Well, after about 28 days of play time, 6 or so months of being on the server, I think it's time to throw in the towel. For good? Not sure. Maybe I'll return later, but for now, I just don't think it's a good idea to continue being staff.

Back in January, when I was still mod, it was probably the best time as far as the server goes. Sure, we have more players now, but the environment was so much different. Ever since the reset, or hell, even when Mini left, it just hasn't been the same. I don't even know the players anymore, and the ones I am familiar with is because of all the trouble they cause.

Not only with the players, but the staff team is vastly different now too. At first, it genuinely was like a family. Everyone was close, and we were all fairly comfortable around each other. Now, there's outbursts and arguments every other day, or privacy leaks and rumors. It's really tiring. I don't know who or what to believe anymore, or if my opinion even matters. Despite all of these reassurances, it still doesn't feel very comforting. I miss all the transparency, but now the team can't even be trusted with it. I mean, seriously? Why are these kinds of people even let on? I guess I'll never know.

Whether it be dealing with school, work, or relationships, I've never been more stressed and exhausted in my life. I am absolutely mentally and physically drained. If it wasn't obvious to a few already, I have depression, insomnia, and a few other fun things. On top of that, while I won't go into detail, my home life isn't fantastic. So, I used the server as something for me to mindlessly relax on. I really, truly, enjoy staff duties and helping out around the server. Administration in specific is something that I've always enjoyed doing as a hobby. Which is why any time that the server had become a problem in the past with someone, I didn't want to give up the server. I was still able to put in a good amount of time, so I figured it wouldn't hurt me.

Well, in the past 6 months, me putting time towards the server means me giving up time to sleep. As previously mentioned, I have insomnia. Typically, I am only able to fall asleep during the day time, between 4:00 and 7:00PM. So I get by on three hour naps, and sometimes an hour or so of sleep if I get lucky. I haven't been napping for the past few months, and I've been staying up until 2 or 3 in the morning on the server, meaning I have no time to even attempt to sleep at night (I wake up at 6:30AM).

All of this has finally caught up to me. Exam stress plus extreme exhaustion equals me blacking out fairly often. I had an allergic reaction to something about a week ago, which nearly killed me. My medication makes me extremely drowsy and ill, so I had been staying off the server. After I got off of the medication so I could go to school okay-ish, I realized I wasn't exhausted only because of that.

I know I said that I'd be active again, and that I'd stick around for the long haul, but I suppose something always has to come up to sway that. So, I'm sorry. Like I said though, maybe one day I'll come back and everything will be better. The team will be closer, and my health much better, both mentally and physically. Thank you for everything that this server has done. I wish everyone the best of luck in the future.

Best regards,

J3T