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- Punny Tree Porn by VK
- "Oh tree, you make me feel so very knotty. Let's do some cross-pollination! I want to rub up against your bark, and give you my awl. Why go outside the species? I know it's not the poplar thing to do. Let's just say I'm branching out. <moan> You are so very big--like a cedar, and soooo thick like a redwood. I don't care how much older you are than I. I've wanted hardwood like yours since I was a seedling. I want to taste your sticky sap. I want to sate myself with your fruit. I'll even take it in my aspen for you! What, you want to count my rings? You can have me without one. Wood you please be mine and never ever leaf me!
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- Oh, My Sweet, Hot Garden Gnome
- "I know you're watching me. I feel your eyes on me when I'm in the garden or at the pool. But it's when you are outside my bedroom window that thrills me the most. I so want to put on a good show for you. Did you think I wouldn't notice? How every morning I have to turn your ceramic eyes out into the street? Do you feel how my hand lingers on you when I do? Know that all I want is to stroke your white beard and feel your hardness against me...in me...my sweet, hot garden gnome!
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