BritAnon

Pone Prison/Kinderquestria Shorts

Apr 4th, 2019
3,815
Never
Not a member of Pastebin yet? Sign Up, it unlocks many cool features!
  1. Prison Pone/Kinderquestria shorts
  2.  
  3. >Birthday parties are a big thing in Equestria, particularly Ponyville- the home of Equestria's best party planner
  4. >Every single pony in the town and relatives from further away will get an invite to partake in the celebrations
  5. >Because of this, a birthday party can often be a town affair, especially for important ponies with lots of connections or local celebrities like the elements
  6. >Not everypony is obliged to turn up, and no offence is caused by not doing so, however it isn't uncommon for the whole town to come to a standstill for a day in the event of a big birthday celebration
  7. >On the other hand, not being invited to a birthday party is seen as one of the gravest insults a pony can receive
  8. >Even ponies that bicker and fight all the time will still invite each other to their birthday party
  9. >To not invite somepony is basically to say that you wish they were dead
  10.  
  11. >Be Anon
  12. >Out eating lunch with your friends
  13. >They're talking about dresses or some shit so you've totally zoned out of the conversation
  14. >Suddenly the talking has stopped and all eyes are on you
  15. "Uhhh, what was the question?"
  16. >"I said, what are you going to wear Anon?"
  17. "Wear for what?"
  18. >There's a collective groan and several pairs of rolling eyes
  19. >"Twilight Sparkle's birthday of course! Did you not read your invite?"
  20. >You've had no mail through your letter box except for bills for a while
  21. "Nope, don't think I ever got one"
  22. >Gasps, shouting and looks of horror come from everypony around you, and not just from your friends at the table
  23. >The entire cafe seems to be staring at you
  24. >You shift uncomfortably in your seat
  25. "What? What's the matter?"
  26. >"What's the matter?!"
  27. >"S-she didn't invite you?"
  28. "N-no, I don't think so..."
  29. >Several ponies have fainted
  30. >Most are looking at you like you just told them Santa isn't real
  31. >Teary eyed and sniffling, eyes filled with dread and disbelief
  32. >"N-nopony deserves that, I wouldn't even do that to my worst enemy!" One mare mumbles
  33. >"I'm so sorry Anon" Another says, standing up on her hind legs to embrace you in a hug
  34. >"It's going to be alright, you can get through this"
  35. >This whole situation has you baffled
  36. "I don't get what the matter is. It's just a birthday party. Me and Twilight don't even like each other"
  37. >"JUST A BIRTHDAY PARTY?!"
  38. >Several more ponies faint
  39. >"I-it's not JUST a birthday party Anon! It's going to be the biggest and best party of the year! Everypony's gonna be there, even Celestia!"
  40. >"Yeah, and there's gonna be a huge cake and singing and dancing and and.. a-and.."
  41. >"And you're not inviiitee~eed!"
  42. >The mare breaks down and throws her hooves around you
  43. >By now there is a group of ponies all crying and hugging you to try and comfort you
  44. >You still don't get what the big deal is
  45. >Sure you're missing out on some free party food but it's not the end of the world
  46. >You'd just avoid the town centre and enjoy the peace and quiet that was such a rarity in this world
  47. >Might even finally get back into woodworking that the ponies wouldn't let you do unsupervised because they didn't trust you to use sharp tools without hurting yourself
  48. >Actually you were rather looking forward to a nice day to yourself
  49. >Guess Twilight wasn't so bad after all if she's giving you this opportunity
  50. >You manage to untangle yourself form the huddle of crying ponies who don't even seem to notice that you're leaving
  51. >You feel like they'd be a lot more annoying with their childish behaviour if they weren't so darn cute
  52. >You whistle a happy tune as you walk home and lay out your plans for the day, leaving the commotion in the cafe behind you
  53. -----------------------------------
  54. >Be Twilight Sparkle
  55. >You're crowned as the princess of friendship, but you should be the princess of passive aggression
  56. >It's finally your birthday, and you can't wipe the victorious smirk from your face knowing that the stupid, annoying, mean, smelly ape known as Anonymous won't be coming
  57. >The celebrations were going to be legendary, with parties in the street, a huge cake, dancing into the night and some of the strongest alcohol available in Equestria- Appleoosa Applebuck Cider, 2% abv
  58. >You were gonna get so wasted
  59. >This party was gonna be wild!
  60. >And the best part was knowing that Anon was going to miss it all
  61. >You wondered how he was going to spend the day
  62. >Probably curled up in bed crying, shoveling ice cream into his stupid ugly mouth for comfort
  63. >Maybe he'd come and beg for your forgiveness and plead to be allowed to join in the celebrations for a few precious minutes
  64. >And you'd tell him "No!" and humiliate him infront of everypony
  65. >It'd serve him right for all that he's done to you
  66. >Making up silly stories about his species which you wasted precious time and money publishing, only to show you up in your own lecture at the Canterlot University and tell you that it was all wrong, completely discrediting your name and all that you had worked for
  67. >And then he had the nerve to call you "autistic" infront of the entire lecture hall
  68. >You were seething just thinking about it
  69. >But your mood quickly brightened once your thoughts switched back to how awesome the party would be and how miserable it would make Anon
  70. ------------------------------------------------------------
  71. >Several hours later
  72. >The party was in full swing and the entire town was having a great time
  73. >Honestly it blew all of your expectations out of the water
  74. >One thing was bugging you though
  75. >Anon had not yet come to grovel at your hooves infront of everypony and beg to be allowed into the party
  76. >He was probably still at home crying like a foal, but curiosity was getting the better of you, and you wanted to go see him cry for a bit
  77. >Briefly you considered if you were taking things a bit too far, but the memory of all those ponies laughing at you after he ruined your lecture quickly squashed that thought
  78. >You excused yourself from the party to go and 'freshen up a bit' and made your way over to Anon's house
  79. >He lived on the outskirts of town on a fairly quiet street, though you could still hear the faint sounds of the party in the distance
  80. >You stuck to the rooftops, not wanting to be seen through the windows, and crept closer to his home
  81. >As you approached you heard a cacophany of racket
  82. >Loud slamming sounds, crahing and a constant pounding din
  83. >Damn, sounded like you'd sent him into a full blown temper tantrum
  84. >You let out a pleased giggle as you peaked over the edge of the roof you were nestled on
  85. >He was gonna look so stupid flipping out and breaking stuff
  86. >The sight that met your eyes as you peeked over was not what you expected
  87. >He wasn't just kicking stuff about in a tantrum
  88. >He was recklessly destroying bits of wood with sharp metal weapons, no safety equipment or qualified pony to watch over him in sight
  89. >A radio stood on a table beside him blasting some evil noise that sounded like animals growling whilst somepony violently bashed a drum
  90. >Furthermore you could spot what looked like a pint of beer next to it
  91. >Where did he even get beer from? That was an illegal substance too strong for pony consumption
  92. >You stared in complete horror as he lifted the glass, took a few deep swigs and carried on recklessly hacking at the plank of wood
  93. >Guilt flooded your mind as you realised that this was all your fault
  94. >Your actions had pushed him over the edge and driven him to reckless insanity
  95. >Tears streamed down your face as you flew towards him shouting
  96. >"Anon! Stop, don't do it I take it all back! You can come to my birthday party!"
