HOW TO WRITE PROSE LIKE ARKNIGHTS

LEARN HOW TO WRITE PROSE LIKE ARKNIGHTS IN 3 MINUTES ~ YOU TOO CAN BE HAIMAO
Translation of this video: https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV1Ty4y167ow?from=search&seid=11198601426213814003

I'm Fireworks-kun, known by people in the industry as the Haimao of Shandong, and today I'm going to teach everyone how to write in the Arknights style within three minutes. Of course, since the lesson is a short one, it will necessarily be lighter on content, so please don't expect too much out of this.

Without further ado, let's begin with a simple question and answer exchange.

For example, one day the Doctor asks W, "What did you have for lunch?"

Doctor: What did you have for lunch?
W: I had stir-fried tomatoes with scrambled eggs.

Some of us might write that. A simple question and a simple answer; that seems perfectly fine, doesn't it?

WRONG. Wrong wrong wrong wrong WRONG.

"What did you have for lunch?" "I had stir-fried tomatoes with scrambled eggs" is what normal people would say. However, characters in Arknights' writing are not normal people! No matter what they say, they speak like elementary schoolteachers doing sentence-expanding with the kids, dragging a simple sentence out into something extremely long. Therefore, we need to broaden our thinking and take a divergent approach to answering the question of "what did you have for lunch". And so, we will be adding the following things to W's reply:

- War
- Death
- The Infected
- Starvation
- Cruel Memories
- Etc.

In any case, you need to really beef it up the reply, making it really striking. Talk about "why do people need to have lunch" and then move on to "can the Infected have lunch?", "My childhood friend Spike starved to death because he didn't have his lunch" and so on. In short, don't worry about whether it's relevant to the question, the further your reply branches, the better. This will ensure you have lots of text and make the players mistakenly believe that you're actually putting a lot of work into it. Since we wrote all that, it's YOUR fault if you can't bring yourself to read it, right?

Now, we've finalized the content, but there's still something missing, which is the second important point that I am about to get to: "giving an irrelevant answer". Giving irrelevant answers is the very essence of Hypergryph's writing. They make simple questions incredibly complicated, they take ordinary concepts and muddy them up, and they talk and they talk and they talk and they TALK, going over every single possibility of any given event, before finally kicking the ball back to the Doctor.

Take for example the question of "Have you had lunch?". You can expand that into:

- "Did you have lunch yesterday?"
- "Are you going to have lunch today?"
- "Will we have a chance to have lunch tomorrow?"
- "Does having just one bite count as having lunch?"
- "Have you had lunch if you're only half full?"
- "When you get down to it, what IS the whole concept of having lunch, anyway?" - "What does having lunch mean to me?"
- "What does having lunch mean to Amiya?"
- "What does having lunch mean to the Sarkaz?"
- "In the end, whether or not you have had lunch is still a matter that is determined by your perspective and values, so Doctor, you are the only one who can answer that question."

By now, I'm sure you must understand that the secret is to master the ability to pretend you're saying a lot of things, but in actual fact it's just a huge pile of nonsense. (Applause lights come on)

Then we have the third point, which is the finishing touch of the entire writing team - make ample use of ellipses.

(example ensues)

When you want to show how DEEP a character is, use ellipses. When you want to show that a character is thinking, use ellipses. When you don't know how to slow down the pace at which your players are reading, USE. ELLIPSES.

This is why ellipses, talking in riddles and screen shaking are known as the three divine treasures of Arknights' writing. They're handy - anyone who uses them knows this.

Alright, now that we've learned these three points, we also have a general formula for all forms of Arknights writing: Start with the time and location, amidst the gunsmoke of a certain battlefield, show fleeing Reunion troops, then the screen shakes and operators show up to have a dialogue. During the dialogue, have one of the characters suddenly launch into a long soapbox speech (this character can be Kaltits, W, Lappland and so on). She starts by building up on a simple question, then goes on to talk at great length about war, memories, death, hunger and other weighty topics. Finally, this character will use ellipse-filled sentences to throw the question back to the Doctor and that is the end of the scene.

(1: Time, location, just make something up about the environment)
(2: Screen shakes, begin dialogue)
(3: Young female character begins extended monologue) (TL Note: Kaltits is not young)
(4: Talking in riddles)
(5: Ellipses! Return the question to Doctor)

Sounds simple, doesn't it? Then, without further ado, let's use what we've just learned to try writing a short piece of prose!

0: 13/PM Weather: Clear
Rhodes Island Control Center
Doctor: ...
W: ...Tch.
W: Hey, you. Say something, why don't you?
Doctor: ...Have you had lunch?
W: Lunch?
W: What a joke. Who'd have thought that the present you would be interested in such boring things.
Doctor: You asked me to "say something".
W: And you decided to respond with an utterly banal question and pointless question?
W: ...Hmph. Seems you're different from how you were before. You would never have said something like that in the past. Still, that does suit you surprisingly well. Interesting. Very interesting.
W: But unfortunately - the present me cannot give that question of yours a straightforward answer.
W: You should have heard about the aftershocks of what happened in Chernobog 4 years ago, right? Back then, a kid asked me the same thing you did.
W: Want to know how I answered him?
W: -I told him to go die. Isn't that heartless?
W: Ever since, hunger has expressed itself in me in a very unclear way. THerefore, I cannot give a simple answer to your question...
W: Oh, look at the expression on your face.
W: Still, it's true that food can satisfy the pitiful desire to fill your belly, and doing so grants you a cheap sense of happiness - but cheap hits of dopamine like that will only result in your being stranded in the darkness for longer.
W: Therefore, are humans destined to pursue happiness, or does happiness view humans as its slaves - when you think further on it, it seems like an endless cyclical riddle, continually asking itself yet never reaching closure. But the irony is that this cheap happiness suits this ruined land so perfectly...what a joke.
W: Don't look at me like that. Everything will eventually develop in the direction we wish it to go, so there's no point in reading too deeply into things. Isn't living in the shallows of happiness a wonderful thing?
W: ...Still, the day will come when you must face this darkness by yourself. How marvellous... Frankly speaking, I look forward to that day's arrival.

Of course, I had no logical connections in mine when I wrote all this. Essentially, I wrote down whatever came to mind, so please, don't demand too much of yourself, everyone. Still, the finished product IS reminiscent of Hypergryph writing. Have you managed to learn the trick, kids?

(Yes we have!)

Make sure you study and practice it, and you can be the next Haimao!