What Does It Mean? - Lette

A lapse? My age getting to me? I doubted that. I found myself amidst a bed of lily pads. Bare to the cold world, I paused. Eyes darting, ears at full perk, but nothing. Not a bird or chatter in the distance. Just the water, a slow churn at my feet and a light splatter when I moved. Was I bathing? I must had been, my clothes, parts of what I last remembered wearing at least, lay on the cobbled pier. I was bathing it seemed. I felt odd. The world spun at times, jittering. My vision, I thought. I should rest more, I told myself, a stern internal voice. Falling on deaf ears as usual, I had ignored it thus far and look where it had gotten me. It had been a long journey and perseverance had gotten me to it’s end, I reassured myself. But something did seem… off.

My fur shawl found it’s home across my form, the padded shoulders and tail draped down my back a welcome bit of warmth. Below it, my hide rag. As I set about tying it up, I peered about. The town, still silent. Just the creeping wave and my thoughts. My bottom bare, I continued on. Up the rampart and into the square. I hoped to see someone, even in my unkempt shape, set my tired nerves at ease if even for just a moment. I would have hated to startle someone, but it would be what it would be. Nudity had never bothered me personally. But now, if I offend one’s eyes, surely they have the means to turn away. It’s just not a sexual thing to me anymore, it hadn’t been for so long now. This wasn’t the first time time this old skin had felt the full kiss of the sun nor would it be the last. I’m just too old for the novelty of it all, I suppose.

Under a gnarled root arch and up the stairs, my rented room. The guilt of the last weeks fell on me like rain. That is when it hit me. Anxiety, fear, depression, again and again. Why would I be out in the pond? I placed palm on the heavy door, letting it glide open. Today was the day I would ask about him. Dark, but across the hall a violet light. Today was the day I would find him. The bedroom, just around the corner. The journey was at it’s end, I was sure of it. My vision began to blur. I had planned it all out before bed that last night. And there he was.

Hovering above the bed, as he did many a night. Meditating, lost in thought. The wrinkled corners of my mouth drew blood, cracked, separating in places they had not separated in years and years. A smile. A smile at long last. Heart soaring, I opened my mouth to call out to him.

Then I awoke. Cold, alone, shivering, bits of dried blood at the corners of my mouth.