  97. >Your actions startled the suicidal human, the sudden lapse in focus causing a fatal mistake
  98. >You screeched to a halt as your gut clenched, your birthday lunch making a violent reemergence at what you saw before you
  99. >In his surprise, Anon's grip on the blade had slipped, causing it to bite deep into his finger
  100. >Blood gushed from the wound, more than you had ever seen in your life
  101. >You fought not to pass out as you watched Anon's life essence leave his body
  102. >You needed to get him to the hospital quick or he was going to bleed out!
  103. >You began to hyperventilate as the situation started to overwhelm you, your mind unable to deal with the stressful situation
  104.  
  105. >Be Anon
  106. >Stood in your front garden blasting Gojira, drinking some homebrewed beer and building some new wooden furniture for your home
  107. >You were in your own little world just jamming out and focusing on your task
  108. >You honestly hadn't felt this content in a long while
  109. >Equestria was nice and all but a guy needed some time to himself to indulge in his hobbies, and the overly sociable nature of these little ponies found it very hard
  110. >Finally you had a day without hassle
  111. >Without somepony poking their nose into your business or dragging you off on some stupid adventure, without-
  112. >Your train of thought was derailed by a shouting purple mass flopping over the roof of your neighbour's house and heading straight at you
  113. >A sudden streak of pain flashed along your finger as the saw blade slipped whilst you were distracted by the commotion
  114. "Ow Fuck!"
  115. >Fucking purple autist breaking your concentration and making you cut yourself
  116. >You looked down and saw a small cut with a little bit of blood trickling out of it
  117. >Sonofabitch that stings
  118. >Gonna need a band aid
  119. >You popped your finger in your mouth and sucked on the wound to stop blood going everywhere, and looked up to see purple smart stood a few feet away puking her guts up and babbling incoherently
  120. >What the fuck was her problem?
  121. >You finally get a day to yourself only to have Ponyville's resident autist show up and chunder all over your freshly mowed lawn
  122. "Twilight what the fuck are you doing?" You asked, giving her your most deadpan look
  123. >She looks up at you, breath coming quickly and eyes pinpricks
  124. >"I-I'm sorry Anon I didn't mean it! I-I never meant for this to happen and now you-you're..."
  125. >She looked at the bloody finger in your mouth that you sucked on as you continued to give her a deadpan stare
  126. >Her eyes boggled out for a second and she gave another dry heave
  127. >"I-I'll go get help Anon! Stay in there, you're gonna make it! You're gonna be okay you hear me?!"
  128. >And with that she took off and flew off back towards the centre of town
  129. >These fucking ponies man!
  130. >You just want a nice quiet day to yourself for once
  131. >You grumble angrily to yourself as you head inside to wash your finger and fetch a band aid
  132. >When that's sorted you go back out into your garden
  133. >Clearly fate wasn't going to let you carry on with your plans, so you pack your tools away and grab a seat, sipping on the rest of your beer as you wait for the inevitable stampede of distressed poners
  134. >A few minutes later you heard the distinct sound of multiple sets of hooves pounding on dirt road
  135. >You looked down to see what looked like half of Ponyville charging towards your house, spearheaded by Nurse Redheard and a contingent of other medical ponies
  136. >In their mad rush to 'save' you they bucked down your front gate and came swarming in
  137. >You pinched the bridge of your nose in exasperation
  138. >They could have just fucking opened it
  139. >"Stay calm Anon, it's okay! We're here now!" Redheart shouted
  140. >An inch away from your goddamn face
  141. >You winced and rubbed your ears
  142. "There's nothing wrong Redheart, I'm perfectly fine. And thanks for bucking my gate down by the way"
  143. >"But Twilight came rushing to us claiming that you had a first degree boo boo!" She replied
  144. >She scanned your whole body with a sceptical expression, making you feel rather uncomfortable for some reason
  145. >You always hated going to the doctors
  146. >Suddenly she gasped and her eyes widened as she caught sight of the bright pink band aid on your finger with little smiling pony faces on it
  147. >"Anon! Oh you poor thing, that looks serious!"
  148. "It's fine Red, just a scratch"
  149. >To emphasise your point you wiggled your fingers around and flexed them a bit
  150. >This caused several screams of shock and revulsion from the townsponies that were gathered around watching, and you could hear a few retching noises too
  151. >Nurse Redheart, despite having white fur, seemed to have gotten several shades paler
  152. >"Anon stop it you're going to make it even worse!" She exclaimed
  153. >"You're coming with me right now to the hospital where we can get it X-Ray'd and looked at properly and get a better dressing on it!"
  154. >You sighed in resignation, accepting your fate and silently cursing whatever it was that made these small ponies so infuriatingly cute and childish
  155. >You finished off your beer, which caused another outburst of shock and horror, and stood up to begin your long walk of shame
  156. >All the while various ponies came up to walk next to you and offer words of support and encouragement, brushing up against you and nuzzling your legs and the palm of your good hand
  157. >"We're here for you Anon"
  158. >"Hang in there big guy!"
  159. >"You're gonna make it!"
