Misfits, Part I: You All Wake Up In A Forest

Buster awoke to tweeting birds and sunlight filtering down through the treetops. He rose to his feet and rubbed his eyes, looking around the clearing into the forest.
“Fuck's sake,” He said to himself as he pulled out his regrettably half-empty cigarette packet and lit one up, “This shit again.” He took a drag and set his leather jacket straight, then picked a direction and walked in it.
Then the fairy he'd pretended he hadn't noticed buzzed up to his ear, “Good morning, sleepy-head.”
“No. Fuck off. We're not doing this.” With the cigarette between his fingers, he swatted vaguely at the fairy over his shoulder.
“But you're gravely needed!” The fairy implored, deftly dodging the hand and the ashes that flicked off.
“What's in it for me?” He asked with the tab between his lips as he ducked under a branch.
“The love and admiration of a world!”
Buster thought about this for a second, “Got any decent birds around here?”
The fairy audibly figured out the limits of what it was allowed, by archetype, to say, “I'm sure there'll be many a maiden waiting to, um...” he snapped his fingers, “grant you a kiss of gratitude!”
“Yeah, all right. What about fags, you got them here in... where are we, anyway? Ireland?”
“Ah, now there we can assist you. In the nearby village there is a fine shop that deals in a number of smokeable products, from bitterleaf to root powder. And for your information, my lord, we are in the land of Saramia.”
“Oy, cut the lord shit. Do I look like I went to Eton?” He broke off the glare he was giving the fairy, “Anyway, I'll do your world saving thing. Am I walking the right way?”
“A little to the left.”
“Any chance I could hear some more specifics on what I'm doing for you?”
“I'd rather wait until we've met up with the whole group.”
“A group?” Buster took another drag and turned his head to look at the fairy, “You should know I don't play nicely with others.”
“Yes, well, let's hurry and find them anyway, shall we?”

“Hellooo?” Tangerine leant over the prone figure, her hair hanging loosely around her. “Are you alive?” She tapped tentatively on its shoulder.
The machine below her whirred to life, “That is an interesting question.” It stated. The cogs and gears wound until the robot began to move and sit up, whereupon Tangerine leant out of the way.
“Who are you?”
“I am designated Sickle Unit.” The gynoid stood, towering over the child, “What is your designation?”
“Tangerine.”
Cogs whirred. “I am without a master. Would you like to be my mistress?” The girl thought about this for a few moments, head cocked to the side.
“Sure!” She smiled as she rocked back and forth on her feet, “You can be just like Saishe and I'll be Kanton. We can have adventures.” She drooped, “But wait, where are Saishe and Kanton?”
“I do not know who these individuals are. Is it your wish that we locate them, mistress?” She asked in monotone, her clockwork head aimed downwards.
“Yeah, let's go searching.” Tangerine began running headlong for the treeline.
“Wait, mistress.” Tangerine stopped in her tracks as Sickle caught up and moved in front of her. With a sharp, deft movement, a blade flicked out from her wrist, with which she began cutting away the bracken to clear a path.
“Oooh. Neat!” Tangerine declared as she followed in her wake.

“So anyway, can you at least tell me who it i-” A flash of sunlight off metal slammed into Buster's face and a figure emerged from the trees.
“Halt,” The figure faltered as she thought, “Knave!” She punctuated the word with a brandishing of her scimitar.
“What'd you call m- Well hello there, miss.” Buster ran a hand over his pompadour, “Would you be so kind as to lower your knife?”
“It's a sword, actually.” She jabbed it forward, then lowered it anyway. “Who are you, and where am I?”
“They call me Buster, and I'm fairly sure we're in Ireland.”
“Saramia.” The fairy insisted from behind him.
“And what's your name, miss?” He took a drag and smiled.
“Cathetal Dallron, Warrior of the Holy Light.” Reluctantly, she sheathed her sword.
“You're just who we were looking for, miss.” The fairy flitted in front of Buster, to the latter's irritation. “Would you be willing to undertake a quest to save the world?”
“Of course. You have my blade and my light.”
The fairy rounded on Buster, “See how easy that was? That's how a hero is meant to respond to a call to adventure.”
“I'm not a hero, mate.” He took a long drag and then flicked the butt at the fairy, “And I'm out of fags as well, so let's get a move on. Glad to have you aboard, Cathy.” As he passed her, he winked.
With a haughty harrumph, she fell in line behind him.

“Request mistress is silent and stationary.” Sickle fell into a crouch. Tangerine looked over her shoulder.
“What is it?”
“Unexpected auditory stimulus.” She cocked her head, which snapped back with the tick of a cog, “North-West. Likely between one and three humanoids. Advise.”
“Let's go see who they are! It might be Saishe and Kanton.”
“As you say.” Sickle rose to her full height and began working through the bracken once more.

Buster paused, “Here, fairy.”
“My name is Glimmeron.”
“Of course it is. This group we're after, wouldn't happen to be a robot and a little girl, would it?” “Why yes, how did you know?”
Buster nodded in the direction of the figures advancing from their right. Cathy followed his gaze. “That them, is it?”
“Why yes! Good eye, my lord, good eye.”
“It's Buster.” He nudged Cathy, “Right, go jump them and wave your sword at 'em, that'll do the trick.” She glared at him in return. Buster put two fingers in his mouth and whistled loudly through them, “Oi oi!” The robot instantly dropped into a two-sickled battle stance. After a moment, the child stood on her tiptoes and waved.

“Well then,” Glimmeron stood before them while Tangerine and Cathy sat on a log, Buster leaning on a tree behind them and Sickle standing motionless at Tangerine's side, “I'm sure you're all wondering why I brought you here.”
“Get on with it.”
“A great evil has arisen in our land, and none here can stop it. That's why I have called you here with what power I have, to fight as champions on behalf of the innocent.”
“Why us? There are surely greater heroes.” Cathy asked.
“My power is limited, and it is a tricky business.”
Tangerine raised her hand.
“Yes?”
“Are you a fairy or a pixie?”
“I'm a fairy.”
“Okay.”
“Right then,” Buster pushed forward off the tree, “Let's get going. Point me at what I have to make die.”
“It wouldn't be the mountain in the distance covered in black clouds, would it?”
“However did you guess, my lady?” The fairy seemed astounded.
“Paladin's instinct.” Cathy smiled weakly and hopefully without condescension.
“So let's get going.” Buster was already walking.
“It is not so simple, my lord-”
“I've told you to fuck off with this 'lord' shit-” He looked from Cathy to Tangerine, “Pardon my French.”
The fairy glared chidingly at Buster, “Ahem. There are many obstacles you must face before you reach the Conquered Mountain. Perils beyond imagination lie ahead. You might not see a feather bed nor cooked meal for weeks. So I suggest we detour to the village for the night.” He indicated with both arms the direction of the village.
“Fair enough.” Buster trudged towards it as the others got up and followed suit, “But they bloody well better have fags there.”