:28,732 --> 00:10:29,664
No.

118
00:10:29,666 --> 00:10:31,596
And now you never will.

119
00:10:31,598 --> 00:10:32,930
If you're serious.

120
00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:33,763
I'm serious.

121
00:10:33,765 --> 00:10:34,996
How serious?

122
00:10:34,998 --> 00:10:37,631
Serious enough to
phone an assassin.

123
00:10:37,633 --> 00:10:38,862
That serious enough?

124
00:10:38,864 --> 00:10:40,663
How do I know you
are really serious

125
00:10:40,665 --> 00:10:43,263
and not just saying
you're really serious?

126
00:10:43,265 --> 00:10:47,098
When we met, on the bridge,
that wasn't my first time.

127
00:10:48,199 --> 00:10:49,597
Go on.

128
00:10:49,599 --> 00:10:51,162
That was the seventh.

129
00:10:51,164 --> 00:10:52,631
Tenth if you count
the cries for help.

130
00:10:54,565 --> 00:10:55,963
I tried hanging,

131
00:10:59,899 --> 00:11:00,897
gassing,

132
00:11:08,065 --> 00:11:09,533
booze and pills,

133
00:11:15,732 --> 00:11:16,732
electrocution.

134
00:11:21,065 --> 00:11:23,297
Oh, and I waked
into a main road.

135
00:11:23,299 --> 00:11:24,830
How did
you survive that?

136
00:11:24,832 --> 00:11:26,531
I was
hit by an ambulance.

137
00:11:26,533 --> 00:11:28,062
You couldn't be
in better hands.

138
00:11:28,064 --> 00:11:28,997
Great.

139
00:11:30,298 --> 00:11:31,162
Oh, Jesus Christ.

140
00:11:31,164 --> 00:11:32,466
You really do need me.

141
00:11:33,832 --> 00:11:35,896
I started to worry
that I might be immortal.

142
00:11:35,898 --> 00:11:38,599
I've never met
anyone I couldn't kill.

143
00:11:39,566 --> 00:11:41,467
Actually I wrote
a book on the topic.

144
00:11:43,532 --> 00:11:44,896
My Many Deaths.

145
00:11:44,898 --> 00:11:46,862
It's unpublished.

146
00:11:46,864 --> 00:11:49,532
Okay, so how do you
want this to happen?

147
00:11:50,733 --> 00:11:53,563
You're not going to
garotte me are you?

148
00:11:53,565 --> 00:11:55,531
I don't want to be garotted.

149
00:11:55,533 --> 00:11:56,830
What makes you think that?

150
00:11:56,832 --> 00:11:59,533
I'm getting a strong
feeling of garotting.

151
00:12:00,599 --> 00:12:01,962
Is it the polo neck?

152
00:12:01,964 --> 00:12:03,098
It's not helping.

153
00:12:04,698 --> 00:12:05,499
No garotting.

154
00:12:06,699 --> 00:12:07,533
You have my word.

155
00:12:09,998 --> 00:12:11,596
So, what are my options?

156
00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:16,096
Here, look, I've
got a brochure.

157
00:12:22,698 --> 00:12:25,597
So, you just hang
around bridges,

158
00:12:25,599 --> 00:12:28,929
trying to find clients?

159
00:12:28,931 --> 00:12:31,096
Bridges, cliffs,
tall buildings.

160
00:12:31,098 --> 00:12:32,896
Usual places.

161
00:12:32,898 --> 00:12:35,664
Killing yourself is a lot
harder than people think.

162
00:12:35,666 --> 00:12:36,632
Tell me about it.

163
00:12:38,065 --> 00:12:39,631
There's not much work
for a conventional hitman

164
00:12:39,633 --> 00:12:40,467
these days.

165
00:12:41,764 --> 00:12:44,233
All the Eastern Europeans
taking our jobs.

166
00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:46,830
But I had to meet
my quota somehow.

167
00:12:46,832 --> 00:12:49,599
So, you came along just at
the right time, as it happens.

168
00:12:53,032 --> 00:12:54,597
What about this one?

169
00:12:54,599 --> 00:12:56,729
Ah, the hero's death.

170
00:12:56,731 --> 00:12:59,630
This would be perfect.

171
00:12:59,632 --> 00:13:04,599
Killed saving the life of
a child, a beautiful nurse

172
00:13:05,299 --> 00:13:07,533
crying over my bloodied body,

173
00:13:08,665 --> 00:13:11,296
a small crowd gathered.

174
00:13:11,298 --> 00:13:12,466
Maybe they're clapping?

175
00:13:13,665 --> 00:13:14,962
Do you know a beautiful nurse?

176
00:13:14,964 --> 00:13:15,897
No.

177
00:13:15,899 --> 00:13:18,230
Do you have access to a child?

178
00:13:18,232 --> 00:13:19,066
No.

179
00:13:20,164 --> 00:13:21,663
Well I'm not
saying I can't do it,

180
00:13:21,665 --> 00:13:24,596
but there's a lot
of admin involved.

181
00:13:24,598 --> 00:13:25,729
And it's not cheap.

182
00:13:25,731 --> 00:13:27,696
What's your budget?

183
00:13:27,698 --> 00:13:29,062
Well, I've got
around two grand.

184
00:13:29,064 --> 00:13:30,296
Two thousand?

185
00:13:30,298 --> 00:13:34,232
I wouldn't reverse over you in
a Ford Fiesta for that money.

186
00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:37,866
Well what can you do?

187
00:13:45,632 --> 00:13:47,132
Quick and painless.

188
00:13:49,697 --> 00:13:50,530
Right.

189
00:13:50,532 --> 00:13:52,163
And even then I'm
doing you a deal.

190
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,533
For two grand, it's
usually quick but painful.

191
00:13:56,698 --> 00:13:58,029
How?

192
00:13:58,031 --> 00:13:59,263
Well, I'd shoot you.

193
00:13:59,265 --> 00:14:00,063
From a distance.

194
00:14:00,065 --> 00:14:00,996
One shot.

195
00:14:00,998 --> 00:14:01,898
You'd never see it coming.

196
00:14:08,631 --> 00:14:09,695
Okay.

197
00:14:09,697 --> 00:14:10,896
Deal.

198
00:14:11,732 --> 00:14:12,796
Excellent.

199
00:14:12,798 --> 00:14:14,663
Here we go.

200
00:14:14,665 --> 00:14:15,696
Standard contract.

201
00:14:15,698 --> 00:14:16,897
Name?

202
00:14:16,899 --> 00:14:17,930
William Morrison.

203
00:14:17,932 --> 00:14:18,863
Address?

204
00:14:18,865 --> 00:14:21,163
Flat three, 27 Drake St.

205
00:14:21,165 --> 00:14:22,500
Reason for wanting death?

206
00:14:24,964 --> 00:14:25,862
Why do you want to die?

207
00:14:25,864 --> 00:14:28,263
Is it terminal illness?

208
00:14:28,265 --> 00:14:30,233
Money problems?

209
00:14:32,999 --> 00:14:35,500
Do you ever wonder
what's the point?

210
00:14:37,098 --> 00:14:38,162
Frequently.

211
00:14:38,164 --> 00:14:39,632
What's the point of me?

212
00:14:40,565 --> 00:14:41,897
Why am I here?

213
00:14:41,899 --> 00:14:43,795
What am I contributing?

214
00:14:43,797 --> 00:14:45,763
I think about that all the time.

215
00:14:47,797 --> 00:14:49,732
Over and over and over.

216
00:14:52,131 --> 00:14:54,562
And I want to
switch my brain off,

217
00:14:54,564 --> 00:14:58,965
but it builds until
it becomes unbearable.

218
00:14:59,964 --> 00:15:02,030
It's like my brain is on fire,

219
00:15:02,032 --> 00:15:03,663
like it's burning
from the inside.

220
00:15:03,665 --> 00:15:05,599
And I want it to
stop, to feel nothing.

221
00:15:07,598 --> 00:15:09,566
I've never talked to
anyone about this.

222
00:15:11,231 --> 00:15:12,962
We're already dying.

223
00:15:12,964 --> 00:15:14,132
Just very slowly.

224
00:15:15,564 --> 00:15:16,829
Life's one long terminal il...

225
00:15:16,831 --> 00:15:19,163
Yeah, yeah, look
it's a very small box.

226
00:15:19,165 --> 00:15:20,098
I'll write cancer.

227
00:15:21,565 --> 00:15:22,166
Okay.

228
00:15:23,665 --> 00:15:25,632
All right, sign here.

229
00:15:29,198 --> 00:15:30,196
Excellent.

230
00:15:32,898 --> 00:15:35,595
Well, congratulations.

231
00:15:35,597 --> 00:15:37,965
You've just signed
your own death warrant.

232
00:15:39,932 --> 00:15:41,630
When will it happen?

233
00:15:41,632 --> 00:15:42,430
Oh, anytime within a week

234
00:15:42,432 --> 00:15:44,729
of the money
clearing our account.

235
00:15:44,731 --> 00:15:46,097
All the money up front?

236
00:15:46,099 --> 00:15:48,562
Well we can't get
it afterwards, can we?

237
00:15:48,564 --> 00:15:50,762
But how do I know
this isn't a scam?

238
00:15:50,764 --> 00:15:52,663
Do you have any references?

239
00:15:52,665 --> 00:15:55,762
I'll give you a list
of graves you can visit.

240
00:15:55,764 --> 00:15:57,663
You pay the money
into an escrow account

241
00:15:57,665 --> 00:16:00,196
run by the British
Guild of Assassins.

242
00:16:00,198 --> 00:16:02,962
The money isn't transferred
to me until after your death.

243
00:16:02,964 --> 00:16:04,997
And if you're not
dead within a week,

244
00:16:04,999 --> 00:16:06,531
you'll get your money back.

245
00:16:07,631 --> 00:16:08,897
The Guild of Assassins?

246
00:16:08,899 --> 00:16:10,563
Never heard of it.

247
00:16:10,565 --> 00:16:12,662
We don't advertise.

248
00:16:12,664 --> 00:16:15,133
And the word of
mouth is limited.

249
00:16:16,631 --> 00:16:18,595
What's it like, a union?

250
00:16:18,597 --> 00:16:20,696
We're not bus drivers.

251
00:16:20,698 --> 00:16:24,563
It's a co-operative bound
by a strict code of conduct.

252
00:16:24,565 --> 00:16:27,062
An assassin is not
just a man with a gun.

253
00:16:27,064 --> 00:16:28,098
We're not murderers.

254
00:16:29,065 --> 00:16:30,065
We're professionals.

255
00:16:31,564 --> 00:16:32,531
And what do I do?

256
00:16:33,598 --> 00:16:35,596
Do what you normally do.

257
00:16:35,598 --> 00:16:37,629
Just don't hide in a
cupboard for the week.

258
00:16:37,631 --> 00:16:39,097
I don't mind, I'll
kill you anyway,

259
00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:41,499
but you'll regret it.

260
00:16:42,697 --> 00:16:43,532
Okay.

261
00:16:45,031 --> 00:16:45,866
Right.

262
00:16:48,265 --> 00:16:50,595
You seem like a decent man.

263
00:16:50,597 --> 00:16:52,096
I'm very happy to kill you.

264
00:16:52,098 --> 00:16:53,631
I'm very happy to die.

265
00:17:11,932 --> 00:17:12,862
Hello?

266
00:17:12,864 --> 00:17:13,632
Yes, it's Leslie.

267
00:17:16,165 --> 00:17:16,996
Hello, Les.

268
00:17:16,998 --> 00:17:18,196
Hi Wendy.

269
00:17:18,198 --> 00:17:19,698
I need to register
this contract.

270
00:17:29,565 --> 00:17:30,200
Look at that!

271
00:17:31,565 --> 00:17:32,632
Well done you!

272
00:17:33,664 --> 00:17:34,497
Just in time.

273
00:17:35,598 --> 00:17:38,062
Those assisted suicides
were a great idea.

274
00:17:38,064 --> 00:17:39,962
He's just needs to
transfer the money.

275
00:17:39,964 --> 00:17:41,063
He seemed keen.

276
00:17:41,065 --> 00:17:42,264
Depressed was he?

277
00:17:42,266 --> 00:17:43,696
He's another writer.

278
00:17:43,698 --> 00:17:45,062
Unpublished.

279
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:46,896
That's the trouble
with some people.

280
00:17:46,898 --> 00:17:48,063
They think too much.

281
00:17:49,565 --> 00:17:50,729
Is Harvey in?

282
00:17:50,731 --> 00:17:52,929
They're all at the conference.

283
00:17:52,931 --> 00:17:55,030
Didn't you get the newsletter?

284
00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:56,030
No.

285
00:17:56,032 --> 00:17:57,297
It's today and tomorrow.

286
00:17:57,299 --> 00:18:01,197
They're staying at
a hotel in Egham.

287
00:18:01,199 --> 00:18:02,766
Here's the schedule.

288
00:18:06,299 --> 00:18:07,563
Mmmm.

289
00:18:07,565 --> 00:18:08,829
Buffet lunch.

290
00:18:08,831 --> 00:18:11,632
So have you got the
Ruger Precision?

291
00:18:13,797 --> 00:18:14,695
No, Leslie I'm sorry.

292
00:18:14,697 --> 00:18:15,965
It's out at the moment.

293
00:18:17,565 --> 00:18:18,833
We've got plenty of handguns?

