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A Response To Squad Broken

a guest Jan 15th, 2019 257 Never
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  1. Deep within the darkened towers of the Rock, The Lion wrote. Stories of love, debauchery, and true mental horror. He did this every day, writing his stories. Unbenounced to him, his psychic power would cause stories involving lesser beings, generally those who are not primarchs, gods, or otherwise strong willed individuals, to experience the story as part of their actually life, which explains why there was briefly a romance between a salamander marine and a dark eldar succubus before both came to their senses and killed each other.
  2.  
  3. The Lion was in the zone now; he had been writing for seventeen days straight, and had not even been attended by his disturbing harem of lookalikes of his sisters. This streak of hot, disgusting writing was only broken by Asmodai entering the room and asking "My lord?"
  4.  
  5. "WHAT!?" The Lion stood, absolute fury plastered on his face. He had been writing a piece where Russ slept with her pet wolves and now his concentration was broken. Thankfully, this would mean he would burn the piece, but unfortunately would inspire him to write a hundred more like it to make up for what was lost.
  6.  
  7. "You, uh, there is some mail for you?"
  8.  
  9. "YOU INTERRUPT MY ART BECAUSE YOU HAVE A LETTER FOR ME YOU IMPUDENT WRETCH!?"
  10.  
  11. "It's fan-mail, sir. You said to come right away if-" Asmodai did not finish his sentence, because the Lion had plucked the letter from his hands and violently pushed him from the room. He had never gotten fan mail before. Bombs from his brothers and sisters disguised as fan mail, yes, but never actual mail. Carefully, he opened the envelope, sat down, and began reading something other than his own smut.
  12.  
  13. "Dear LionMaster69,
  14. I am writing you this letter because I simply loved your story Make Love Not WAAAGH!!, where the Ultramarines and Orks lay down their weapons to lay with each other in bed. However, as a loyal reader of yours, I feel I must voice constructive criticism. You see, Orkish genitalia is-"
  15.  
  16. What followed was a 16 piece essay on Orkish genitals, what the green skins do with their floppy bits, and, if they were to express romantic or sexual feelings with an astartes legion, how they would do so. It was meticulously detailed, down to the point where the writer had either conducted extensive observation on Orks, or had actually had sexual relations with one.
  17.  
  18. "-and that ends my criticism about your works. Aside from your misunderstanding of Orkoid biology and social habits, your pieces involving Orks and Grots are simply astounding. I hope to read more in the future,"
  19.  
  20. Lion was feeling quite good about himself, to actually have a FAN for once. This feeling continued until he read the last part of the letter.
  21.  
  22. "Your humble reader,
  23. Roboute Guilliman"
  24.  
  25. That last part caused something within the Lion's brain snap.
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