Poor Little Human Boyz

Jan 21st, 2018
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  1. ~Rarity~
  4. >Be Anon
  5. >For you, it was another awful, boring day
  6. >For the world however, it was something else entirely
  7. >A few weeks ago the unimaginable had happened
  8. >While you and the rest of the general populace didn't have any of the exact details yet, apparently mankind had first contact with a race not of this world
  9. >From the couple photos that you had see of them, most of these beings looked pretty much like anyone you'd find walking the streets
  10. >Maybe not YOUR streets, since everyone around town looked like some fat hick if they were lucky, but they pretty much looked like humans
  11. >The kicker was that some of them had honest to god horns sticking out of their heads
  12. >Others had wings--fucking bird wings!-- sticking out of their backs
  13. >In a picture or two, you could even see some of them with both
  14. >They called themselves Equestrians
  15. >The news called them invaders and a threat
  16. >Some people called them dangerous
  17. >You honestly couldn't give a shit about the whole thing, so you didn't call them anything
  18. >Sure, you had heard about some... weirdness on facebook
  19. >Something about guys just up and disappearing in different parts of the country
  20. >Hell, your aunt Linda insisted that the Equestrians stole your cousin Greg
  21. >You had no idea why
  22. >Greg was a fucking putz that smoked cigarette butts and never went anywhere without his plumber's crack
  23. >You were sure that it was just people getting riled up, and nothing more
  24. >And even if it wasn't, you probably didn't have too much to worry about
  25. >What alien was gonna come all the way out here to steal something?
  26. >Especially in the broad daylight?
  27. >Sighing, you leaned back against the park bench you were sitting at and closed your eyes
  28. >You were supposed to be at work at the moment, but because of some quick thinking you were able to make stubbing your toe against a work bench look like you had broken something
  29. >So not only did you get the next few days off, you got motherfucking worker's comp
  30. >Which was fucking sick
  32. >That meant a few days away from the hell pit that you had found yourself employed to
  33. >Which meant no dickhead coworkers
  34. >Or hearing that fucking air gun firing off every two seconds
  35. >Or hearing your boss yell for no reason while the fucker spit chew on your work boots
  36. >...
  37. >Man, FUCK that guy...
  38. >Your nose scrunched up at the thought
  39. >While you'd usually have gone straight to your shitty apartment to begin an epic jerk off marathon, you had decided to go to the park and sit for a bit
  40. >You kind of wanted to just sit outside and hear the birds for a bit
  41. >Sure, that might make you found like a faggot, but who the fuck cares?
  42. >You're a faggot that has a couple motherfucking days off!
  43. >"Excuse me? Would you mind if I took a seat next to you?"
  44. >You jumped as a fancy, mid-atlantic ass voice came from right in front of you
  45. >Sitting up, your eyes quickly snapped opened
  46. >There was a girl standing about a foot away from you, staring at you expectantly
  47. >She was a fucking fox, probably one of the prettiest women that you've ever seen in person, with the deepest blue eyes that you've ever seen
  48. >Also, poking out of her stylish, curly purplish hair, was a long white horn
  49. >...
  50. >What the fuck...
  51. >"Sir? Are you alright?" the woman asked
  52. >You blinked
  53. "What... Oh, I'm fine. Yep, I'm alright," you shimmered, scooching over and patting on the free space of the bench. "Go ahead and sit down if you want."
  54. >The girl giggled
  55. >Tucking the bottom of her dress against her butt--not that you were looking--she sat down next to you
  56. >You had done your best to give her more than enough room on the bench, so much so that half your ass was off the thing, but even so her side was pressed right against yours
  57. >"It's a very nice day, is it not?" the girl asked casually, looking up at the sky
  58. "At least it's not raining," you said, doing your best not to look at the girl
  59. >To your surprise, she giggled
  61. >"Ah yes, I heard that you cannot control the weather here. That must be terribly bothersome, you poor dear..."
  62. >...
  63. >They control the weather?
  64. >That's some fucking shit
  65. "Eh, you learn to get used to it," you said as calmly as you could."
  66. >The woman looked up at the sky for a few more moments before her blue eyes snapped toward your face
  67. >She smiled a smile that nearly took your breath away and offered you a hand
  68. >"Where are my manners? My name is Rarity. It is very nice to meet you, Mr..."
  69. >You took Rarity's small, delicate hand
  70. >You felt a bit bad that you were getting grime and dirt all over it, so you just gave her a quick shake before letting go
  71. "The name's Anon, it's nice to meet you, Rarity."
  72. >Rarity's smile widened, and for a moment you swore that you could see a spark in her eye
  73. >To your surprise, she placed a hand on your dirty jeans
  74. >"Anon? That's a wonderful name, if you don't mind me saying."
  75. >You couldn't help but chuckle nervously
  76. >If it weren't for the horn, you'd think this was a hooker or something
  77. >...
  78. >This Equestrian wasn't some kind of hooker, right?
  79. >Because that'd be fucked up...
  80. >You laughed nervously
  81. "Well, thank you very much, ma'am," you said with a nod of your head
  82. >Your eyes snapped toward her horn
  83. >Rarity caught you staring, and her smile turned a bit impish
  84. >"Is something the matter, darling?" she asked, giving your leg a squeeze
  85. >You did your best not to jump
  86. "So... you're one of those Equestrians, right?"
  87. >"Yes I am," Rarity replied with a nod. "I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd take a seat for a bit to rest my feet."
  88. >In the neighborhood?
  89. >Why the FUCK would she come out here?
  90. >She get lost or something?
  91. >"And wouldn't you know my luck if I didn't happen to come across a good looking gentlemen like yourself," she continued
  92. >...
  93. >What?
  94. >You looked around, searching for any cameras
  95. >You might not have been the smartest of men, but this REALLY felt like a work...