294
00:18:20,164 --> 00:18:21,662
Glock 17?

295
00:18:21,664 --> 00:18:23,232
Let me just get that for you.

296
00:18:33,198 --> 00:18:35,030
Ammunition is in the case.

297
00:18:35,032 --> 00:18:36,563
Can you have it
back by Thursday?

298
00:18:36,565 --> 00:18:37,466
Yeah, yeah.

299
00:18:39,797 --> 00:18:41,862
Have you still
got the Browning?

300
00:18:41,864 --> 00:18:45,062
No, no, I brought
that back last week.

301
00:18:45,064 --> 00:18:46,498
It's saying it's still out.

302
00:18:48,199 --> 00:18:49,466
Where is it then?

303
00:18:59,266 --> 00:19:00,530
Les?

304
00:19:00,532 --> 00:19:02,663
Did you get the Worcester sauce?

305
00:19:03,697 --> 00:19:04,762
Oh, Leslie!

306
00:19:04,764 --> 00:19:05,930
Well, I'll go now.

307
00:19:05,932 --> 00:19:08,264
No, no, it's not essential.

308
00:19:08,266 --> 00:19:10,030
Look, I'm sorry.

309
00:19:10,032 --> 00:19:11,566
Just be a bit bland.

310
00:19:12,532 --> 00:19:13,863
Well I will go.

311
00:19:13,865 --> 00:19:14,695
No, you're home now.

312
00:19:14,697 --> 00:19:16,130
Don't worry.

313
00:19:16,132 --> 00:19:17,166
I'll add some Bovril.

314
00:19:25,232 --> 00:19:26,066
Hello boys.

315
00:19:27,065 --> 00:19:27,966
How are you today?

316
00:19:29,864 --> 00:19:30,966
What's wrong with you?

317
00:19:31,932 --> 00:19:32,766
You all right?

318
00:19:34,531 --> 00:19:36,632
I thought we could
have it on trays.

319
00:19:42,064 --> 00:19:43,829
It's
hard to move quickly

320
00:19:43,831 --> 00:19:45,930
when you only eat plants

321
00:19:47,632 --> 00:19:49,532
It's a three-toed sloth

322
00:19:50,665 --> 00:19:52,732
The sloth hangs from
branches, eating plants

323
00:19:53,964 --> 00:19:55,529
Bland?

324
00:19:55,531 --> 00:19:56,498
Delicious.

325
00:19:59,931 --> 00:20:01,163
I don't know how I'm
going to finish this

326
00:20:01,165 --> 00:20:02,566
in time for the
Southern Counties.

327
00:20:04,765 --> 00:20:06,530
What I was thinking?

328
00:20:06,532 --> 00:20:07,599
You'll get it done.

329
00:20:09,064 --> 00:20:11,233
Sloths are not
exactly enthusiastic eaters,

330
00:20:12,597 --> 00:20:17,030
but meals takes up a sizeable
proportion of the day,

331
00:20:17,032 --> 00:20:18,899
it's a constant cycle.

332
00:20:20,131 --> 00:20:20,965
Yep.

333
00:20:22,531 --> 00:20:23,662
Bland.

334
00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:33,898
My life was long enough

335
00:20:39,198 --> 00:20:44,200
and full of distress.

336
00:20:44,998 --> 00:20:48,565
Unlike my death,

337
00:20:49,564 --> 00:20:52,565
which was quick and painless.

338
00:21:17,564 --> 00:21:18,997
The time is 8:19

339
00:21:18,999 --> 00:21:22,599
and now a summary of
this morning's news.

340
00:21:24,864 --> 00:21:27,596
This one goes the
whole way round.

341
00:21:27,598 --> 00:21:29,730
120 nights.

342
00:21:29,732 --> 00:21:31,630
Imagine,

343
00:21:31,632 --> 00:21:33,766
wouldn't that be incredible?

344
00:21:35,532 --> 00:21:38,162
There's places here I've
never even heard of.

345
00:21:38,164 --> 00:21:39,499
Nuku'Alofa.

346
00:21:41,664 --> 00:21:42,565
Nuku'Alofa.

347
00:21:43,965 --> 00:21:45,762
It's in Tonga.

348
00:21:45,764 --> 00:21:48,129
And they've got an offer
on if you book early.

349
00:21:48,131 --> 00:21:49,962
Listen love, about that...

350
00:21:49,964 --> 00:21:53,663
Oh Les, you said this year.

351
00:21:53,665 --> 00:21:55,762
You said that you were
going to retire this year

352
00:21:55,764 --> 00:21:57,062
and we could go
'round the world.

353
00:21:57,064 --> 00:21:58,863
No, I said I'd
think about retiring

354
00:21:58,865 --> 00:22:01,696
and I have thought about
it and I've decided

355
00:22:01,698 --> 00:22:03,599
that I'm not ready.

356
00:22:05,064 --> 00:22:07,195
Don't worry, the world will
still be there next year.

357
00:22:07,197 --> 00:22:09,129
But will we, Leslie?

358
00:22:09,131 --> 00:22:10,595
You should be enjoying life,

359
00:22:10,597 --> 00:22:12,662
not working yourself
into an early grave.

360
00:22:12,664 --> 00:22:14,262
I love my work.

361
00:22:14,264 --> 00:22:15,430
And what about Harvey?

362
00:22:15,432 --> 00:22:18,529
I thought he wanted to give
more work to the youngsters?

363
00:22:18,531 --> 00:22:19,430
He can do what he likes.

364
00:22:19,432 --> 00:22:21,562
I've already fulfilled
his stupid quota.

365
00:22:21,564 --> 00:22:22,696
You have?

366
00:22:22,698 --> 00:22:23,795
Yes.

367
00:22:23,797 --> 00:22:25,465
The money just needs to be
transferred, that's all.

368
00:22:27,164 --> 00:22:29,696
At least you can
be happy for me?

369
00:22:29,698 --> 00:22:30,763
Budgies can fly

370
00:22:30,765 --> 00:22:33,062
at over 90 kilometers per hour,

371
00:22:33,064 --> 00:22:34,730
and cover huge territories,

372
00:22:43,032 --> 00:22:45,262
Leslie O'Neil.

373
00:22:45,264 --> 00:22:46,529
Mr O'Neil?

374
00:22:46,531 --> 00:22:47,563
Yeah.

375
00:22:47,565 --> 00:22:49,161
It's William Morrison.

376
00:22:49,163 --> 00:22:51,263
I've transferred the money.

377
00:22:51,265 --> 00:22:56,465
But I have a few things
I want to do first,

378
00:22:57,765 --> 00:22:59,295
so I was wondering if you
could give me a rough idea

379
00:22:59,297 --> 00:23:01,030
in terms of timescale.

380
00:23:01,032 --> 00:23:03,796
William, this
isn't a good time.

381
00:23:03,798 --> 00:23:04,997
I'm at work.

382
00:23:04,999 --> 00:23:06,196
What?

383
00:23:06,198 --> 00:23:07,662
Right now?

384
00:23:07,664 --> 00:23:09,498
What, you're going to
kill someone right now?

385
00:23:10,797 --> 00:23:12,762
Wait, it's not me, is it?

386
00:23:12,764 --> 00:23:14,796
No, it isn't you.

387
00:23:14,798 --> 00:23:15,632
Oh.

388
00:23:16,698 --> 00:23:17,929
Bye, William.

389
00:23:42,898 --> 00:23:44,566
Book idea.

390
00:23:48,564 --> 00:23:53,566
An assassin who only kills
people who want to die.

391
00:23:55,230 --> 00:23:56,763
I was hoping it would be you.

392
00:23:56,765 --> 00:23:57,729
Have a nice death.

393
00:24:00,063 --> 00:24:02,596
He
holds death in his hand

394
00:24:02,598 --> 00:24:06,196
and delivers it with the
precision of a surgeon.

395
00:24:06,198 --> 00:24:08,096
I'm not quite dead.

396
00:24:08,098 --> 00:24:09,096
Oh my god!

397
00:24:09,098 --> 00:24:10,629
I'm so sorry, Mrs Rehmann.

398
00:24:10,631 --> 00:24:11,663
I'll have another go.

399
00:24:15,097 --> 00:24:17,196
Benevolently
shuffling lesser beings

400
00:24:17,198 --> 00:24:18,963
off their mortal coil.

401
00:24:18,965 --> 00:24:21,061
Oh, that's very good Penny.

402
00:24:21,063 --> 00:24:22,695
Oh, thank you, Clive.

403
00:24:22,697 --> 00:24:25,662
It will be if I
can get it right.

404
00:24:25,664 --> 00:24:27,663
- A
- hard-drinking enigma.

405
00:24:27,665 --> 00:24:30,195
Single malt his only companion.

406
00:24:30,197 --> 00:24:33,998
A man of action
and unique skills.

407
00:24:35,597 --> 00:24:38,798
Oh Les, you
didn't have anything else?

408
00:24:42,164 --> 00:24:44,763
He lies in wait,
ready to pounce.

409
00:24:44,765 --> 00:24:48,132
Stalking his prey with
a ruthless efficiency.

410
00:24:49,532 --> 00:24:50,863
A master of stealth.

411
00:24:52,597 --> 00:24:53,529
Do you want this?

412
00:24:53,531 --> 00:24:54,995
You don't want it?

413
00:24:54,997 --> 00:24:57,498
- A
- connoisseur of concealment.

414
00:24:59,631 --> 00:25:03,765
Moving in the shadows, he
sees all, but is never seen.

415
00:25:04,731 --> 00:25:06,629
The grim reaper.

416
00:25:06,631 --> 00:25:08,296
Abbadon the destroyer.

417
00:25:08,298 --> 00:25:11,699
To look at him is to look
into the face of death.

418
00:25:13,864 --> 00:25:15,763
A lone wolf.

419
00:25:15,765 --> 00:25:16,929
Taciturn.

420
00:25:16,931 --> 00:25:18,195
What the hell are you doing?

421
00:25:18,197 --> 00:25:19,630
I've only been gone
about five minutes.

422
00:25:19,632 --> 00:25:20,662
No, no.

423
00:25:20,664 --> 00:25:21,529
Sorry, Sir.

424
00:25:21,531 --> 00:25:23,065
It's already in the system.

425
00:25:24,064 --> 00:25:25,565
Oh to hell with you

426
00:25:26,697 --> 00:25:29,595
and your stupid hat and
your stupid scooter!

427
00:25:29,597 --> 00:25:30,665
Unknowable.

428
00:25:32,832 --> 00:25:34,499
He hasn't chosen this life.

429
00:25:35,964 --> 00:25:37,699
It has chosen him.

430
00:25:56,631 --> 00:25:57,829
Hello?

431
00:25:57,831 --> 00:26:00,263
Oh, is this
William Morrison?

432
00:26:00,265 --> 00:26:01,095
Yeah.

433
00:26:01,097 --> 00:26:02,196
Oh, thank god.

434
00:26:02,198 --> 00:26:03,532
You're not dead.

435
00:26:04,631 --> 00:26:05,629
I'm working on it.

436
00:26:05,631 --> 00:26:06,562
Well, that's great.

437
00:26:06,564 --> 00:26:08,529
I thought I might be too late.

438
00:26:08,531 --> 00:26:10,065
Sorry, who are you?

439
00:26:12,265 --> 00:26:15,162
My name is Ellie Adams and
I work at Steeden & Sons.

440
00:26:15,164 --> 00:26:16,296
The publishers?

441
00:26:16,298 --> 00:26:19,662
Yeah, I want to
talk to you about your book.

442
00:26:19,664 --> 00:26:20,729
What about it?

443
00:26:20,731 --> 00:26:21,731
I read it.

444
00:26:22,997 --> 00:26:23,830
Really?

445
00:26:23,832 --> 00:26:24,663
Yeah.

446
00:26:24,665 --> 00:26:25,596
The whole thing?

447
00:26:25,598 --> 00:26:27,128
Yeah.

448
00:26:27,130 --> 00:26:30,196
You're pretty fucked up.

449
00:26:30,198 --> 00:26:31,196
No offense.

450
00:26:31,198 --> 00:26:32,295
None taken.

451
00:26:32,297 --> 00:26:34,262
I want to set
up a meeting with my boss.

452
00:26:34,264 --> 00:26:35,098
How's next week?

453
00:26:37,197 --> 00:26:38,228
No!

454
00:26:38,230 --> 00:26:42,532
No, I can't, um,
anything sooner?

455
00:26:43,798 --> 00:26:45,262
Okay.

456
00:26:45,264 --> 00:26:47,563
Actually something just
canceled tomorrow lunchtime.

457
00:26:47,565 --> 00:26:48,795
How's that?

458
00:26:48,797 --> 00:26:50,595
Yeah.

459
00:26:50,597 --> 00:26:52,061
I should be able to make it.

460
00:26:52,063 --> 00:26:53,162
Perfect.

461
00:26:53,164 --> 00:26:54,996
Do you know Fantacci's?

462
00:26:54,998 --> 00:26:55,862
Yep.

463
00:26:55,864 --> 00:26:56,796
One o'clock?

464
00:26:56,798 --> 00:26:57,630
Okay.

465
00:26:57,632 --> 00:26:59,095
Great.

466
00:26:59,097 --> 00:27:00,595
Just please don't kill
yourself in the meantime.