  160. >All this over a tiny little cut
  161. >You sighed and continued your slow plod to the hospital
  162. --------------------------
  163. >2 hours later
  164. >You sat on your hospital bed, bored out of your mind and contemplating whether it was worth it to try and escape
  165. >The medical ponies had put tight bandages and straps around your fingers to stop any bleeding and immobilise them, all the while baby talking you and assuring that you were gonna be fine
  166. >All the unnecessary bandaging was irritating, but you were just going to take it off when you got home
  167. >In the end Nurse Redheart had even kissed it better for you
  168. >You had always wanted to kiss a nurse, but that was more than a little humiliating
  169. >She also gave you a lolly pop for being such a brave colt
  170. >You're not ashamed to say that you enjoyed the fuck out of it
  171. >But now you sat here waiting to be cleared to go home
  172. >A sudden tapping came at the door
  173. "Come in"
  174. >In trotted Twilight Sparkle, her head humg in shame, refusing to make eye contact with you
  175. >She stood in silence for a solid minute, just sniffling whilst she worked up the courage to talk
  176. >"I-I'm Sorry Anon..."
  177. >You looked at her with a raised brow
  178. >"This is all my fault, if I'd have just invited you to my birthday party none of this would have ever happened. I was so caught up in trying to get back at you that I almost got you killed."
  179. >"I just wanted to make you as upset as I was, not drive you to drinking and reckless insane behaviour!"
  180. >Wut?
  181. >"I've come to apologise, and to make things better I've recheduled my party to tomorrow and you're invited this time. I hope you can forgive me one day Anon"
  182. >She continued to look at the floor, however you saw her red, tear stained eyes peek up a couple of times to guage your reaction
  183. >Well fuck, not only had your nice peaceful day been ruined, but you were gonna have to go to her party as well
  184. >You bet it was like a 10 year old's birthday party, with jelly and ice cream and pin the tail on the donkey or whatever ponified variant they played here
  185. >But to be fair this was all kind of your fault for convincing her that humans are an ancient Equestrian race that were almost driven to extinction by ponies thousands of years ago and you'd come back to seek reparation
  186. >You'd let her believe this for a while, even somehow gotten the Royal Sisters on board despite them being alive at the time you claimed the events had happened
  187. >Maybe there was a dark secret to this happy childish land that was being covered up
  188. >Oh well, you'd gotten a free house and a load of money out of it
  189. >And then you'd thrown it all in Twilight's face and humiliated her just for shits and giggles
  190. >Yeah, you kind of feel like a total dick now
  191. >You sigh, reaching down and picking up the sniffling little pony and setting her on your lap in the hospital bed
  192. >She looked up at you with confusion and some amount of fear, and it made your heart hurt
  193. "It's alright Twilight, you've got nothing to be sorry for"
  194. >"B-but your finger... th-the party..."
  195. >You booped her little snootle with a finger, causing her face to scrunch up in an adorable manner
  196. "Hush silly pony" You said with a little chuckle
  197. "This is my fault, I should have never told you such stupid lies and exposed it infront of everypony. For what it's worth though I didn't think anypony would actually believe me. And the finger is fine by the way, like I said it's just a scratch"
  198. >She gave a little giggle
  199. >"Yeah, it does seem really silly and far fetched when you think about it, although I wonder why Celestia and Luna didn't try and correct it..."
  200. >You decide to brush it off as ponies being silly before you get yourself way too deep into some shit you did not want to be involved with
  201. >Twilight looks up at you, her tears now dried up and a small smile on her face
  202. >"Well I'm glad we finally sorted this out Anon. This day has truly been a rollercoaster of emotions!"
  203. "Haha yeah, never a dull day in Equestria is there?"
  204. >You both share a little laugh before she speaks up again
  205. >"So... friends?"
  206. "Friends" You agree, wrapping her in a hug as she giggles happily.
  207.  
  208.  
  209. ---------------------
  210.  
  211.  
  212. >Ponies fight wars and conflicts with pillow or water fights, with the most savage conflicts escalating to inflatable and rubber weapons
  213. >Deliberately inflicting an actual boo boo is a war crime, it's just expected that you'll go down after taking a hit or two from a pillow
  214. >Anon doesn't know this
  215. >Changelings invade
  216. >Are totally shocked when he won't go down after taking numerous hits from their assorted 'weapons'
  217. >Even a direct hit to the face with an inflatable hammer, which the changeling responsible for apologised profusely
  218. >Shock turns to horror as he retaliates, throwing a few kicks and punches just to get them to fuck off
  219. >Nothing major inflicted, just some bruises and a few bust noses
  220. >Changelings are quaking in fear and fleeing en mass
  221. >Anon single handedly routes the changeling invasion
  222. >Taken to Celestia's court after order has been reestablished
  223. >Goes down in history as the biggest war criminal to ever face Equestria
  224. >Sentenced to a year in maximum security prison, the longest sentence ever given
  225. >Next longest being 6 months
  226. >Anon's face when
  227.  
  228.  
  229. -------------------
  230.  
  231.  
  232. >Ponies try to give Anon the silent treatment
  233. >None are supposed to speak to him or even acknowledge his presence for a full hour, and he is not allowed to try and talk to them
  234. >Being deprived of social interaction is basically a form of torture for ponies who are extremely social and talkative by nature
  235. >This treatment is seen as cruel and barbaric and hasn't been used for decades, but no other punishment seems to phase the human at all
  236. >After only 15 minutes all the ponies have broken, most of them crying and apologising to Anon for treating him so brutally, begging for his forgiveness
  237. >When the sniffling has stopped they are all shocked to see that Anon is still sat expressionless, seemingly uncaring as he sits in his chair and twiddles his fingers
  238. >"A- Anon?" One of them calls his name, looking up at him
  239. >The human gives no reaction, apparently not even hearing the mare
  240. >Some of the guards look to each other with concern on their faces
  241. >"Anon cmon it's okay, you can talk now. Your punishment is over"
  242. >Still no reaction
  243. >The assorted guards begin to sweat nervously, wondering what is wrong with him
  244. >Any sane pony would have broken down ranting and babbling after being given the silent treatment, unable to stop the pent up thoughts and emotions they had been prevented from vocalising
  245. >Another guardsmare approaches him, placing her hoof on his leg and lightly shaking him to try and wake him from whatever daze he is under
  246. >"Anon please, talk to us, say something!"
  247. >Still no reaction from Anon, who has now shut his eyes and started leaning back in his chair looking almost relaxed
  248. >By now all the guards are panicking, making little distressed horse noises as they wonder what is wrong with Anon
  249. >"W- We've broken him! Somepony run and get the nurse!"
