Thread 32: Stories 46-60

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>Mane-Iac
"Poindexter"
'Desk pony'
~~~~~

>WHAT DO YOU MEEEEEEEEEEAAAAANNNN!? KEEPTORIA!?

'...What?'

"It's a superhero's name, just roll with it."

>AAAAACCCC-, I mean, actually, he's just their secretary, I think?

"Oh..."

>To my ORRRRRIIIGINAL point!... She's not up there?

'Uh, no. They Queen left her room some time ago, and told me to tell you to wait for her in her room.'

>OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

"...Problem?"

>I was going to ask her what color cake I should order.

"...Blue?"

>BRRIIILLLLIIIANT!... Aww, but now I have nobody to share it with...

"Well, I mean... if you want, I could, uh..."

>...

"I just mean that if you, in particular, wanted me to, I could maybe... you know, not saying anything for sure, just... uh..."

>...

"...We could go to my room?"

>...BRIIIILLLLLIIIIANT, POINDEXTER! Then we may both shaaaaaaare in the glory of the cake!

"Right, sure! Let's go with that!"

>AND GO WITH IT WE SHAAAAAAALLLLLLL AAHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!

'...You're really going for that?'

"I will totally stiff you on the tip.'

'Shutting up.'

>AHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHHAHAAH~
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>42
"77"
'DT'
-Spike-
~~~
>So... They're slapping a big A on your chest, huh?

-Yeah, I was thinking about asking Twilight to bring me to peak, physical condition for a dragon and trade in Charity for a shield.-

"Seems like you might be stepping in on Shining Armor's thing, then."

'Frankly, I just think the hoodie makes you look even more painfully emo than your already broody self.'

-Your cutting remarks have hurt my feelings.-

'Okay, I get it, Spike.'

-I shall retreat to the blackness of my room where I shall construct third rate poetry, listening to Linkin Park, and post on my My Space page.-

'Fuck you, Linkin Park is great!'

"..."

>...

-... I don't even know you.-

'I like their music, not the emo!'

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>Spike
"Applejack"

>Why am I getting an "A" emblazoned on my chest? It's not even a shirt, you are burning an "A" into my chest

"A IS FOR APPLE! LIKE ME!
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NC
>DT
"Spike"
~~~~
>Hey, where's my age boost? It's not like time has frozen for me. I'm growing too.

"Uh, I'm sure someone's doing something about that somewhere."

>I should be filling out certain areas. I don't lift a armory around me for nothing you know!

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NC
>DT
"Spike"
~~~~

>I see. The 'A' must stand for asshole, right?

"Huh? No, it's stands for- oh. Oh, haha, you're making fun of me."

>And pointing out a fact. Enjoy your emblem, Broody McBrooderton.

"...I can't tell if it's a stick lodged up her ass or TBDRLIATU. ...Whoa, is THAT what she's saying when she says that?"