467
00:27:00,597 --> 00:27:02,663
Or if you do, can
you let me know

468
00:27:02,665 --> 00:27:04,562
and I'll cancel the table?

469
00:27:04,564 --> 00:27:05,195
Thanks!

470
00:27:14,231 --> 00:27:15,065
Morning.

471
00:27:18,565 --> 00:27:20,696
Sorry, I was
having a sandwich.

472
00:27:20,698 --> 00:27:22,698
I just wanted to ask a favor.

473
00:27:24,063 --> 00:27:25,828
You're not having
second thoughts, are you?

474
00:27:25,830 --> 00:27:27,295
No, no, not at all.

475
00:27:27,297 --> 00:27:30,763
I just wondered if
we could postpone?

476
00:27:30,765 --> 00:27:32,262
Postpone?

477
00:27:32,264 --> 00:27:33,195
Yes.

478
00:27:33,197 --> 00:27:35,563
I had a call from a publisher's

479
00:27:35,565 --> 00:27:37,129
and they're
interested in my book.

480
00:27:37,131 --> 00:27:40,896
They wanted to meet me next
week, but I said absolutely not

481
00:27:40,898 --> 00:27:45,898
So we're having lunch at
one tomorrow at Fantacci's.

482
00:27:47,632 --> 00:27:48,562
Do you know it?

483
00:27:48,564 --> 00:27:52,296
But you still want to die?

484
00:27:52,298 --> 00:27:53,229
Absolutely.

485
00:27:53,231 --> 00:27:54,662
Because we have a contract.

486
00:27:54,664 --> 00:27:55,961
You can plead all you
like, lots of people do,

487
00:27:55,963 --> 00:27:58,530
but it's non-refundable.

488
00:27:58,532 --> 00:28:00,962
You did read the small print?

489
00:28:00,964 --> 00:28:04,765
You're only alive because
I haven't killed you yet.

490
00:28:05,698 --> 00:28:08,532
It will be a temporary hiatus.

491
00:28:09,598 --> 00:28:10,865
It would mean a lot to me.

492
00:28:15,230 --> 00:28:16,530
Okay.

493
00:28:16,532 --> 00:28:17,662
Sure.

494
00:28:17,664 --> 00:28:20,229
Thank you, I
really appreciate it.

495
00:28:20,231 --> 00:28:21,232
All right.

496
00:28:37,997 --> 00:28:39,629
Hello, sir,
can I help you?

497
00:28:39,631 --> 00:28:41,695
Hello, I have a
meeting with Ellie Adams.

498
00:28:41,697 --> 00:28:45,031
The young lady
sitting right there.

499
00:28:46,997 --> 00:28:47,831
Oh.

500
00:28:51,264 --> 00:28:52,595
Ellie?

501
00:28:52,597 --> 00:28:55,630
You didn't kill yourself.

502
00:28:55,632 --> 00:28:56,599
I managed not to.

503
00:28:58,164 --> 00:28:59,965
Brian is on his way.

504
00:29:01,298 --> 00:29:02,131
Tell me.

505
00:29:03,531 --> 00:29:06,829
You've thought a lot
about dying, right?

506
00:29:06,831 --> 00:29:09,262
More than most.

507
00:29:09,264 --> 00:29:12,764
Would you rather be eaten
by sharks or mauled by a bear?

508
00:29:13,831 --> 00:29:17,998
Uh, I think sharks.

509
00:29:18,964 --> 00:29:20,199
They seem more efficient.

510
00:29:21,597 --> 00:29:23,529
I wouldn't recommend lions.

511
00:29:23,531 --> 00:29:27,296
I tried jumping into the lion
enclosure at the zoo once,

512
00:29:27,298 --> 00:29:29,563
but all the lions were asleep.

513
00:29:29,565 --> 00:29:31,865
After 10 minutes I had
to climb out again.

514
00:29:34,997 --> 00:29:35,831
That's funny.

515
00:29:39,632 --> 00:29:41,529
Did you know that there are
more people killed every year

516
00:29:41,531 --> 00:29:45,562
by hippos than by lions,
sharks and bears combined.

517
00:29:45,564 --> 00:29:48,662
I mean, that's an
embarrassing way to die.

518
00:29:48,664 --> 00:29:50,762
To be killed by a hippo.

519
00:29:53,597 --> 00:29:55,598
My parents were
killed by a hippo.

520
00:29:56,997 --> 00:29:58,061
Oh.

521
00:29:58,063 --> 00:29:58,897
Sorry.

522
00:30:04,664 --> 00:30:05,928
I'm joking.

523
00:30:05,930 --> 00:30:07,565
My parents weren't
killed by a hippo.

524
00:30:08,897 --> 00:30:09,828
Oh, ha.

525
00:30:09,830 --> 00:30:11,563
They died in a car crash.

526
00:30:11,565 --> 00:30:13,061
So, your book.

527
00:30:13,063 --> 00:30:16,465
You're very interesting

528
00:30:19,097 --> 00:30:22,562
In a good way?

529
00:30:22,564 --> 00:30:24,096
Ah, here comes Brian.

530
00:30:24,098 --> 00:30:26,262
Well, you can tell him
from me he's a fucking moron.

531
00:30:26,264 --> 00:30:27,729
In fact worse, he's an idiot.

532
00:30:27,731 --> 00:30:29,263
A big fucking idiot.

533
00:30:29,265 --> 00:30:31,161
No, idiot is worse than moron.

534
00:30:31,163 --> 00:30:32,295
Idiot is the worst.

535
00:30:32,297 --> 00:30:35,562
Officially, it's a medical term.

536
00:30:35,564 --> 00:30:37,961
Extreme mental retardation.

537
00:30:37,963 --> 00:30:42,965
Idiot, imbecile, moron,
that's the sequence.

538
00:30:43,863 --> 00:30:45,599
Do you know what's after moron?

539
00:30:47,131 --> 00:30:47,961
Cretin?

540
00:30:47,963 --> 00:30:50,095
No, cretin is different.

541
00:30:50,097 --> 00:30:51,962
Cretin is more of
a physical thing.

542
00:30:51,964 --> 00:30:55,132
Just do it will you
or you're both fired!

543
00:31:01,863 --> 00:31:04,761
Your mum's not retarded
or anything is she?

544
00:31:04,763 --> 00:31:05,795
My mum's dead.

545
00:31:05,797 --> 00:31:07,229
Oh, thank god for that!

546
00:31:07,231 --> 00:31:08,161
That would have been awkward!

547
00:31:08,163 --> 00:31:09,829
This is Brian Bentley.

548
00:31:09,831 --> 00:31:11,096
My boss at the company.

549
00:31:11,098 --> 00:31:12,562
We love the book.

550
00:31:12,564 --> 00:31:14,262
Fucking dark.

551
00:31:14,264 --> 00:31:15,761
It's dull by the way.

552
00:31:15,763 --> 00:31:17,263
I wouldn't say that.

553
00:31:17,265 --> 00:31:18,661
Admittedly I haven't read
it, but Ellie loves it.

554
00:31:18,663 --> 00:31:19,594
Says it could be huge.

555
00:31:19,596 --> 00:31:20,829
Are you on Twitter?

556
00:31:20,831 --> 00:31:21,794
I meant after moron.

557
00:31:21,796 --> 00:31:23,795
Oh, the retards thing!

558
00:31:23,797 --> 00:31:25,529
Yeah, that's right, dull.

559
00:31:27,863 --> 00:31:30,196
You know, I once had a
girlfriend who was dull.

560
00:31:30,198 --> 00:31:31,595
Officially...

561
00:31:31,597 --> 00:31:32,595
We were talking
about William's book.

562
00:31:32,597 --> 00:31:33,828
Oh, yeah.

563
00:31:33,830 --> 00:31:35,296
So look, we want to
turn it into a sort of

564
00:31:35,298 --> 00:31:37,562
Idiots Guide to Suicide.

565
00:31:37,564 --> 00:31:38,962
What do you think?

566
00:31:38,964 --> 00:31:40,561
Not medical idiots obviously.

567
00:31:40,563 --> 00:31:43,229
I mean, I doubt those
guys can fucking read.

568
00:31:43,231 --> 00:31:44,232
It sounds awful.

569
00:31:45,564 --> 00:31:47,161
That's not really what, no,

570
00:31:47,163 --> 00:31:49,829
Brian meant that we
want to use the core of

571
00:31:49,831 --> 00:31:52,029
your book to give
a personal insight

572
00:31:52,031 --> 00:31:53,694
into the world of suicide.

573
00:31:53,696 --> 00:31:56,629
Have you really tried to
kill yourself seven times?

574
00:31:56,631 --> 00:31:59,228
10, if you count
cries for help.

575
00:31:59,230 --> 00:32:00,628
Jesus!

576
00:32:00,630 --> 00:32:02,162
You don't seem that disturbed.

577
00:32:02,164 --> 00:32:03,629
When Ellie told me about this
I thought you'd be trying

578
00:32:03,631 --> 00:32:05,829
to cut your wrists
with the bread knife.

579
00:32:05,831 --> 00:32:07,594
You know there's a
bravery in your writing

580
00:32:07,596 --> 00:32:09,762
to acknowledge that the world's
obsession with the banal

581
00:32:09,764 --> 00:32:12,628
is simply a distraction
from the nagging fear

582
00:32:12,630 --> 00:32:14,465
that our existence
has no meaning.

583
00:32:15,663 --> 00:32:18,662
People are discontented
and lonely.

584
00:32:18,664 --> 00:32:20,499
I think your book will
connect with them.

585
00:32:21,597 --> 00:32:23,562
Plus people love
shit that's depressing,

586
00:32:23,564 --> 00:32:25,832
makes them feel better about
their own crappy lives.

587
00:32:27,031 --> 00:32:29,561
Hey, do you really think
you will kill yourself?

588
00:32:29,563 --> 00:32:30,595
Probably.

589
00:32:30,597 --> 00:32:31,795
Great.

590
00:32:31,797 --> 00:32:33,598
Just thinking we could coincide
it with a paperback release.

591
00:32:34,730 --> 00:32:37,029
Well, if he's going
to do it anyway!

592
00:32:37,031 --> 00:32:41,694
I actually wanted to ask
about posthumous publication?

593
00:32:41,696 --> 00:32:43,695
Just hypothetically.

594
00:32:43,697 --> 00:32:46,594
We really want
to work with you.

595
00:32:46,596 --> 00:32:48,096
I'm so pleased
you like my book,

596
00:32:48,098 --> 00:32:50,961
but this guide idea,

597
00:32:50,963 --> 00:32:52,661
it sounds like a lot of work

598
00:32:52,663 --> 00:32:54,562
and I don't have much
time at the moment.

599
00:32:54,564 --> 00:32:55,928
Killing yourself
keeping you busy?

600
00:32:55,930 --> 00:32:57,662
You wouldn't have
to do it all yourself.

601
00:32:57,664 --> 00:32:58,861
Ellie would be your editor.

602
00:32:58,863 --> 00:33:00,561
If that's okay?

603
00:33:00,563 --> 00:33:03,028
This is great
opportunity, mate.

604
00:33:03,030 --> 00:33:05,132
Once in a lifetime, ironically.

605
00:33:06,297 --> 00:33:07,694
This is a chance
for you to say

606
00:33:07,696 --> 00:33:09,561
what you want and be heard.

607
00:33:09,563 --> 00:33:10,729
Yes.

608
00:33:10,731 --> 00:33:13,095
What is that exactly?

609
00:33:13,097 --> 00:33:16,096
That death is nothing to fear.

610
00:33:16,098 --> 00:33:18,628
It's what we all have in common.

611
00:33:18,630 --> 00:33:20,761
There is something
reassuring in that.

612
00:33:20,763 --> 00:33:23,630
Makes me feel less adrift.

613
00:33:29,098 --> 00:33:30,961
Jesus Christ!

614
00:33:30,963 --> 00:33:32,263
I'm not publishing your book

615
00:33:32,265 --> 00:33:35,529
just because you
need a fucking hug.

616
00:33:35,531 --> 00:33:37,595
It's got to sell.

617
00:33:37,597 --> 00:33:39,061
That's the problem these days,

618
00:33:39,063 --> 00:33:41,829
everyone feels a need
to express every detail

619
00:33:41,831 --> 00:33:43,161
of their pathetic lives

620
00:33:43,163 --> 00:33:45,228
to remind us of their existence.

621
00:33:45,230 --> 00:33:47,595
I tweet therefore I am.

622
00:33:47,597 --> 00:33:50,695
No one fucking cares!

623
00:33:50,697 --> 00:33:52,661
I'd rather shoot
myself in the head

624
00:33:52,663 --> 00:33:53,295
than have to listen to
the opinions of these...

625
00:33:56,864 --> 00:33:57,798
Oh balls.

626
00:34:03,031 --> 00:34:05,529
William, get down!

627
00:34:05,531 --> 00:34:07,828
Have a good death.

628
00:34:08,797 --> 00:34:10,929
What are you doing?

629
00:34:10,931 --> 00:34:11,765
Cock.

630
00:34:23,863 --> 00:34:25,562
I think it's stopped.

631
00:34:25,564 --> 00:34:27,595
Aren't you going to thank me?

632
00:34:27,597 --> 00:34:29,229
For what?

633
00:34:29,231 --> 00:34:31,095
I just saved your life.

634
00:34:31,097 --> 00:34:33,032
I'm having mixed
feelings about that.