  96. "G-Gentlemen? I don't know about that," you said, looking down at your feet like the bitch you were
  98. >Though you didn't see it, Rarity's smile turned toothy
  100. ~_~_~_~_~_~_~
  102. >Be Rarity
  103. >For the last thirty minutes, you had been speaking with Anonymous, or Anon as he insisted you call him, and you had to admit that this was as simple as everyone said
  104. >With a few choice sentences you had Anon telling you everything about himself
  105. >He worked at a lumber yard
  106. >He moved here to get away from his family that he couldn't stand
  107. >He dislikes his job in the extreme and can't find anything else because "No one's hiring"
  108. >It was true that you saw some womanly crudeness shine through the man every once in a while
  109. >A curse word here, the way that he rubbed his calloused, hands together or through his poor hair
  110. >You also noticed--with some pride-- that he was trying very, very hard not to look at your breasts
  111. >But even so your conversation was without incident
  112. >In fact, if you didn't know any better, you'd have said that it was going perfectly
  113. >Even without your magic, you could feel his frustration
  114. >To your horror, you also could feel the beginnings of hopelessness
  115. >Here Anon was, a bright young man in the prime of his life, working like a dog for next to nothing
  116. >He didn't even have any female companionship to ease his suffering
  117. >As a lady, this did not sit very well with you
  118. >Different world or no, one should know to treat men better than this!
  119. >It was a disgrace!
  120. >It was nonsense!
  121. >Mothers and daughters everywhere should be ashamed of themselves!
  122. >...
  123. >But, even so, you had to almost be thankful for this neglect...
  124. "...You know, Anonymous, I've been looking for an assistant to help me with my boutique."
  125. >Anon's eyes widened
  126. >Though you could tell he was doing his utmost to contain himself, there was a glimmer of hope in his eyes
  127. >It made you want pull the man into a hug and never let go, but you contained yourself
  128. >Not yet...
  129. >Not yet...
  130. >"Really? I don't have any experience in clothes or anything like that..." he said
  131. >You smiled
  133. "I'd be happy to train you if you were willing, and I may also have a room for you to stay in."
  134. >In Equestria, this would have never worked
  135. >It would have been far too fast for any man
  136. >At best, you would have been lucky to get decline before the gentlemen immediately left the area
  137. >"Really?!" Anon said, excitement creeping into his voice. "I can call my boss right now and quit!"
  138. >You did your best not to laugh, but even so a snort escaped you
  139. "Are you sure? It's not something to take lightly..."
  140. >Anon stood up, grabbing your hand
  141. >"I'm sure. There's nothing here for me anyway, and the farther away from my family I can get the better!" he said, giving your hand a tug. "Come on, I'll grab my stuff from my place, tell the landlord that I'm leaving, and we can go wherever you want."
  142. >Your smile lessened a hair
  143. >There was something wonderfully funny and heartbreaking about this...
  144. >Even so, your grip on his hand tightened
  145. >Cadence had been correct, almost painfully so
  146. >But it was no matter
  147. >You were all here
  148. >And now that you were everything would be infinitely better for Anonymous and people like him
  149. "Lead the way, dear."
  153. ~Applejack~
  156. "Come on. Come on. Big money, big money. Nascar, Worldstar Poker, Superman, up, up, up, up, up!"
  157. >You slapped your chalk-riddled hands against your chest
  158. >Gritting your teeth, you grabbed the bar in front of you
  159. >There's nothing around you
  160. >No sights, no sounds, no movement
  161. >There's just you, the bar, and an empty void
  162. "Hhhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuueeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
  163. >You pull upward on the bar
  164. >The fucker doesn't want to get up off the ground
  165. >It's resisting, and resisting hard
  166. >Gnashing your teeth, you put a little more oomph into it
  167. >The bar itself bends, then slowly begins to rise
  168. >You can feel your body protest, your glutes and arms screaming, but you still lift up that fucker
  169. >Inch by fucking inch it comes up
  170. >The world around you becomes hazy
  171. >Stars explode out of the corners of your vision
  172. >Comeoncomeoncomeoncomeon...
  173. >Almost there...
  174. >With a beastial grunt, you lifted the weight in your hands with one final grunt
  175. >The world comes back
  176. >You're in a gym
  177. >Shitty normie music is playing in the background
  178. >To your left is some grandpa doing some dumb ass exercise
  179. >Shaking and breathing hard, you looked yourself in the middle to see that you had, in fact, locked out 4pl8
  180. >A grin came to your face when you realized that you had
  181. >Fuck yeah!
  182. >Dropping the weight--which made a VERY satisfying bang-- you did an excited little hop
  183. >The sudden movement nearly send you to the floor, but you were too excited to even notice
  184. >You did it!
  185. >You lifted big man weight!
  186. >Striking a pose into the mirror, you looked around the gym to see who was mirin'
  187. >There were a group of girls in the elliptical
  188. >Cute girls, with flat, toned stomachs and short-shorts that any hot-blooded man loved
  189. >Every single one of them was staring at some putz with a nike one piece and beats by Dre
  190. >The fucker was half-repping preacher curled, biting his lip and staring at himself in the mirror like he and it were the only people in the room
  191. >...
  192. >A bit of the joy you felt dissipated
  194. >Not a lot, just enough to take the smile off of your face
  195. >Goddammit...
  196. >Grumbling to yourself, you sat down on the bench right next to you
  197. >Some silent contemplation might have been done as you looked down at your hands
  198. >Some feelings might have also been felt
  199. >And with these feels you found yourself standing up
  200. >Welp...
  201. >Time to see if you can hit 4.5 pl8...
  202. >"Um... 'cuse me."
  203. >You turned around
  204. >A pair of tits stared right back at you
  205. >Pretty big ones to, by the look of them...
  206. >You frowned, eyes flicking upward, then upward a little more
  207. >There was a woman standing in front of you
  208. >A giant ass woman
  209. >She was at least 6'5
  210. >Through her flannel shirt, you could see that she was packing some serious muscle
  211. >It didn't make her look like one of those freak strong women, but she was a big girl
  212. >...
