He's a dick (shorts)

Mane 6
>Six sets of eyes followed the human as he strained to position himself inside his giant contraption.
>”Twi, You sure he isn’t going to hurt ‘imself doing this?”
>The strange bipedal stallion, that had only appeared a month or so ago was definitely going to suffer some injuries, but you were too tired to argue with him anymore.
>All of you were.
>Every time you warned him about the possible injuries he could incur, all he did was start screaming about the matriarchy keeping the man down.
“Just let him get it out of his system.”
>Though you would be lying if you said that you weren’t worried.
>For Celestia’s sake, it looked like a giant slingshot that Pinkie would build for her parties, though instead of pies being launched, it was Anon.
>”You fuckers said it couldn’t be done, well guess what, I am Anon, the human canonba- FUCK!!!”
>He slipped, his feet no longer providing the necessary leverage against the stretched band, his body shot through the air in a blur of green.
>Judging by his trajectory you knew exactly where he was going to land.
>The loud crash which was promptly followed by frantic screaming reached all your ears.
“Girls, I’m going to the library to write the accident report to Celestia and start on the death certifica-“
>”STILL ALIVE YOU MARSHMELLOW FUCKS!”
>The minor throbbing in your head finally met the threshold of becoming a full blown migraine.
“I don’t get paid enough for this.”
>”Nothing can kill me, I’m INVINCIBLE!”
>His deranged laughter rang throughout the town causing many of the ponies who were looking on in wonder to flee for the safety of their homes.

Applejack
::Thud::
>Bucking the apple tree with your hind legs you heard the telltale thumps as the were baskets being filled.
>wiping the sweat off your brow with your hoof you grinned.
>All was right in Equestria.
>Buck some apples, sell the apples, make an honest bit for your hard work.
>Nothing could beat-
>”Hey apple horse, do you have any power tools in that barn of yours?”
>Your happy mood disappeared just as quickly as your parents.
“Pardna’ what the hay are you doin’ ere’?”
>After trying to train Winona to be an attack dog last week, he wasn’t very welcome in your orchard.
>”Anyone ever tell you that you talk funny?”
>Deep breaths Applejack.
>”We’re in America, you should speak American.”
>He’s just a dumb colt, don’t let him get under your coat.
>”Anyway, I need some tools.”
“Is it that hard to say please?”
>The human grinned, in that split second you realized what you had just asked.
>This darn dummy wouldn’t know manners if they were smacked into him.
>In other words, he was going to say something stupid, and it would be aimed at getting you riled up.
>”Ba-”
“Dontcha’ do it.”
>”Bana-”
“Anon I’ma warnin ya.”
>”Bananajack please.”
>Muther-bucker!
>Letting out a roar that would make a manticore lose his wood, you dove at the dumb ape.
“I’m going to whoop you somethin’ good, you monkey!”
>Giggling like a madman the human took off, with you right on his tail.
>His yells of ”but I said PLEASE!” were lost on you though.
>All that was left was the need to inflict large amounts of bodily harm.