  250. >"Oh Celestia! Anon, talk! Please!"
  251. >Anon remains totally unflinching, as if he couldn't even hear any of the clamour or feel the hooves grabbing at him and shaking him
  252. >He sits with a pile of little guard poners crying at his feet, cuddling his legs and begging him to talk again
  253. >The heart wrenching sight of so many adorable little ponies all crying and pleading almost causes Anon to break, but he is far too stubborn and petty to let himself be defeated by some pastel coloured equines
  254. >He continues this reverse silent treatment for the full hour, and even an extra 15 minutes just to make sure he'd fully gotten his point across
  255. >By this point almost all the medical staff were in the room trying to figure out what was going on
  256. >He was hooked up to various machines measuring his vital signs- heart rate, temperature, breathing etc
  257. >All seemed fine, but still the human would not talk
  258. >Several of the guards that had served his punishment were already in counselling, unable to bear the guilt of inflicting such cruelty on another living thing
  259. >The situation becomes more and more desperate with letters being sent out to various medical and scientific professionals begging them to come and save Anon
  260. >Suddenly they are interrupted by a loud ringing
  261. >The dinner bell
  262. >Anon stands up, yanking off all the various tubes and monitors that had been stuck to his body and stretching out his limbs
  263. "Fucking finally, I'm starving"
  264. >And with that he walks off to the canteen, leaving behind a large crowd of utterly perplexed ponies too stunned to even form words
  265. >Was he too harsh on them?
  266. >Maybe
  267. >Oh well, they'll forget about it in a few days at the most, and maybe some cuddles and ear scritches to calm them all down again
  268. >First thing's first though
  269. >Food time
  270.  
  271.  
  272. ----------------------------
  273.  
  274.  
  275. >Be Anon, at a sleepover with Lyra and Bonbon, your next door neighbours
  276. >You hadn't been to a proper sleepover since you were 12 or something since you had grown out of it like everyone else does
  277. >But here in magic pony land, growing out of childish behaviour seems to be an alien concept
  278. >You thought they were pulling some sort of joke when they invited you, but here you were all cuddled up on the sofa wearing your pyjamas and watching an intense horror movie
  279. >Some cute little mare was fleeing for her life from a maniacal dragon chasing her with a hoover
  280. >The loud noise had the pair shaking, and one really intense bit where the hoover almost caught the end of the mare's tail had them shrieking and burying their faces into your chest
  281. >You were just chuckling to yourself at the absurdity of the situation, enjoying your clingy little mare cuddles and snacking on the junk food you had
  282. >The movie progressed until the evil dragon accidentally hoovered up a scarf that had been knocked on the floor, which clogged it up and broke it
  283. >The dragon then fled, vowing to come back with an even more powerful hoover and scare her ten times as hard
  284. >Lyra, caught up in the excitement when the bad guy was defeated, threw her hoofsies in the air and cheered
  285. >This caused the drink that you had been holding to go flying, soaking your shirt and pants
  286. >"A-Anon I'm sorry! It was an accident!" Lyra stammered, starting to panic once she realised what she'd done
  287. >"Yeah, she didn't mean to do it Anon, please don't get mad" Bonbon said as she too realised what had happened
  288. >Lyra had been your best bud since you arrived in Equestria, the only one who would really talk to you at first other than Princesses and scientists who essentially just wanted to interrogate you
  289. >You knew she was hyperactive, easily excited and fairly accident prone, and her goofball personality was one of the reasons why you liked her so much
  290. >You were a tad miffed at having your pyjamas soaked, but you could never be mad at her
  291. "Nah don't worry about it Lyra," You said, giving her mane a friendly ruffle
  292. "I probably should have seen something like that coming"
  293. >"But what are you gonna do now? Your shirt's all icky and gross"
  294. >You stood up, startling the pair a little bit as you headed towards the door
  295. "It's no biggie, I'll just nip back to mine and grab a fresh set of PJs. I'll be back in two minutes"
  296. >"Anon wait!" The pair cried in unison, rushing over and clinging onto your legs so that you couldn't go anywhere
  297. >You stood there confused, wondering why they were holding you back and looking so scared
  298. >"You can't go outside, it's dark!" Lyra cried, looking up at you with wide eyes
  299. >Poor thing looked like she was on the verge of tears
  300. >Bonbon was also giving you an extremely concerned look
  301. "...So?"
  302. >The pair looked to each other, then back up at you
  303. >You felt like a mentally retarded child that was missing some super obvious point
  304. >"So..." Bonbon started
  305. >"It's dark and scary. There could be m-monsters out there just waiting to snatch you up and eat you!"
  306. >At the mention of m-monsters Lyra shuddered and clutched your leg tighter
  307. >"Don't go Anon, it's really spooky out there"
  308. >You were now torn between wanting dry clothes and not wanting to upset the scared little poners
  309. >The pleading looks they were giving you made your heart ache
  310. >But it would take you two minutes to go and get some dry clothes on compared to an entire night of feeling all sticky and damp
  311. "Look, I really need to put some dry clothes on. I'll be two minutes, promise" You said confidently
  312. >Anon no! I don't want the monsters to get you!" Lyra cried and began sniffling
  313. >You sighed and gave her a hug, then picked her up
  314. >You carried her over to the window and opened the curtains so that you could look out of it
  315. "Look Lyra, the street lights are on so it's not too dark. And you can see for yourself that there are no monsters anywhere"
  316. >She gave another couple of sniffles
  317. >"T-they hide in the shadows Anon, everypony knows that!"
  318. "Well if they're small enough to fit in the shadows I'm sure they can't be big monsters, I could take on a small monster or two easy peasy"
  319. >Lyra looked at you and seemed to be pondering what you said
  320. >"I just don't want you to get hurt Anon"
  321. "Aww Lyra..."
  322. >You hugged her close and she nuzzled your cheek
  323. "If it makes you feel better, you and Bonnie can sit here at the window and watch me. That way if any monster does appear you can run outside and rescue me. No monster's gonna be able to take on two brave mares AND a human!"