  213. >For you
  214. >Her face was red and her cheeks were puffed out like some kind of chipmunk
  215. >She also appeared to be holding a bouquet of flowers in one of her hands
  216. "...Um, hello?" you said, taking a half step back
  217. >The girl's face reddened
  218. >She took a step toward you, closing whatever distance in an instant
  219. >Jesus, what did they feed this girl...?
  220. >"Yer Incognito, right?" she half asked, half mumbled
  221. >You quickly looked around the room, checking for all possible exits
  222. "Yes. Yes I am."
  223. >Flowers were thrust in your face
  224. >"Here. I'ah thought ya might like these," she said, as you tried not to spit and sputter daisies and tulips . "I picked 'em myself this mornin'."
  225. >You took them out of her hands, more for your sake than hers
  226. "Thank you...?"
  227. >The girl looked away from you, hands going behind her back
  228. >"Applejack," she said. "The name's Applejack."
  229. >...
  230. >Applejack?
  231. >Like the cereal?
  232. >You stared at her for a good minute, trying to figure out what the hell was going on
  233. >In that time, Applejack seemed to have settled something in her mind
  234. >She puffed up, a determined look coming to her face
  236. >"I've spent the last two days thinkin' what I was gonna say to you," she said. "I ain't ashamed ta admit that I lost a bit o' sleep over it."
  237. >She placed her hands on her hips
  238. >Her thick legs that rounded out in possibly the nicest ass you have ever peeked at
  239. >"But ya know what? I ain't got the talkin' or whooin' like some gals I know. I'm an earth tribe gal, an' I'm gonna do this the earth tribe way."
  240. >Before you could even blink, the big country girl scooped you up and hauled you over her shoulder
  241. "Hey!" you yelled, your face exploding in a blush. "Whatcha doing?!"
  242. >"I'm takin' ya home ta my family," Applejack replied, face beat red. "Granny's been itchin' ta meet ya, and so had Bloom."
  243. >Granny?
  244. >Bloom?
  245. >Who the fuck are they?
  246. >What the fuck's going on?
  247. >Are you being kidnapped?
  248. >Is this giant ass, pretty woman stealing you?
  249. >You squirmed in her grasp, but she held you firmly
  250. >Your squirming stopped as she reached down and picked up your 4pl8 with one hand, putting it on the power cage rack like it was nothing
  251. >Sweet baby Jesus...
  252. >"I'm mighty sorry that I can't think o' how ta romanticize ya, but I'ah promise ya'll love it," the super woman said, gently patting your cheek. "There's apples are far as the eye can see. We got a big house, enough ta have all the little 'uns ya want! And..."
  253. >Continuing to chattering on, Applejack carried you out of the gym
  254. >Every single eye was on you
  255. >But, with your cheek pressed up against a wonderfully big, apple-smelling chest, you found yourself not caring that much
  259. ~Pinkie Pie~
  262. "--And you wanna know another fucking thing?! I'm SICK of you always going on your damned computer when you come home from work! You don't say hello, or ask me how my fucking day was, you just come in our bedroom and--"
  263. >You let out a sigh, staring off at nothing
  264. >Your dear, wonderful girlfriend was pacing in front of you, all fired up
  265. >You had no idea what she was fired up about. but whatever it was had really gotten her panties up in a bunch
  266. >For the last twenty minutes she had been screaming words at you, with no sign of stopping
  267. >Once upon a time you might have asked what was the matter, but you knew that wouldn't do any good
  268. >Best to just let her tire herself out
  269. >Then you could sleep on the couch and jerk off in peace...
  270. "--I don't care if you don't like Britney, we're going to that dinner Saturday and--"
  271. >The love of your life ceased her verbal barrage as her phone rang
  272. >The frown on her face deepened as she pulled it up of her bra and inspected it
  273. >"Oh look, it's my mom," she said, nearly shoving the phone in your face. "I'll tell her about all of the shit you're pooling. THEN we'll see who's crazy!"
  274. >While you could have said that you didn't think she was crazy-- fuck, you hadn't said a damned word since you got home-- your girlfriend marched toward your bathroom, slamming the door behind her
  275. >...
  276. >Fuck
  277. >Sighing, you let your shoulders slump
  278. >Hopefully this shit wasn't gonna last all night...
  279. "Hiya!"
  280. >Most people would have jumped when a sudden voice appeared out of nowhere
  281. >But you were a twenty-something old man
  282. >The world had beaten you down far too much to even phase you
  283. >Slowly looking to your left, you saw someone sitting to your left
  284. >It was a cute girl with the pinkest, poofest hair that you had ever seen
  285. >Her blue eyes were sparkling as she stared at you with a smile so wide that it nearly seemed to come off her face
  286. >She was also, oddly enough, wearing a batman costume
  287. >...
  288. "Hello," you said, looking toward your bathroom door
  290. >"That girl seemed really angry!" the batwoman said
  291. >You nodded
  292. "Yeah. She seems to get angry a lot lately..."
  293. >You looked back over at the mystery woman
  294. "Are you one of those Equestrians? Because I've ever seen hair like that."
  295. >The girl nodded
  296. "Yep, I'm Pinkie Pie!" she said with a bounce, which did... interesting things to her entire body
  297. "I'm Nameless," you said, offering her a hand, which she took. "Nice to meet you. I guess."
  298. >You could hear your girlfriend rummaging through your bathroom
  299. >It sounded like you were going to have to clean up in there again...
  300. >"You know..." Pinkie said, lightly nudging your side. "If that girl's grumpy all the time you should find another party for one, if you know what I'm saying."
  301. >You grimaced
  302. "Eh, if it's not her I'd be miserable with someone else."
  303. >Though you didn't see it, Pinkie frowned
  304. "Nuh-uh! That's not how it's supposed to work!" she cried, grabbing your arm. "A couple's supposed to be happy and love each other and have a bunch of happy private parties together!"
