Hazama is love

I was only 9
I loved Hazama so much
I mained him since CS1 and owned his dakimakura
I pray to Hazama everynight, thanking him for being A tier
"Hazzamer is love", I say, "Hazaman is life."
My dad hears me and calls me a scrub
I knew he was jealous because he played Noel
I called him a noob
He slaps me and sends me to play Skullgirls
Im crying now, my hands hurt
I lie in bed, it's cold
Suddenly, I feel a warmth and Gluttony Fang tune hits my ears
It's Hazama
I'm so happy
He whispers in my ear, "Who-ho-hoah there!"
He grabs me with his Ouroboros and puts me in front of my PC
I'm ready
I spend the next ten hours wrecking Hakumen
He won't stop spamming 6B
It hurts so much, but I do it for Hazama
I can feel my thumbs blistering and my eyes start to water
I do a CCCCC air spam
I want to please Captain Hazzamer
He laughs and Astral Heats Hakumen
My dad walked in
Hazama looked him straight in the eyes and said, "Git gud."
Hazama micro dashes through my window
Hazzamer is love, Hazaman is life