  324. >Lyra sighed as she finally relented
  325. >"Okay Anon, just promise me you'll be quick"
  326. "I'll be in and out Lyra, you won't even know I'm gone"
  327. >You put her down and then gave Bonbon a hug before you left
  328. >"Be careful Anon" she said, her voice a little bit shaky
  329. >You stroked her mane and then stood up
  330. >You were surprised to find that your heart was pumping a little bit faster as you turned the door handle
  331. >The little poners had gotten so worked up about you going off in the dark that it had started to rub off on you
  332. >Not that you were scared at all, you just felt like this moment had been bigged up and given way too much importance
  333. >You stepped out into the dimly lit street and shut the door behind you
  334. >It was a pretty warm night, fairly pleasant actually
  335. >You looked up at the stars which twinkled beautifully, before looking down at the deserted street
  336. >Guess all ponies were as deathly scared of the dark
  337. >There wasn't a soul in sight
  338. >You walked down the garden path, stopping at the gate and looking back to the window
  339. >Lyra and Bonbon's heads were peeking out from below the sill, watching you intently with concerned stares
  340. >You smiled and gave them a little wave to show you were alright, but both were too busy looking out for scary monsters to wave back
  341. >Oh well, better make it quick
  342. >You walked the few feet over to your own house and let yourself in
  343. >You had left your curtains open before you left and the soft glow of the street lamps and moonlit sky streamed in through the windows
  344. >There was just enough light for you to see where you were going, so you didn't bother flicking the lights on
  345. >This proved to be a mistake as you climbed the stairs, opened the door to your bedroom and accidentally whacked your head on the door frame
  346. >The stream of profanity that came out of your mouth would make most ponies faint
  347. >You clutched your head and hissed through your teeth as you successfully made it through the open doorway and over to your drawers
  348. >You grabbed a fresh set of PJs before stripping the wet ones off and going into the en-suite to wipe off the stickiness with a cloth
  349. >You then put the clean ones on and made your way downstairs a little more carefully this time
  350. >You made your way back over to Lyra's, still clutching your sore head, and saw the two still keeping lookout at the window
  351. >They rushed over to the door as you came back in and you nearly tripped over them as they rubbed up against your legs
  352. >As you knelt down to give them a hug, Bonbon noticed the bruise on your head that must have formed
  353. >From the look on her face you could guess it was a shiner
  354. >"A-A-Anon, y-your head!" She gasped, pointing a hoof at it
  355. >Lyra then looked up with a quizzical glance before going pale, her pupils shrinking to the size of pinpricks as she gave a little whinny of horror
  356. >"Anon! The monsters got you!"
  357. >The tears were now coming in full force from both ponies
  358. >"We should have never let you go out there alone! What were we thinking?" Bonbon wailed
  359. >"I-it's okay Anon, they can't get you in here, you're safe now"
  360. >You sighed as your shirt was once again soaked, this time with pony tears as they wept into your chest
  361. "Girls calm down it wasn't monsters" You tried to reassure them
  362. "I just uhhhh... walked into my door frame"
  363. >You felt embarrassed as you said it, knowing full well how stupid you were
  364. >The pair looked up at you as you stroked their necks and down their backs
  365. >"W-well that's still a major boo-boo Anon. We're gonna have to take you to the horsepital... in the d-d-dark..."
  366. >You silently asked god for strength at the lame horse pun and tried again to reassure the sniffly little poners
  367. "There's no need to go to the doctors" You said, making damn sure you avoided that cursed word
  368. "I'll be fine, maybe just get an ice pack or something from the freezer to help the swelling go down"
  369. >Lyra immediately rushed off to go retrieve the ice pack, acting as if your life depended on it
  370. >Bonbon continued hugging you tightly and sniffling
  371. >"Are you sure you're gonna be okay Anon?" She asked, looking up at you with wide, sky blue, teary eyes
  372. "Bonnie I've had plenty worse knocks than this. It barely even hurts any more" You said with a smile
  373. >You picked her up and headed back into the living room, sitting down on the couch with her in your lap
  374. >As you sat down, Lyra came galloping back in with an ice pack held in her magic
  375. >She thrust it into your hands and then jumped up next to you, cuddling into your side
  376. "Calm down Lyra it's fine, I'm not gonna die or anything"
  377. >You chuckled, holding the ice pack to your head with one hand whilst using the other arm to simultaneously support Bonbon and give Lyra a scratch behind the ear
  378. >You winced and hissed a little bit as the freezing cold made contact with your bruised forehead, which had both the mares shoot their heads up to look at you with concerned glances
  379. >You quickly forced your expression back to an easy smile though, which had them both calm down quickly
  380. >You sat and watched some random horse tv that had come on after the movie finished in relative quiet for a while, before noticing that the two little ponies were starting to doze off
  381. >All the excitement and frights of the evening must have gotten them all tuckered out
  382. >You reached over, grabbed the remote and flicked the tv off
  383. >The sudden silence caused the pair to come round a bit as they sat up to figure out what had happened
  384. "I think it's time we all got some sleep. You guys can barely even keep your eyes open"
  385. >Lyra began to grumble in protest, but a sudden yawn cut her off and invalidated any argument she may have had
  386. >You'd had the foresight earlier on to get your sleeping bag out before you started watching the movie, and Lyra and Bonbon had dragged their duvets downstairs and laid them out either side of your sleeping bag
  387. >The two mares groggily got up and began crawling under the covers, and you went to turn off the light before joining them
  388. >There was nothing but quiet breathing and the soft rustling of sheets for about fifteen minutes or so, and you were just starting to drift off when you heard a quiet whisper
  389. >"Anon, are you still awake?"
  390. >The room was lit in a faint magical glow as Lyra used her horn to create some illumination, and you found yourself staring into her golden eyes
  391. "Yeah why, what's up Lyra?"