635
00:34:35,030 --> 00:34:35,862
Jesus.

636
00:34:35,864 --> 00:34:36,698
Poor Brian.

637
00:34:38,863 --> 00:34:40,162
Do you think he's dead?

638
00:34:40,164 --> 00:34:41,698
Half his face was missing.

639
00:34:44,198 --> 00:34:45,498
There goes my book deal.

640
00:34:48,563 --> 00:34:49,795
You smoke?

641
00:34:49,797 --> 00:34:51,565
I didn't think anyone
smoked any more.

642
00:34:54,664 --> 00:34:57,528
You know this is a
non-smoking restaurant.

643
00:34:57,530 --> 00:34:58,730
I don't think they'll care.

644
00:35:24,931 --> 00:35:25,798
Leslie?

645
00:35:27,298 --> 00:35:28,565
Hello, love.

646
00:35:30,631 --> 00:35:31,698
What is it?

647
00:35:33,864 --> 00:35:34,832
Oh, it's nothing.

648
00:35:35,998 --> 00:35:37,729
After 36 years of marriage

649
00:35:37,731 --> 00:35:39,765
I think I know
something when I see it.

650
00:35:42,864 --> 00:35:43,665
Well I,

651
00:35:44,831 --> 00:35:46,998
I made a terrible
mistake at work.

652
00:35:47,997 --> 00:35:49,964
Oh Les, don't worry.

653
00:35:52,098 --> 00:35:54,562
Everyone makes mistakes.

654
00:35:54,564 --> 00:35:55,961
Not me.

655
00:35:55,963 --> 00:35:56,832
Not like this.

656
00:36:01,264 --> 00:36:02,565
Harvey's going to kill me.

657
00:36:03,564 --> 00:36:06,228
Oh, I'm sure he'll understand.

658
00:36:06,230 --> 00:36:08,865
I mean, it's not like
anyone died, is it?

659
00:36:14,264 --> 00:36:16,065
I'll put the kettle on.

660
00:36:19,530 --> 00:36:20,762
You'll never guess
who else is entered

661
00:36:20,764 --> 00:36:22,561
her cushion into the
Southern Counties.

662
00:36:22,563 --> 00:36:23,895
Who?

663
00:36:23,897 --> 00:36:26,695
Only Morag effing Bleasdale.

664
00:36:26,697 --> 00:36:28,562
Who's Morag Bleasdale?

665
00:36:28,564 --> 00:36:29,965
Who's Morag Bleasdale?

666
00:36:31,531 --> 00:36:33,129
She's only the best needlecrafter
in the home counties!

667
00:36:33,131 --> 00:36:34,162
She's won everything!

668
00:36:34,164 --> 00:36:36,162
There's no way I'll beat her.

669
00:36:36,164 --> 00:36:37,065
Yes, you will.

670
00:36:38,263 --> 00:36:40,196
I knew I shouldn't
have done a cushion.

671
00:36:40,198 --> 00:36:42,661
I'm out of my comfort zone.

672
00:36:42,663 --> 00:36:43,594
I would have thought a cushion

673
00:36:43,596 --> 00:36:45,128
would make it more comfortable.

674
00:36:45,130 --> 00:36:47,261
This is not a joke, Leslie!

675
00:36:47,263 --> 00:36:48,995
Morag Bleasdale!

676
00:36:48,997 --> 00:36:51,628
Not to mention Sue
Simmons, and Clive!

677
00:36:51,630 --> 00:36:53,029
Don't forget Clive.

678
00:36:53,031 --> 00:36:57,061
He beat me twice last year
and that was just local,

679
00:36:57,063 --> 00:36:59,096
this is the Southern Counties.

680
00:36:59,098 --> 00:37:02,228
As I say,
it's not about winning.

681
00:37:02,230 --> 00:37:04,829
And like I say,
it is about winning.

682
00:37:06,163 --> 00:37:07,728
I'm not cross-stitching
a cushion

683
00:37:07,730 --> 00:37:10,098
for 30 hours to come unplaced!

684
00:37:12,564 --> 00:37:15,096
You are better
than Morag Bleasdale,

685
00:37:15,098 --> 00:37:18,098
Sue Simmons and Clive.

686
00:37:19,296 --> 00:37:20,630
They're really good.

687
00:37:21,564 --> 00:37:23,864
But you are better.

688
00:37:25,230 --> 00:37:26,231
Thank you.

689
00:37:31,563 --> 00:37:32,828
What are you doing?

690
00:37:32,830 --> 00:37:35,530
I'm just checking something.

691
00:37:38,297 --> 00:37:40,795
Now tell me
what happened at work

692
00:37:40,797 --> 00:37:42,465
and what I can do to help.

693
00:37:43,730 --> 00:37:45,862
No, that's all right, love.

694
00:37:45,864 --> 00:37:46,998
I'll sort it myself.

695
00:37:51,229 --> 00:37:55,832
To miss once was unlucky,
to miss again, unthinkable.

696
00:37:59,796 --> 00:38:02,662
Since signing the contract,

697
00:38:02,664 --> 00:38:04,665
his problems hadn't
seemed so bad,

698
00:38:05,864 --> 00:38:06,964
except one.

699
00:38:08,531 --> 00:38:09,965
And that could
happen at any moment.

700
00:38:30,063 --> 00:38:31,794
Hey.

701
00:38:31,796 --> 00:38:34,529
How do
you know where I live?

702
00:38:34,531 --> 00:38:35,562
It was on your manuscript.

703
00:38:44,530 --> 00:38:46,931
I thought we could
start work on your book.

704
00:38:47,797 --> 00:38:48,761
But I thought...

705
00:38:48,763 --> 00:38:50,097
I've got nothing else on.

706
00:38:51,697 --> 00:38:53,961
I'm on compassionate leave.

707
00:38:53,963 --> 00:38:56,064
You know, for the trauma.

708
00:38:58,130 --> 00:38:58,965
Can I have one?

709
00:39:02,229 --> 00:39:04,160
And are you?

710
00:39:04,162 --> 00:39:05,661
What?

711
00:39:05,663 --> 00:39:07,230
Traumatized?

712
00:39:11,097 --> 00:39:12,231
Oh yeah.

713
00:39:13,796 --> 00:39:15,127
Totally.

714
00:39:15,129 --> 00:39:18,561
Yeah, a man was shot
right in front of us.

715
00:39:18,563 --> 00:39:21,497
That's gonna, obviously it's...

716
00:39:23,163 --> 00:39:25,664
But I probably will
get promoted now, so,

717
00:39:27,197 --> 00:39:29,595
well, he was a total dick!

718
00:39:29,597 --> 00:39:31,262
And I mean, as I
said to the police,

719
00:39:31,264 --> 00:39:33,497
loads of people wanted him dead.

720
00:39:36,230 --> 00:39:38,528
Are you working
on something new?

721
00:39:38,530 --> 00:39:39,564
No, that's...

722
00:39:45,530 --> 00:39:48,194
Your know my friend does
these new writing nights.

723
00:39:48,196 --> 00:39:49,031
You should come.

724
00:39:50,263 --> 00:39:51,931
There's music, beer,

725
00:39:54,096 --> 00:39:55,564
other fuck ups.

726
00:39:59,897 --> 00:40:02,261
So how do you want this to work?

727
00:40:02,263 --> 00:40:03,262
I've had some ideas
on the structure.

728
00:40:03,264 --> 00:40:05,729
I think we should meet
every couple of days...

729
00:40:05,731 --> 00:40:08,731
That sounds great,
but I told you, I can't.

730
00:40:10,730 --> 00:40:11,595
Of course you can.

731
00:40:11,597 --> 00:40:14,128
No, I'm sorry.

732
00:40:14,130 --> 00:40:14,996
Do you really want to
be stuck in this flat

733
00:40:14,998 --> 00:40:16,762
your whole life?

734
00:40:16,764 --> 00:40:17,962
Look at it.

735
00:40:17,964 --> 00:40:19,194
It's no wonder you
want to kill yourself.

736
00:40:19,196 --> 00:40:20,294
You don't get it.

737
00:40:20,296 --> 00:40:23,695
I get that I
connected with your book

738
00:40:23,697 --> 00:40:25,798
and I think other
people will too.

739
00:40:27,597 --> 00:40:29,562
Isn't that what
you're looking for?

740
00:40:29,564 --> 00:40:33,531
Something to feel
less, what did you say?

741
00:40:34,697 --> 00:40:35,531
Adrift?

742
00:40:36,930 --> 00:40:38,928
But I...

743
00:40:38,930 --> 00:40:39,563
What?

744
00:40:42,062 --> 00:40:43,597
I have something to tell you.

745
00:40:45,597 --> 00:40:47,497
I employed the guy
who killed Brian.

746
00:40:53,531 --> 00:40:56,195
Why would you employ
someone to kill Brian?

747
00:40:56,197 --> 00:40:58,729
No, I employed him to kill me.

748
00:40:58,731 --> 00:41:01,231
But he missed and killed Brian.

749
00:41:03,997 --> 00:41:05,227
What?

750
00:41:05,229 --> 00:41:07,227
Well, I wasn't having
much luck on my own

751
00:41:07,229 --> 00:41:08,862
so I thought I'd outsource it.

752
00:41:08,864 --> 00:41:10,161
Outsource it?

753
00:41:10,163 --> 00:41:13,294
You outsource market research,

754
00:41:13,296 --> 00:41:14,995
you outsource website design,

755
00:41:14,997 --> 00:41:17,831
you don't outsource suicide.

756
00:41:18,830 --> 00:41:20,261
I did.

757
00:41:20,263 --> 00:41:22,564
What happens now Brian's
dead and you're not?

758
00:41:23,630 --> 00:41:24,464
I don't know.

759
00:41:25,229 --> 00:41:26,730
The contract lasts a week.

760
00:41:28,864 --> 00:41:29,928
Great!

761
00:41:29,930 --> 00:41:31,961
And what about our book?

762
00:41:31,963 --> 00:41:32,960
You know what?

763
00:41:32,962 --> 00:41:34,561
You have to postpone it.

764
00:41:34,563 --> 00:41:35,828
Post, what?

765
00:41:35,830 --> 00:41:36,794
Or call it off.

766
00:41:36,796 --> 00:41:38,227
I don't know.

767
00:41:38,229 --> 00:41:39,327
You got his number?

768
00:41:39,329 --> 00:41:41,630
You just, you call him and
tell him the deal's off.

769
00:41:43,097 --> 00:41:48,097
But I think it's a
non-refundable kind of thing.

770
00:41:48,831 --> 00:41:49,961
I signed a contract.

771
00:41:49,963 --> 00:41:51,161
Non-refundable?

772
00:41:51,163 --> 00:41:52,628
Mm-hmm.

773
00:41:52,630 --> 00:41:54,628
You've agreed to be
killed by a hitman,

774
00:41:54,630 --> 00:41:56,595
I doubt that's legally binding.

775
00:41:56,597 --> 00:41:57,598
Call him.

776
00:42:15,764 --> 00:42:16,598
Shit.

777
00:42:21,296 --> 00:42:22,694
Fucking thing.

778
00:42:28,063 --> 00:42:30,030
Um, hello.

779
00:42:32,030 --> 00:42:32,865
Hello.

780
00:42:34,097 --> 00:42:34,931
How are you?

781
00:42:36,962 --> 00:42:38,864
Yes, I'm fine.

782
00:42:39,831 --> 00:42:40,894
You?

783
00:42:40,896 --> 00:42:42,664
Good, thank you.

784
00:42:44,630 --> 00:42:48,695
In fact, I've been
thinking and I'm thinking

785
00:42:48,697 --> 00:42:50,565
that I might want
to call it off.

786
00:42:51,230 --> 00:42:52,064
What?

787
00:42:53,130 --> 00:42:54,595
Sorry about that.

788
00:42:54,597 --> 00:42:55,561
But you signed a contract.

789
00:42:55,563 --> 00:42:59,628
Yes, I know, but look,
things have changed...

790
00:42:59,630 --> 00:43:00,928
Didn't you read
the small print?

791
00:43:00,930 --> 00:43:02,561
We've got an agreement.

792
00:43:02,563 --> 00:43:03,762
We have a contract.

793
00:43:03,764 --> 00:43:05,194
It's not legally binding!

794
00:43:05,196 --> 00:43:06,594
Oh, Jesus Christ!

795
00:43:06,596 --> 00:43:07,794
Take some responsibility!

796
00:43:07,796 --> 00:43:09,562
I'm doing the best I can.

797
00:43:09,564 --> 00:43:13,695
I'm one kill away and now
you want to call it off.

798
00:43:13,697 --> 00:43:16,531
Oh look, I tell
you what, fuck you.

799
00:43:19,929 --> 00:43:20,765
We need to go.

800
00:43:38,129 --> 00:43:39,595
Oh!

801
00:43:54,296 --> 00:43:55,295
Here.

802
00:43:55,297 --> 00:43:56,131
What?

803
00:43:58,531 --> 00:43:59,794
Oi, what are you...

804
00:43:59,796 --> 00:44:02,529
No, I'm sorry but it's
already in the system.

805
00:44:02,531 --> 00:44:03,562
Oi!

806
00:44:04,197 --> 00:44:05,761
Go, go!

807
00:44:05,763 --> 00:44:06,729
Where are we going?

808
00:44:06,731 --> 00:44:07,894
I know somewhere!

