Legend of the Wandering Autist - Act IV

ACT IV: Synthetic Mares of Marenberg
Part 1: Anon Almost Dies

>when you wake up, you seem to have all of your senses
>although your fingers feel pretty numb
>you've been completely immobilized with some sort of straps on a metal table
>you can't crane your neck to see if anything horrific has been done to you yet
>but
>for the time being
>you feel like you're all in one piece
>judging by the ceiling, you're still in the operation room
>you attempt to scream profanities in your terror
>but even your chin has been strapped in place, and you can't really get your mouth open
>the "shit fuck niggers" that comes out through your teeth sounds squeaky and strangled
>but it's enough to elicit a gravelly chuckle from an aged and evil scientist
>you don't see her
>but you can hear her nearby
>"I was beginning to worry I'd fouled the procedure, Anonymous. You were taking so long to wake up."
>the muffled nonsense that you spout would have been a really witty quip
>you swear, it would have been great
>well, it might have actually been frantic pleading for your life
>whichever it really was, the world may never know
>regardless, your outburst is ignored
>"I pondered what your fate should be for quite some time. In a rare moment of mercy, I decided that a fairly quick and painless death would be enough."
>oh fuck
>this is really it then, huh
>for a moment, you're shrieking and struggling
>and then you're not
>it's so readily apparent to you that survival is not a possibility
>that your survival instinct shuts down
>there's a sort of lightheaded euphoria in your brain
>is time moving slower?
>or faster?
>"Calm down. You shall not die quite yet. In further mercy, I have decided to educate you before destroying you. Knowledge is really the only good in the world, and it is better that you should have some before I send you into oblivion."
>drool and tears are somehow pooling on the table by your face
>"This knowledge may be somewhat painful for you."
>the sound of a switch flicks through your ear
>"But I assure you that, in your own small way, you will benefit from it."
>something clatters on the other side of the room
>"You shall soon see the benefits of an objectivist's education. You suppose that you've done a very good and noble thing here by placing your life on the line for Raspberry Heaven."
>honestly, the thought of how you got into this predicament hadn't even crossed your mind since you woke up
>but sure
>it's kind of comforting to know that you refused to scoop out the brains of a little kid
>"Well. I'd like you to see for yourself that Raspberry Heaven would not do the same for you."

>"Raspberry Heaven, dear, get up."
>the voice which must be Razzie's
>doesn't sound very much like Razzie
>"Mother?"
>that voice
>it's way too deep
>"Mother, I... what's happened to me?"
>"Your mother has made you big and strong, child. I need your help."
>oh fuck
>oh shit
>visions of Razzie, bloated and purple and covered in tentacles, are flashing through your mind's eye
>you failed to save the happy little filly either way then
>and now whatever she's been replaced with is going to kill you
>fuck, man
>this is psycotic
>this is horror
>why won't they just get it over with already?
>"Um, if this is me, then that over there, it must be... Anon?"
>"Yes, dear, it is. Anonymous has been very bad, and must be dealt with."
>you're straining your eyes to see what's going on
>but you just can't make it happen
>"What do you need me for, mother?"
>"I only need you to depress that switch over there. It will make Anonymous go to sleep forever. Then, I've got a very simple procedure I'd like you to do for me. We can go over the instructions after you've depressed the switch."
>oh please
>please no
>the crooked old prune
>the psychotic fucking bat
>she wants to put her brain in your body
>wants to wear your face
>she's got a portal to Earth, too
>what if your mother sees?
>it's too much to bear
>spurred on by the fear of more than just death, you grunt and thrash as much as your restraints allow
>Razzie, don't do it
>somebody
>anybody
>if this were a movie
>now would be the perfect moment for Twilight and her friends to come crashing into the lab
>to save you
>it's not going to happen though
>"Sleep... forever? You mean he'll die, mother?"
>"In a manner of speaking, yes. He would die at some point after you depressed the switch."
>"But, mother... I think... that I would be sad if Anon died."
>okay
>wait
>no
>Razzie, do it
>she'll fucking kill you if you don't
>"You will do as I say, or you will die."
>"M-mother?"
>the menacing, clanking lockstep of the mechanical mares
>"But, mother, Anon is my friend!"
>"Friend? Don't be ridiculous! There is no such thing!"
>"Mother, I don't want to do it!"
>the wrathful roar of the hoary scientist
>the clank of steel hooves
>the sound of metal striking flesh
>a terrific clatter

Part 2: You Guys All Saw This Coming Like Ten Parts Ago

>you're not really sure what's going on when your own face flashes in front of your eyes
>strong hands tear away at your bonds
>you're tossed over a shoulder
>the next few minutes are kind of a blur
>there's a lot of noise
>some lights
>some darkness
>you're wondering if maybe you've already died
>soon it becomes very hot
>eventually things calm down
>and your brain realizes that you're not about to die anymore
>the mind-numbing effects of absolute terror recede
>and you realize you're being held tightly by big arms
>with a huge hand clasped over your mouth
>holy shit
>there aren't many sapient creatures in this world bigger than you
>could this be one of those monster-folk?
>why the fuck would a giant monster break into an evil lab to rescue you?
>maybe it's going to eat you
>"Okay, Anon, I think it's safe now. Please don't be frightened."
>the big arms set you down on the ground
>for some reason, you can't seem to find a comfortable way to stand
>or sit
>you settle on a sort of semi-squat, with your fists on the ground
>you're in a shallow cave
>beyond the entrance you can see the pale, cloudless sky of the desert
>and then you spot it
>the monster that carried you off
>it's the spitting image of yourself
>except it's so much bigger than you
>the creature awkwardly waves its big hand at you
>"Hello, Anon."
>no way…
"Razzie?"
>holy shit
>your voice sounds awful squeaky
>you're clearly still recovering from your near encounter with the great beyond
>"Yes"
"Whoah. I figured the doc had done something to you, but… she turned you into a clone of me? How did she get you so much bigger than me?"
>"Um, Anon…"
"Heh. Heh. Heh. Heh. That's some pretty freaky science. Heh. Heh. Heh. H-how big do you think you are? Maybe like twenty feet tall?"
>"A-Anon… Have you… looked at yourself?"
"Oh, Razzie. I'm so very afraid to."
>"You really ought to."
>for the first time in your life
>you feel the sensation of that scrunchy expression on your face
>and you look down at where your arms should be
>and there
>you see
>a pair
>of stubby
>squishy
>pony hooves

>"Anon."
>"Anon?"
>you sigh
>and look up
"You know, this is actually the second time I've looked down and seen that I'd been turned into another species."
>"Is it?"
"Yeah."
>"And you were able to change back?"
"Yeah. It was just a little magic."
>Razzie's characteristic head-cock looks weird on your head
>"What is 'magic'?"
>oh geez
>Razzie's so sheltered, she's probably the only pony in this whole world who knows less about magic than you do
>well
>she's not strictly speaking a pony right now, is she?
"I wouldn't worry about it, it's not what happened to us."
>"Oh. So how do we change back?"
"Well, I assume we'd need your mother to do that. She must have taken out our brains and swapped them."
>"But my mother wants to make you die."
"Yeah. It's a bit of a problem."
>a bird of prey shrieks in the distance
>you flop down onto the cave floor and stare up
"Hey Razzie."
>"Yes?"
"How did we get out here, exactly?"
>"Um, the mechanical mares frightened me, so I hit them until they fell down. Then I ripped up the things that were holding you down and ran away through the hole in my wall."
"Fuck."
>"What is 'fuck'?"
"Uh, it's a very bad word, don't ever say it. I'm just frustrated."
>"Why are you frustrated?"
"If I'd known I was that strong, I would have done that for you while I had the chance."
>"You didn't know?"
"Nope."
>"I don't mean to upset you, but you were very much like a giant monster."
"I noticed."
>the supreme silence of the desert reigns for a moment
>"Anon?"
"Yeah?"
>"Did my mother ask you to make me die?"
>you look over at your own face
>somehow, it's easier to tell the truth to human football-eyes than it is to pony saucer eyes
"Yeah."
>"Oh."