  392. >"I had a nightmare"
  393. >You could tell this was bullshit, neither of them had fallen asleep yet
  394. >But with the puppy dog eyes she was giving you, you could already tell you were gonna cave to whatever her next request was about to be
  395. >"C-could I maybe cuddle with you for a bit? I'm scared"
  396. >You rolled your eyes with a smile as you began to kick off your sleeping bag
  397. "Go on then" You chuckled
  398. >You crawled under the duvet and wrapped her in your arms, burying your face in her mane as she nuzzled your chest and neck
  399. >This was one of the things you loved about Equestria
  400. >The locals were a lot more touchy feely than back home, and cuddles, nuzzling and hugging were all essential parts of bonding and expressing love and friendship
  401. >From your other side you heard shuffling and a little whine
  402. >Before Bonbon could ask you for the same thing, you reached an arm out and pulled her over next to you
  403. >She gave a surprised little squeak, then a contented sigh as she realised what was happening
  404. >The two mares wriggled about getting comfortable for a couple of minutes before they eventually settled down
  405. >You wound up with one under each arm, their heads laid on your chest rising and falling with your breathing
  406. >They had curled their tails up over your body in an almost protective manner, forming a sort of blanket over your upper legs, stomach and chest
  407. >You found this to be totally adorable, not to mention incredibly soft and comfortable
  408. >Their intertwined tails felt like a layer of silk covering your body
  409. >You couldn't imagine anything like this happening back home, it'd be super weird
  410. >But laying here with these two little mares cuddled up to you made you feel complete
  411. >Your mind was totally as peace as the three of you drifted off to sleep
  412.  
  413.  
  414. -----------------------------------
  415.  
  416.  
  417. >Actual curse words are so taboo in Equestria because they are genuinely words of power with magical effects
  418. >Anon doesn't know this, but hasn't had any mishaps yet since he's kept his language tame in front of the childish little ponies
  419. >But this one random colt was starting to wind him up a bit
  420. >The dude had been following him around all day, calling him vile things like doo-doo head and dummy face
  421. >Anon didn't really even know why he was getting harassed, maybe he forgot to say Hi to him when they walked by each other or something
  422. >Either way, Anon decided enough was enough
  423. >He turned around to face the stallion and opened his mouth to speak
  424. "Fuck off mate"
  425. >A sudden blast of power then erupted from his mouth, sending the colt flying into a hedge
  426. >Anon was startled, not even realising that he was responsible as he ducked for cover
  427. "Jesus Christ, what the fuck was that?"
  428. >The earth began to tremble and shake at his profanity, and dark clouds began to gather as lightning cracked the sky
  429. >Nearby ponies were staring at him in horror, others were running for their lives
  430. >Anon decided to keep his mouth shut after that
  431.  
  432.  
  433. ---------------------------------
  434.  
  435.  
  436. >Decide to cosplay as Lyra for nightmare night just for a laugh and to see how she would react
  437. >Bump into her in the main market where most of the festivities are
  438. >She looks at you in confusion, then looks around at all the other ponies to see if they're as confused as she is
  439. >"B-b-but I'm Lyra!" She stammers
  440. "Nuh uh, I'm Lyra" You chuckle
  441. >She looks down at her own body, the existential crisis you'd sent her into apparent on her face
  442. >She pulls her costume back, revealing her lyre cutie mark, and confirming to herself that she is indeed still Lyra
  443. >"Look, I have the cutie mark see! I'm Lyra!"
  444. "Nah, I'm definitely Lyra, so you can't be her"
  445. >She looks around desperately, hoping that someone else will recognise her and validate her identity
  446. >As she's stood there helplessly one of her friends, Bonbon, trots up and speaks to you
  447. >"Hey Lyra, how come you're not wearing a costume tonight? And who's this you're talking to?"
  448. >You grin to yourself underneath the costume, hardly believing that this was happening
  449. >Lyra was a doofus, so you could kind of understand how she had fallen for it
  450. >But you'd always seen Bonbon as smarter and more level headed
  451. >But here she was talking to you as if you were actually Lyra
  452. "I don't know Bonbon, she says she's Lyra but clearly I'm Lyra!"
  453. >She scowls at Lyra who looks back at her with a pleading look in her eyes
  454. >"You can't be Lyra, Lyra's stood right here. Who are you really?"
  455. >Lyra lets out a scream of existential anguish as she wonders if she's even real or whether all her memories are fake
  456. >You laugh and pat her on the head
  457.  
  458.  
  459. ---------------------------------
  460.  
  461.  
  462. >Be Anon
  463. >After living in this weird world full of childish horses for a while, you remembered the gold stars that teachers used to give out for good behaviour and good work at school
  464. >You wondered if such a thing was used here, and decided to test out whether it worked
  465. >After Pinkie Pie spent a full week showing everyone she came accross the gold star you gave her for baking you a surprise cake, you decided to start handing them out to anypony who did something you deemed as a good deed
  466. >The pride and sense of accomplishment they gave quickly led to them being a highly sought after reward
  467. >Ponies started competing for these gold stars, getting you to give them missions and quests to earn them
  468. >You could have totally exploited this and got them to do all of your chores for free, but you're not a dick so you generally tried to make these gold star quests benefit the town
  469. >Most of the tasks involved stuff like helping a pony in need, giving a sad pony a hug or donating to charity; simple stuff like that
  470. >One day a young mare came to you, determined to earn her gold star
  471. >She told you that her name was Cake Batter, and from her name and the picture of a mixing bowl on her flank, you guessed that she was a baker
  472. >A task for her immediately popped into your head
  473. >You told her to go and bake a delicious cake for the upcoming bake sale at the school, and afterwards she would get her gold star
  474. >Cake batter grinned excitedly, confident that she could use her special talent to accomplish the task and make an amazing cake to sell and raise money for the school
  475. >She rushed out of the house, going full gallop as you chuckled to yourself and closed the door behind her
  476.  
  477. >Later that evening
  478. >You were chilling in your living room reading a book when you heard a faint knock at the door
  479. >Wondering who it could be, you set your book down and went to answer it
  480. >What you saw had you a little surprised
  481. >The previously confident and energetic Cake Batter had returned, but now her head was hung low, and you could hear the faint pitter-patter of tears splattering the ground as she sniffled sadly
  482. "Cake Batter? What's wrong? What happened?" You asked, genuinely concerned for her
  483. >She sniffled again, her voice trembling as she answered you
  484. >"I f-f-failed Anon. I failed in my quest... I'm not w-w-worthy of a gold star"
  485. >She then began sobbing gently as more tears dropped to the ground
  486. >You didn't know how she could have failed such a relatively simple task, but you did know that you weren't gonna have a pony being miserable and feeling like a failure because of something you told them to do
  487. "Come inside Cake Batter, sit down and tell me what happened"
  488. >You let her inside, closing the door behind her and leading her to your living room, patting the couch and getting her to hop up next to you
  489. "Start from the beginning, I want to know everything that happened"
  490. >She sniffled a few more times as she tried to compose herself, still unable to make eye contact with you, and you stroked her mane reassuringly to help calm her down
  491. >"W-well after you gave me my quest, I was so excited that I galloped all the way home. I already had an idea for the perfect cake, and I just couldn't wait to start making it!"