  305. >She rocked you back and forth, her hair smacking against your face
  306. >To your surprise, you noticed that it smelled just like fucking sugar
  307. >Weird...
  308. "It's supposed to, but I've never seen it happen," you said
  309. >"Well, you're just not looking hard enough!" Pinkie said, hopping into your lap and pressing your face into her bosom
  310. >A bosom which, upon close inspection, was nearly hanging out of her costume, since she had the front half of it zipped down
  311. >"For all you know, there could be a nice, pink haired party gal that'd make you the happiest guy in the world!" Pinkie continued. "She could be right here in a neato costume ready to take you away to party and snuggle and have a whole bunch of babies after the two of you got married at the rock farm!"
  312. >You sighed, nuzzling your face into the crazy woman's face
  313. >Believe it or not, this was the first friendly female contact that you had felt in MONTHS
  314. >So, naturally, it felt pretty nice
  316. >But, even so, you forced yourself to pull your head out of that sugar scented valley
  317. "Hey, I appreciate the offer, but I don't think I can do that," you said with a shake of your head. "She might be a bit of a cunt, but she's still my girlfriend. I can't just--"
  318. >The bathroom door cracked open, and something was thrown out
  319. >Looking at it, you saw that it was your favorite jurassic park towel
  320. >The one that you went to Universal Studios to get when you were five years old
  321. >It had been torn clean in half, besmirched with makeup and fucking haircare products
  322. >"I fucking HATE that towel! Nameless! Throw that stupid thing away!"
  323. >You sat there motionless, just staring down at your towel
  324. >Something deep inside of you snaps
  325. >...
  326. >Eyes narrowing, you looked up at the girl in your lap
  327. "Fuck her, fuck this apartment, and fuck this planet," you said. "Give me five minutes and we can fuck off."
  328. >Pinkie hopped off you with a giggle
  329. >"Okie dokie!"
  330. >You sat up, ready to go to your closet to grab a few duffel bags
  331. >The cunt in the bathroom would be in there probably for another thirty minutes
  332. >You could get everything you needed and she wouldn't be any the wiser
  333. >Still though, before you even took a step, an idea came to you
  334. "Hey Pinkie... where did you get that batman costume?"
  335. >Pinkie blinked
  336. >"What's a batman?" she asked innocently
  337. >You nodded once
  338. >Good enough for you
  339. "It's nobody. Now grab that pillow over there. And that blanket to...
  343. ~Twilight Sparkle~
  346. >The Star Dragon stared at you in the darkness of the room
  347. >You could feel it's eyes, deep blue and cracking with ancient power
  348. >Most mortals would have run from such a gaze, but you were no mortal man!
  349. >And besides, if you ran who was gonna paint this fucker's wings
  350. "There we go... don't fuck this bit up... Nice and easy..."
  351. >You stuck your tongue out, making sure your hand was as steady as possible as you put that final edge highlight on the dragon's wing
  352. >Usually, your dick of a brother would barge in at this time, ruining hours of work with a shout or a slap on the back, but no one was home
  353. >Your big bro was out partying, and hopefully he'd be out until the sun came up
  354. >You had, of course, been asked to come with him
  355. >He had said that you needed to get up, talk with some women
  356. >A bit of pussy would be good for you, he had told you with a little laugh
  357. >You had turned him down
  358. >How couldn't you?
  359. >They played the music too loud in the clubs, drinks were too expensive, people were pushing and shoving each other
  360. >The few girls that were lurking around only talked to you if you bought then drinks or told the DJ the song they wanted played, and even then it was never much of a conversation
  361. >Hell, even without the blasting music the conversation was never... there
  362. >So you had done the safe, easy thing
  363. >You stayed in to paint up your elves
  364. >Nice and quiet and fun...
  365. >...
  366. >And lonely...
  367. >Sighing, you pushed the model away
  368. >Rinsing your paintbrush, you put that away as well, leaning back into your chair
  369. >You looked around your messy room
  370. >It wasn't a bad room--a hell of a lot nicer than the one you had when you lived at your parents--but God above did you hate it
  371. >You could see your figures sitting on shelves that you had set up all around the room
  372. >They were an accumulation of hundreds of hours of work, each of them painstakingly painted
  373. >It was something to be proud of, and you were proud of it, but there was something wrong
  375. >That something had been prevalent for a while now
  376. >Lately it had been growing
  377. >You had tried ignoring it, working and painting and reading as you did, but for the last couple of days you were really starting to feel it
  378. >You couldn't exactly explain it, but it kind of felt like there was a hole in your chest
  379. >It was a distressing, confusing feeling, and you didn't like it very much
  380. >Not one big...
  381. "Hmm..."
  382. >Closing your eyes, you rubbed your face with a paint stained hand
  383. >Your eyes were staring to hurt
  384. >You also had absolutely no desire to jerk off
  385. >Maybe it'd be best if you just called it a night..
  386. >If your brother wasn't dead in the morning maybe you could get him to go to ihop with you...
  387. >Pancakes always made you feel a bit better...
  388. >Suddenly, there was a knock on your bedroom door
  389. >"Excuse me? Is someone in there?"
  390. >To say that you nearly hit the ceiling was an understatement
  391. >You knew for a FACT that the door to your apartment was locked, so no one should be in here
  392. >Was it a burglar?
  393. >Or a murderer?
  394. >Or some kind of filthy miniature destroyer?!
  395. >"Oh honey seed... That spell should have worked..." someone grumbled on the other side of the door. "Hello? Redacted? Are you here?"
  396. >Your eyes flicked toward your bed, where your limited edition hulk hands
  397. >You were about to make a move toward them when a thought came to mind
  398. >Maybe this was just some poor girl bringing your trashed bro back home
  399. >He was probably passed out, hanging off her or something...
