Ten Years Chasing A Dream (ch1)

EARLY RELEAS FOR ALL MY PATRONS!!

My goodness... Another angsty story for 0mniessence, and at nearly 35k! I knocked it out in 3 days because I was just so eager to get it done and make it happen and share it. It's really very involved, and deals with some darker/sadder things, so I'll put a general warning here. Read with care.

Disclaimer: I do not own Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight.

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						Ten Years Chasing A Dream

						Chapter 1. Wilting Love

Ten years.

Depending on the circumstances of those involved, the concept of a decade could mean entirely different things.

To a child, ten years felt like forever.

To an adult, it felt like a moment.

To those in between, ten years felt like too much time, and still not enough.

Ten years.

That's how long it's been since Saijou Claudine and Tendo Maya have graduated from Seishou Music Academy. The moment they'd received their diplomas and it had finally sunk in, the next chapter in their story had opened up. Even though to the rest of the world it had been just another day, to the third-year girls at Seishou, it had been so much more.

And not simply the day of excitement and tears and opportunity that any graduation was to any class. But to them in particular, it had symbolized success and hope and love. Having broken from their spiral of repeated time a year earlier, graduation had truly solidified their progression into the world.

Their friends had spread out for a time, at first. Karen, Hikari, and Mahiru had traveled to England for a few years to experience the culture and theater Hikari was so familiar with. The same was true for Nana and Junna, who had journeyed to America for a few years. Futaba and Kaoruko had gone to Kyoto to focus on tradition.

As for Claudine and Maya, they had ultimately decided to remain in Japan, as well.

Even though their reputations and prowess as highly-skilled actresses had done wonders for their job opportunities right away, they found money to be a bit of a struggle.

Unlike their friends, whose families had supported their travels around the world, Maya's parents hadn't exactly been thrilled by her choice to live with Claudine, troubled by the possible rumors and implications of such a thing.

As such, they had cut her off financially.

Of course, they had done this behind closed doors, so as not to make a public scandal of it and risk jeopardizing their reputation.

And for the same reasons - in order to not bring negativity toward herself or Claudine - Maya had no choice but to stay quiet about the matter and accept the circumstances.

Financial assistance from the Saijous alone at the time hadn't been enough to make the girls' dream into a reality just yet. It had been Claudine who had expressed her wishes of moving back to France early on after their graduation, before the Tendos had cut Maya off. Once that had happened, Claudine hadn't mentioned France again.

And Maya had known that was only because Claudine didn't want to make Maya feel upset or pressured about her own floundering finances at the time.

But more than anything, Maya wanted to make her happy. She wanted to go to France with her and live freely together with her, where their relationship could be open and honest.

As things were in Japan at the time, they kept their relationship a secret from everyone but their closest friends. To the rest of the world, they were simply extremely good partners and rivals who had gone to high school together and achieved impressive levels of greatness thanks to one another, and as such they had ended up in similar places, and decided to live together for convenience's sake.

And for those first few years, it had certainly felt like the closest thing to heaven they ever could have gotten to, all things considered. The Saijous had gifted them a bit of money to congratulate them on their graduation, and after much pouting, Claudine had accepted.

She and Maya had taken care to use it sparingly and only for essentials until they began landing jobs and work for themselves to start bringing in their own income. They would attend interviews and press conferences, accompany troupes, perform demonstrations, land roles in plays and sing in attractions around the area and other local towns.

They both worked as hard as they always had, and perhaps even harder, in order to earn enough to one day achieve their dream.

Through all the stress and ridicule and tears, they would both come home to each other at night, and everything would be better.

Of course they enjoyed their work much more than not, as it was exactly what they had been born and bred to do. And most importantly, it had been what they'd chosen to do for themselves.

And for perhaps the first five years or so, it had truly been wonderful, in spite of everything. They had gradually put aside savings to work toward France, and still found plenty of time for dates or dinners every week when possible.

