Idiot Box

Pyra: See anything yet, Roswell?
Roswell: I need my glasses. [puts two glasses of water on his eyes like binoculars, which are real human eyes.] Hmmm... [a mail truck approaches] ...it's the mail truck!
Pyra and Roswell: Our package! [Roswell throws the glasses and they both start dancing and hopping]
Cyrus: I didn't realize it was Happy Hopping Moron Day.
Mailman: Pyra Paulderon?
Pyra: That's me! [the mailman throws a big box next to her and Roswell]
Cyrus: That's a big box!
Pyra: Thank you! [still dancing and hopping]
Roswell: Hey, Pyra, when do we stop hopping?
Pyra: Thirty more seconds, Roswell. [rubs hands together]
Cyrus: They probably ordered a lifetime supply of bubble soap. [laughs as Pyra and Roswell lift up a big-screen TV out of the box]Huh? A brand-new television?
Pyra: Easy... easy... [both she and Roswell throw the TV onto a trash-can]
Pyra and Roswell: Yeah! [jump into the box and close the flaps]
Cyrus: Just when I thought they couldn't get any stupider. [walks up to the box with Pyra and Roswell inside] Let me get this straight, you two ordered a giant screen television just so you could play in the box?
Pyra: [as she emerges from the box] Pretty smart, huh?
Roswell: [emerges from the box] I thought it wouldn't work.
Cyrus: Uh-huh, that's quite a plan there. Oh, but wait, there was something else I wanted to ask you two. Now what was it? Oh, yeah, yeah. [yells in Pyra and Roswell's faces] Don't you two have any brains?!
Pyra: Cyrus, we don't need a television. Not as long as we have our... [makes a rainbow over her head with his hands] ...imagination!
Cyrus: Wow, I never thought of it that way. That's really something. Can I have your TV?
Pyra: With... [Pyra jumps on the flap of the box, makes another rainbow with her hands]...imagination, I can be anything I want! A pirate! [curls her finger in a hook shape] Arrrrr! A football player! [stands in a football player stance] Hup!
Roswell: A stoner!
Cyrus: Roswell, you're already a stoner.
Roswell: See, Cyrus? It works! You try!
Cyrus: [rubs his two hands on both sides of his head] Okay, let's see. I'm imaging myself watching TV... [points to the one on the trash-can] ...and there it is! Can I have it, Pyra?
Pyra: Sure, Cyrus.
Cyrus: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! [Cyrus runs to the TV and pushes it to his house]
Pyra: Okay, Cyrus, but if you change your mind, we'll be in this box!
Roswell: Let's play Mountain Climbing Adventure!
Pyra: Let's go for it! [pulls the flaps of the box over on them] Gloves!
Roswell: Check.
Pyra: Hats!
Roswell: Check.
Pyra: Underwear!
Roswell: Uh... check!
Pyra: Okay, Roswell, climb up there and secure this rope.
Roswell: You got it! [climbing noises come from the box]
Pyra: Roswell! Roswell! Roswell, you're going too high!
Cyrus: I hope they put some air holes in that box. [goes inside his house]
Pyra: Take it easy, Roswell, you've got to acclimate!
Roswell: I'll take it easy when I'm dead! I'm shaking hands with Neptune! Whoo! Excelsior!
Cyrus: [opens his door] Now where's that remote? [walks up to the remote, which is right next to the box. He picks it up, puts it in his shirt and stands next to the box, listening to Pyra and Roswell]
Roswell: I am the lizard king! Whoo!
Pyra: Roswell? Roswell? Roswell! I think we should keep our voices down! We might start an avalanche!
Roswell: What?
Pyra: I said, I think we should keep our voices down in case of avalanches!
Roswell: What should we keep down?
Cyrus: Morons.
Pyra: Our voices!
Cyrus: Will you two shut up?! [kicks the box, causing the sound of an avalanche, making Pyra and Roswell scream and fall, they both start to cry. Cyrus is shocked]Py... ra? [he softly touches the box, causing another avalanche]
Roswell: Hold me.
Pyra: Hang in there buddy, the chopper's on the way!
Roswell: Pyra! My legs are frozen solid! You're going to have to cut them off with a saw! [Cyrus begins to sweat]
Pyra: No, Roswell, I can't do that!