  400. "Um... yeah, I'm in here," you called
  401. >There was a pause on the other side of your door
  402. >A long, nerve-wracking pause
  403. >Then, a squeal that made you jump came out of nowhere before your door was opened, revealing a girl
  404. >But not just any girl
  405. >This girl was clearly one of those Equestrians
  406. >She had these purple eyes, and this odd string of pink running down her hair
  407. >And also, oddly enough, looked like she was wearing her Sunday best, a very nice, frilly dress that looked a size small for her
  409. >But that wasn't what had your attention
  410. >What had your attention was that she not only had a horn sticking out of her forehead, but a pair of purple wings as well
  411. >Only the rulers of their land had both of those things, you had heard
  412. >Their race was called "alicorns" or something like that
  413. >...
  414. >Did your bro pick up a fucking princess?
  415. "I, um..."
  416. >Not knowing what else to do, you awkwardly bowed
  417. "Your majesty, I--"
  418. >"NO!"
  419. >You jumped, your head snapping up to see that the princess had closed the distance between the two of you
  420. >The smile on her face had been replaced with a look of distress and fear
  421. >"Please don't call me your highness, or your majesty, or princess," she begged, grabbing your hands. "Not that, not you. Just call me Twilight please."
  422. >You tried to take a step back, more than a little concerned
  423. >Twilight stepped with you, clenching your hands tightly
  424. >Her hands were soft, you noticed
  425. >They also seemed to have faded ink splotches on them
  426. "I'm sorry... Twilight?" you said
  427. >The princess immediately smiled at her name, her eyes lighting up
  428. >The sight of it made your heart skip a beat
  429. >"I'm sorry for sounding so pushy. I'm also sorry for just barging in like this, but when Cadence told me that I had a match I just got so excited and--"
  430. >Realizing that she had to breath, the princess took a deep breath before giggling
  431. >"Oh Celestia, look at me! Talking like Pinkie Pie!"
  432. >She giggled again, looking up into your eyes
  433. >Despite the surreal situation you found yourself in, you couldn't help but smile back
  434. >It had been a while since you had talked to a girl like this
  435. >Most wouldn't give you the time of day, or were trying to get back at your brother by fucking you or something
  436. >But with this girl?
  437. >The Equestrian princess creature that had broken into your house and was talking your ear off like she had known you her whole life?
  438. >At the very least it was a new experience for you
  440. "It's alright, your high--Twilight," you said, looking past her and at your door
  441. >"Are you sure?" Twilight asked, biting her lip. "I'm not annoying you? Or Celestia forbid, scaring you? I know I'd be scared if--"
  442. "I'm just a bit confused," you interrupted, looking back down at her. "How did you get in here? Did you bring my brother back from the club or something?
  443. >The princess blinked
  444. >"Club? Oh, I'd never go to a club," she said, shaking her head. "I'm not much of a party girl myself. I much prefer sitting down and reading a book."
  445. "So you didn't bring my brother home?" you asked, not noticing that Twilight had pressed herself against you until she was already doing it
  446. >"No, I actually came here to ask you something," Twilight said, suddenly bashful
  447. >Her wings flexed as she looked around the room
  448. >"Did you paint all of these?" she asked, gesturing toward your models. "They look really nice..."
  449. "Yeah, I did. And thanks," you said, trying to ignore just how warm the princess was and how nice she smelled.
  450. >Sighing, Twilight rested her head on your shoulder
  451. >In any other case, this would have made you jump away, but you didn't move an inch
  452. >Twilight mumbled something under her breath
  453. >If you didn't know any better, it sounded a lot like, "Not now."
  454. >Twilight looked back up at you
  455. >"Redacted? I know this is sudden--we didn't know each other before I knocked on your door--but I was wondering if you'd like to come back to Equestria with me."
  456. >You could only stare at you
  457. "Come back with you?" you asked
  458. >Twilight nodded, nervousness creeping into those purple eyes of hers
  459. >"Y-Yes. I'd really like to get to know you better, and Equestria is really nice this t-time of year. I also own a castle s-so you have enough room t-to do whatever you want..."
  460. >You barely heard a single word that she had said
  461. >You had heard about Equestrians taking guys
  462. >It probably didn't happen as much as the news said it did, but it happened
  464. >And, from what you had heard, not a single guy that had been taken had wanted to come home
  465. >It had sounded a bit too good to be true
  466. >Something that would never happen to someone like you
  467. >But here an Equestrian was, right in your bedroom
  468. >And not only an Equestrian, but a princess
  469. >And she knew your name
  470. >And she wanted to take you with her to live in her castle
  471. >...
  472. >In a castle!
  473. >Staring down at this woman, you could only think of one thing
  474. "...Why me?"
  475. >Twilight regarded your question with confusion
  476. >"Why you?"
  477. "You can pick anyone else in the world, anyone else in your world too probably, but you want someone like me--"
  478. >You gestured to yourself
  479. "--to stay with you. Why?"
  480. >Blinking, you realized that that feeling in your chest was staring to tighten up
  481. >Breathing was starting to become difficult
  482. >There must have been one hell of an expression on your face, because Twilight let go of your hand and touched your cheek
  483. >"Because you're perfect," she said simply
  484. >...
  485. >There was falsehood in her eyes
  486. >She seemed completely sincere saying such a silly, false thing
  487. >You opened your mouth to say something, only for the words to catch in your throat
  488. >You tried to speak again, only to fail
  490. "...I've been looking to move out for awhile anyway..."
  491. >Twilight's eyes widened
  492. >"Really?! You'll come to stay with me?!"
  493. >Not trusting yourself to speak, you could only nod
  494. >That was good enough for Twilight
  495. >"Eeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
  496. >Bouncing in place, the girl hugged you with all of her might
  497. >Her large wings wrapped around you, cocooning you in silky soft feathers
  498. >A bit dazed, you hugged her back as best as you were able, which got another adorable sound out of her
  499. >...
  500. >You were probably gonna have to write your bro a letter or something ...