  492. >She fiddled with her hooves a little, but gradually started to become more expressive as she told you her tale
  493. >"As soon as I got in I rushed to the kitchen and began gathering all the ingredients. Soon I was mixing them and before I even knew it the cake was in the oven."
  494. >"It came out perfect too!" she cried, waving her hooves in the air
  495. >"No burnt bits, no lumps or inconsistencies, it looked great! I even decorated it with a picture of the schoolhouse made out of icing, and made a couple of little pony figurines to go on there. You should have seen it!"
  496. >She looked at you now with a little smile; it was clearly one of her finest creations that she had put a lot of effort into
  497. "Well what happened then?" You asked
  498. "You made the cake, so how did you fail in your quest?"
  499. >Her smile immediately faltered and she looked away and began fiddling with her hooves again, her voice becoming shaky
  500. >"I-I was in such a rush to bring it to the schoolhouse that I didn't look where I was going, and I tripped over and d-d-dropped it. It was completely r-r-ruined!"
  501. >She then began wailing as you wrapped your arms around her, pulling her head into your chest
  502. "Shhhhh, it's okay. It's not the end of the world" You whispered gently
  503. >"B-b-but I failed Anon! I failed to prove myself and now I'm never gonna get a gold star!" She cried, sobbing into your shirt
  504. >You stroked her mane and back, trying to get her to calm down
  505. >You didn't know how a tiny gold star that you could buy a box of for a bit could mean that much to these ponies, but still you felt absolutely terrible for indirectly causing this
  506. >You knew that you had to make things right again
  507. "Hey now, you didn't fail" you said, lifting her chin up so that you could look her in the eyes
  508. >Her ears perked up, and she looked at you questioningly as you wiped the tears from her face with your thumbs
  509. "The way to earn these stars isn't simply completing the task I give you. What matters is the the effort and the thought you put into it, and the commitment you show in helping those around you."
  510. >Her eyes seemed to shimmer a little as her sniffles stopped, and you could see the hope blossoming in her
  511. "I can see that you put a lot of hard work into making the best cake you could for the bake sale, and I'm sure everypony would have absolutely loved it; I don't see why a silly little accident should overshadow all the effort you made. I can see that you're a truly good pony who cares for others and is willing to work hard to help them, so here..."
  512. >She leaned forwards in excitement, her eyes as wide as dinner plates, as you opened the drawer next to the sofa where you kept your tub of gold stars
  513. >You took one out, ripped off a bit of sellotape, then turned back around and presented it to her
  514. >She sat there transfixed as you slowly moved your hands towards her, practically hypnotised as you stuck it to her chest
  515. >She looked down at the star, then back at you, then back at the star again
  516. >She did this for a full 30 seconds, her mind seemingly unable to comprehend what had happened as you looked at her with an amused smirk
  517. >It was just starting to get a little bit weird when she suddenly tackled you in a massive hug, wrapping her forelegs around your torso and squeezing as hard as she could
  518. >"Thankyouthankyouthankyou!" She yelled repeatedly, burying her face in the crook of your neck as she aggressively nuzzled you
  519. >You returned the embrace with a chuckle, glad that the sad poner was now happy and all was right in the world once again
  520. >When she finally released you she blushed in embarrassment, looking away again
  521. >"S-sorry, I was just... so excited!"
  522. >You smiled and patted her on the head
  523. "It's alright Cake Batter, you earned it. Now, why don't you go and show all your family and friends your shiny new gold star? I bet they're all gonna be super proud of you!"
  524. >"Heehee, that's a great idea! I can't wait to show them all!" She giggled
  525. >You smiled to yourself as you led her to the front door
  526. >It really was like a kid rushing home to show their mum what they did at school
  527. >There was something so pure and innocent about the happiness it brought them, and it made you feel great knowing that you'd made them so happy and gotten them to help the town out
  528. >"Thanks again Anon, this really means a lot to me" She said, giving you one last hug as you let her out the door
  529. "I'm glad it's made you so happy. I'll see you around Cake Batter"
  530. >"See ya later Anon! Have a good night!"
  531. >And with that she bolted off, galloping as fast as her hooves could carry her
  532. >"I did it! I got my gold star! I got my gold staaarrrr~!" You heard her squealing as she disappeared into the distance
  533. >You shut the door, shaking your head as you laughed in disbelief
  534. >These fucking ponies man
  535.  
  536.  
  537. ---------------------------------
  538.  
  539.  
  540. >Anon's ability to judge the goodness of a pony and bless them with his gift of the gold star leads to him being revered as a god
  541. >Even long after his death tales are told of the mystical biped ape that can see the very soul of a pony and judge their character
  542. >The pone bible is written, telling the tale of Anon and the deeds of his disciples as they accomplished great acts of kindness and generosity in order to earn their gold stars
  543. >Followers of Godnon strive to copy these heroic feats, working hard to help old mares accross the street or giving their last piece of candy to their friend who didn't get any
  544. >The 'Churches of Anon' give out these gold star quests, and missionaries are often sent to perform kind acts in foreign lands where the inhabitants are often cruel and mean
  545. >The Church of Anon will also recognise any other good deeds a pony may do, it is not simply limited to ones the Church has set
  546. >It is written that when a pony dies, their soul is brought before Godnon to be judged for their actions
  547. >The good and the righteous shall be blessed with a brilliant gleaming golden star, and move on to eternal life in the land of rainbows and cupcakes
  548. >However, those who have been big meanies or never stopped to help others meet a much worse fate
  549. >They must re-live every single time they have been mean, inconsiderate or selfish and correct their actions in a kind and honest way
  550. >Once they have atoned and proven that they can be good and kind, Anon will finally bestow upon them their gold star and allow them into poner heaven
  551. >Meanwhile, Anon is confused as to why every single new pony spirit in the afterlife is coming up to him and asking for gold stars
  552. >Multiple generations have passed since he died of a d'awww induced heart attack; how do any of them even know about him and his gold stars?
