Ricktard Meets His Mom

One gorgeous morning Ricktard went to go and play with the other children in the courtyard of four conjoined houses. He looked at his watch and knew that it was time to go home. So he went home and called out for his mother in a condescending tone and he heard deep voice that replied "IM NOT YOUR MOTHER." Ricktard laughed and replied with something that sounded like "oh" and went on with his day. Later that day it was time to go clubbin with all the candy whores, so he got his baseball bat ready and put on his fancy asshat with his clubbin rags. He hooked up with the candy whores and started clubbin with a dumpster driving in the front. He got out of the car and exclaimed to the HEAVENS AND THE SKIES, "Oh  my goawdneess, thou must be wasted!" and shortly passed out in the street gutter. He woke up the next morning with liquid pattering against his face. He found himself in the nile river (and I'm not talking about the type of river with water, or the one in Egypt for that matter...) and got up and shook his clothes dry. He was sober. Maybe it was the Nile "river" that had this strange effect on him, but he wasn't drunk. He went to the bar and said "beer me" and the bartender gave him a beer. He thought for a moment (which was a strange feeling for Ricktard). It went something like this, "I drink moonshine, beer..... Bad?" he took a sip.... ALL OF A SUDDENLY HE WENT INTO SEIZURES AND CONVULSIONS ON THE GROUND which slowly faded away as he lay there, torn into pieces. The bar tender came up to him and said "how do you feel?" he replied (in a deeper different voice), "I FEEL GREAAT." So he grabbed another beer and went out on the road. He found a nice old candy whore and gave her a hug. He exclaimed his love for her and popped the question with a beer mug. And at the wedding everyone was there, but someone brought a bottle of moonshine for Ricktard to drink. Before the ceremony started (and before people even filed in), Ricktard took a big swig of that moonshine started to look bright. He went up to the alter and waited for his wife then said "FUCK YOU PEOPLE IM FEELIG FINE :D." Then he burned the church down with the moonshine in his hand and he ditched his candy whore by a bed bath and beyond (*cringes*).  He went back home and passed the Nile river and slept in his bed. The next morning he woke up in a different house. He got out and said "MOMMA! IT'S ACTUALLY YOU!!!". He ran for a hug, but was swiftly denied. They both drank moonshine increasingly though the night. As Ricktard was snuggled up next to his mom (hugging her, you sick bastard) she said "I'm sorry son..... But your adopted". So I guess Ricktard was never her son.

Does Ricktard have a mom, what ever happened to his dad? I don't really know. Stop asking me, damnit.

The End