  503. ~Fluttershy~
  506. >Be Fluttershy
  507. >It was 12 o'clock
  508. >You were in the park, waiting for Nameless to show up
  509. >He always came around a little after 12 to walk his doggy Otto
  510. >Cadence had told you this before sending you to the human world
  511. >She had also told you to be patient
  512. >Nameless had had a hard life, she said
  513. >He was angry, bitter, all of the things that a man shouldn't be
  514. >He was so full of these awful, horrible things that sometimes he said or did things that were less than nice
  515. >But Cadence said not to get discouraged
  516. >Just come to this park everyday, say hello to Nameless, play with his dog, and it'd work out
  517. >It had been ten days since you had started this
  518. >Ten long, hurtful days
  519. >But you weren't going to give up
  520. >The old Fluttershy might have
  521. >The one that didn't know Twilight and the girls, and had only Rainbow and her animal friends for company
  522. >One hateful word and she would have locked herself in her house for a week
  523. >But not you
  524. >So you sat there, talking to a very nice Robin, waiting for him to come
  525. "Oh, that's very nice, Mr. Robin. Just make sure not to use any plastic for your nests, okay? Your little ones might hurt themselves," you told the bird perched on your finger
  526. >Mr. Robin cocked his head to the side, thinking over your request
  527. >To your relief, he nodded with a chirp, spreading his wings and taking to the sky
  528. >You smiled
  529. "You have a good day as well, Mr. Robin," you called, waving at your new friend
  530. >You really hoped he found some worms...
  531. >Sighing,you leaned back in your bench and looked up at the sky
  532. >You could feel your heartbeat pick up a little bit
  533. >Anxiety made your stomach tighten
  534. >He'd be here any moment now...
  535. >Off in the distance, you heard a dog barking
  536. >A very familiar bark
  537. >You took a deep breath
  538. >Alright...
  539. >Time to go
  540. >With a flap of your wings and a grunt, you rose from your seat and began to make your way down the dirt path
  541. >Nameless always took his dog to the field at the south end of the park
  543. >Not a lot of people went that way, so he could let his dog run around all he wanted
  544. >The thought to turn away appeared in the back of your mind
  545. >You didn't want to bother the man...
  546. >If he saw you he'd get angry and start yelling...
  547. >You didn't want to hurt him anymore than you already had...
  548. >Nose scrunching up, you grabbed the bottom of your yellow sweater
  549. >None of that, missy!
  550. >You were going to talk with him no matter what!
  551. >You were a big girl!
  552. >A tough, strong woman!
  553. >Huffing, you increased your pace, trying to ignore the butterflies in your stomach
  554. >Sure enough, there Nameless was in the field, watching as his german shepherd frolicked around
  555. >There was the smallest of smiles on his face as he watched his pet
  556. >You had a feeling that Otto was the only one that Nameless had smiles for anymore...
  557. >But, hopefully, you'd be able to change that...
  558. >As he always did, Otto noticed you first
  559. >The dog's ears perked up and he looked over at you
  560. >Tail wagging, he started to bark in excitement
  561. >You smiled, giving him a wave, watching as Nameless turned his attention toward you
  562. >Almost immediately, his smile disappeared
  563. >A look of utter contempt replaced it
  564. >Such a look at hurt you more than you liked to admit the first time that it had been directed at you
  565. >Heck, it still hurt now...
  566. >Still, it wasn't anything that you couldn't handle...
  567. >"Otto, get your ass over here," Nameless snapped. "Otto!"
  568. >Otto ignored him, bounding over to you
  569. >You did your best to ignore Nameless's angry shouts, kneeling down and spreading your arms out nice and wide
  570. >You were able to brace yourself just in time for puppy kisses and nuzzles
  571. "Hello there, Otto," you said, giggling as he licked your nose. "And how are you doing today?"
  572. >Otto barked, offering you his head
  573. >You, of course, gave him his much deserved pets
  574. >What a good boy...
  575. >Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Nameless marching over toward you, his teeth gritted
  577. >"Hey! Stop fucking touching my dog, god dammit," he snapped, grabbing Otto by the collar and yanking him away from you. "And what did I tell you about leaving me alone?!"
  578. >You said nothing, keeping your eyes to the ground
  579. >This seemed to only make him angrier
  580. >"I've told you a million fucking times that I'm not interested! I don't want to go to fucking Equestria, I don't want to fucking live happily ever after! Go go fuck off back where you came from!"
  581. >Otto barked, trying to get back toward you, but Nameless's grip on him was firm
  582. >He half dragged, half carried the dog away
  583. >You swallowed, rising to your feet
  584. "U-Um, Nameless?"
  585. >"I don't want to hear it," Nameless called over his shoulder. "I've had enough fucking "love" in my life. I don't want it, and I most certainly don't want you."
  586. >You winced as if struck
  587. >Even so, you forced yourself to follow behind him
  588. "Could you p-please put Otto on a leash?" you asked. "You'll hurt him if you keep doing that..."
  589. >Nameless stopped
  590. >Pulling out a leash, he placed it on his dog
  591. >Then, making a point to ignore you, he continued down the path
  592. >You just continued to follow him, thinking
  593. >You weren't Rarity, you didn't know about this type of thing to make him like you...
  594. >You also weren't Pinkie, who'd be able to make Nameless feel better with a joke and a cupcake...
  595. >How were you going to show him that you cared?
  596. >How...?
  597. >The two of you walked in silence for a few minutes
  598. >Every once in awhile, Nameless would look back at you, frowning
  599. >You just responded with a smile
  600. >Finally, just as he was about to walk out of the park, he stopped and turned toward you
  601. >"What's it gonna take for you to fuck off?" he demanded, marching up toward you. "What do I have to do? Spell it out for you? Write a letter? Should I call the fucking cops so they can thrown your winged ass in jail?"