But it was after their 22nd birthdays when things had started to change.

The two of them had flown to France briefly to visit Claudine's parents for her birthday, and she had been so bright and lively and full of joy. But upon returning to Japan, Claudine had jumped right back into work.

And Maya couldn't help but feel her partner was simply putting up a front, trying to hold out and bear this life for as long as possible, when it would only be a matter of time before it started being too suffocating. Living together in a country that didn't yet accept their relationship, keeping it secret from their fans and work agencies, having Maya's parents and their looming animosity constantly in the back of their minds…

It was no wonder Claudine wanted to get away, and Maya wanted to be right there with her.

It was in that year when Maya had decided she wasn't going to make them wait a second longer than they possibly had to.

In the previous years until that point, Maya had reeled in her naturally-hardworking personality, always making sure she had some spare time to share with Claudine, to take her on dates or simply sit in their apartment and read or rest together or watch TV.

But at that time, Maya stopped holding herself back.

She set her focus hard on her goal, on working diligently enough and getting enough hours in order to save up the money to bring Claudine and herself into a better life somewhere new.

Gradually, she started writing out the time for dinners with Claudine, and instead set up more interviews or conferences for herself. She spent fewer weekends shopping with Claudine or seeing plays with her, and more weekends getting fitted into her stage outfits or performing in plays herself.

She simply didn't want to waste any more time. She didn't want the two of them to have to stay here any longer than was absolutely necessary.

She wanted to get away from her parents without upsetting them further; Maya could afford to be cut off from them financially if she worked hard enough to compensate for it on her own, but what she absolutely couldn't afford would be if she upset them enough to have them disown her. The backlash and ridicule that would cause - not only for Maya's own reputation, but Claudine's by association - would be far too devastating for either of them to fully recover from in this line of work. The scandals and rumors that would surely fly would ruin them both, and that was something that absolutely could not come to pass.

Maya would tolerate her parents up to a certain point, but no further. She simply wanted to get away from them, and bring Claudine to a safer place, at least until they could establish themselves openly like they'd always wanted to.

For that, Maya worked herself to the bone.

She wanted the money to make Claudine's dream come true, and she wanted it as soon as possible.

As such, Maya's tunnel-vision and her hardworking personality came in handy, in her opinion.

In that first year alone, before she turned 23, Maya pushed herself and ended up earning a fair amount of extra cash. But, of course, things like their apartment's heat malfunctioning or the sink needing repairs set them right back to square one again.

So Maya worked herself even harder the next year, and even harder the year after that…

And, of course, Claudine had noticed this change in Maya over time.

It had started off with Maya canceling a few dinners, which Claudine had been upset about at the time, but in their line of work, things could change at the last second and schedules could be compromised. Claudine understood perfectly well that sometimes sacrifices in one's personal relationship needed to be made in order to continue a good relationship with one's workplace. Claudine herself had needed to do it a few times, too.

But they would always make it up to one another later, either with a surprise date on their next day off, or by bringing each other flowers unexpectedly, or by ordering sweets late at night.

But it was around their 5th or 6th year living together when Claudine noticed Maya had started making up their compromised time together less and less.

And not only was she making less time for Claudine, but she was somehow making more time for work while sacrificing her nights away. Rather than come to bed with Claudine, it became more frequent that Maya would stay up making phone calls or writing emails to various agencies to discuss work-related topics, or she would watch and rewatch videos of herself and other performers over and over again to note mistakes and debate how to correct them.

At first, Claudine had hoped it was just because of a particularly big job Maya was involved with.

But even after a year had passed, and then two, Maya only ever seemed to be cutting Claudine out of her life more and more.

It was frustrating. Frustrating because Claudine herself was also a very busy and sought-after actress, but she would always turn down the occasional conference or show in order to spend time with Maya - or at least try to.