809
00:44:20,029 --> 00:44:21,764
Oh, for God's sake.

810
00:45:21,631 --> 00:45:22,662
I'll do wine.

811
00:45:22,664 --> 00:45:23,598
You do fire.

812
00:45:30,929 --> 00:45:31,763
Hello, Les.

813
00:45:34,029 --> 00:45:34,863
Harvey.

814
00:45:36,930 --> 00:45:39,261
So, we're in a
bit of shit here.

815
00:45:39,263 --> 00:45:40,628
Harvey...

816
00:45:40,630 --> 00:45:41,227
You are the
source of that shit.

817
00:45:41,229 --> 00:45:42,561
You're a shit factory.

818
00:45:42,563 --> 00:45:44,793
An incontinent shit factory.

819
00:45:44,795 --> 00:45:46,227
But, I'm fixing it.

820
00:45:46,229 --> 00:45:47,529
How are you doing that?

821
00:45:47,531 --> 00:45:49,628
By shooting a traffic warden?

822
00:45:49,630 --> 00:45:51,161
That was an accident.

823
00:45:51,163 --> 00:45:52,629
You're a real black spot
at the moment, aren't you?

824
00:45:52,631 --> 00:45:54,661
Worse than the fucking A14.

825
00:45:54,663 --> 00:45:56,861
The problem, Leslie,
is that our business

826
00:45:56,863 --> 00:45:59,927
is life and death and we can't
afford to have accidents,

827
00:45:59,929 --> 00:46:01,860
understand?

828
00:46:01,862 --> 00:46:03,661
We're professionals.

829
00:46:03,663 --> 00:46:05,693
We don't miss.

830
00:46:05,695 --> 00:46:08,030
Whoever heard of an
assassin with a shaky hand?

831
00:46:09,530 --> 00:46:10,860
You don't see Michael
J Fox running around

832
00:46:10,862 --> 00:46:12,629
shooting people, do you?

833
00:46:12,631 --> 00:46:13,495
And why not?

834
00:46:13,497 --> 00:46:15,160
Because he'd be
fucking terrible at it.

835
00:46:15,162 --> 00:46:18,995
No, Michael J Fox sticks to
raising money for his charity.

836
00:46:18,997 --> 00:46:21,060
He doesn't even do
much acting anymore,

837
00:46:21,062 --> 00:46:25,928
which is a shame because I'm
a big fan of Michael J Fox.

838
00:46:25,930 --> 00:46:28,860
Back to the Future,
Secret of my Success...

839
00:46:28,862 --> 00:46:29,830
Stuart Little.

840
00:46:32,829 --> 00:46:33,661
Why mention that?

841
00:46:33,663 --> 00:46:34,861
Why bring that up?

842
00:46:34,863 --> 00:46:36,061
He's in it.

843
00:46:36,063 --> 00:46:38,262
Only the voice, only
the fucking voice.

844
00:46:38,264 --> 00:46:40,960
Now, if you'd said Doc
Hollywood, I'd agree with you.

845
00:46:40,962 --> 00:46:41,794
Teen Wolf.

846
00:46:41,796 --> 00:46:43,594
Teen Wolf, exactly.

847
00:46:43,596 --> 00:46:46,194
But he doesn't do films anymore

848
00:46:46,196 --> 00:46:47,128
because he knows
he's not up to it.

849
00:46:47,130 --> 00:46:49,228
Do you see what I'm saying?

850
00:46:49,230 --> 00:46:50,594
Not really.

851
00:46:50,596 --> 00:46:51,996
Let me explain.

852
00:46:53,130 --> 00:46:53,964
You're done.

853
00:46:56,962 --> 00:46:58,595
What do you mean?

854
00:46:58,597 --> 00:47:00,262
Okay,

855
00:47:00,264 --> 00:47:03,660
no there's no clearer
way I can say this.

856
00:47:03,662 --> 00:47:04,763
You are done.

857
00:47:06,531 --> 00:47:07,660
You can't fire me.

858
00:47:07,662 --> 00:47:09,595
You haven't made your quota.

859
00:47:09,597 --> 00:47:11,160
But I'm only one hit away.

860
00:47:11,162 --> 00:47:12,861
Listen Shakin' Stevens.

861
00:47:12,863 --> 00:47:15,060
You missed, twice.

862
00:47:15,062 --> 00:47:16,061
You've had a good run.

863
00:47:16,063 --> 00:47:17,198
But as of now...

864
00:47:26,097 --> 00:47:27,597
We even got you a present.

865
00:47:29,097 --> 00:47:29,964
Look at that.

866
00:47:31,130 --> 00:47:32,565
Fucking lovely.

867
00:47:36,063 --> 00:47:38,627
Wha, for shooting
a traffic warden?

868
00:47:38,629 --> 00:47:39,563
Come on!

869
00:47:39,565 --> 00:47:40,461
No one gives a fuck
about traffic wardens.

870
00:47:40,463 --> 00:47:43,161
No, you shot the womble
in the restaurant.

871
00:47:43,163 --> 00:47:45,861
This is the reason
the guild was set up

872
00:47:45,863 --> 00:47:47,895
and you've jeopardized
the entire thing.

873
00:47:47,897 --> 00:47:51,160
Rules, regulations, contracts,

874
00:47:51,162 --> 00:47:54,195
without those you're
just a tit with a gun.

875
00:47:54,197 --> 00:47:56,728
But the target ducked
when I took a shot at him.

876
00:47:56,730 --> 00:47:58,095
It could happen to anyone.

877
00:47:58,097 --> 00:47:59,660
To be honest it
could've been worse.

878
00:47:59,662 --> 00:48:02,465
There was a contract out
on the guy you shot anyway.

879
00:48:03,197 --> 00:48:04,028
Oh, Jesus.

880
00:48:04,030 --> 00:48:04,961
What are the chances?

881
00:48:04,963 --> 00:48:06,194
The universe works in ways

882
00:48:06,196 --> 00:48:08,529
that people like us
will never understand.

883
00:48:11,263 --> 00:48:12,465
Brian Bentley.

884
00:48:14,696 --> 00:48:16,498
Here, you can read all about it.

885
00:48:25,962 --> 00:48:26,831
So, um,

886
00:48:27,962 --> 00:48:30,560
if I completed the contract...

887
00:48:29,596 --> 00:48:30,462
Don't get cheeky.

888
00:48:30,464 --> 00:48:32,529
Pavel was furious
when he found out.

889
00:48:32,531 --> 00:48:34,696
He'd just put a
deposit on a new car.

890
00:48:38,030 --> 00:48:40,497
So, what happens now?

891
00:48:41,863 --> 00:48:43,128
You take your zimmer frame

892
00:48:43,130 --> 00:48:45,527
and fuck off into the
sunset of retirement.

893
00:48:45,529 --> 00:48:47,694
Just don't take up golf.

894
00:48:47,696 --> 00:48:48,764
Golf is for cunts.

895
00:48:50,096 --> 00:48:52,560
But if I finish this
contract I can make my quota.

896
00:48:52,562 --> 00:48:53,697
It's been reassigned.

897
00:48:57,196 --> 00:48:58,227
Who to?

898
00:48:58,229 --> 00:48:59,063
Ivan.

899
00:49:00,762 --> 00:49:01,629
Look at him.

900
00:49:02,795 --> 00:49:04,763
Like a fucking
bear with alopecia.

901
00:49:07,529 --> 00:49:09,231
They're hardcore,
these Russians.

902
00:49:10,264 --> 00:49:11,129
It's a different game now, Les.

903
00:49:11,131 --> 00:49:13,194
You're getting out
at the best time.

904
00:49:13,196 --> 00:49:14,262
But this is what I do.

905
00:49:14,264 --> 00:49:15,693
Not any more.

906
00:49:15,695 --> 00:49:16,627
This job means
everything to me.

907
00:49:16,629 --> 00:49:19,627
Killing people gives
me a reason to live!

908
00:49:19,629 --> 00:49:21,295
It's a terrible
thing, getting old.

909
00:49:21,297 --> 00:49:22,628
Please, Harvey.

910
00:49:22,630 --> 00:49:23,627
I'm begging you.

911
00:49:23,629 --> 00:49:24,561
It's so close.

912
00:49:24,563 --> 00:49:25,994
This is no way for me to go out.

913
00:49:25,996 --> 00:49:29,095
You can't fucking go around
fucking shooting people!

914
00:49:29,097 --> 00:49:30,895
It's not what we fucking do!

915
00:49:30,897 --> 00:49:33,961
What happened to you, Mr.
One-foot-in-the-fucking-grave?

916
00:49:33,963 --> 00:49:36,061
You were the best
and now look at you!

917
00:49:36,063 --> 00:49:37,261
Hanging around Beachy Head,

918
00:49:37,263 --> 00:49:39,995
handing out your
fucking business cards.

919
00:49:39,997 --> 00:49:41,465
It's desperate.

920
00:49:54,097 --> 00:49:55,161
There's no shame in it.

921
00:49:55,163 --> 00:49:55,964
We all get old.

922
00:49:57,197 --> 00:49:59,597
Now take the fucking clock.

923
00:50:03,862 --> 00:50:05,231
I'm not taking the clock.

924
00:50:07,596 --> 00:50:08,761
Take the fucking
clock, Leslie.

925
00:50:08,763 --> 00:50:11,897
Or you will find things getting
a whole lot fucking worse.

926
00:50:14,097 --> 00:50:14,931
No.

927
00:50:35,696 --> 00:50:37,231
He's
become a liability.

928
00:50:38,663 --> 00:50:40,863
Someone should shoot
him in the fucking head.

929
00:50:51,129 --> 00:50:51,930
Here.

930
00:50:54,596 --> 00:50:55,997
Did you try again?

931
00:50:57,595 --> 00:50:58,563
It passed.

932
00:51:01,795 --> 00:51:03,527
I failed to kill
myself so many times

933
00:51:03,529 --> 00:51:05,629
I began to think I
might be immortal.

934
00:51:06,863 --> 00:51:08,529
I guarantee
you're not immortal.

935
00:51:10,030 --> 00:51:12,198
You're just terrible at dying.

936
00:51:20,695 --> 00:51:21,629
Whose house is this?

937
00:51:23,996 --> 00:51:25,463
Ummm, no idea.

938
00:51:26,796 --> 00:51:28,295
What?

939
00:51:28,297 --> 00:51:30,560
I just really hope they
don't come home tonight.

940
00:51:30,562 --> 00:51:31,198
What?

941
00:51:32,596 --> 00:51:33,828
You can't go breaking
into people's houses!

942
00:51:33,830 --> 00:51:36,095
Yeah, and you can't go employing
an assassin to kill you,

943
00:51:36,097 --> 00:51:37,728
but shit happens.

944
00:51:37,730 --> 00:51:39,960
I'm sorry, okay?

945
00:51:39,962 --> 00:51:44,763
I thought it was the answer,
but it was a mistake.

946
00:51:46,796 --> 00:51:47,963
Relax, it's my house.

947
00:51:48,962 --> 00:51:49,863
I grew up here.

948
00:51:51,063 --> 00:51:54,464
It was my parents'
but now it's mine.

949
00:51:57,130 --> 00:51:58,497
How did they die?

950
00:51:59,696 --> 00:52:00,497
I told you.

951
00:52:01,197 --> 00:52:01,996
Car crash.

952
00:52:04,629 --> 00:52:05,231
God.

953
00:52:06,596 --> 00:52:07,597
I was dead too.

954
00:52:08,795 --> 00:52:10,864
For 10 seconds.

955
00:52:12,030 --> 00:52:12,864
Really?

956
00:52:13,963 --> 00:52:15,794
What was it like?

957
00:52:15,796 --> 00:52:17,063
It was only 10 seconds.

958
00:52:18,297 --> 00:52:21,697
Yes, but what
did it feel like?

959
00:52:24,629 --> 00:52:25,596
It felt like nothing.

960
00:52:26,663 --> 00:52:28,160
Literally nothing.

961
00:52:28,162 --> 00:52:29,697
A total empty void.

962
00:52:31,197 --> 00:52:32,031
Oh.

963
00:52:33,562 --> 00:52:34,596
My parents are dead too.

964
00:52:36,929 --> 00:52:38,660
Well, look at us.

965
00:52:38,662 --> 00:52:39,696
Two scarred orphans.

966
00:52:41,295 --> 00:52:42,497
They were crushed.

967
00:52:46,730 --> 00:52:47,664
Crushed?

968
00:52:49,930 --> 00:52:51,161
We went for ice cream.

969
00:52:52,963 --> 00:52:54,597
My parents were arm in arm,

970
00:52:56,963 --> 00:52:59,628
taking licks of each
other's ice creams,

971
00:53:01,795 --> 00:53:02,563
laughing.

972
00:53:05,296 --> 00:53:06,630
So much in love.

973
00:53:10,229 --> 00:53:11,863
They didn't see the piano fall

974
00:53:22,197 --> 00:53:24,464
Mum was splattered
all over the pavement.

975
00:53:26,830 --> 00:53:27,964
Dad was still alive.

976
00:53:29,562 --> 00:53:30,198
Dad, dad!

977
00:53:33,030 --> 00:53:36,864
He looked so surprised.

978
00:53:41,029 --> 00:53:41,864
Hold on, Dad!

979
00:53:43,262 --> 00:53:44,895
Come here, son.