  602. >You placed your hands behind your back, looking him in the eye as you stood your ground
  603. >Nameless growled, getting right up into your face
  604. >"I've seen what "love" did to my old man. I've seen it did to buddies of mine. I don't want to deal with what they did. Not again."
  605. >Still, you didn't budge, looking up at him
  606. >One of Nameless's hands clenched into a fist, knuckles cracking
  607. >"I don't want the lying. I don't want the I love you's while you're blowing five fucking guys behind my back. You're not taking any of my fucking money and you're not making me miserable."
  608. >For a second, it looked like he was going to hit you
  609. >You braced yourself for the blow, only to get a hard jab to the shoulder
  611. >"Go away. Ask some other fuck to be your husband, or whatever the fuck you're trying to do. I don't want--omph!"
  612. >Lunging forward, you wrapped your arms around him
  613. >For a moment, Nameless just stood there, confused, staring down at you
  614. >Then his expression turned so ugly that your blood froze
  615. >"Get the fuck off of me," he said
  616. >He tried to shove you away, but you held on tight, placing your head against his chest
  617. >"Get off of me!" he yelled, trying to break your grip on him
  618. >Though barely, you were able to hold on tight
  619. >"Get off of me you feathered cunt!"
  620. >Roaring like an angry manticore, Nameless thrashed, wiggled, and did everything he could to get you off of him
  621. >It was all you could do to just hold on your eyes shut tightly
  623. >Otto barked, dancing around the two of you
  624. >You could tell he was concerned, but he trusted you enough not to hurt his master
  625. >"GET OFF--!"
  626. >You let out a grunt as a fist hit your stomach, nearly knocking the wind out of you
  627. >Still, you held on, wrapping your wings around him as well
  628. >A few more blows rained down around your body, but you held firm
  629. >Slowly but surely, Nameless was starting to tire out
  630. >"Get off...!" he said, panting. "G-Get..."
  631. >Bruised, and hurting from a dozen different places, you cracked open an eye and looked up
  632. >Nameless was biting his lip so hard that it was bleeding
  633. >His eyes were shut tight, and you could see tears forming in the corners of his ears
  634. >"P-Please, let go," he begged as those tears overflowed, making their way down his cheeks. "Don't g-give me hope. D-Don't..."
  635. "No," you told him
  636. >It was as if that one word took all the fight out of him
  637. >Nameless let out a sob, his body shaking
  638. >He buried his face into the nape of your neck, arms wrapping around your middle
  639. >"Please stop.Please don't d-do this to me..."
  640. >The strength in his legs gave out
  641. >He would have fallen right over if you weren't there to hold him up
  643. "It's alright," you told him as he cried, running a hand through his hair. "It's alright."
  644. >To be honest, you really didn't know if it'd actually be alright
  645. >The only thing you knew was that you'd be there for him
  646. >Forever, if that was okay...
  649. ~Sunset Shimmer~
  652. >"Here Sunset."
  653. >You smiled up at Twilight as she handed you a ice cream cone
  654. >It was another day in Equestria
  655. >You had been allowed back in your old world after spending years and years in a pony version of your home
  656. >Shit had been nuts
  657. >The ponies had been different colors, more than once they had group songs...
  658. >...
  659. >Oh Celestia, those group fucking songs...
  660. >...
  661. >Anyway...
  662. >You were home
  663. >Twi was happy you were back
  664. >Princess Celestia had been absolutely ecstatic when she learned you wanted to go home
  665. >You swore the woman had hugged you for at least an hour, embarrassing everyone within a hundred yards
  666. >And even though you had been embarrassed too you couldn't have been happier
  667. >And, if it would have just stopped there you would have been perfectly content
  668. >But, as fate would have it, your life only seemed to get better and better...
  669. "Thanks, Twi," you said, taking your ice cream
  670. >Bringing it to your mouth, you stick out your tongue to take a lick
  671. >Before you could though, you felt a certain someone kicking your spleen
  672. >Grunting, you looked down at your swollen belly
  673. "Hey, I'm getting you, your food, you little turd," you said with a frown. "So quit that!"
  674. >Twi's eyes snapped to your pregnant belly
  675. >"Kids kicking?" she asked
  676. "Yeah," you grumbled, placing a hand on your big, round stomach. "I wish I knew which one kept kicking so I can spank them when they finally get out. I'm sick of going to the bathroom every five seconds..."
  677. >Twilight giggled
  678. >"You beat my god kids I'm beating you," she said, poking your shoulder
  679. >You couldn't help but laugh
  680. "You couldn't beat your way out of a paper bag, you dork," you said, taking a lick out of your ice cream.
  681. >It hadn't been a month before Princess Cadence had called you back to the Crystal Empire
  682. >Apparently the Crystal Heart had found another match for one of those humans everyone had been talking about
  683. >And guess who was the lucky cunt?
  685. >"So where did Other go today?" Twilight asked, taking a bite out of her ice cream cone
  686. >You grimaced as you felt your kidney getting booted this time
  687. "He's off building the other bed for the twins," you said. "I told him that I'd do it when I got home but you know how human guys are."
  688. >Both of you chuckled
  689. >They really were a strange bunch if you thought about it
  690. >Most guys would hightail if they found out they knocked up a girl, but not your Other
  691. >The second that he found out he had gone to the bathroom to throw up, came right back up with the cutest look on his face, hugged you, and asked you to marry him
  692. >You had been so stunned that you had said yes
  693. >Wiping a tear from your eye, you looked up at the sky
  694. "They really are something huh?"
  695. >"Yeah," Twilight said, a dreamy look coming to her face
  696. >Her eyes snapped down to her stomach
  697. >"Though, I don't know about letting yourself get knocked up a month after you met your guy..."
  698. "Hey, it was an accident," you lied. "I thought it was my safe day. Could have happened to anyone."