>a shady spot in the desert holds a sort of magic to it
>not the sort of magic that splurts out of unicorn horns
>but the sort that bewitches the human mind
>it has a way of luring you into deep thought
>and from there, into total thoughtlessness
>the desert companions who allow their conversation to lapse run the risk of falling into hours of silent subconscious meditation together
>you've gotta admit, you've missed this
>that bluer sky
>that brighter sun
>"Um, Anon."
>alas
>your brain has been scooped into the body of a little filly
>and this somewhat sullies your enjoyment of nature
"Hm, yeah?"
>"What do we do now?"
>ah, fuck
>well
>it's probably time to admit that you've failed to make your own way in the world
>if this doesn't qualify as a sound defeat, you don't know what does
>good job to Twilight, looks like she was right
>actually, right about what?
>and when did you start thinking of this as a competition?
>no, this isn't a game of hide-and-seek anymore
>not while Razzie's life is hanging in the balance like this
>it's time to ask for help
"I have a friend who should be able to help us. We can head to that town down there and take a train to meet her."
>"A train! What are trains like, Anon?"
"Let's get down there and you'll find out."

Part 3: Anon Goes to Prison

>it turns out that climbing down a mountain on stubby baby pony legs is exhausting work
>so you're perched on your own shoulders, watching the town growing closer and closer
>by now, Piebald's thugs should have stopped their lookout for you
>all you gotta do is direct Razzie straight to the apple farm
>from there, it shouldn't be too hard to get a small loan for train fare out of Apple Fritter
>that is, of course, assuming that nothing terrible has happened to her
>you really have no idea how the situation in Picacholt has degenerated since you were abducted
>it would be pretty much a worst case scenario if Razzie got caught up in a gunfight for looking like you
>but the desperation of the situation drives you to boldness
>as long as it's straight to the farm, straight to the train, it should be fine
>and…
>where's the farm?
>you should be able to see it from here
>actually, where's the river the farm is on?
>the great big sign by the town finally becomes readable
>WELCOME TO MARENBERG
>fuck shit cuntdickering fucksticks
>this is the exact wrong side of the mountains
>shit man, you can't ask Razzie to climb over the mountain again, she's exhausted
>and besides that, this mountain is haunted by an evil genius with murderous robots
>but where the hell are you supposed to get the train fare now?

>finally on level ground, you're testing out your hooves for the first time
>okay
>wait
>your hooves?
>no
>you don't have hooves
>because human beings don't have hooves
>these are Razzie's hooves
>or
>are they yours right now because you're the brain in control of them?
>do you even still qualify as human?
>okay
>compromise
>for convenience of narration, you'll refer to them as your hooves
>but there should be an implicit understanding that they are NOT your hooves
>you're a man trapped in a filly's body
>wait, does that make you a tranny?
>no please fuck
>no, definitely not
>but
>does that mean that the appendages swinging above you are Razzie's hands?
>fuck
>you hate this
>okay
>same compromise there for right now
>they are NOT Razzie's hands
>they are your hands
>but for ease of narration, they'll be Razzie's hands for the time being
>usually, anyway
>holy fucking shit fillies are so little
>keeping up with Razzie's lengthy strides is frantic work
>and how do these little ponies tolerate everything being so big?
>your thoughts are interrupted when you smash face-first into your own leg
>momentarily dazed, you're forced to sit your tiny filly butt onto the coarse sand road
>"Anon? Where are we going?"
>you shake your head
"Uh, I'm not sure yet. We need to go somewhere we can make a few bits for the train ride to Ponyville."
>"Ponies give bits in return for goods and services, right?"
"Yeah, that's generally how it works."
>Razzie throws her head back and shouts to the citizens of Marenberg
>"Excuse me, is there anyone willing to exchange bits for a good or service?"
>you can't suppress a cringe
>some geezer with more bottles in his bag than teeth in his mouth shouts back
>"I'll give ya twunny fer sum good service w'that thar little'un!"
>the old drunkard laughs a "yee hee hee" kind of laugh and saunters off
>he's only being ironic, right bros?
>Razzie looks at you hopefully
>"Anon! That is exactly the cost of two train tickets, correct?"
"No!"
>"But the sign said-"
"I mean, yes, that is the cost of two train tickets, but no, that is not how we're going to get them."
>"Why not?"
"I'll explain when you're older."

>this is officially hopeless
>nobody in this whole town seems to have any use for a two-legged monster
>and the only use anyone can come up with for a little filly is "quality time"
>by the way, Razzie is starting to get frustrated with your continual refusal to do that
>if something doesn't happen soon you might have some real uncomfortable explaining to do
>"Hey now hold it right there, pard."
>blocking your path is a lithe, tan mare with a big hat on her head and a gold star on her vest
>oh shit it's the cops
>Razzie waves cheerily at the stern sherrif pony
>"Good morning, ma'am. Do you know of a place where we could exchange a good or service for some bits?"
>the policemare glares at Razzie over her big, dark sunglasses
>"'Scuse me, pard, you wanna tell me what a monster-fellar like you is doin' alone with a little filly like her?"
>"Um-"
"Hi ma'am, my name is Raspberry Heaven, and this is A-"
>wait
>just one town over there's a crooked sherrif and his henchmen on the lookout for you
>even closer than that is a mad scientist and her robots, also on the lookout for you
>and no doubt all over Equestria there are agents of the princesses looking to retrieve Sombra from you
>if you've got the choice, you'd rather explain yourself directly to Twilight, as opposed to Special Agent Glowing Nigger
"-and this is, uh, Larry."
>Razzie cocks her head at you
>"I'm Larry?"
"Of course you're Larry, Larry. Who else would you be?"
>you don't think you've ever actually met a Larry in your entire life
>who the hell would name their kid Larry these days anyway?
>the sherrif lowers her head to eye-level with yours
>"'Scuse me, li'l miss, is this here monster holdin' you 'gainst your will?"
>you wave a little hoof in front of your face
"Of course not, of course not, I-"
>the sherrif cocks an eyebrow at you
>maybe you should lay on some childish antics?
"I-in fact, I'm the one whose kidnapped him!"
>you can't tell what's going on behind those sunglasses
>but somehow
>you don't think your joke was appreciated
>the iron bars slam shut
>the sherrif walks away
>"I know'd there was summin funny 'bout you."
>you sit alone in a small, dark jail cell
"W-wait…"

>the door to the room adjacent to your cell opens
>and Razzie steps in
>"Anon, they said I can visit you now. I was really worried for a moment that Truth was going to arrest me for kidnapping you, because I look like a giant monster, but you really fooled them!"
"I sure did. Who's Truth?"
>"Truth Virey, the sherrif."
"Yeah? You make good friends with her while I was in here?"
>"Oh, yes, everyone has been very kind to me. They say I am a victim. What is a victim, by the way?"
"It's someone who gets hurt by someone else."
>"But you never hurt me."
"Exactly. Look, would you mind telling your good buddy the sherrif that I was only joking? Tell her I'm a very silly little filly who does silly things like this sometimes."
>"Oh! Of course! I assume you do not want to stay in jail."
"No, I do not."
>Razzie starts up to leave the room
>then stops
>"Um, I have one more question. Why did you call me Larry, as opposed to Anonymous?"
>you sigh
"There are some bad ponies looking for me. I don't want anyone to know my name until we're out of the west."
>"Bad ponies…"
>Razzie casts your eyes sadly down at the floor
>"You mean my mother?"
"Oh, Razzie, it's… not just her. Look I'm sorry, Im sure-"
>"When we meet your friend, will my mother go to a place like this? Like in the stories?"
"I don't know. My friend is really good at bringing out the best in people. Maybe not."
>"I don't know if I want her to go to jail."
>how do you even respond to something like that?
>you can't just tell her that her fucking mother was manipulating her for years on end for purely personal gain
>you're not even sure if that's entirely true
>but then, you were manipulated as well
>Razzie smiles a smile that's sad beyond her years
>"I will ask the sherrif to let you go now."
>for a few moments, you are alone
>and then the sherrif walks in, keys in her mouth and Razzie close behind
>the bars are unlocked and swung open for you
>the sherrif cranes her neck down and gives you a stern look over her sunglasses
>"Young lady, I hope you larnt summin today 'bout tellin' such awful jokes."
>you feel your face scrunching up again
>this bitch
>no
>stop
>calm down
"Yes, ma'am."