980
00:53:44,897 --> 00:53:48,597
And I thought, "Oh
my god, this is it.

981
00:53:52,530 --> 00:53:56,629
"At this moment, on
the very edge of life,

982
00:53:57,596 --> 00:54:00,197
"he's about to give
me its great secret."

983
00:54:05,762 --> 00:54:08,063
But he just died.

984
00:54:10,730 --> 00:54:11,661
That's...

985
00:54:11,663 --> 00:54:12,894
That's life's great trick,

986
00:54:12,896 --> 00:54:15,895
to make you think
it'll last forever,

987
00:54:15,897 --> 00:54:18,597
that you might be the exception.

988
00:54:19,862 --> 00:54:23,563
That's what's so
unbearable, when you realize

989
00:54:25,695 --> 00:54:26,529
that you're not.

990
00:54:30,062 --> 00:54:30,896
Let's do it.

991
00:54:32,262 --> 00:54:33,793
What?

992
00:54:33,795 --> 00:54:34,627
Kill ourselves.

993
00:54:34,629 --> 00:54:35,464
What, now?

994
00:54:36,662 --> 00:54:38,163
Yeah, why not?

995
00:54:40,663 --> 00:54:42,828
Why are we struggling on?

996
00:54:42,830 --> 00:54:44,860
I mean, for what purpose?

997
00:54:44,862 --> 00:54:49,063
Best to just kill ourselves
now and get it over with.

998
00:54:52,062 --> 00:54:53,159
Up!

999
00:54:53,161 --> 00:54:53,996
Come on!

1000
00:54:58,662 --> 00:55:01,561
Though if there
are reasons to live

1001
00:55:01,563 --> 00:55:04,661
I'm not sure we'll find
them by killing ourselves.

1002
00:55:04,663 --> 00:55:06,496
Seems counter-intuitive.

1003
00:55:07,729 --> 00:55:10,561
I would think we would have
a better chance by living.

1004
00:55:10,563 --> 00:55:13,060
Living as much as possible.

1005
00:55:13,062 --> 00:55:14,863
Doing as much as possible.

1006
00:55:15,962 --> 00:55:17,930
Before a piano
falls on our heads.

1007
00:55:19,262 --> 00:55:20,828
But I'm sure you're right.

1008
00:55:20,830 --> 00:55:22,797
You have thought
about it more than me.

1009
00:55:27,629 --> 00:55:28,529
On three?

1010
00:55:32,695 --> 00:55:33,529
One,

1011
00:55:36,562 --> 00:55:37,197
two,

1012
00:55:39,229 --> 00:55:40,061
three.

1013
00:56:00,295 --> 00:56:02,496
Your feet are so cold!

1014
00:56:08,563 --> 00:56:10,629
What've you got that for?

1015
00:56:14,595 --> 00:56:15,763
I'm gonna book the cruise.

1016
00:56:18,129 --> 00:56:20,628
I don't want to talk about it.

1017
00:56:20,630 --> 00:56:24,226
I know you're upset,
but it's exciting.

1018
00:56:24,228 --> 00:56:26,827
The start of the
rest of our lives.

1019
00:56:26,829 --> 00:56:28,561
The start of the
end of our lives.

1020
00:56:28,563 --> 00:56:29,393
Oh, Les, that's a bit...

1021
00:56:29,395 --> 00:56:30,961
I just don't want
to talk about it.

1022
00:56:30,963 --> 00:56:32,928
It's retirement, that's all.

1023
00:56:32,930 --> 00:56:34,564
But it means I'm useless.

1024
00:56:36,129 --> 00:56:39,528
Think of all the new
experiences waiting for you.

1025
00:56:39,530 --> 00:56:40,828
You should learn to play golf.

1026
00:56:40,830 --> 00:56:41,660
Ugghh!

1027
00:56:41,662 --> 00:56:42,463
Golf is for...

1028
00:56:44,595 --> 00:56:45,426
I mean, look at this!

1029
00:56:45,428 --> 00:56:46,827
Look at this, do
you remember this?

1030
00:56:46,829 --> 00:56:50,528
You gave this to
me, Christmas, 1997.

1031
00:56:50,530 --> 00:56:53,661
Look, I was a the
top of my game.

1032
00:56:53,663 --> 00:56:57,660
I had dominion
over death itself.

1033
00:56:57,662 --> 00:56:58,496
And now?

1034
00:56:59,296 --> 00:57:01,464
I'm just waiting to die.

1035
00:57:02,663 --> 00:57:05,127
If I don't work, who am I?

1036
00:57:05,129 --> 00:57:05,964
What am I?

1037
00:57:07,295 --> 00:57:09,693
I mean, you must look at
me sometimes and think,

1038
00:57:09,695 --> 00:57:11,760
"Where's the man I married?"

1039
00:57:11,762 --> 00:57:12,895
You're right.

1040
00:57:12,897 --> 00:57:15,126
You're not the man I married.

1041
00:57:15,128 --> 00:57:18,094
The man I married didn't
wallow in self-pity.

1042
00:57:18,096 --> 00:57:20,860
He did things on his own terms.

1043
00:57:20,862 --> 00:57:22,661
I don't want to retire.

1044
00:57:22,663 --> 00:57:24,660
Not yet, I'm not ready.

1045
00:57:24,662 --> 00:57:25,694
Oh for god's sake!

1046
00:57:25,696 --> 00:57:26,530
Then don't.

1047
00:57:28,695 --> 00:57:30,528
I thought you wanted me to.

1048
00:57:30,530 --> 00:57:31,427
I do.

1049
00:57:31,429 --> 00:57:33,760
But not if you're
going to be miserable.

1050
00:57:33,762 --> 00:57:35,727
I want you to want it too.

1051
00:57:35,729 --> 00:57:38,261
Yeah, but I can't, Harvey is...

1052
00:57:38,263 --> 00:57:39,761
You've got to show him.

1053
00:57:39,763 --> 00:57:43,159
Finish the contract
and make your quota.

1054
00:57:43,161 --> 00:57:46,597
Show him you've still
got the killer instinct.

1055
00:57:49,563 --> 00:57:50,163
Done!

1056
00:58:09,896 --> 00:58:13,059
Could you choose
how to you wanted to die?

1057
00:58:13,061 --> 00:58:14,694
With Leslie?

1058
00:58:14,696 --> 00:58:15,827
Yeah.

1059
00:58:15,829 --> 00:58:16,959
Yes.

1060
00:58:16,961 --> 00:58:18,894
There were lots of options.

1061
00:58:18,896 --> 00:58:20,561
He had a brochure.

1062
00:58:20,563 --> 00:58:22,593
A brochure?

1063
00:58:22,595 --> 00:58:23,230
Yeah.

1064
00:58:24,595 --> 00:58:25,995
What did you choose?

1065
00:58:26,896 --> 00:58:29,193
Quick and painless.

1066
00:58:29,195 --> 00:58:32,094
I didn't want that, but
it's all I could afford.

1067
00:58:32,096 --> 00:58:33,561
What did you want?

1068
00:58:33,563 --> 00:58:35,593
I wanted to be hit by a truck

1069
00:58:35,595 --> 00:58:37,629
after pushing a
child out of the way.

1070
00:58:40,563 --> 00:58:42,160
What's wrong with that?

1071
00:58:42,162 --> 00:58:43,630
It's a bit extravagant.

1072
00:58:44,729 --> 00:58:46,528
I thought it was heroic.

1073
00:58:46,530 --> 00:58:47,329
It would mean something.

1074
00:58:48,729 --> 00:58:50,560
But it wouldn't
be real, would it?

1075
00:58:50,562 --> 00:58:51,461
Well...

1076
00:58:51,463 --> 00:58:52,993
And what if you hadn't
got there in time?

1077
00:58:52,995 --> 00:58:54,226
What do you mean?

1078
00:58:54,228 --> 00:58:55,361
If you hadn't
got there in time.

1079
00:58:55,363 --> 00:58:57,593
If you misjudged the speed
of the truck or something,

1080
00:58:57,595 --> 00:58:59,261
you'd put a child in danger

1081
00:58:59,263 --> 00:59:01,464
just so you could
have your dream death?

1082
00:59:02,595 --> 00:59:05,293
Well, uh, I guess
the child wouldn't be

1083
00:59:05,295 --> 00:59:06,361
in any real danger.

1084
00:59:06,363 --> 00:59:08,627
How could the child
not be in any real danger

1085
00:59:08,629 --> 00:59:10,596
if it's about to
be hit by a truck?

1086
00:59:13,262 --> 00:59:15,294
I don't know the details.

1087
00:59:15,296 --> 00:59:17,527
I guess the truck would
be going quite slowly.

1088
00:59:17,529 --> 00:59:18,827
So you'd be saving a child

1089
00:59:18,829 --> 00:59:20,593
that's not really in any danger

1090
00:59:20,595 --> 00:59:22,563
from a truck going quite slowly.

1091
00:59:24,129 --> 00:59:26,627
On a scale of things that
could be considered heroic,

1092
00:59:26,629 --> 00:59:29,029
I doubt that would
score very highly.

1093
00:59:31,195 --> 00:59:32,694
Hmmmm, I dunno.

1094
00:59:32,696 --> 00:59:34,661
What were the other options?

1095
00:59:34,663 --> 00:59:36,463
Oh, you know.

1096
00:59:37,629 --> 00:59:40,729
Shot in the head,
strangled, poisoned.

1097
00:59:41,961 --> 00:59:43,563
Anything more interesting?

1098
00:59:44,896 --> 00:59:46,896
Stung by a scorpion?

1099
00:59:48,096 --> 00:59:49,727
Melted in acid?

1100
00:59:49,729 --> 00:59:52,059
Drowned in slurry?

1101
00:59:56,096 --> 00:59:57,763
I've never met
anyone like you.

1102
00:59:59,596 --> 01:00:02,127
Now, see what you
could've missed out on?

1103
01:00:02,129 --> 01:00:03,831
And it only gets
better from here.

1104
01:00:10,062 --> 01:00:11,994
Did you take your pills?

1105
01:00:11,996 --> 01:00:13,093
You know what the doctor said.

1106
01:00:13,095 --> 01:00:14,661
I don't want you
getting excited.

1107
01:00:14,663 --> 01:00:16,528
Yes love, don't worry.

1108
01:00:16,530 --> 01:00:17,860
What time is Clive coming?

1109
01:00:17,862 --> 01:00:18,794
He should've been here by now.

1110
01:00:18,796 --> 01:00:21,126
We have to register by 10.

1111
01:00:21,128 --> 01:00:24,694
You really think it's up to
Southern Counties standard?

1112
01:00:24,696 --> 01:00:26,160
I'm not embarrassing myself?

1113
01:00:26,162 --> 01:00:27,794
Of course not.

1114
01:00:27,796 --> 01:00:30,527
I think it's up to
national standard!

1115
01:00:30,529 --> 01:00:31,660
I wish you were coming.

1116
01:00:31,662 --> 01:00:33,261
I've made you some sandwiches.

1117
01:00:33,263 --> 01:00:34,728
And a flask of tea.

1118
01:00:34,730 --> 01:00:36,226
And I thought, well,

1119
01:00:36,228 --> 01:00:38,629
I thought this
might come in handy.

1120
01:00:43,563 --> 01:00:45,660
Penelope O'Neil,

1121
01:00:45,662 --> 01:00:48,894
I don't think it is possible
to love you any more than I do

1122
01:00:48,896 --> 01:00:49,860
right now.

1123
01:00:49,862 --> 01:00:51,761
And you'll be back tomorrow?

1124
01:00:51,763 --> 01:00:52,993
Yeah.

1125
01:00:52,995 --> 01:00:54,293
I'll do lamb
cutlets for dinner.

1126
01:00:54,295 --> 01:00:56,193
Ahhh, my favorite!

1127
01:00:56,195 --> 01:00:57,661
Where are you going?

1128
01:00:58,296 --> 01:00:59,497
That'll be Clive.

1129
01:01:00,662 --> 01:01:01,693
Wish me luck!

1130
01:01:01,695 --> 01:01:02,664
Good luck.

1131
01:02:06,228 --> 01:02:07,728
See you tomorrow, boys

1132
01:02:58,062 --> 01:02:59,661
World's strongest man

1133
01:02:59,663 --> 01:03:02,060
and celebrity budgie
fancier Geoff Capes

1134
01:03:02,062 --> 01:03:05,129
in the studio to
discuss his recessive...

1135
01:03:32,195 --> 01:03:35,193
Now this, number three,
has a lovely kaleidoscope.

1136
01:03:47,695 --> 01:03:48,696
Hello, is it on?

1137
01:03:50,262 --> 01:03:51,563
Hello, yes, that's better.

1138
01:04:07,296 --> 01:04:12,463
And in third place,
number 14, Sue Simmons.

1139
01:04:12,996 --> 01:04:14,626
Well done, Sue!

1140
01:04:33,961 --> 01:04:35,792
And in second place,

1141
01:04:35,794 --> 01:04:40,293
not quite up to her usual
all-conquering standard,

1142
01:04:40,295 --> 01:04:42,527
Morag Bleasdale!

1143
01:04:42,529 --> 01:04:44,593
So sorry, Morag.

1144
01:04:44,595 --> 01:04:45,959
Well done, Morag!

1145
01:04:45,961 --> 01:04:46,792
Beautiful work.

