How to train my dragon?

Oct 27th, 2013
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  1. So, there's this dragon.
  3. I know, I know, the whole non-existent thing, but bear with me.
  5. This dragon, well, he's strange. I'll shorten the list to the two key points. First of all, he's about an inch tall, not much longer. Sounds more like I've got my hands on a lizard, right? Well, second point is that he breathes fire. No idea on the specifics and I don't think he would like a dissection to find out how that's possible.
  7. Really, he's more of a nuisance than a princess kidnapper. I've lost a book – university textbooks aren't cheap, the bastard – and several pages of notes already. At the least, I've managed to stop him from setting my chair and desk on fire too badly, just some singed parts and the smell of charred wood.
  9. I legitimately don't know what to do.
  11. On the one hand, I doubt my ability to care for a goldfish, let alone a mini dragon. I doubt there's any material online that'd tell me what to do either. What if I kill him?
  13. On the other hand, this guy is great. He's taken to bacon and bits of steak, which I've used to train him to toast marshmallows. I'm not sure what fuel he uses, but it's great for making snacks. Otherwise, he chills around the room, fluttering about when he gets bored, sleeping for most of the day, a bit like a scaly, flying, fire-breathing cat.
  15. So, I'm torn.
  17. I'd ask someone, anyone, if I thought I'd be taken seriously. If I showed him, though, what would happen? He'd probably get taken away, put under the microscope and all that. At best, maybe he'd get a nice little enclosure at a zoo.
  19. That's not what he wants. Well, since I'm not holding him hostage, I presume as much.
  21. Ah, I should share how we met. Basically, I'd got home and opened the front-door when he flew onto my shoulder, then blew hot – burning hot – breath into my ear. I jerked sideways, fell over, lay on the floor and watched the bastard sway in the air, rings of smoke snorting out of his nose. He landed back on my shoulder when I got up and, shell-shocked, I kinda just went with it, bringing him in.
  23. That happened a week ago. He's not made any attempt to leave and it wouldn't be hard to if he wanted to. If I had to put it down to anything, it is getting chilly and I guess he's a fair bit reptilian. I guess such a small dragon would struggle with Winter.
  25. Is that what they do? Hibernate in people's homes until Spring, then fly off to grow big and strong in their magical dragon sanctuary no human knows about? I suppose I should consider the possibility that I'm crazy and this has all been a figment of my imagination.
  27. In the unlikely case I am still sane, I'll put my plea out in the most straightforward way I can think of.
  29. Can anyone tell me how to train my dragon?
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