Part 4: Equestria Doesn't Have Child Labor Laws

>having paid your debt to society, you step outside into the desert night
>smiling at you and Razzie is a portly mare with a bright yellow coat and a magenta mane done up in a beehive
>"Hello again, Larry. And you must be little Raspberry Heaven."
>Razzie waves
>"Hello again, Merry!"
>she looks down at you
>"An- er, Razzie, this is Merry Vale. She has agreed to give us twenty bits in return for a service!"
"Oh, hello. Thank you."
>Merry Vale looks between you and the sherrif's office, and chuckles
>"Boy, that Truth Virey sure is easy to rile up, ain't she? Imagine locking up a sweet little critter like you for telling a silly little joke like that."
"Uh, well-"
>"Child, did you happen to see our sherrif's cutie mark?"
"It, uh, looked like a quill writing on a scroll."
>"The letter of the law. She's all right for keeping outlaws out, but sometimes she just ain't got any heart, or common sense."
"Yeah, I guess. What exactly is it you want us to do?"
>Merry Vale laughs uproariously
>"I like that. Larry, you're raising that filly right, with a head on her shoulders. Child, I run that little inn and eatery right over there. Tomorrow we got the big rodeo coming to town, and I sure could use a little extra help. I just need the pair of you to work for me tomorrow, and I'll be right happy to send you both on to Ponyville."
"Oh. That sounds nice."
>"It sure does. I'll even let the pair of you spend the night tonight. Come on, I got pie."

>turns out, working food service fucking sucks
>why the hell to people start restaraunts in the first place?
>Merry Vale claims to run the place all on her own most of the time
>it seems a dubious claim to you
>even just working in the kitchen, the proprietor looks to be moving in a constant whirlwind frenzy
>somehow she has a half a dozen or more meals ready for you to take to customers every time you check in with her
>this makes for a great deal of work for you
>at most, you can really only carry two meals at a time
>one plate in your mouth, and one on your back
>and that'd be a difficult enough task as it is
>but the old cook insisted you put on a little maid outfit for the occasion
>you understand now why ponies usually just go naked
>clothes feel very restrictive to your new, quadrupedal form
>Razzie, of course, is in the back washing the dishes
>the original proposition would have been for you to work in the back and Razzie in the front
>but to you, "big rodeo in town" means "ponies from all over the country in town"
>which might potentially mean "ponies you know in town"
>you really don't want anyone to recognize your face, which Razzie is wearing right now
>you haven't seen her more than a couple of times, but she seems to be doing all right
>yeah
>with your opposable thumbs
>and a back that's been hardened by vigorous workouts and long days of farm-work
>you groan
>apparently the good doctor never included gym class in Razzie's objectivist education program
>something catches your leg
>you fall flat on your face
>food flies everywhere
>"Now lookat what you done!"
>a stallion with a splotchy coat and a big black mustache is smirking at you
>when you knew him in your own body, he'd seemed ridiculous and pathetic to you
>right up until he smashed your face in anyway
>from your new point of view, however, he'd make a pretty intimidating figure even without the personal history
>Piebald gesticulates at mashed up food smeared on his loose leather vest
>"Ya done gone and made a mess of me, girl! I 'spect the meal I'm 'boutta order better be free."
"Oh, yes sir, of course sir, I'll tell the manager right away sir."
>"Hold up now, take my order first."
>a grim purpose fills your heart as you write down the evil cowboy pony's order
>this faggot's gonna eat spit for lunch

Part 5: The Un-Mares

>the sun sets
>the customers clear out
>you spend an hour or so cleaning up the dining area
>Razzie steps out of the scullery, clutching at her back
>she sprawls out into one of the chairs
>"Everything is so short, Anon. How do you stand bending over so much?"
"You gotta use your glutes, not your back."
>"What are glutes?"
"Ah, I'll show you how to squat later if we get a chance."
>"We should be back to normal soon, right?"
"Oh yeah. I give Twilight a week tops to set things right."
>"Is Twilight your friend?"
>oh, right
>Razzie wouldn't have heard of Princess Twilight, having been raised quite literally under a rock
>she'll have to get to know Twilight from scratch
>just like you did
"Yeah."
>Merry Vale makes her way out of the kitchen
>"Thanks for the help now, you two. Here's 20 bits each, just like I promised."
"Whoah, each?"
>"Oh, for sure, for sure. Buy yourself something sweet on the train, child, you hear?"
"G-gee, thanks."
>Merry Vale smiles
>"All right now, you two better make your make your way to the station to catch that train now."
"Yep, thanks for everything!"
>you start to make your way to the door
>but Razzie interrupts you
>"Um, wait, I need to use the restroom."
"Oh, yeah, yeah."
>you wait outside on the front step
>rodeo-goers walk in great herds, cheerily chatting with each other along the dirt roads of Marenberg
>but there are two mares among the crowds who catch your eye
>in later years, you won't remember the colors of their coats
>or their manes
>or their cutie marks
>only the utter stillness with which they stand
>only the eyes which stare but don't seem to see
>having noticed that you've noticed them, their mouths are twisted into smiles at the same time
>like marionettes, each one lifts a hoof and waves it
>and then
>they're walking toward you
>you get the sense of watching an imitation of living motions
>all very well studied and all technically correct
>but somehow
>lacking in a master touch
>well yeah okay so they're kind of creepy
>so what?
>people used to think you were creepy too
>well
>you do happen to have all the appearances of a small child right now
>they're getting closer
>okay, nope
>nope nope nope
>without taking your eyes off of the… mares
>you backtrack through the swinging saloon door of the restaraunt

>your flank bumps into a human leg
>"You durned monster! I'll have yer hide!"
>in the doorway to the bathroom, Piebald stands waving a revolver
"Oh, hey Razzie, I see you've been backing away from something too."
>"Yes. Why does that pony want to shoot me?"
"Uh, that's one of the bad ponies who's been looking for me."
>"Why has he been looking for you?"
"I dunno. He actually told me that if I got to Marenberg I'd be free to take a train back to Ponyville."
>a revolver shot embeds itself into the wood floor
>"What are you talking to that brat about, monster? If yer friends with her I'll… I'll have yer hide twice as bad!"
>"Now what does he have against you when you look like me?"
"Man, I dunno. He tripped me and got a free lunch out of it."
>Merry Vale stands in the door to the kitchen armed with a fying pan
"Oh, a scandal! A scandal in my home!"
>the saloon doors swing open
>the un-mares stroll inside
>Razzie sees them, and lets loose a small cry
>"Are they what you were backing away from, Anon?"
"Yup."
>in an instant, you're being manhandled by your own arm
>Razzie shoves the un-mares aside and races out the doors
>the sound of a revolver shot cracks out, and you hear something like electricity arcing
>and soon Razzie is flattened around the corner of the nearest building, holding you tightly in her arms
>"Mr. Nonermous? What are you doing with that there filly?"
>oh, fuck
>of all the shit you didn't want to see right now
"Run, run, run, run!"
>Razzie runs
>"Is that another bad pony?"
"No, that's just Applejack."
>"Will she shoot at us?"
"No, but she will nag at us."
>"What is 'nagging'?"
"You don't want to find out."
>"Hey, wait, Mr. Nonermous!"
>Piebald turns round a corner
>"Nonermous!"
>Truth Virey comes running round another corner
>"I heard someone shoutin' 'bout Nonermous the outlaw. Did you see him, Larry?"
>you point at Piebald
"He went that way!"
>the sherrif looks, and gasps
>"Piebald the outlaw! In my town?"
>all right
>now all Razzie's gotta do is outrun Applejack
>oh shit, she's gaining fast
>but there's the train!
>the un-mares walk in from opposite directions to block the train doors
>unable to stop in time, Razzie bowls them over and tumbles inside of the train
>the door snaps shut
>the engines start
>and Applejack skids to a stop just in time to avoid tripping over the un-mares
>Razzie holds you close to her chest and buries her face in her own mane
"We're safe."