1146
01:04:50,862 --> 01:04:53,627
But as we all know its
not the taking part,

1147
01:04:53,629 --> 01:04:55,560
it's the winning that counts.

1148
01:04:59,229 --> 01:05:01,994
So the winner of this
year's Southern Counties

1149
01:05:01,996 --> 01:05:04,859
Binnual Needlework and
Embroidery competition,

1150
01:05:04,861 --> 01:05:08,862
cushion category is,
drum roll please.

1151
01:05:18,196 --> 01:05:19,463
Hello, William.

1152
01:05:23,695 --> 01:05:24,926
How did you...

1153
01:05:24,928 --> 01:05:26,895
I told you
I was up to the job.

1154
01:05:28,061 --> 01:05:29,593
But
everything has changed!

1155
01:05:29,595 --> 01:05:30,497
I don't want to die.

1156
01:05:33,928 --> 01:05:36,496
The irony is not lost on me.

1157
01:05:37,629 --> 01:05:38,629
Who are you talking...

1158
01:05:39,594 --> 01:05:40,627
Oh.

1159
01:05:40,629 --> 01:05:41,559
Oh, great!

1160
01:05:41,561 --> 01:05:43,294
Now I have to kill you both.

1161
01:05:43,296 --> 01:05:44,227
No!

1162
01:05:44,229 --> 01:05:45,827
Please, she won't say anything.

1163
01:05:45,829 --> 01:05:46,659
Will you?

1164
01:05:46,661 --> 01:05:47,496
She won't.

1165
01:05:48,561 --> 01:05:49,159
I might.

1166
01:05:49,161 --> 01:05:51,859
No, you won't!

1167
01:05:51,861 --> 01:05:55,860
Okay, well, ummm,
you're definitely dying,

1168
01:05:55,862 --> 01:05:57,527
so let's get that
out of the way first,

1169
01:05:57,529 --> 01:06:00,560
and then I can work out
what to do with you.

1170
01:06:00,562 --> 01:06:03,528
So, um, have a good death.

1171
01:06:07,196 --> 01:06:08,592
Oh!

1172
01:06:08,594 --> 01:06:09,463
Sorry.

1173
01:06:20,161 --> 01:06:20,794
Oh.

1174
01:06:21,961 --> 01:06:23,660
Jesus, can't you turn it off?

1175
01:06:23,662 --> 01:06:25,060
Yes, I really
have to take this.

1176
01:06:25,062 --> 01:06:25,859
Sure.

1177
01:06:25,861 --> 01:06:27,094
Go ahead.

1178
01:06:27,096 --> 01:06:29,293
It's only my life that
we're dealing with here.

1179
01:06:30,528 --> 01:06:33,093
Hello, sweetheart?

1180
01:06:33,095 --> 01:06:35,626
Yes, uh, I'm sort of in
the middle of something.

1181
01:06:35,628 --> 01:06:37,060
Oh, Les!

1182
01:06:37,062 --> 01:06:37,927
Something terrible's happened.

1183
01:06:37,929 --> 01:06:39,194
What?

1184
01:06:39,196 --> 01:06:40,462
Is this about the
Southern Counties?

1185
01:06:43,096 --> 01:06:45,560
We've had a break in, Les.

1186
01:06:45,562 --> 01:06:47,563
There's papers everywhere.

1187
01:06:49,262 --> 01:06:52,528
And, Les, they've
killed the budgies.

1188
01:06:53,195 --> 01:06:54,560
What?

1189
01:06:54,562 --> 01:06:55,629
Is everything okay?

1190
01:06:57,196 --> 01:07:00,527
They look like
they've been crushed.

1191
01:07:00,529 --> 01:07:02,893
Ah, ah, all
right, I have to go.

1192
01:07:02,895 --> 01:07:04,860
Oh Les,
who would do this?

1193
01:07:04,862 --> 01:07:08,463
I'll work it out,
but ah, I have to go.

1194
01:07:13,629 --> 01:07:15,462
Someone killed my budgies.

1195
01:07:18,629 --> 01:07:19,463
Budgies?

1196
01:07:20,694 --> 01:07:21,792
Mm-hmm

1197
01:07:21,794 --> 01:07:22,629
I'm sorry.

1198
01:07:25,761 --> 01:07:27,660
So, where were we?

1199
01:07:27,662 --> 01:07:28,959
Ah, yes!

1200
01:07:45,228 --> 01:07:47,159
Who the fuck are you?

1201
01:07:47,161 --> 01:07:48,593
Well, thanks.

1202
01:07:48,595 --> 01:07:50,529
That guy was going to kill us!

1203
01:07:52,695 --> 01:07:53,529
Oh.

1204
01:07:55,996 --> 01:07:56,830
What?

1205
01:08:00,629 --> 01:08:03,163
Now, you shoot yourself.

1206
01:08:04,561 --> 01:08:05,692
What?

1207
01:08:05,694 --> 01:08:07,159
Why would I want to do that?

1208
01:08:07,161 --> 01:08:08,559
Or I shoot her.

1209
01:08:08,561 --> 01:08:10,626
Don't bring me into this.

1210
01:08:10,628 --> 01:08:11,627
Okay, okay.

1211
01:08:11,629 --> 01:08:13,160
Let's not...

1212
01:08:13,162 --> 01:08:16,692
Wait, why do I have
to shoot myself?

1213
01:08:16,694 --> 01:08:17,728
Why can't you do it?

1214
01:08:31,695 --> 01:08:32,562
For suicide.

1215
01:08:35,562 --> 01:08:37,027
You shot him

1216
01:08:37,029 --> 01:08:37,963
then you shot you.

1217
01:08:39,661 --> 01:08:40,529
I was never here.

1218
01:08:41,729 --> 01:08:43,563
Ah yeah, makes sense.

1219
01:08:44,528 --> 01:08:45,529
And you'll let her go?

1220
01:08:46,662 --> 01:08:49,026
Well then I have no incentive.

1221
01:08:49,028 --> 01:08:50,226
If you're going to
kill her anyway,

1222
01:08:50,228 --> 01:08:51,163
okay, okay.

1223
01:08:53,263 --> 01:08:54,527
Wait a minute.

1224
01:08:54,529 --> 01:08:55,893
You shot him with that gun

1225
01:08:55,895 --> 01:08:58,229
so he can't shoot
himself with this gun.

1226
01:09:01,694 --> 01:09:03,529
Yeah, she's got a point.

1227
01:09:06,528 --> 01:09:07,626
I don't understand.

1228
01:09:07,628 --> 01:09:10,628
You take this gun and
then you give me that one.

1229
01:09:20,529 --> 01:09:22,260
Okay, now shoot.

1230
01:09:22,262 --> 01:09:23,093
Okay, Jesus!

1231
01:09:23,095 --> 01:09:24,595
Just let me,

1232
01:09:26,628 --> 01:09:27,759
oh God.

1233
01:09:27,761 --> 01:09:29,127
Will, what are you doing?

1234
01:09:29,129 --> 01:09:30,660
Five.

1235
01:09:30,662 --> 01:09:32,959
I just want you to know...

1236
01:09:32,961 --> 01:09:34,693
Four.

1237
01:09:34,695 --> 01:09:35,960
I just want you to know
that ever since I met you

1238
01:09:35,962 --> 01:09:38,527
I haven't thought about
killing myself once.

1239
01:09:38,529 --> 01:09:39,893
Three.

1240
01:09:39,895 --> 01:09:41,592
Thank you.

1241
01:09:41,594 --> 01:09:42,229
Two.

1242
01:09:43,794 --> 01:09:44,692
One.

1243
01:09:57,794 --> 01:09:59,629
You killed my budgies.

1244
01:10:10,962 --> 01:10:12,462
I think he's dead.

1245
01:10:13,562 --> 01:10:14,596
Yeah.

1246
01:10:15,828 --> 01:10:16,795
Are you okay?

1247
01:10:18,262 --> 01:10:21,130
Oh, it's only a,
it's a flesh wound.

1248
01:10:24,628 --> 01:10:27,659
Well, I suppose we'd
better get on with this!

1249
01:10:27,661 --> 01:10:28,960
Oh fuck.

1250
01:10:28,962 --> 01:10:30,726
What, but you just saved him!

1251
01:10:30,728 --> 01:10:31,659
So I can kill him.

1252
01:10:31,661 --> 01:10:32,592
It's my contract!

1253
01:10:32,594 --> 01:10:34,692
It's not legally binding!

1254
01:10:34,694 --> 01:10:36,693
Oh, you're not
going to shoot me.

1255
01:10:36,695 --> 01:10:37,995
You can't even shoot yourself!

1256
01:10:40,227 --> 01:10:41,592
Oh, give it here.

1257
01:10:41,594 --> 01:10:42,660
Oh, this is
getting ridiculous.

1258
01:10:42,662 --> 01:10:43,759
Put the gun down.

1259
01:10:43,761 --> 01:10:46,159
You will not shoot that gun.

1260
01:10:47,029 --> 01:10:47,829
Whoa, careful!

1261
01:10:51,195 --> 01:10:52,995
Put the gun down.

1262
01:10:55,595 --> 01:10:56,692
You put the gun down.

1263
01:10:56,694 --> 01:10:57,659
I'm not putting the gun down.

1264
01:10:57,661 --> 01:10:58,493
Why would I put the gun down?

1265
01:10:58,495 --> 01:10:59,859
If you're not
putting your gun down

1266
01:10:59,861 --> 01:11:01,593
there's no way I'm
gonna put this gun down.

1267
01:11:01,595 --> 01:11:03,896
Then let's just stand here
until you bleed to death.

1268
01:11:05,228 --> 01:11:08,027
Leslie, I really
appreciate all your efforts,

1269
01:11:08,029 --> 01:11:10,192
but could we just call this off?

1270
01:11:10,194 --> 01:11:11,526
If it's about the money, then...

1271
01:11:11,528 --> 01:11:13,027
It's not about the money.

1272
01:11:13,029 --> 01:11:13,928
Then what is it?

1273
01:11:15,095 --> 01:11:16,760
I understand that you
have certain principles.

1274
01:11:16,762 --> 01:11:18,793
If I don't complete this
contract by next week,

1275
01:11:18,795 --> 01:11:22,559
I won't make my quota.

1276
01:11:22,561 --> 01:11:23,795
And then I'll have to retire.

1277
01:11:26,529 --> 01:11:27,463
Yeah well, umm,

1278
01:11:28,996 --> 01:11:32,560
uh, no, the only way
out of this is to, uh,

1279
01:11:32,562 --> 01:11:35,158
is to kill you both and
then say I never saw him.

1280
01:11:35,160 --> 01:11:38,029
Maybe then I'll be
able to keep my job.

1281
01:11:39,561 --> 01:11:44,562
If she puts her gun down,
will you promise to let her go?

1282
01:11:46,795 --> 01:11:48,229
My contract is with you.

1283
01:11:56,829 --> 01:12:00,026
I wanted to die because
I had nothing to live for.

1284
01:12:00,028 --> 01:12:01,862
And that's what I
was trying to find.

1285
01:12:02,995 --> 01:12:03,895
And now I found it.

1286
01:12:07,561 --> 01:12:09,196
And that's got to
be worth dying for.

1287
01:12:14,294 --> 01:12:16,059
You really think too much.

1288
01:12:18,961 --> 01:12:20,462
I want to thank you, Leslie.

1289
01:12:21,895 --> 01:12:24,626
You were there for me when
I really needed someone,

1290
01:12:24,628 --> 01:12:27,195
even though you were trying
to kill me at the time.

1291
01:12:28,227 --> 01:12:29,729
Yes, you're welcome,

1292
01:12:31,228 --> 01:12:33,760
but I still have to kill you.

1293
01:12:33,762 --> 01:12:35,026
Okay.

1294
01:12:35,028 --> 01:12:35,860
Wait!

1295
01:12:35,862 --> 01:12:36,894
Oh, Jesus Christ!

1296
01:12:36,896 --> 01:12:38,125
What?

1297
01:12:38,127 --> 01:12:39,593
What if we take
out a contract?

1298
01:12:39,595 --> 01:12:40,226
What?

1299
01:12:40,228 --> 01:12:41,063
On who?

1300
01:12:42,628 --> 01:12:43,626
You mean on whom?

1301
01:12:43,628 --> 01:12:44,462
On whom?

1302
01:12:48,562 --> 01:12:50,693
Retrospectively?

1303
01:12:50,695 --> 01:12:51,495
Obviously.

1304
01:12:54,528 --> 01:12:58,560
Well, this is, uhh,
utterly irregular.

1305
01:12:58,562 --> 01:12:59,960
Who's to know?

1306
01:12:59,962 --> 01:13:02,463
Then you'll have your
contract and make your quota.

1307
01:13:03,629 --> 01:13:04,796
What about the money?

1308
01:13:06,029 --> 01:13:08,193
I've got 2,000 pounds
in an escrow account

1309
01:13:08,195 --> 01:13:09,062
you could have.

1310
01:13:17,995 --> 01:13:19,996
Do you have any paper?

1311
01:13:21,562 --> 01:13:22,626
Yes!

1312
01:13:22,628 --> 01:13:24,029
Yes I do, I...

1313
01:13:33,028 --> 01:13:34,562
I don't need it.

1314
01:13:41,761 --> 01:13:43,463
We should take a
look at that ear.

1315
01:13:44,628 --> 01:13:46,595
I've probably got
some Savlon somewhere.