  553. >He doesn't mind though
  554. >Turns out heaven for him was pretty much the same as normal life in Equestria
  555.  
  556.  
  557. ---------------------------------
  558.  
  559.  
  560. >Be Anon
  561. >Be currently locked up in pone prison
  562. >Apparently punching some annoying wannabe supervillain who was trying to kidnap you and some other ponies to work in his sweatshop is a crime
  563. >Ironically the supervillain is also your new cellmate
  564. >In human prison one of you would definitely wind up getting shanked
  565. >But the poners put you both together so that you'd have more time to talk things over and make friends
  566. >The supervillain, who calls himself 'Lord Meanie Pants' (his actual name is Running Stitch), is currently curled up in a ball at the far end of your cell shivering in fear
  567. >Poor evil poner thought you were gonna batter him
  568. >You weren't really the vengeful sort though, and beating up that pathetic snivelling mess would only make you feel bad and land you in a lot more trouble
  569. >Still, he was an actual criminal so you weren't about to go over there and comfort him immediately
  570. >Let him stew in his fear for a bit and think about what he's done
  571. >You hopped onto your bunk and began reading one of the books the prison provided you with
  572. >Of course the only books they'd stocked your room with were children's pop-up books, and you groaned in frustration
  573. >This caused Meanie Pants to whimper and begin shaking even harder
  574. >You sighed, growing tired of his childish antics
  575. "You can stop that crying" You said, rolling your eyes as he huddled into an even tighter ball
  576. >"B-b-but I tried to foalnap you, a-and now you're gonna b-beat me up!"
  577. >You chucked the children's book off to the side and sat up on your bed, making him jump in fright
  578. "Look dude, I don't care if you tried to kidnap me, you would have never managed it anyways. If I punch you I'm just gonna get in more trouble; they might make me stay here for another week- maybe even two- and I'd rather get home before all my food goes off and starts getting mould everywhere"
  579. >He gave you a sceptical look and maintained his protective huddle
  580. >"B-but aren't you mad? A-aren't you gonna pick on me or call me names?
  581. "I already told you that I really don't care. We're both in prison together, like it or not, and I'd rather not make life more unpleasant for either of us than it already is. Having a cellmate that's constantly living in fear around me is just gonna make things uncomfortable for me and probably downright terrifying for you, so lets just call this a fresh start and we can all get along nicely."
  582. >He uncurled himself a little at your words, his ears perking up and trembling stopping as he seemed to relax
  583. >He still looked cautious though; you could tell that you had eased his immediate fears of being beaten up, but he obviously didn't trust you to let everything go and not look for another way to get your own back
  584. >"D-do you really mean it? You won't beat me up or be mean to me? You'll just let everything I did to you go, just like that?"
  585. "Look, the only way I'm gonna do anything mean to you is if you do something mean to me. If you're a good pony and you don't try to kidnap me to work in a sweatshop for you again or do anything else unpleasant or villainous, then I have no quarrel with you"
  586. >He blushed a little and looked away at your little jab, scrunching his muzzle up
  587. >You chuckled a little, but decided to do something nice for him to hopefully gain his trust and get him to calm down
  588. "Tell you what, just to show you that I mean what I say, I'll stick with you as we're going around the prison. Keep you away from trouble, keep trouble away from you, make sure the other inmates don't give you a hard time..."
  589. >"T-Trouble?" He asked, the fear creeping back into his voice
  590. >This definitely caused you to smile
  591. >He had no idea what they do to new guys in prison
  592. "Oh yeah, we're the new guys here; fresh meat"
  593. >He shuddered at the mention of meat
  594. "Everyone's gonna be testing us, teasing us, trying to see how tough we are, that sort of stuff. If you look weak and scared then everyone's gonna be pushing you around and picking on you, and your life here is gonna be pretty miserable."
  595. >He looked at you in fear
  596. >Clearly he'd only envisioned you as the only thing to worry about in here
  597. >He hadn't even considered the other inmates
  598. >You could see his mind working, conjuring up images of all the hardened criminals that could be in here, many of them much bigger and scarier than he was
  599. >To you they were all just cute little ponies no matter how tough they thought they were
  600. >Meanie Pants started trembling a little and curling back up into his defensive ball, but you stopped him with your words
  601. "However..." You stated, causing him to pause and look at you intently
  602. "If you don't let anyone push you around and you prove yourself to be strong and fearless, you're gonna earn a lot of respect. Less ponies will try to push you around, and you might even meet some powerful friends"
  603. >He looked at you with wide eyes, entranced by what you were saying
  604. >"B-but how will I prove myself to be strong and f-fearless? I know I tried to kidnap ponies to work for me but that was just because I was behind on a large order for a very important customer, and I was really really scared that they were going to get mad at me and ruin my business"
  605. >You tried not to facepalm
  606. >He was so scared about delaying an order that he resorted to forcing other ponies into slavery to get it done quicker
  607. >That's some fucked up logic right there
  608. "Well it's simple really," You continued
  609. "You just stick with me"
  610. >He gave you a confused look
  611. >"But how do you know that you're strong enough to impress them? There could be some real tough ponies out there, there could be bullies and thieves, I bet some of them have even been in fights! T-there could even be some real supervillains in there!"
  612. >You looked at him with a deadpan gaze
  613. "Meanie Pants, I'm at least twice as tall as most ponies and I haven't met any that are stronger than me yet. I come from a much harsher and more dangerous world than you do, and I can promise you that there's not a single thing in this prison that will scare me. Just stick by me and try not to look too scared by everything and you'll be fine, you have my word"
  614. >He seemed to consider what you said for a few seconds, before realising that you were probably the only chance he had at making it through this prison unscathed
  615. >"O-okay" He mumbled
  616. >"But could you maybe drop the 'Meanie Pants' and call me Running Stitch? Th-that's my real name and I don't really like being called a meanie all the time, that was just a bit to try and scare ponies"
  617. >You gave him a smile, happy to call him by his real name
  618. >If only because his supervillain name sounded incredibly gay and you disliked saying it
  619. "Sure thing, Running Stitch"
  620. >He gave you a weak smile in return and held his hoof out to you
  621. >"F-friends?" He asked
  622. "Friends", you replied, grasping his hoof in your hand and giving it a firm shake
RAW Paste Data