"Okay Razzie, we've been on the floor for like 10 minutes now. Let's get into one of those seats before the conductor shows up."
>"Um, yes."
>Razzie releases you from her bear hug of death
>she clambers into one of the seats in a way that looks pretty awkward on a human body
>and she looks down to hide the grin on your face
>"It was just like something out of the stories."
>you climb onto the seat next to her in a way that no doubt betrays your unfamiliarity with being a tiny, quadrupedal ungulate
>good thing there's noone else in the car to stare
"Uh, yeah, I guess you could say that."
>"Is life outside always so exciting?"
"Not normally."
>"I wish that it could be."
"Be careful what you wish for. We could have gotten hurt."
>"That is true. I am being silly."
>in the reflection of the train window across from you, you witness your own body settle into a childish pensiveness
>beyond the reflection, a weird glow emanates from one of the mountains as it slides backwards in your field of view
>you wonder if it's a strange, lost magic of Darkstar the Peg-Horned
>or if it's just Phylum Strata promoting the local legend
"Hey, Razzie."
>"Hm?"
"You looked like you recognized those… mares. Do you know who they were? Or what?"
>"They are the mechanical mares."
>a coyote, sitting in the dark sands, staring at the train, motionlessly, flashes past the window in a brief moment
"How?"
>"Mother sometimes dresses them in skin and sends them into town to purchase food. It was their tracks which we followed to the outside."
"That's awful."
>you're thinking about what the cowboy grocery ponies of Marenberg must think about their silent, creepy customers
>"Yes. If they had caught us, then surely…"
>the flat, sandy plains give way to jagged, grassy ones
>"I still need to use the restroom. I never got a chance to do so in Marenberg. Excuse me."
"Yeah, yeah, go ahead."
>Razzie gets up and walks toward the little closet-sized room labelled "Stallions"
>she spends a few moments struggling to fit inside, but eventually gets the door closed
>the moon shines a sickly yellow color from its spot in the sky
>"Anon!"
>oh please, don't tell me she's in danger in there!
>you race toward the restroom door and bang on it
"Razzie, what's wrong?"
>"I need help!"
"Razzie! What's going on?"
>"How do I urinate like this?"
>good thing there's noone else in the car to stare

Part 6: Reunions, Just Not the Ones You Wanted

>the conductor shakes Razzie awake, which shakes you awake in turn
>"Excuse me, sir, weren't you getting off at Ponyville? We're there now, if you don't get up you'll have to get off at Canterlot."
"Uh, thanks, mister."
>"It's what I'm here for, young lady."
>you cringe
>hopefully Twilight can put a stop to this nonsense soon
"Come on, Razzie, I'd carry you except right now you're ten times bigger than me."
>the day is still young, a few pink tendrils of dawn still lingering in the sky
>the streets only have a small handful of ponies right now
>nobody you actually know
>though no doubt many of them recognize the hulking body that Razzie currently occupies
>it's already warm out, leading you to wonder how long exactly you'd been locked up in that mountain
>this might be like… July weather?
>so maybe it's been about a month since you were captured
>and a little over two since you've been to Ponyville
"She lives over there, Razzie. This way."
>"In that… mountain?"
"You've never seen a tree before today, have you?"
>"I thought trees were made of wood. Like those, over there."
"Yeah, they are. That thing over there is technically a castle, it's just shaped like a tree."
>"I do not like the way it looks."
"I don't think anyone does."
>you make your way up to the door
>and hesitate
>you haven't spoken to Twilight since…
>and now everything's gotten all…
>you sigh
>no
>no autism
>not today
>you knock on the door
>shortly, Spike opens it
>his eyes alight on Razzie
>and narrow
>"Oh, look who decided to show up."
>"Um…"
>"You know, you really hurt Twilight's feelings."
>"I am… sorry?"
"Um, yeah, that's part of why we're here. Can we speak to Twilight?"
>Spike glares at you
>"And who are you supposed to be?"
"That's, uh, kind of a long story."
>"Well, you just missed her. Twilight and the gang all went to some town called Marenberg to watch Applejack compete in a rodeo."
>you stamp your hoof
"Mother fuck!"
>"Whoah, you kiss your mother with that mouth?"
"With this mouth? Never in all my life. Come on Razzie, let's wait by the train station. She's probably on her way back right now."

>"Why are your friend's feelings hurt?"
>the last traces of dawn have retreated from the sky, leaving it robin's-egg blue
>there's a few more ponies out and about now
>and all of them are casting you weird looks
>you sigh
"I guess it's because I left her without saying goodbye."
>"Why would you do that? Did she try to make you die?"
"No, no, no. Nothing like that. It's just, well, because she hurt my feelings too."
>"How?"
"Oh, shoot, Razzie. It's grown-up stuff. I might tell you when you're older."
>"I am older."
"I mean when your brain is older."
>"How much older?"
"I don't know. Look, it's not just grown-up stuff, it's also… private stuff."
>"You mean like love?"
"Love? I know about all that, now."
>"So you are not in love with her?"
>the train station is within sight now
>and the sound of a whistle in the distance tells you that the next train is near
"Uh, no, I don't think so."
>"Maybe she is in love with you?"
"Razzie, please, I really doubt that. Listen, sometimes people are selfish. Sometimes they just do what they want without thinking about others' feelings. That's all that happened here. It's better to forgive them when they do it, but sometimes that's hard. Sometimes, when your feelings get hurt by someone else doing something selfish, you'll do something selfish back. Not even usually as revenge, it's just because when your own feelings are hurting it's hard to remember everyone else's feelings too. Okay? Please let it go now."
>Razzie doesn't respond
"Razzie?"
>you don't even hear her walking behind you now
"Razzie? Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound…"
>you don't see her anywhere
"… harsh…"
>something pinches your neck
>and your vision begins to darken
>the last thing you see is the cold, grinning face
>of an un-mare

Part 7: The Objectivity Room

>when you wake up in the operating room of Phylum Strata, the first thing you do is try to wiggle your fingers
>success
>well
>at the very least, you'll die in your own body
>your arms and legs are tied down
>but there are no restraints on your mouth this time
"Doc! Doc!"
>"I am here, Anonymous."
"Fuck you, doc."
>"Feeling braver today, are we? I can still have you killed, you know."
>that shuts you up
>"I suppose, then, that you are still unwilling to help me."
"Yeah, I guess."
>"I still offer you your chance to go home."
"I'm not killing Razzie."
>"She does not necessarily have to die, I suppose. I could place her brain in a machine through which it could speak to you. You could even take this with you on your journeys. What do you say to that?"
"I say that sounds pretty horrific, doc."
>the doctor sighs
>"As I feared, you are hopelessly sentimental. I am afraid I will have to cure you of that."
>the table you're strapped to suddenly raises on one end
>the door to the operating room whirrs open
>and you're wheeled out into the main hub
>Phylum Strata walks alongside you
>she leads the table through a number of hubs
>until at last you come out into the caverns
>this isn't the part you were in before
>coming to a large chamber, the doctor stops, and bids the mechanical mare wheeling you around do the same
>this cavern chamber is lit up with the special radium bulbs of Phylum Strata
>and in the weird light you see
>bones
>piles
>and piles
>of misshapen
>bones
>skulls with three eye sockets
>whole skeletons with one giant foreleg
>and more
>"These are the bones upon which the life of Raspberry Heaven sits. I spent years and years before I perfected the process of replicating myself. If you saw them live, you would no doubt consider them horrible, misshapen creatures. When I created Raspberry Heaven, I stopped creating these creatures. When I built the mechanical mares, I had the ones who still lived killed. Yes, they were horrible and misshapen indeed. And very stupid as well."
>she looks you directly in the eye
>"But they were, in reality, nothing less than the elder sisters of Raspberry Heaven herself. Are you having a change of heart yet?"
"Uh… no."
>"Very well. Let us continue then."
>down
>down
>down the dark cavern corridors
>until at last you come to a quaint little wooden door
>Phylum Strata opens it, and you're wheeled inside