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Non-canon (And GASP! humanized!)
~~~
What was that song "who is that girl I see? staring straight, back at me?" Or some other such crap?

Well, it didn't feel like crap anymore. There was an enormous dissonance to Diamond Tiara about what she saw herself as, how the world saw her, and what she really was.

She stood in the mirror, her blouse pulled closed by her hands. She really was filling out. (She bitterly noted not quite as much as Silver Spoon or Applebloom)

And then, she gently pulled open the silk blouse and let it fall to the ground. Abs, hard, muscular, and unfeminine abs had developed beneath her flesh. When she let the blouse slide off her shoulders and arms, she noticed how large her biceps had swollen from lugging TBDRLIATU, along with dozens of spare explosives and side arms.

She had always been confident in herself, and especially her appearance, but standing in the mirror, her lovingly brushed hair, smooth face, and makeup seemed like a harsh and cheap juxtaposition to the hulk she felt like she was becoming.

Maybe it was time to strip down her favored weapon and pack a bit more lightly? Take a few days off, let the muscles atrophy.

The thought nearly made her throw up at being some prissy girly girl who cried when a little mud got on her.

Instead she took out a knife Spike had forged and given to her along with the rest of the A-team, there were many like it, but this, nice, heft butcher knife, almost a shortsword, was hers.

Grabbing her hair, she slipped the blade underneath and slashed, cutting her long locks into something that wouldn't get singed by her rocket launcher.

She looked at herself in the mirror proudly.

And then immediately put a hat over her butchered hair and realized she should leave haircuts to professionals than a semi-psychopathic girl with a sharp knife.
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>Spike
______

>Huh. Well this is odd….

The “odd” could only be likened to the miniature marshmallow dragon flying haphazardly down the hall towards him. He watched it flutter, baffled by it’s origin and reason to be, before inhaling and thudding himself rather hard in the stomach.

His maw separated in a quick burst of crackling emerald flame, instantly roasting the sentient treat and causing it to drop out of the air like a nuke.

Right into his mouth.

>Mmmm…aw man, should’ve gotten some graham crackers first, and some chocolate.
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>Spike

_______

Some time later

>Oh man, I don't feel too good. Did I eat something bad lately?

Spike's stomach grumbles violently

>Crap, where's the nearest bathroom?!

Spike dashes through the hotel corridors in a panicked frenzy looking for a toilet

>Ohmanohmanohmanohman!

Spike stands bolt upright and his worst fear comes to pass.

A marshmallow dragon bursts out of his stomach violently, sending blood and dragon bits all around the walls and floor.

-FUCK YOU MAN! I THOUGHT WE DRAGONS WAS GONNA BE COOL WIT EACHOTHER, NOT ALL GOIN' UP AND EATIN' FOLKS AND SHIT! DAMN MAN! YOUS A SHITTY DRAGON-

>w-wha?

Spike collapses to the ground, dying, a gaping hole where most of his vital organs should be.

The marshmallow dragon shakes off Spike's guts and flies down the halls again

-YO, WHERE YO MAMA AT SPIKE? IMMA GO TAP DAT DRAGON PUSSY.

Spike feels himself let go of his body, he hears one last shout as his soul is dragged to hell

-THIS STORY IS JUST AS CANON AS THE ONE ABOVE IT, MUTHAFUCKA. CHOOSE WISELY

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0iZO44IShR2 http://vocaroo.com/i/s0FEMjwtaIpg
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>56
“Dadling”
‘Luna’
[Batmom]
______

“I have to admit. The way you start your plans, all fucked up and stupid, lend not an inch of credence to your mysteriously high persuasion skills.”

>Thanks!

“No, really. How the hell you managed to get me out of my snug hotel room and out here, scaling this wall like a damn turkey, is just… I’m baffled.”

>Keep climbin’! We got booty to spy on!

“But really, I ask myself… what’s the point? If I wanted to spy on my soon-to-be wife, I’d just, I dunno, wait until she’s showering. That way at least leads to sexy times.”

>What’s sexy times…?

“It’s- damn, that’s right. You. Memory-blasted. Blank slate.”

>Wuh?

“Nothing. I’m just wondering why we’re going to spy on Luna and Glimmer. Just what do you expect them to be doing?”

>That’s the glory of it all! We don’t know! But we will, so mush, steed!

“Steed. I feel that’s racist, somehow.”

>Less wonderin’, more mushin’!

~~~~~

‘…do they really think we cannot see the giant, stainless steel hook latched onto our window?’

[See? What did I tell you, huh? I knew those two would try something like this.]

‘So what do we do about it?’

[I’m tempted to just push the hook off but unlike 56, I don’t think my goofball of a fiancé would survive the fall…]

‘We are intrigued. What is it they expect us to be doing?’

[Hmmm, let me delve into the minds of two perverts and maybe I can- probably making out.]

'...Why?'

[Because guys usually liken the idea of their muses kissing to heaven.]

'BFF's we may be, we do not see the intrigue in kissing you, Glimglam.'

[Not only am I glad to hear that, I concur, my princess, but we're also not controlled by a throbbing rod of meat either.]

'A what? A throbbing... huh?'

[Nothing. Shall I pour this scalding hot popcorn butter down the rope?]

'Oh! Yes, yes!'
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>Cadence
"???"
~~

The determination as she walked was, to put it bluntly, frightening.

>I will... I will find someone!

A pity for the mare in the middle of the hallway.

>YOU!

Said mare froze, back going far more ridged than expected.

"...Can I help you?"

Doubtlessly, she didn't mean it to sound that cold, but wow. Could freeze a polar bear.

>Yes! I am Princess Cadenza of the Crystal Empire, and I need your assistance!

...Okay, Cadence thought to herself, most would be in shock or awe at that, she just looks amused.

"And what do you need?"

>...Oh, uh, I am trying to discover what ponies nowadays find cool and 'with it'!

"Well, if you find out, tell me."

>...Oh, shoot, are you feeling old too?

"Like you would not believe."

>Darn. It's terrible, isn't it?

"Tell me about it. Every other day I swear I wake up and find something else that just utterly confuses me and I wonder 'when did technology get like this'?"

>Right!? And all of these songs the foals are listening to!

"I'm just confused as to why anyone thinks this sounds good. There's no finesse to it, no soul."

>Oh my gosh, I say that all the time! Music used to have so much more effort!

"Little ones today couldn't possibly understand using an instrument and relying on more than just really big speakers to do all the work."

>And then there's all these new fads!

"Seriously. Who wears those saddles to look good?"

>The leather ones in Manehatten, right? UGH!

"Impractical."

>SO impractical.