  699. >"Safe days barely work with humans," Twilight pointed out
  700. "I didn't know that at the time," you said, waving your ice cream around
  701. >Another lie
  702. >You, like most people, knew that human males were packing some swimmers
  703. >Just a drop of their sperm could make a girl's belly swell right up
  704. >And you hadn't really helped all that much
  705. >Wrapping your legs around Other's waist and whispering into his ear to "make you a mommy" didn't do you any favors
  706. >That line had made your husband fire off like a fire hose
  707. >It had also made you squirm like a geyser, but that's besides the point...
  708. "And it's not like anything bad became of it," you said with a shrug. "I want a lot of kids, Other wants a lot of kids, Celestia wants a bunch of new students to teach, it's win-win for everyone."
  709. >Twilight snorted
  710. >"If you say so..."
  712. "Hey, when your man knocks you up you won't be giving me anymore shit," you said licking your ice cream
  713. >Your eyes widened as you received another kick, to the bladder this time
  714. >...
  715. >Fuck
  716. >Standing up, you handed Twilight your ice cream before waddling toward the nearest bathroom
  717. >Godammit...
  718. >You were going to love your kids SO fucking hard...
  721. ~Rainbow Dash~
  724. >"Anon, will you just talk to me for five seconds?"
  725. >"Hey, why don't you just fuck off?"
  726. >"I wasn't talking to you!"
  727. >"Yeah, well, you're talking to me now, you fucking dyke."
  728. >"Dyke?!"
  729. >"Yeah, you heard me!"
  730. >Be Anon
  731. >The other one
  732. >You had been having a wonderful morning
  733. >You have a very good, restful sleep
  734. >Pancakes had been made and they were delicious
  735. >That new movie you wanted to watch had also just popped up on Netflix
  736. >All in all, it was going to be a wonderful day
  737. >Until you got a knock on the door
  738. >"Will you get off of him? I actually want to talk to my ex and I can--"
  739. >"The only getting off that's going on is between this guy and me, sugar tits, and The Dash don't like an audience to that kinda show."
  740. >Your ex girlfriend sat on a chair a few feet from you
  741. >Like she usually did, she looked annoyed
  742. >Her arms were crossed, and she really looked like she wanted to start screaming
  743. >While this was an expression you had been the unfortunate focus of on more than one occasion while you had dated her, your new girlfriend was now the one staring down the gates of Mordor
  744. >Rainbow was glaring right back at her from the top of your head
  745. >Since she was way too short for you to sit in her lap, the winged beauty was kind of hanging off your back like some sort of goblin
  746. >Her arms were hooked around your shoulders, and her legs were fastened securely around your middle so she could rest her head on top of yours
  747. >Her massive blue wings were also wrapped around you, leaving only your face visible
  748. >To be honest, it didn't seem like it was that comfortable of a position, but Dash seemed absolutely fine with it
  749. >In fact, she also seemed smug as she held onto you, nuzzling your neck and head every once in awhile
  750. >Your ex clicked her tongue
  751. >"You know, I didn't think you Equestrians were so RUDE," she grumbled
  752. >"Well, I ain't no ordinary Equestrian," Dash replied
  753. >Your ex's nose scrunched up
  755. >"Leave it to fucking Anon to hook up with some bitch of an alien..." she said, in that passive aggressive way of hers
  756. >You nearly let out a groan
  757. >Goddammit did you dislike this heifer...
  758. >"Shows that he has some sense," Dash said, sticking her tongue out at your ex. "Got him a real woman."
  759. >Your ex's eyes narrowed
  760. >"Pl-ease. Anon wouldn't know a real woman if she bite him on the ass."
  761. >You felt Dash press her chest against your back as she puffed it out in indignation
  762. >"Yeah, well I know a dirty roasty when I fucking see one."
  763. >Your ex's eyes shot open
  764. >"WHAT?!"
  765. >You sighed
  766. >Fuck, here we go...
  767. >"You heard me, you dirty roasty," Dash said. "Now why don't you go and lick your mom's clit? Anon doesn't want you anymore!"
  768. >Your ex shot up, her teeth gritted and fists clenched
  769. >Though you didn't see it, you could feel Dash grin
  770. >You had heard about Equestrians and human women getting into it
  771. >A girl down the hall had been put through a wall after an earth tribe Equestrian had seen her hitting her boyfriend
  772. >And Dash, while she was little, was a hell of a lot stronger than she looked
  773. >She, like a lot of wind tribe Equestrians that you had seen, were always up for a scrap
  774. >And you didn't want any scraps in here
  775. >You just bought this fucking couch...
  776. >That table too...
  777. >Thankfully, your ex must have heard some similar stories, because she took a few deep breaths
  778. >"You... I really hope they BAN you fuckers from coming over here," she said, each word dripping with venom
  779. >"Banned or not, your guys will be begging for us to come back," Dash said with her usual cockiness.
  780. >"Fuck. you."
  781. >"Nah, Anon here does that fine. That big cock of his makes me squirt every time. Just like this Equestrian pussy unloads those fat nuts of his."
  782. >...
  783. >Has Dash been on the internet?
  784. >You feel like she's been getting onto the internet...
  785. >"Anon! I swear to god if you don't kick this bitch out right now I'm gonna fucking LOSE IT," your ex snarls, stomping her feet
  787. >Dash snorted
  788. >"He has nothing to say to you! He's my man now, and I'm keeping him," she said, nuzzling your hair. "Forever."
  789. >"Anon--"
  790. >"Fuck off."
  791. >"Will you just--"
  792. >"Roasty."
  794. >Both girls looked at you
  795. >You shrugged helplessly
  796. "Hey, I got no horse in this race, ladies," you said.
  797. >Dash giggled
  798. >"I don't know about that, but there's a part of you that's horse-like, you stud you," she said, reaching down to give your junk a squeeze. "You little TEP slut."
  799. >You frowned, looking back at Dash
  800. "TEP?"
  801. >Dash's grin turned toothy
  802. "Tight Equestrian Pussy."
  803. >...
  804. >Yep...
  805. >She's been on the internet again...
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