>"I have told you before that this mountain was once the haunt of the wizard Darkstar. This is one of the traces he left behind."
>it looks like a cozy little sitting room to you
"The decor looks a little modern for being over a thousand years old, doc."
>"Chairs and tables are much older than a thousand years. Though I have, of course, made certain renovations to this room in the interest of structural integrity."
"So, uh, what's it do? Gonna turn me into a newt or something?"
>"Your witticisms betray your terror. Your terror, however, is unfounded. This room contains neither the magic of Darkstar nor the high technology of my own creation.
"So what's the point?"
>"This room is why I believe that Darkstar educated himself in objectivity after his most famed encounter with passion."
"I don't get it."
>"You will. When I was a younger mare, I too had a painful experience with passion. A husband, a daughter, I suppose it was all a very common problem. The details do not matter. What matters is that I ran off into the desert. I found this mountain. I found this room."
>Phylum Strata jabs a pruny hoof into your side
>"Not unlike yourself."
"Wh-what?"
>"Surely, you too had some unpleasant experience with the passions before you took that fateful train ride into Picacholt. Surely, you too came to this desert to escape the painful burden of your sentiments. You had some falling out with Twilight Sparkle, no doubt. In fact, I have a recording of you all but saying so from shortly before I re-captured you in Ponyville. Ponyville, which you only returned to under the belief that you were under the greatest distress, and only because you had an immediate use for Twilight Sparkle's services."
>you swallow
>hard
>"Surely then, though you have not my intellect, you are not so very different from me. And surely, the thing that cured me of sentimentality will be the thing that cures you as well."
"And what… wh-what… what's that?"
>"This room. I recognized its properties as soon as I saw it. I gathered food and water and shut myself in here for a month."
"So, you're saying…"
>"Yes. You shall spend a mortal month in this room even as I did. The chairs are all comfortable enough, as is the bed. There is adequate space for excercise, should you choose to take it, even for a creature of your size. You shall have plenty of food, water, and air for the sustenance of your body. And at the end of this ordeal, you will be a new mind."
"And what if I'm not?"
>"When you come to understand, truly understand, that this room is really nothing more than a comfortable little sitting room, you will."
>the straps are loosened
>you slide off of the table and land in a heap on the floor
>"In approximately ten minutes, you will regain control over your limbs. Then your month will begin. I wish you nothing but the best in your transformation."
>and the quaint little wooden door
>slams shut

>okay
>so this is supposed to be like some kind of isolation chamber, right?
>it's designed to make you realize that you don't need any friends or something, right?
>heh
>dumb bitch doesn't know that you're great at spending long periods of time alone
>you stand up and stretch your legs
>then you fall into the nearest armchair
>and smile
>yes, whether it's months on end in a shithole apartment in a shithole city
>or even a year in a fucking yurt of all things, surrounded by magic talking ponies for the first time in your life
>you already know that you can go much longer than a mere month without talking to a single living soul
>you might actually be the most accomplished loner in all of Equestria
>it's true that you came out of your last period of isolation a bit weirder for wear
>actually, you came out suicidal
>even so, it took you a long time to get to that point
>a month?
>that's nothing
>and if it comes down to it, you can probably outlast the year which Phylum Strata estimates she has left to live
>all you've gotta do is channel your inner NEET
>you can do it for Razzie
>and besides, this room is actually a lot nicer than anything you've ever lived in
>yes, including that awful fucking crystal tree castle
>take this armchair, for example
>it's very comfortable
>the only thing wrong with it…
>well, it's not even really a problem
>it's just…
>one armrest is a little bit higher than the other
>hang on
>is it?
>just
>try to adjust
>no, yeah, that's a little uneven
>well, uh, that's fine
>you'll just take your arms off of the armrests and put them in your lap
>there
>perfect
>and now…
>hang on
>why is there a pointed arch over that perfectly rectangular door?
>it's just…
>well, it's just a little tacky
>that's fine though
>it's not like you ever had great taste as an interior decorator either
>hang on
>oh no
>you get up
>oh please
>you inspect the pointed arch up close
>oh fuck
>the point on the arch
>it's just the littlest bit off-center

>no, no, no
>calm down
>you're being ridiculous
>you're just… bored already
>uh
>let's find something to do
>over there is a desk
>looks like it's got a quill and inkwell sitting on top of it
>you wonder if…
>yeah
>there's paper in the drawers
>all right, you can try to write something
>just gotta find a sheet of…
>no, that one's got a corner cut off
>no, that one's cut in half
>why is this one cut into the shape of a star of david?
>damnit
>isn't there a normal sheet of paper in this fucking thing?
>a pile of misshappen papers finds its way onto the desk
>no
>no there is not
>all right, fuck this
>you sweep the papers onto the floor with your arm
>and look down
>the desk is an old wooden surface, with little black dots scattered about
>heh, that little group of dots looks like…
>no, it looks like…
>wait
>what group of dots
>okay
>not sitting at this desk anymore
>maybe if you just…
>lie down on the floor here
>and close your eyes
>maybe you can calm down
>huh
>the floor is slightly inclined
>or
>is it?
>your eyes snap open
>and you scream out loud
>this isn't an isolation chamber at all
>this is an autism chamber!

Part 8: The Objectivity Room, Part Two

>you reckon the days by every three meals
>and then you lose track of the days
>every day you notice something new
>something that you can't un-notice
>the mattress has a slight depression in its center
>the ceiling has a dot-pattern which seems to match the one on the desk, but doesn't quite
>on one of the walls, there's just a peg sticking out
>just a big
>metal
>fucking
>peg
>just sticking out of the wall
>for no reason
>the plates on which your meals are delivered have unseemly yellow spots on them
>but these spots are, as far as you can tell, merely the color of the plate
>the food itself is wrong as well
>the bread tastes like spinach
>the vegetables taste like ketchup
>the soup tastes like ice cream
>none of these exactly taste bad, per se
>it's just…
>wrong
>it almost seems silly to be complaining
>it's exactly as the doc said
>you have enough food and drink every day for a feast
>there's more than enough room for you to get your excercise in
>the very air you breathe is crisp and refreshing
>it's no doubt piped in from the top of the mountain
>it's just…
>there's nothing to feast about
>nothing to train for
>sometimes you even feel like…
>well
>sometimes you feel like you don't even have a reason to go on breathing
>Rainbow Dash puts her hoof on your shoulder
>"Don't think like that, 'Non. You know Twilight doesn't like it when you think like that."

>Rainbow Dash showed up to keep you company
>she says Twilight will be here soon
>Applejack is here too
>and Pinkie Pie
>Rarity and Fluttershy also are around somewhere
>they all say that Twilight will be here soon
>at some point Apple Fritter shows up with Razzie
>Fritter says she saw Twilight on her way here
>Amber Ember is sprawled out in the armchair
>"Who cares? Who says Anon wants Twilight around anyway?"
"Whoah, Amber, when did you get here? I tried looking for you after I got out of the hospital, but-"
>"I didn't want to be found. Same as you."
"What do you mean?"
>"I mean that you don't really want Twilight to come here. I mean, geez, Anon, she's done nothing but use you. You were right to run away."
"Uh, I don't-"
>Rainbow Dash looks angry
>"Hey! Don't talk about Twilight like that! She saved Anon's life!"
>Dash and Amber fall to bickering
>you smile
>those two are always fighting
>something tugs at your pants-leg
>it's Razzie
>the grass is so tall
>it's almost up to her chin
>"Hold me, Uncle Anonymous."
"Yeah, sure."
>you bend over to scoop up the little pony into your arms
>"Pat my head, Uncle Anonymous."
"Okay."
>Razzie's mane is warm in the sunlight
>she kicks a bit under your hand, and then relaxes
>Applejack frowns at you
>"Mr. Nonermous, we need to talk."
"Talk? About what?"
>"Twilight is coming."
>Pinkie Pie is busy hanging streamers from the trees
>"Aren't you excited for this totally awesome party, Anon?"
"What party?"
>"The one for when Twilight gets here, silly!"
>Rarity and Fluttershy are sitting in the hot spring together
>Fluttershy smiles at you
>"Come join us, Anon!"
"Why?"
>Rarity grins
>"So you can look good for Twilight when she gets here, of course."
>you're startled to see a purple unicorn staring at you
>but it isn't Twilight
>it's the other one
>the one who replaced you
>Starlight Glimmer, if you remember correctly
>"Twilight will be here very soon, Anonymous."
"When?"
>"Now."