"I don't know why you want to be like them, they're so soft nowadays. We had real problems back in the day."

>Preach it. Everyone nowadays is just whining about really dumb stuff.

"Really stupid. Don't know how good they've got it, in comparison."

>That's the truth... well, thanks for your time, I may not have learned anything, but I feel so much better!

"You're welcome?"

With that, she merrily skipped off.

"...Huh."

Alone, Chitania shrugged, and went back to her room.

Learn something new everyday.
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>Cheese
"Pennydrop"
'???'

>Okay, so, aside from a few minor injuries from equipment shorting out, sudden development of super powers, and rumors of 'Ghosts' haunting it, your Hall of the Future's turned out to be a pretty decent attraction.

"The rapid rise in our stocks as well as purchases of our products said that a long time before you did, Mr. Sandwich."

>Right, right...how many of those Infusion thingies are you giving out exactly?

"I don't see how that's pertinent.'

>Well, yanno, I gotta keep the park going while the Pinkster entertains her pals! And if we got a bunch of folks running around playing X-Mares...well I mean, it's pretty neat but it might not end well!

"We're only giving samples of an early Stormfront formula out, it's so weak under the best conditions it'd only do the real damage of a low power taser. The closest you'll get to a notable incident is if some fool is sadistic enough to shock some old nag with a heart problem, which I can assure you won't happen."

>Why not?

"Because we screen everyone we select for the demonstration."

>...I thought that was random.

"About as random as the actual odds of a Las Haygas roulette game."

>Seems a bit dishonest.

"Dishonest? Maybe, but it is quite quite necessary, wouldn't you agree?"

>...You don't leave anything to chance, do you?

"Never."

>Yeesh, not complaining here but doesn't that make your life a bit boring?

"I abhor the idea of luck, Mr. Sandwich, letting other people think it exists on the other hand...well...

She smirks.

"There is some fun to be had there."

SMASH!

The door to Cheese's office is busted off at the hinges, both ponies look towards the to door to see nothing there, then look back to find a figure cloaked in a dark hooded robe, frayed around its edges. Its face is obscured by a shroud of darkness. After a few moments staring, Cheese speaks.

>Uhhh...heh...is the blood moon at its zenith already?

'...'

"Should I go-?"

>I would not make any sudden movements.

'?stemleh ruo era erehW'

>We're working on that, believe m-

'*Sounds of a small kitten being thrown in a blender*'

>I know this is the park's responsibility.

"What is going on?"

'HSSSSSSS!'

>Ms. Pennydrop, if you don't mind?

"...no, please, continue."

>Mr., uh...

The minds of the two ponies are suddenly filled with visions of sharks in a feeding frenzy.

>Foalington, right. Mr. Foalington, I have my security team searching for your merchandise as we speak. There's no way the thieves can just escape, by accounts they weren't pegasi so it's only a matter of time before we find them.

From the hooded hole of the robe flies a very graphic photo of a dissected chicken. Cheese covers Boneless' eyes.

>Do we really need to get your legal team involved in this?

The hooded figure begins to levitate, emitting a high pitched wail.

>Okay! Okay! We'll get you the thieves before we land again, I swear!

The figure suddenly billows out and falls onto the floor, empty.

>...well, that was a productive meeting!

"...what the hell was that about?"

>Do you really want to know?

"You accuse me of shady dealings while you're running some Cult of Smooze...whatever that was?"

>Cult of Smooze?

Cheese laughs.

>That guy's our Games Sweatshop rep. Just a little misunderstanding about some helmets we had for a promotional event, we'll take care of it...I hope.

"I'm just going to go..."

Pennydrop stands up, slowly walking out of the room. She is a mare of profit, of practical and focused greed...but even then, she could see that what Cheese had so erroneously thrown his lot in with was evil.

Pure. Evil.