But Maya soon stopped doing the same. She would go to every single event, even ones that interfered with their personal time. When Claudine made specific time to be with her, Maya always seemed to have somewhere else to be. Even when Claudine would confront her about it, either in soft understanding words, or sometimes in a harsher, more demanding tone, Maya only ever responded with vague replies about needing to find more work.

Soon, Claudine's frustrations turned into fear.

The fear that Maya had lost interest in her.

The fear that she'd fallen out of love with her.

The fear that Claudine simply wasn't good enough for her anymore.

That she just wasn't wanted by the only person in the world who she wanted.

And then it became sadness, and even despair.

As such, Claudine had withdrawn herself a little bit too, for a while. The two of them would only come home and speak a few words to each other out of necessity, and that was all. They would eat separately, sit separately, and go to bed at separate times. Oftentimes, Maya slept at her desk or on the couch.

There became more and more days when they wouldn't even touch each other, or days when they wouldn't speak a word to each other, or days when they wouldn't even see each other at all, in spite of living under the same roof and essentially being a couple in all rights but the legal ones.

And these days continued, on and on, without any end in sight...

Until Maya and Claudine were twenty-eight, and still stuck in that same apartment.

Though their savings were looking promising at last, it had come at a price of its own. Their relationship itself had suffered a long, slow suffocation. A lack of communication and physical affection had put an unmistakable rift of tension between them, a tense atmosphere that had persisted for so long now that it had become normal for them.

Maya continued working herself beyond her limits for the sake of pursuing a better future with Claudine. But without having properly expressed her motives to her girlfriend, Maya simply appeared to be a workaholic who had lost all interest in her.

Claudine had come to this realization long ago, and now assumed Maya only continued living with her for the convenience of it, and nothing more.

Though Claudine herself still felt the same affections for her, it all seemed so hopeless and one-sided now. She was holding onto a fantasy, a past vision that had long-since expired.

And she was just too hopeful that things might change to let go.

She just kept hoping that one day Maya might look at her and hold her and kiss her again like she'd used to. That one day she might cancel her audition or her conference and finally offer Claudine her hand so they can go anywhere else together.

But as the days continue, on and on, none of it ever happens, and Claudine feels she must face the reality of the situation.

That it's over.

That Saijou Claudine and Tendo Maya had had their good run together, and now it was time to stop.

But every time she considers such a thing, Claudine's heart aches hard enough to bring her to her knees.

So many nights, whether Maya is out working late hours, or toiling away at her desk, or even the rarer ones when she does come to join Claudine in bed, Claudine cries herself to sleep.

And Maya is always absent, or too distracted, or too tired to notice.

She had set her goal and now, ten years later, she is finally so close to earning enough money for the two of them to be able to leave this place and live their dream together.

It should only be a few more months now. A few more months, and they'll be free to leave this country and start over together somewhere fresh. She and Claudine can finally start their future and their dream...

She's just been so terribly lost in the idea of that eventual dream that she hasn't realized these past few years have been nothing short of a nightmare for her beloved Claudine.

But Maya is so close now. She has no rhyme or reason to take her focus away from her goal. She will achieve it at any cost, because achieving it will mean achieving happiness with Claudine.

That's been her mindset for so many years now.

And that's what she truly believes.

Every single night she thinks of the day when they will soon be free together...

And as she thinks of this in bed, Claudine is weeping behind her back without Maya ever knowing it.

The tears have seeped deep into Claudine's pillowcase, through the blankets, and into the mattress by now, soaking the foundation of the place where she starts and ends every day.

She can't do this for much longer. She can't keep naively holding onto this potential hope that Maya might turn back into the tender, understanding, lively woman she'd once been.

She can't keep fooling herself. This has to end…

So she resolves herself every night to end it.

...But every morning, Claudine can't help but feel that droplet of hope in her chest.

Just one more time.

One more day.

One more chance.

Maybe today, it will finally change.

And so, ten tumultuous years have passed them by…

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A/N: Yeah, this was a rough one to start... A huge mess ;v;