Part 9: With Murder in Your Heart

>Phylum Strata holds an empty syringe in the strange finger-apparatus she wears on her hoof
>you are a crumpled heap on the floor of the autism chamber
>"I am disappointed in you, Anonymous."
"Me too."
>"Really, are you so attached to your silly sentimentality that, when faced with the choice between objectivity and madness, you choose madness?"
"Madness, doc?"
>"Yes. You seemed to be under the impression that you had numerous ponies with you for company. You have been hallucinating."
>you bring yourself up to your hands and knees
"Well, you knew I had a history of mental illness."
>"Yes, I should say you've done quite well at expressing your suicidal tendencies."
"Is it over then?"
>"Much as I would like to end your miserable life now, I have not yet found an alternative solution to your assistance."
"Shit."
>"I am going to include strong anti-hallucinogens in your food from now on. You must not be allowed to escape from reality if your abode in the Objectivity Room is to have any effect. I shall check on you again in another month.
"Wait… doc."
>"Hm? What is it?"
"I'm ready."
>"Are you now? Well, this has been more fruitful than I had hoped."
"Ready…"
>your hand
>like a huge rattlesnake
>affixes itself firmly to the bony foreleg of Phylum Strata
>your hard grip can only mean one thing
>and the old villain deduces that thing immediately
>she shrieks
>slippery
>like a worm
>she slides free easily
>and with incredible speed for a creature so old
>she flees

>you're less than conscious as you stalk through the cavern corridors
>on instinct alone you follow the sounds of your quarry
>without thinking in words, you realize she's headed back to the lab
>you trample over the bones of the creatures of Phylum Strata almost without noticing
>in years to come, you'll be disturbed by the memory of your first impulse to kill
>but right now, you see that the only thing between you and the automatic sliding door is the pair of mechanical mares
>no longer clad in the false flesh of the un-mares, they stand in all their naked horror
>in the past, they've subdued you from behind
>they are slow
>and pony-sized
>and in this moment
>you are more than man
>one gets lifted over your head and thrown into the cavern wall
>the other follows
>the automatic sliding door fails to open automatically
>but the fatal mistake of Phylum Strata was to make these doors out of fiberglass
>the door breaks easily under your fist
>you won't notice that you're bleeding until this is over
>door after door after door is smashed in your onslaught
>until at last
>Phylum Strata stands erect
>staring at you from beside a portal to another world
>that other world?
>the kitchen table of your own mother

>"May I remind you of what, precisely, you are giving up, Anonymous?"
>words take possession of your mind
"Is… that…?"
>"Yes. I see that this scene is familiar to you. I was able to track down humans with similar genetics to yours and place the portal in their home. They are, of course, not home right now."
>you're breathing heavily right now
>"Yes. It would be a simple matter for you to just step through and be home. Your Earth doctors, no doubt, would be able to convince you that your life in Equestria was merely a delusion. You could live the rest of your life not believing that you were ever here, and consequently without any guilt for anything you did while you were here."
"Wait, are you…"
>"Yes, indeed, you may go. You may go right now."
"But… what about Razzie?"
>"Oh, do not fear. I shall die at the end of the year as is natural, and Raspberry Heaven shall grow up."
"I don't believe you."
>Phylum Strata's face blackens
>"What does it matter? This world will be as a dream to you!"
"It matters because it's not a dream!"
>with bizarre agility, the mad doctor shuffles past you and flees again
>the unconscious swallows your mind once more
>and you give chase
>the chase, this time, leads down a different corridor in the caverns
>the one that's lighted red
>Phylum Strata has chosen to stand on the very edge of the pit of magma
>her red coat illumined by the red lava
>her grey mane turned black in the weird shadows
>her labcoat floating and waving on the hot gasses from the pit
>she presents a vision from Hell itself
>but that's what makes you pause
>not what makes you stumble
>not what makes you fall to your knees
>there
>behind the daemoniacal doctor
>you can see her standing as plain as day
>Twilight has come

Part 10: At the Pit of Hell

>"I can't believe you, Anon. It's been, what, three months or so since you left? And you're already trying to murder somepony? This is exactly the sort of thing that everyone hates about you. If you're not trying to hurt yourself you're trying to hurt someone else. Why can't I leave you alone for three months? Why can't I treat you like an adult for five minutes without you freaking out and running away? Come with me, it's time to come home. You need me."
>this
>isn't real
>is it?
"No… I don't… need you."
>Phylum Strata cocks her head to one side
>"What an odd thing to say. I never suggested that you did. Though I suppose, in a way, all lesser minds like yours do need the guidance of a greater mind like mine."
>you blink
>Twilight is gone
>all that remains is the demon's vision of the mad scientist Phylum Strata
>slowly
>shakily
>you rise to your feet
"I, uh, wasn't talking to you, doc."
>"Then you are still hallucinating. Come now, your mind is even less sound than usual; surely you are in no position to be making decisions regarding life and death."
"There's no decision about it, doc. Killing little kids is wrong."
>"Your right and your wrong are arbitrary nonsense. You have seen for yourself the fruits of my extraordinary life so far. Can you not imagine what I might do with yet another life? I alone can create Utopia, not only in this world, but in many others as well. You know that I can. Compared to that, what is the life of one child, a child who was created with this very purpose in mind?"
"Compared to that… it's… it's everything, doc."
>the doctor snorts
>"Your statement has no reason behind it. Only your own arbitrary feelings."
"Shit doc, I don't know. I'm not a fucking super genius, but… don't you think that morality is a sort of reason in and of itself?"
>"Certainly not. What of my own interests can I achieve by conforming to your standards?"
"Well, you can avoid taking a bath in that lava down there. And that's sort of what I mean. All peoples… ponies… creatures… whatever, have taught in all times and places that a child… no, a daughter, must never be harmed by her own mother. We make laws, threats of force, and violent objections against those who violate the, uh… moral law, I guess, specifically to make it so that following it is in your best interest."
>"That a social construct is common does not make it objective."
"But what if it's not just a social construct? Doc, I look at what you're planning to do, and I know that it's wrong. I look at your offset pointed arch, and I know that it's wrong. I know it just like I know that… that, fucking, two plus two equals five is wrong. You gave me a lot of time to think, you know, before I went kind of loopy in that room. But… I think that it did work. I think that I am speaking sort of… objectively, even if I'm not really sure how."
>"If you aren't sure how, then you aren't being objective. Objectivity is attained through reason, not intuition."
"Fine, fuck, it just sounds weird. What if what I'm talking about is… uh, hard-wired into our, uh, genes, or souls, or whatever? What if this universe was made with specific natural laws in mind so that intelligent creatures would just know right from wrong?"
>Phylum Strata scoffs
>"I did not take you for a spiritualist."
"I went to church sometimes."
>"As though the universe was "made" with anything "in mind". The use of that phrase indicates that even you recognize the mind as the highest substance in this world. Well, of all minds, mine is the highest. If there is an objective morality, it is what I decide it is. Why should I submit to the whims of you, or a billion other lower creatures when I am so manifestly superior?"
"Because you're full of shit! I think you're hard-wired the exact same way that I am, no matter how fucking big-brained you are. Doc, I can look at your face and just know that you're a bad guy. You've got a face that makes babies cry. You look like you've been living all out of whack with your, well, with your soul for years and years and years. I think you know as well as I do what's right and what's wrong, and denying it is killing you."
>Phylum Strata
>bends her head toward the lava pit
>and holds it there for a moment
>and looks back at you
>and it might just be the hot sulphur blowing into her face
>but somehow or other
>there are tears streaking down the shrivelled, villainous face of the mad scientist Phylum Strata
>"Do you know, Anonymous Faggot, how much I hate you?"
>it takes you a moment to find the words to reply to that
"That's, uh, awfully sentimental for you."
>"When I saw you playing checkers with Raspberry Heaven, I hated you. You damaged my mind irreparably that day. I shut myself up in the Objectivity Room for… I forget how long, exactly, but… the harm you did to me could not be reversed."
"I… harmed you?"
>"I used to play checkers with my daughter. My real daughter. The one I gave birth to, when my own name was still Raspberry Heaven and I was just as silly and sentimental as anyone else. She was very, very skilled. I have not seen her in a very long time, and I do not know where I could find her if I wanted to."
"It sounds like you harmed yourself, doc."
>Phylum Strata scowls
>"Perhaps you are right. Perhaps I have been living my life in denial of that which I ought not to deny. Perhaps your sentiments of right and wrong are, in some way, objective."
>the old doctor assumes an air of great dignity
>her mouth set in a thin line of stone
>her eyes impassive and calm
>her chin raised high
>"But if right and wrong are objective, then I suppose justice is objective as well?"
"Uh, sure."
>"A few minutes ago I feared that there was nothing I could do to stop you from carrying out your justice. Now, however, I don't suppose you'd be able to do it without your usual effeminate shaking."
"Hang on, I don't like where you're going with this."
>the villainous doctor Phylum Strata reaches her hoof into the pockets of her labcoat
>and pulls out a golden, heart-shaped locket
>she tosses it over the pit to you
>you stoop to pick it up
>"Open it. Inside is a picture of my daughter. Should you find her in your journeys, I charge you with the task of telling her my fate."
>inside the locket is a very small painting of a small, smiling filly
>she has a light brown coat, a dark brown mane
>and eyes you'd never forget
>holy shit
"Doc! Doc, I know…"
>Phylum Strata has disappeared from the precipice of the pit
"… her."
>the splash sounds much less dramatic than you expected
>you sigh
"Fuck."
>and then
>just to verify
>you look back at the face that stares from the locket of the late, the great, the mad, the wicked, the brilliant doctor Phylum Strata
>and you know
>that the face belongs to Amber Ember