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>42
"AJ"
'Rarity'
~~~~~

>Inner peace... Inner... peace...

"42!"

>GAHWHATWHERE-

*SPLASH!*

>NOOO! I CAN'T SWWWIMMM I DON'T WANNA DIIIIII...

"Shallow pool?"

>...Princesses, you appear worried, is there some way I can assist you?

'Where did you get that doll?'

>Is that really pertinent?

"Uh.. shoot, well, we don't wanna say it, but Ah' guess we gotta."

'We're looking for...'

>Foooor?

'...maybe not?'

"It would be kinda cruel ta' make her choose between loyalties."

>What?

'You're right. Sorry, 42, it's not that we don't trust you, it's just...'

"Sorry fer wastin' yer' time."

'Come on, let's check out front.'

"Can't hurt."

>........Oh sure! Now you shut up! One time I could use you to pop in and say something distracting, and you stay quiet.... Cadence would have told me... OH SHUT UUUUUUUPPPPP!
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>High Roller
"Triage"

In the darkness of Canterlot dungeon, lit by torchlight, two ponies watch as a changeling sleeps peacefully in his bed.

"He's not waking up..."

>I noticed.

"He...it's been hours, how long it does it usually take?"

>It varies, one time in Hackney I saw a mare that ended up sleeping for six hours before the fugue state began. This, however, this is swiftly becoming a record.

"Is it because he's a changeling?"

>A possibility. I did not take into account his species when administering the chemical in question. Could be what to us is a knockout drug would in turn be a deadly poison to a changeling, slowly allowing him to die of starvation as he dreams peacefully. Wouldn't that be an abrupt end to his little story of betrayal and defiance? Murdered in cold blood by two agents of a third party, who cared not for either side? A superfluous end to a superfluous person.

"...uh, yes?"

>You need to expand your horizons, nobody wants to work with a dullard. Your mission was a success?

"Yes, I followed your instructions to the letter."

>Excellent, one step closer to outmoding an already doomed species. Anything of note to report on the castle?

"Well the paintball fight ended on good terms, one of the guards is being fit for a maid outfit, and Prince Blueblood will be staying until the Princesses return."

>...

Triage blinks as her partner's face takes on a grim countenance.

"Uh...are you okay?"

>Blueblood poses a complication.

"How so?"

>Aside from an inevitable attempt to speak to our comatose friend in a 'we're not so different, you and I' sort of way, his presence means that there will be heightened surveillance, both to ensure he does not attempt something, nor for something to be attempted on him. Celestia would send her best to ensure this, of that I'm certain.

"The A-Team-?"

>The A-Team don't *do* surveillance aside from the lovestruck fool with one eye. No...no there is another. One who poses a specialized threat.

>I've heard rumors of an agent of the Princess' will, a stallion in white that can be anywhere without anyone realizing it. A dagger in the dark, he could saunter in and out of Tartarus with just a nod to Cerberus. If he can figure out our little operation, we are certainly in trouble.

"...and what if he does?"

High Roller shrugs.

>I'll have to kill him, obviously, and he, me. It's just how the game is played. If he is victorious, I have enough evidence to put Canterlot onto the trail of any number of red herrings. If I am, then I'll simply have to flee in the night, shouting Mustangian vulgarities but with a slight Shetland accent.

"What about me?"

>What about you?

"What do I do?"

>Drop to your knees, pretend to cry, wibble your lip a bit, play the part of the foolish girl too ready for love that she let a demon slip in. It's textbook.

"Do you have a plan for everything?"

>Not everything, I do not have a set in stone plan in case the Morlocks return to their roots and find a way to sink cities beneath the earth, for instance. Now-

He gives her a swift businesslike peck on the nose.

>Go to your quarters and sleep, I have no such luxury, so be sure to enjoy it on my behalf.

"Have a nice night, let's hope he wakes up soon."

>Before morning is indeed preferable.

Triage walks away, leaving Roller alone with 32.

>Well, you present SOME form of challenge, I suppose you can take pride in that.
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>Chrysalis
"Applejack"
~~~
"Huh... So..."

>Don't, Appleass. Seriously don't!

"You know whose fault it is that 32 betrayed ya'll, right?"

>APPLEJACK! FINISH THAT STATEMENT AND I WILL END YOU!

"Yours."
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>Changeling
"Various other changelings"
~~~~~

>...Hey, guys?

"Which guys?"
"There's like, sixty of us man."
"Or eighty."
"Who the fuck even knows."

>Just wondering... you think we're going to make it?

"Make... it?"
"With like... mares?"
"I like to dream."
"Dreaming is good."
"Even if it's pretty much just in a dream."

>No no, I mean, like, us. As a species.

"Ew."
"Not that I wouldn't, but just not with you."
"Or you."
"...Okay, none of us are particularly sexable."

>I meant us surviving!

"Oh... duh."
"Of course we are."
"Hell, why didn't you ask this when we were still wandering around?"
"Was pretty sure we were going to die out there."
"A lot."
"But now we actually have, like, a place to live."
"We're not starving."
"That's a big one. A really big one. We were almost dead out there."

>I know but... you know? It feels like we aren't, well, going anywhere.

"Because we're not."
"We're in the ballroom, mostly."
"And somehow, we're alive."

>So... what's the plan?

"...Dance?"
"ARRIIIIBBBA!"

>You guys.

"We can't hear you!"
"You just keep talking, and yet we dance!"
"You want to get philosophical, go talk to Fanficling!"
"Because we're just happy to be alive!"
"And you damn well better believe we're going to enjoy it!"

>...I guess.

"Now shut up and dance!"

>...LIMBOOOOOO!

"Now it's a party!"

And party they did.

Not a single guard got a wink of sleep that night.
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