Fluttershy
>The curtains were drawn, door barricaded, even the hearth was sealed with a rather large stone courtesy of Mr. Bear.
>There was no way Anon could possibly get in here now.
>Mr. Bluejay said he spotted the towering human heading towards your homely cottage earlier, thus resulting in your current state.
>Not that you were avoiding him or anything like that.
>But…
>He was a tad err—frightening. Yes, that’s the word, frightening.
>All the creatures you looked after became fidgety in his presence, often fleeing from him as if he were some uncontrollable predator.
>He was just misunderstood, that’s all.
>You were sure that time he tried hunting Angel bunny with a bow and arrow was just a silly game.
>Or the bear trap…
>And bug zapper, the “smashie stick”—
>Misunderstandings, all of them.
>So you weren’t avoiding him or hiding, you were just making sure that your animals didn’t get over-excited by his antics.
>A heavy knocking on the wood paralyzed you with fear.
>”Hey Butterbottom, I know you’re in there!”
>The door and wooden planks underneath you shook with each massive bang against the door.
>”C’mon stop hiding, I sorta need your help with a project I’m working on.”
>H-he needed your help? For what? And most importantly, why?
“I don’t think that’s a good idea right now Anon, I’m really busy.”
>You were a horrible liar; a mean and nasty liar.
>”Oh, well no helping it. When you get a chance then, do you mind talking to the beavers, I might have accidentally blown up the western dam, and the eastern one too.”
>The dams, oh goodness.
>”So the towns half flooded and purple is having one of her panic attacks, so whenever’s good for you.”
>The sound of retreating footsteps filled the cottage, many of the animals refusing to leave their hiding spots throughout it.
>If Twilight’s involved maybe you wouldn’t need to go outside-
>”Oh hey look a duck- c’mere for a sec- IT FUCKING BIT ME GODDAMMIT! Get back here you FUCKER, I’m going to cook you over a fire!”
>Oh dear.
>”Oh shit the duck has my smashing stick, RETREAT!”

Pinkie Pie
>Humming a tune, you placed the oven mitts on your hooves before removing the batch of cookies from the super double-decker oven.
>The smell of double chocolate chip and peanut butter chunk cookies filled the backroom of the bakery.
“These are going to be perfect for minuettes birthday party later.”
>Wiggling your hips you could just imagine how happy everypony was going to be after having them, and the cake, and the cupcakes, and brownies, and…
“Oh no! I forgot about the almond toffee bars.”
>Giggling you spritely walked to the fridge to get the ingredients.
“Oh Pinkie Pie, you’d forget your own hooves if they weren’t attached.”
>The bakery’s door chime rang, stopping your little joke.
“Looks like this pony got some snacks to sell first.”
>Dropping the apron on the counter you headed to the front of the shop, ready to make a pony’s day all the better with some delectable-
>Your smile faltered just a little when you saw whom exactly it was.
“Hiya Anon, what brings you uh- in today?”
>You could never hold a grudge against a pony, but this was Anon, and he was no pony.
>”Just some bread today.”
>He always did this. Never a pastry or slice of cake, just bread.
>How did he survive.
“You sure, we have some cookies that just came out of the oven--”
>”You know I don’t like sweets.”
>The NERVE this stallion had!
>What male didn’t like sweets? or better yet turned down a cookie made by the baker extraordinaire Pinkie Pie?
“How about I just throw one in with the bread, my treat.”
>”Pinkfluff, if I see a cookie within a foot of the bread I swear I’ll-”
“Don’t be such a party pooper, I’ll throw in two.”
>Maybe that’s why he was always a sourpuss, no sugar in his diet.
>His eyes travelled from your face down to the tray that had a freshly baked loaf of bread, with two delicious looking cookies atop.
>”I said I don’t want them.”
“That’s too bad, because they’re already yours.”
>Sticking out your tongue at him, in what you assumed was a playful fashion, you waited for him to relent and take his baked goods.
>Instead, he reached down, picking up the cookies and placed them on the counter.
>”No thanks.”
>Grrr this colt was being waaaay too stubborn for his own good.
“I insist.”
>”Fuck you, I don’t want your cookies.”
“There’s only one way you’re leaving this place Anon, and that’s with those cookies.”
>His eyes narrowed at your threat.
>”Is that right?”
>Nodding you waited for his next move.
>”Then I’ll just have to wait it out, but here’s the thing, a new pony just came to town and there’s no one to greet them.”
“Liar!”
>”It could be a lie, but are you willing to take that chance?”
>His grin at your obvious discomfort infuriated you.
>If he was telling the truth that poor pony was probably all lonely and then they wouldn’t make any friends and then they would be sad and that would make you sad and- where did Anon go?
>In the briefest of moments you were distracted, the human had gone, the only evidence being the seven bits laying where the loaf of bread was.
>Two cookies, all lonely, sat next to them.
>Darn that human.
>You were going to feed him whether he liked it or not.