Jak 3 TJB

I feel real silly writing this, because the run isn't very important and it's just a small run on the 2nd stream but i feel like i need to vent about it anyway. Despite if this was a main Jak game, or an offbrand Flash game, this is important to me.

So i am withdrawing Jak 3: The Journey Back Gold Edition from ESA's 2nd stream for a reason you may not think.
I've explained how i am not a fan of the secondary stream, but this is not the reason i am withdrawing my run at all, so hear me out.

Lately i left the Jak community discord and have tried to distance myself from the Jak games, as there has been a very negative stigma towards me after the leaderboard split. In case you don't already know, PS2/PS3 was split for Jak 2 and 3, i was the one who suggested to split the boards, i said my opinion that i wanted the split it, where no one really were brave enough to express their opinion, because they knew controversy would be on the rise. But i felt like despite all the shit that would be thrown at me, ultimately what the community ended up voting for, is what i wanted, because it would make the majority of the community happy. Unfortunately it ended up being a near dead even 50/50, which is worst case scenario, and the boards are now split.

As a following a lot of people have just started disliking me, trash talking me behind my back, and revealing things to other people that i want to stay in secret. Everyone has problems, and i feel like the whole world shouldn't know about them. I've therefore left the Jak Community Discord channel, because it seems like the community isn't in a great place if i am around. Because i knew i wasn't welcomed anymore, all i really did was post passive-aggressive comments a lot of the time (which is really stupid of me.) While on the other hand most of my own, serious posts ended up being treated as passive-aggressive comments as well. So i ended up leaving the discord, because i didn't want to be in a community where i didn't contribute anything relevant to the games or to the scene.

However i have been informed that even after i left people have been saying, things like ''Thank god that shitty mod left.'' And i could just ignore that, and i will from now on. I just find it a bit disrespectful, because i personally feel like i've done great things for the community, in regards to optimizing, skip finding, and giving some more light to how good the Jak games are as a speedrun. I understand that i am not the brightest, happiest and most likable guy on the planet, i'm very blunt, and i'm not afraid of saying what i mean, and i can come off like an asshole in that regard. I can also tend to say things before i speak. But that's something all humans do, some more than others. Most of the time i don't with bad intent, i am trying to improve on my behavior, just like other people might be attempting to improve on their anger issues, motivational issues, and such.

Just because i'm a bigger streamer, or i have an ego, or i'm blunt, or any of my personality traits. Doesn't give you the right to flat out dislike me. A lot of people want speedrunning to be an underground hobby that shouldn't be brought up into the main stream, but as soon as it does, if a person is responsible for the act, he will get hate for it.

For this very reason i do not wish to represent the Jak community anymore at marathons. Not because i don't think i couldn't do a good run, because i dislike the community, want to play a victim, or want to put the community in a bad light. No. Because the community would be better off having a community representative that they all like and care about, instead of me. When bonesaw ran Jak 1 at several of the GDQ's. It was well received by the crowd, but not by the community, because they didn't like how he presented the game. I fully understand this because his times were not that great, and of course as the competitor i am, i would have loved to see at least a good time, with some indepth talk about the games mechanics and the communities discoveries. I don't want to pull a bonesaw 2.0, so i won't be submitting anything Jak related to events anymore, unless i am certain that a large majority of the community is ok with me submitting.

If anyone wants to talk about what i exactly i did wrong to deserve disrespectful talk behind my back, i'd love to have a talk and get things solved, because i want to improve on it, and not ignore it.

I talked to Dexz and he's not sure if he is going to ESA, and he would have to put time into the run, so ultimately the best decision is removing the run. This will not stop me from streaming Jak when it comes out on PS4. I will be playing the games a lot, and if people still dislike, i would just kindly ask of you to leave me alone when i stream. I just want to have fun and have a great atmosphere all around, not having to worry about my mood being killed because i know people dislike me, and could come in at any time.

Thank you for reading - I like the Jak community, i just want you the best, but as of right now i don't feel welcome.