Part 11: I'm Fine

>"Warning. Phylum Strata not detected. Power will secure in ten minutes."
>the door to the operating room comes down under your arm with a bit more difficulty than the others
>you're actually cut up pretty bad by now
>as you had expected, Razzie lies on one of the tables, immobilized by the chemical false-death
>you press the button that will restore her life
>and wait
>come on
>wake up
>you really don't have a second to lose here
>impatient, you loosen the straps that hold Razzie down
>and slowly
>the little pony's chest rises
>and falls
>and her eyelids flutter
>and open
>"Anon…"
"Hey. Hey, Razzie. How are you feeling?"
>"I… don't know."
"That's fine. That's fine. You're just still sleepy. Hey. Hey, Razzie. We're gonna go on a little trip, okay?"
>"What is a 'trip'?"
"It means we're leaving again. All right?"
>"Are we coming back?"
>you scoop up Razzie into your arms
>and set her down gently on her hooves
"Probably not. No. No, we're not coming back. So go on and grab anything you want to take with you. Okay? I've got some things to take care of, but I'll meet you in your room when I'm done, okay?"
>"… Okay."
>as you expected, even Razzie's room is still locked shut
>that door, too, is smashed
>"Anon, your arm. Are you going to get a bandage for it?"
>you pick up Razzie and carry her over the broken fiberglass
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna go do that right now. Don't worry about me. Just get your things, okay?"
>"Warning. Phylum Strata not detected. Power will secure in five minutes."
>following the trail of broken doors leads you back to the room with the magic-based technology
>the portal to Earth is still open
>"Warning. Phylum Strata not detected. Power will secure in four minutes."
"Fuck, man."
>you can't
>you can't go back
>you've already decided that you can't leave Razzie here alone
>and you can't take her to Earth
>but fuck, man
>the fucking portal is already open right to your mother's kitchen
>there's gotta be something you can do
>some way you can let her know
>"Warning. Phylum Strata not detected. Power will secure in three minutes."
>there
>on the counter
>what is that?
>is that
>one of those cameras?
>one of the ones automatic ones with the little printer built in?
>fuck, man
>isn't that just liker her?
>always buying this random fucking shit
>this random fucking shit that just so happens to be exactly what you need right now
>"Warning. Phylum Strata not detected. Power will secure in two minutes."
>fuck, man, time is moving so fast
>you don't have a second to waste
>once through the portal, you become aware that you're bleeding all over the floor
>whoops
>you pick up the camera
>point it at yourself
>make a thumbs up
>and press the button
>the photo prints
>you look like shit
>but whatever
>"Warning. Phylum Strata not detected. Power will secure in one minute."
>shit shit shit shit
>should you write a message, too?
>uh, where's the pen drawer?
>uh
>there
>and you just need…
>yeah, that sharpie will do
>"Warning. Phylum Strata not detected. Power will secure in thirty seconds."
>no no no no
>uh, what to write?
>uh
>you've got it
"I'm… fine…"
>you slap the photo on the counter and hurry back through the portal
>"Warning. Phylum Strata not detected. Power will secure in ten seconds."
>huh
>"Nine."
>looks like you're really never going back after all
>"Eight."
>well, it was probably kind of a long shot anyway
>"Seven."
>the sound of a door opening echoes through a distortion in time and space in just such a way to make your heart start racing
>"Six."
>"Who's there?"
>"Five."
>no, please
>"Four."
>don't let her see you
>"Three."
>"Hello?"
>"Two."
>you don't think you could handle it
>"One."
>"Anon?"
>"Warning. Phylum Strata not detected. Power securing now."
>the portal disappears without a trace
>the ever-present whirr of electricity and machinery fades into an eerie silence
>but it looks like the radium-based lightbulbs the doc invented weren't attached to the power grid
>they'll probably keep this place lighted for a thousand years to come
>good news for all the spiders and bats who are afraid of the dark
>fuck, man
>there's something wet on your face
>you're feeling lightheaded, too
>but that's probably just the blood loss