Roswell: Why not?
Pyra: Because I already cut off my own arms! [Cyrus kneels down]
Roswell: Nooooo!
[Cyrus quickly opens the box and looks in. Pyra and Roswell sit inside the box]
Cyrus: [confused] What the? How were you two making that noise?
Pyra: [laughs] What noise, Cyrus?
Roswell: I could only hear the sound of our laughter.
Cyrus: Yes! But those sound effects: the avalanche, the, the, the...
Roswell: Don't forget the second avalanche.
Cyrus: Forget it. [closes the box] I don't know why I'm wasting my time out here when I could be watching my brand new television. [helicopter sounds are heard from the box, Cyrus looks around at the sky and ducks]
Pilot Inside Box: Attention climbers, please hold on! The saws are on the way!
Pyra and Roswell: Yay!
Cyrus: Grrrr... Aha! [he opens the box again and sees Pyra and Roswell sitting inside the box again]How are you two doing that?
Pyra: First we establish a base camp at 15,000 feet...
Cyrus: The noises! How are you two making those noises?
Roswell: That's easy. All you need is a box.
Pyra: And... [makes another rainbow with her hands] ...imagination.
Cyrus: [as Pyra and Roswell duck down into the box] Are you trying to say that I have no imagination? I have more imagination... [tries to make a rainbow with his hands, like Pyra, but is unsuccessful] ...in one finger than you two have in your whole bodies.
Roswell: That's good. Now all you need is a box. [closes the box]
Cyrus: [walks back to his house] I'll show them! [looks in his closet] There's got to be one in here! [finds a small, round green box] Ah! This hat box should do nicely. [pulls out a Mexican sombrero] Why haven't I worn this yet? [throws it off-screen, gets in the box but he is too big for it and then just sits there. He then frowns, looks at his watch and then gets mad and kicks the box. Police sirens are heard]
Policeman Inside Pyra and Roswell's box: Attention! We have you surrounded! Come out with your hands up!
Cyrus: What do they want with me? What did I do? [he gasps] Obviously, they've found out about Team Galactic!  [walks out of his house showing the green box] Look officers, everything's okay. I won't do it again! It's just a bo-
Criminal Inside Box: You'll never take me alive, coppers!
Man Inside Box: No, Vanni! Don't do it! [Police sirens are heard. Cyrus gets angry and kicks his green box toward Pyra and Roswell's box]
Roswell: [opens box and sirens stop] Whoopee! Another box! [Roswell takes the hat box and closes the box they're sitting in and police sirens are heard again]
Cyrus: I got to try to relax. Perhaps I can drown out their childish games with a little TV. [turns on TV to see a show with boxes on a conveyor belt in a factory]
Male TV narrator: It is here that the boxes reach their final stage of assembly. [changes channel to an old professor talking about a box equation on a chalkboard]
Professor Rowan: The equation is illustrated here by this box. [changes channel to a soap opera with a man and woman]
Man: I couldn't afford a present this year, so I got you this box. [he holds up a box]
Woman: That's what I got you! [she also holds up a box]
Cyrus: [frustrated about the box channels] Isn't there anything on that isn't about boxes?! [changes channel to a boxing match on TV]
Announcer: And welcome back to Championship Boxing.
Cyrus: [hoping the show isn't about boxes] Heh-heh, I guess this is okay. I mean, it's not really about boxes. [two boxes go at each other in the ring] I give up.
Astronaut Inside Pyra and Roswell's Box: 3... 2... 1... blast off! [a loud rocket takes off noises are heard from the box]
Cyrus: [fascinated] How are they doing that? That was the most realistic space launch I ever heard! There must be an explanation. Think, Cyrus, think! [he imagines Pyra and Roswell playing a tape recorder with real rocket sound effects]
Pyra: Cyrus's such a jerk. [both laugh]
Cyrus: Laugh at me, will they? [opens box once again] All right, where is it?
Roswell: [comes out of Cyrus's green hat box] Here I am!
Pyra: Where's what, Cyrus?
Cyrus: Don't "Where's what, Cyrus?" me! Where's the tape recorder?
Pyra: We don't have a tape recorder, Cyrus!
