Re: I'm tired

So I wanted to make a response to André's pastebin (http://pastebin.com/ayct9md3) via Twitter but I thought that would take way too many tweets, so I'm just throwing it here because this is where every speedrunner goes to dumps their feelings. Seriously, someone get Pastebin to sponsor a GDQ or something.

I share a lot of the same feelings as he does in certain situations, specifically about people being "friends" with you or liking you for running a specific game or franchise. I've seen it for years and I've seen it happen to specific people to. People associate your name with a game or franchise, and the moment you aren't doing something related to that game or franchise, you're a nobody all of a sudden. I'm the "KH" guy, same with Andre, Kirby's the "Metroid" guy, Cosmo is or was the "Zelda" guy, and same with ZFG. Hell, you can get even more specific than that. I'm actually the "2FM/343" guy apparently, and people apparently fawn over me going back to 2FM Crit. The day after I said I was going back after getting 246, I got nonstop questions and nagging basically equating to "Where's 2FM?" "You're streaming 2FM tonight right?" "When's the 2FM streams?" etc. I get it, it's natural to associate people with a game and want to see them playing that game, but I guess I haven't gotten over that. People constantly ask that question to me in chat and it still hurts to this day. It just makes me wonder why I'm even playing the game I am right now. I work my ass off and grind to get good at 1.5, only to see that people don't really care; they want to see 2FM Crit instead. But hey, if people only watch me for that specific game, fine, they don't matter to me. They aren't my actual friends. So forget them.

Pfft, if only it were that easy.

I also worry about the status of speedrunning and where it's headed, and André and I have had this discussion before. I think the biggest motivating factor for me getting into speedrunning, besides KH and everything, was because I wanted to be one of the "guys". I wanted to be one of "those" people at the GDQ's, doing the runs and giving cool commentary and having a fun time doing something for a great cause. I came to learn and admire great people that cared about speedrunning first and foremost. Unfortunately, I feel as if those people have disappeared and have been replaced by people that only care about making money or being an entertainer, and I seriously worry for future speedrunners. I looked up to people like Cosmo, Trihex, Sig, and so on when I started and I watched how they would grind out runs, talk to their stream about speedrunning, and how they showed effort and dedication into the hobby they loved. Who are people going to look up to now when they watch GDQ's or look at SRL's frontpage. Witwix? The mindset of speedrunning for some people has clearly shifted from caring about the hobby and optimizing their speedgame over to having a sick stream layout and entertaining people to get Twitch views and make money and make a living off of it. I mean hell, that's great if you can actually make a living off of this sort of thing, I'd love to do the same, but when you're the one setting the example for others who are interested in speedrunning, and you aren't genuinely interested except in the money-making aspect, I think that's a problem.

Anyways, this is about André, so I'm going to direct this next paragraph to him. I'm glad you made the decision to tell people about this, since it's clearly been bothering you. If I feared I'd lose all my friends because I didn't do a certain thing or hobby, I'd hate it, too. I hope you find something that interests you again, and I honestly think it will come to you, it just might take some time. I also hope I haven't become one of the sellouts you mentioned. Also, to the people who don't talk to André or people in general just because they no longer speedrun, stop it. It's a toxic mindset to just butt people out of your circle of friends just because they aren't doing the thing you want them to do. Friendships aren't based off that. And if people don't watch you or talk to you just because you don't play a certain game, fuck 'em. They probably aren't your real friends anyways. I hope this paste helps, and just know I'll always be there to talk with and support you.