>okay, the infirmary was one of these doors in the main hub, right?
>you think it was…
>that one
>you raise your arm to smash in the door
>but flinch at the last moment
>your arm is already beat to hell dude
>uh
>oh
>rearing back on one foot, you kick the door in
>the trusty work boots you bought in Picacholt handle it like a real champ
>now why didn't you think of this before?
>whatever
>there's gotta be something in here you can use
>searching through a few drawers, you locate something that looks usable as a bandage
>you spend a few minutes struggling to get it wrapped around your hand and arm
>when it's done, it's kind of shitty
>but it should keep you from passing out long enough to reach Picacholt
>now
>hopefully Razzie is just about ready to go
>you enter her room
>and see her lying on her belly
>neck craned over heaps of paper
"Hey, Razzie. What'cha doing?"
>she doesn't look up
>"These are the stories."
"Oh. Yeah, I see."
>you do see
>the heaps of paper are, in fact, old magazines
>they have titles such as "Strange Tales", "Mysteries of Super-Science", "Incredible Fantasies", and more
>on their covers are colorful paintings of heroes and monsters and damsels in distress
>what are these?
>pulps?
"Oh. So you've been reading stuff like this your whole life, huh?"
>"Yes."
"No wonder you're so handy in an adventure."
>Razzie flips the page in the book she's got open
>"Mother told me that these were the stories she read when she was my age."
"Huh."
>that actually gives you some food for thought
>pulps were largely dead on Earth by the time you started reading
>but everyone knows the general formula of the stories inside
>the beautiful girl is kidnapped by the evil wizard or the mad scientist or whatever
>and the strong, stern hero rescues her and defeats the villain
>it's very interesting to hear that Phylum Strata herself grew up entranced by these kinds of stories
>and that, out of all the archetypes these stories present
>that she should have wanted to become the mad scientist
>"Anon, I heard the voice saying that my mother was not detected."
"Yeah. I heard it too."
>Razzie flips the page again
>"Anon, is my mother dead?"
"… Yeah."
>Razzie pushes the magazine away from her
>and looks straight down
>"Was it you?"
"No… No. She wanted… She fell into that lava pit, out in the caverns. She did it on purpose."
>"I see."
"Razzie, I think she felt bad. I think…"
>"Do you think she loved me?"
"Yeah… or, I think she wanted to, but… she was afraid."
>"Afraid to die?"
"Well, that was a part of it. I think it was mostly… she was afraid of getting hurt."
>"She thought I would hurt her?"
"Well, she mentioned that her feelings had been hurt, before she came here. You see, uh, it's really only the ones we're closest to that can really hurt our feelings."
>Twilight is standing behind you
>she's whispering in your ear
>"It really didn't mean anything."
>Razzie sniffs
>"You were saying something about hurting feelings before. I don't really remember all of it."
"No, I guess you wouldn't. I was saying that sometimes it's hard to remember everyone else's feelings when your own feelings are hurting. It's better to just forgive them, but-"
>"I think… I think I hurt my mother's feelings."
"No, Razzie, no. There's no way."
>"There is a way. When my mother told me that she felt she was going to die soon, I told her… 'I see.' I asked her what would become of me. I wasn't afraid for her at all."
"No… No, no, Razzie. No."
>a quiet sob escapes the taciturn filly's lips
>drops of water speckle the floor beneath her face
>sit down beside her
>scoop her up into your arms
>set her down on your lap
>and hold Raspberry Heaven closely
"Shh. Shh. Quiet, now."
>"Anon. I am a bad daughter."
"No, no no no. You're not. You're the best."
>"I am the worst."
>Razzie buries her face into your shirt
>and cries openly
>it's all you can do to stroke her head and back
>but it's not working
>it's just not working

Part 12: To Her I Cry: "Farewell, Phylum!"

>wait
>the red field is shrinking into a small rectangle
>there's a face forming in the center
>Sombra
>"Found you."
"Talk quieter. She's sleeping."
>Sombra repeats in a whisper
>"Found you."
"Yeah, took you long enough."
>"Came as soon as sensed great darkness."
"Great dark… oh, yeah, your magic does have something to do with bad feelings, doesn't it?"
>"Yes."
"Are you able to lead me to where I can find you?"
>"Yes."
"All right, I'll come find you as soon as she wakes up."
>"She is."
"Huh?"
>you look down
>there is indeed a bleary-eyed filly blinking up at you from your lap
>"Anon? Who's that?"
"That's Sombra. He's a friend of mine. He needs our help."
>"Help?"
"Yeah. We've got to go help him now, so I need you to be brave. Can you be brave for me?"
>"I don't know."
"That's fine. That's fine. I'm gonna carry you to where we're going, so all you need to do is not cry. Can you do that for me?"
>"Yes."
"Good, good. I'm gonna stand up now. Are your things in that bag over there?"
>"Yes."
>still holding Razzie, you stand up
>you grab a little pink saddle bag and sling it over your injured arm, holding Razzie close with your good one
"All right, Sombra, take me there."
>the apparition of Sombra leads you through the string of doors you broke until at last you reach the caverns
>for a moment, you're startled by the sight of the mechanical mares
>but they don't attack
>they only stand there
>and tilt their heads at you
>the sheer life-likeness of the expression is far more unnerving than the unnaturalness they displayed while dressed in the skins of the un-mares
"See you later, you crazy tin cans."
>following Sombra further, you realize he's about to take you through the chamber with all the misshapen skeletons
>"Razzie, look up. Don't look down until I tell you, okay?"
>upon entering the chamber, you're surprised by the fact that Sombra doesn't even slow down
"Wait, Sombra, aren't you in here?"
>"No."
"All right."
>further and further
>uphill and downhill
>around twists and turns
>finally, you step outside into the silent desert night

>tonight, with the full moon out and not a cloud in the sky, you can see the path you're taking almost as clear as day
>"Just down there."
"By that river?"
>"Yes."
"There's skeletons down there, right?"
>"Yes."
"All right."
>Razzie has fallen asleep again
>carefully, you nudge her awake
"Razzie, I'm gonna put you down now. I need you to wait right here, okay?"
>"… Okay."
"Stay right here. Don't follow me. If you get scared, just scream, okay?"
>"… Okay."
"All right. I'll be right back."
>setting Razzie down by the steep ridge, you begin to carefully make your way down
>Sombra snorts
>"Big brother."
"Huh?"
>Sombra grins his creepy, sharp-toothed grin
>"Big brother."
"Shut the fuck up."
>by the river, a pair of gleaming white skeletons lie intertwined
>one skeleton is clad in a dark brown cowboy hat, with a leather tote slung over its shoulder
>the other has three eye-sockets, a skull that looks half too small, and forelegs twice the size of its hindlegs
>"In bag."
"Yeah, okay."
>as respectfully as you possibly can in this situation, you take the bag off of the cowpony's skeleton
>and reach inside
>sure enough, Sombra's crystal is to be found
>but there's something else in there as well
>it's a…
>a journal
>you glance at the skeleton
"You mind if I read this, dude?"
>it would be sort of a pain to relate the entire journal
>but these few sentences of interest fairly well communicate the sum of what you learn
>"This is the journal of Cider Donut…"
>"The mines have closed down. Picacholt is doomed…"
>"Sure, I could find refuge among the other farms of the Apple Family, but for one small problem…"
>"My sweet little Apple Fritter belongs in the desert as surely as the great saguaro cactus. She would simply be unhappy anywhere else in the world…"
>"I intend to protect my daughter's happiness…"
>"I have gone off into the mountains in search of the fabled Peg-Horn of Darkstar…"
>"The Peg-Horn is in the possession of a horrid mare who goes by the name of Phylum Stata…"
>"Her experiments and creations are most unnatural indeed…"
>"I have become her prisoner…"
>"Beyond my wildest hopes, I have escaped the mountain lair of Phylum Strata with the Peg-Horn of Darkstar which I sought…"
>"I am pursued by one of Phylum Strata's abominable creatures…"
>"Should all become hopeless, I intend to cast the spell which will keep my apples growing and ripening all year round, and to throw the Peg-Horn into the river which waters my trees. In doing so, I will ensure the survival of Picacholt, and more importantly, the happiness of my dearest daughter Apple Fritter…"
>you close the journal
>and put it back into the bag
>if there was any place where Cider Donut's struggle would have seemed hopeless, it would have been here
>you wonder…
>you step into the river
>and search with your hands
>until you grasp something conical
>the Peg-Horn glows a mystic violet in your hand
"No way…"
>Sombra stares
"Sombra, the doc had you put in that bag, right?"
>"Yes."
"That doesn't make any sense. She must have known that the Peg-Horn was right here all along then. There's no way she would have left it there, unless…"
>the journal
>Cider Donut's dearest daughter Apple Fritter
"Unless she cared about what Cider Donut wanted for Apple Fritter…"
>the sound of Razzie's cry jolts you out of your contemplation
>she's lying at the bottom of the ridge, nursing her foreleg
>you rush over to her side
"Razzie! I told you not to follow me."
>"I am sorry. I wanted to see."
"Are you all right?"
>"Yes. I only slipped a little ways up. It does not hurt so badly."
"Geez. What was it you wanted to see?"
>she points right at the skeletons
>"Who were those ponies?"
>oh, geez
>you were hoping she wouldn't have to see that
"Uh… one of them was the father of a friend of mine."
>"I see. Who was the other?"
"The other… well… I guess it was your big sister, Razzie."