Cyrus: Don't "We don't have a tape recorder, Cyrus!" me!
Pyra: But we don't!
Roswell: [holds up a small, white, rectangular box in his hand] We have a tape recorder box.
Cyrus: [takes the small, white box from Roswell and throws it offscreen] All right, make way you two, I'm coming in. [gets into box]
Pyra: Welcome aboard, Cyrus! You've just set sail on the S.S... [makes a rainbow with her hands once more] ...Imagination... where our only destination is fantastic adventure! Where do you want to go first?
Cyrus: No, no. Don't mind me, I'm just here to observe.
Pyra: Cyrus, don't you see? Waiting and watching? That's not what the box is all about! It's about... [makes one last rainbow with her hands] ...imagination.
Cyrus: All right, fine! [as he makes the rainbow go away with his hands] Take me to Robot Pirate Island! I wanna arm-wrestle with cowboys on the moon! Just do it so I can get back and watch TV!
Pyra: Okay, Cyrus! Robot Pirate Island it is! [Pyra and Roswell close their eyes and make pirate and robot sounds]
Roswell: [imitates robot] Beep-beep-beep.
Pyra: [imitates pirate] Arr.
Roswell: Beep-boop-bee-boop.
Pyra: Ahoy matey!
Roswell: Beep-beep.
Pyra: For that you'll walk the plank! [Pyra giggles softly, and Roswell starts chuckling goofily]
Cyrus: [he gets angry. he growls] Why won't this thing turn on?! [he slams the bottom of the box with his fists]All right, fine. If you don't want to show me, [gets out of the box] I don't care! I've got better things to do than pace the floor wondering how you two work this thing. [Cyrus paces back and forth in his house] How do those two work that thing? There's got to be a secret button or a switch or something! I mean, listen to that! [he hears real robot/pirate, battle noises from box] Now, that sounds like Robot Pirate Island! Think, Cyrus, think! I got it: when those two go to bed, I'll sneak in there and find that button! I'll wait all night if I have to! [he sits in his chair until nighttime]
[firework and cheering sounds are heard coming from the box. Roswell and Pyra come out of the box and Roswell yawns] I need sleep to refuel my imagination tanks!
Pyra: [Cyrus looks out of his window] I still can't believe those pirates beat all those robots.
Roswell: Yeah, see you in the morning.
Pyra: Good night, Roswell. [they both go into their houses]
[Cyrus sneaks out of his house. He tiptoes over to the box and gets inside]
Cyrus: [He chuckles mischievously and then sees a piece of paper on the side of the box] Hello, what's this? [reads] "This plaque is to commemorate the brave pirates who gave their lives to keep this box safe from the Robot Menace. Lest we forget... Ohh! [tears paper into pieces with anger] I've got to find that button quick! [looks around the box] It's got to be around here somewhere. I don't see anything! It's just an empty box! Maybe it really was their imagination. Oh... get it together, Cyrus! What are you saying? I mean, do I really believe that if I sit here and pretend to drive a race car that I'm suddenly going to start hearing noises? [pushes his foot down and the sound of an engine revving is heard] What the...? [Cyrus turns the imaginary key] It actually works! I can't believe it! Ha-ha! Oh boy! This beats TV by a long shot! [laughs] Whooo-hoo-hoo! This is the most fun I've ever had! [the noises actually come from a garbage truck, which lifts the box into the other garbage]
Pyra: [Cyrus cheering in the distance] Listen to that, Helios. Cyrus finally made the box work after all. That's so great.
Cyrus: [the garbage truck begins to drive away with the box that Cyrus is in] Vroom! Vroom! Only two more laps to the finish line! [the garbage truck dumps out the trash, including the box] I'm in the lead! Out of my way! I'm almost there! [laughs as the box slides down a trash pile] Whoo-hoo-hoo! Victory is mine! [the box hits something, sending Cyrus tumbling down, face first onto a cherry pie. He groans and the box falls on him. The next morning, Pyra and Roswell come out of their houses]
Pyra: Hey, our box is gone!
Roswell: Oh, well.
Pyra: I know! Let's go see Cyrus!
Roswell: I hope he's not too down in the dumps today. [he and Pyra walk to Cyrus's house and a timpani noise is heard in the background as the screen fades to black]