1316
01:14:11,695 --> 01:14:14,159
Wait, one thing I
don't understand,

1317
01:14:14,161 --> 01:14:15,830
how did you know where we were?

1318
01:14:17,028 --> 01:14:19,760
Well, uh, there was a
background check on you.

1319
01:14:19,762 --> 01:14:20,596
On?

1320
01:14:21,761 --> 01:14:23,126
There isn't a...

1321
01:14:23,128 --> 01:14:26,125
No, no, it wasn't you,
it was for your boss.

1322
01:14:26,127 --> 01:14:28,829
Apparently he was
very unpopular.

1323
01:14:30,194 --> 01:14:32,659
So he didn't
die because of me?

1324
01:14:32,661 --> 01:14:33,760
Oh, yes he did.

1325
01:14:33,762 --> 01:14:36,162
But someone would have got
to him sooner or later.

1326
01:14:37,562 --> 01:14:38,995
What are you going to do now?

1327
01:14:40,528 --> 01:14:42,596
I have an idea for a new book.

1328
01:14:43,694 --> 01:14:45,061
The main character at least.

1329
01:14:46,794 --> 01:14:48,462
You're a good man, William.

1330
01:14:49,629 --> 01:14:50,962
I'm glad I didn't kill you.

1331
01:14:52,060 --> 01:14:53,560
Thanks, Leslie.

1332
01:14:53,562 --> 01:14:55,193
I'm glad I didn't die.

1333
01:15:04,561 --> 01:15:05,628
Hello, what's this?

1334
01:15:08,594 --> 01:15:10,058
I was worried.

1335
01:15:10,060 --> 01:15:11,526
What happened?

1336
01:15:11,528 --> 01:15:13,529
Oh, you should
see the other guy!

1337
01:15:15,261 --> 01:15:16,560
So?

1338
01:15:16,562 --> 01:15:17,992
So?

1339
01:15:17,994 --> 01:15:19,195
The Southern Counties?

1340
01:15:23,662 --> 01:15:24,860
Ah, first place!

1341
01:15:24,862 --> 01:15:25,926
You got first place?

1342
01:15:25,928 --> 01:15:26,925
Yep.

1343
01:15:26,927 --> 01:15:28,692
And Morag Bleasdale?

1344
01:15:28,694 --> 01:15:29,629
Second.

1345
01:15:30,562 --> 01:15:31,763
That's fantastic.

1346
01:15:33,662 --> 01:15:35,560
It's just the
Southern Counties.

1347
01:15:35,562 --> 01:15:38,563
Ahhh, so now it's just
the Southern Counties!

1348
01:15:39,695 --> 01:15:41,195
Oh, I am so proud of you.

1349
01:15:58,695 --> 01:16:00,696
Hello
Penny, is Leslie home?

1350
01:16:19,895 --> 01:16:23,760
Penny, could you give me
and Harvey a minute, please?

1351
01:16:23,762 --> 01:16:24,693
You sure?

1352
01:16:24,695 --> 01:16:25,929
Yes.

1353
01:16:28,562 --> 01:16:30,593
Midsomer Murders
is on in a minute.

1354
01:16:37,829 --> 01:16:39,796
So, why are you here, Harvey?

1355
01:16:41,795 --> 01:16:42,629
You know.

1356
01:16:44,060 --> 01:16:44,894
No, I don't.

1357
01:16:45,861 --> 01:16:46,992
You know.

1358
01:16:46,994 --> 01:16:48,662
And I know you know.

1359
01:16:49,861 --> 01:16:50,763
I don't know.

1360
01:16:52,794 --> 01:16:55,225
Mr. Morrison is still alive.

1361
01:16:55,227 --> 01:16:56,061
Really?

1362
01:16:57,194 --> 01:16:59,159
And no one's heard from
Ivan the terrible hitman.

1363
01:16:59,161 --> 01:17:03,592
Well, you can't trust
these foreign kids, can you?

1364
01:17:03,594 --> 01:17:05,660
You should have asked
me to do the job.

1365
01:17:05,662 --> 01:17:07,593
What do you take me for?

1366
01:17:07,595 --> 01:17:10,925
I'm not one of your senior
fucking Alzheimer friends.

1367
01:17:10,927 --> 01:17:13,659
I'm actually a
little bit impressed.

1368
01:17:13,661 --> 01:17:15,229
I didn't think
you were up to it.

1369
01:17:16,228 --> 01:17:17,659
I told you.

1370
01:17:17,661 --> 01:17:19,527
Yeah, you did.

1371
01:17:19,529 --> 01:17:21,663
And I told you to take
the fucking clock.

1372
01:17:25,694 --> 01:17:27,094
You don't have to do this.

1373
01:17:28,261 --> 01:17:30,125
Have a bit of
fucking pride, eh?

1374
01:17:30,127 --> 01:17:31,663
No, I mean, um,

1375
01:17:35,227 --> 01:17:36,061
I mean this.

1376
01:17:37,662 --> 01:17:38,926
What is it?

1377
01:17:38,928 --> 01:17:40,592
It's a contract.

1378
01:17:40,594 --> 01:17:41,559
What?

1379
01:17:41,561 --> 01:17:42,159
On Ivan.

1380
01:17:42,161 --> 01:17:43,862
You must be fucking...

1381
01:17:50,160 --> 01:17:50,992
All right.

1382
01:17:50,994 --> 01:17:52,692
Where's the money?

1383
01:17:52,694 --> 01:17:54,959
I think you'll find two
grand of Mr. Morrison's

1384
01:17:54,961 --> 01:17:56,627
in the escrow account.

1385
01:17:56,629 --> 01:17:57,826
But that was...

1386
01:17:57,828 --> 01:17:59,628
No, he's still alive
so it's his money.

1387
01:18:00,794 --> 01:18:02,526
No, you can't take
on new contracts!

1388
01:18:02,528 --> 01:18:03,660
You're retired.

1389
01:18:03,662 --> 01:18:05,093
I hadn't made my quota!

1390
01:18:05,095 --> 01:18:06,059
Now I have.

1391
01:18:06,061 --> 01:18:07,959
You're taking the piss.

1392
01:18:07,961 --> 01:18:11,992
Why can't you just retire
like a normal fucking person?

1393
01:18:11,994 --> 01:18:13,195
I am an assassin.

1394
01:18:14,629 --> 01:18:17,862
That's what I do,
and that's who I am.

1395
01:18:19,228 --> 01:18:20,929
You're a fucking dead man.

1396
01:18:26,628 --> 01:18:27,995
Ah, like that is it?

1397
01:18:31,228 --> 01:18:32,462
Under the table?

1398
01:18:33,927 --> 01:18:35,559
Right now?

1399
01:18:35,561 --> 01:18:37,228
Right now under the table?

1400
01:18:38,761 --> 01:18:39,596
Take a look.

1401
01:18:51,594 --> 01:18:52,628
Fuck.

1402
01:18:53,595 --> 01:18:56,496
Now, wait a sec, all right?

1403
01:19:07,995 --> 01:19:08,825
Leslie!

1404
01:19:08,827 --> 01:19:10,093
Please, Penny.

1405
01:19:10,095 --> 01:19:11,125
Hasn't Midsomer
Murders started yet?

1406
01:19:11,127 --> 01:19:13,627
It was a bit grisly.

1407
01:19:13,629 --> 01:19:15,596
And I wanted to show
Harvey my cushion.

1408
01:19:17,161 --> 01:19:22,162
I won first prize in the
Southern Counties Biannual

1409
01:19:23,594 --> 01:19:26,792
Needlecraft and Embroidery
competition, cushion class.

1410
01:19:26,794 --> 01:19:27,791
Oh yeah.

1411
01:19:27,793 --> 01:19:30,058
What are they supposed to be?

1412
01:19:30,060 --> 01:19:33,992
They're turtle
doves, a mating pair.

1413
01:19:33,994 --> 01:19:38,192
Interesting thing about turtle
doves is they mate for life.

1414
01:19:38,194 --> 01:19:41,759
They stay together, grow old
together and when one dies,

1415
01:19:41,761 --> 01:19:45,062
the other one tends
to die soon after.

1416
01:19:46,095 --> 01:19:48,528
They absolutely need each other.

1417
01:19:49,629 --> 01:19:50,563
Sweet really.

1418
01:19:52,827 --> 01:19:53,661
Huh.

1419
01:19:58,094 --> 01:20:01,560
Is that for Les?

1420
01:20:01,562 --> 01:20:02,958
Look at that!

1421
01:20:02,960 --> 01:20:03,895
Oh!

1422
01:20:04,927 --> 01:20:07,992
Isn't that something!

1423
01:20:07,994 --> 01:20:09,061
Les?

1424
01:20:09,894 --> 01:20:12,025
Isn't that something?

1425
01:20:12,027 --> 01:20:14,758
I think he's a bit
scared of retirement.

1426
01:20:14,760 --> 01:20:17,593
But I said to him,
it's exciting.

1427
01:20:17,595 --> 01:20:19,726
Time to enjoy himself,
didn't I, Les?

1428
01:20:19,728 --> 01:20:22,058
The start of the
rest of our lives.

1429
01:20:22,060 --> 01:20:23,495
Isn't that right, Les?

1430
01:20:24,861 --> 01:20:27,758
Is that right, Leslie?

1431
01:20:34,262 --> 01:20:36,058
Did I tell you?

1432
01:20:36,060 --> 01:20:37,691
We're going on a cruise!

1433
01:20:37,693 --> 01:20:38,826
'Round the whole world!

1434
01:20:38,828 --> 01:20:40,862
Cape Town, Sydney,

1435
01:20:41,794 --> 01:20:43,560
Nuku'Alofa.

1436
01:20:43,562 --> 01:20:44,196
Hmmm?

1437
01:20:45,060 --> 01:20:45,926
It's in Tonga.

1438
01:20:45,928 --> 01:20:47,626
Ah.

1439
01:20:47,628 --> 01:20:50,825
It's a trip of a lifetime,
that's what they say.

1440
01:20:50,827 --> 01:20:53,929
Awww, thank you
for this, Harvey.

1441
01:20:55,127 --> 01:20:57,092
It'll look perfect
on the mantelpiece.

1442
01:20:57,094 --> 01:20:59,995
Isn't that kind of Harvey, Les?

1443
01:21:13,861 --> 01:21:15,529
Thank you, Harvey.

1444
01:21:24,529 --> 01:21:25,562
Anyway,

1445
01:21:28,593 --> 01:21:30,659
I'd best be off.

1446
01:21:30,661 --> 01:21:32,062
Leave you to your evening.

1447
01:21:33,227 --> 01:21:34,659
You not stopping
for tea, Harvey?

1448
01:21:34,661 --> 01:21:35,892
We've got herbal.

1449
01:21:35,894 --> 01:21:37,595
No, no, you're all right.

1450
01:21:40,694 --> 01:21:42,029
Enjoy your retirement, Leslie.

1451
01:21:44,561 --> 01:21:45,762
We're sorry to lose you.

1452
01:21:48,693 --> 01:21:50,658
Send our love to Sandra.

1453
01:21:50,660 --> 01:21:51,495
Mmm.

1454
01:22:04,027 --> 01:22:05,859
I'm not sorry.

1455
01:22:05,861 --> 01:22:09,627
I know you loved your job,
but it's not all you are.

1456
01:22:10,560 --> 01:22:12,692
At least not to me.

1457
01:22:15,261 --> 01:22:17,161
What would I do without you?

1458
01:22:19,560 --> 01:22:22,093
I'm just pleased I
didn't have to stick him.

1459
01:22:38,060 --> 01:22:39,895
So, uh,
did they like it?

1460
01:22:40,927 --> 01:22:42,293
Seemed to.

1461
01:22:42,295 --> 01:22:44,725
They love the
assassin character.

1462
01:22:44,727 --> 01:22:46,527
And they want to
meet you next week.

1463
01:22:47,660 --> 01:22:48,494
That's great.

1464
01:22:49,227 --> 01:22:50,825
You can make that?

1465
01:22:50,827 --> 01:22:53,627
Yes, I think I can make that.

1466
01:22:55,693 --> 01:22:58,694
So this living thing's
really not that bad, is it?

1467
01:23:01,160 --> 01:23:02,158
Well, you never
know when a piano

1468
01:23:02,160 --> 01:23:03,627
is going to fall on your head.

1469
01:23:15,694 --> 01:23:16,528
William!

1470
01:23:24,627 --> 01:23:25,461
William!

1471
01:23:29,528 --> 01:23:33,193
Call an ambulance,
call an ambulance!

1472
01:23:33,195 --> 01:23:34,029
William!

1473
01:23:34,994 --> 01:23:36,161
Is, is he...

1474
01:23:38,694 --> 01:23:41,525
What, yes, yes,
he's fine, he's fine.

1475
01:23:41,527 --> 01:23:42,962
You saved him.

1476
01:23:44,261 --> 01:23:44,894
What about you?

1477
01:23:46,561 --> 01:23:48,129
I've definitely felt better.

1478
01:23:49,660 --> 01:23:51,461
Here, lie down with me.

1479
01:24:01,261 --> 01:24:02,461
Are they clapping?

1480
01:24:06,527 --> 01:24:08,627
Yeah, they're clapping.

1481
01:24:14,195 --> 01:24:15,029
Perfect.

1482
01:25:15,184 --> 01:25:20,184
Subtitles by explosiveskull