A Knockin’ There

I see the sunlight out the window
I groan at its bright light
The white sheets cover my body like a shroud
And I yawn loudly
As yet another day begins

Everything’s fine for a moment
I feel at ease and satisfied
Til on the floor I see my boxers tossed there

I suddenly realize
Something happened the night before
I suddenly realize
I’m stark naked in stark detail

My thoughts wandered for a moment
Trying to find what might have happened
A conclusion dawned on me
Yet I did not want to believe it

At that moment
A headache from hell
A headache like none other I’d ever had
Hit me like a raging tsunami

I fell back onto the bed
And thought for a moment
I saw my clothes hanging on a chair
And I thought back to the night before

I was blackout drunk then
But somehow, her image came to my mind
She was lithe, with eyes of piercing blue
And hair as golden as the sun
And a smile warmer than any fireplace in winter

One thing led to another
Alcohol-soaked kisses led us to the bed
What happened next was but a blur
But we both a-slept together

And now it’s morning
And she’s gone from the room
And here I am alone
Barren like trees in winter waiting for spring

I glance around the room
The headache pounds me from all sides
I don’t know when she’s coming back
If ever
But I know I have to do something

Reluctantly, I creep from out of bed
I look at my boxers cast out on the floor
And grab them in my hands

I grab my clothes and put them on
Short and shirt and socks and shoes
All follow in quick succession

Now I’m dressed but have nothing to do
She’s nowhere to be found
And I have a feeling she won’t be back

I take one last glance at the messy bed
The sheets all crinkled
I open up the window and see the traffic down below
And wonder why the rush to meaningless work?

I leave the room and head on out
A mixture of emotions and questions swell through me:

What happened?
What did we do?
Was it worth it, in the end?

And I thought to myself what a chump I was
I got what I’d always wanted
Yet now I feel even more alone

The headache is calming down a bit
And in the light outside
Where cars whizz on by without a care
Where pedestrians walk and cyclists ride
Everything looks so much different

It’s said that nothing looks the same in the light
And at that moment, that feeling surrounds me
Part of me wants to turn back the clock
Go back to where things were
But I can’t

So onwards I walk to this small cafe
I order a coffee and take a seat outside
In a corner, I saw this hipster
He looked at me quizzically

I saw him light a cigarette
And even though I don’t usually smoke
At that moment, having one felt right

I asked him for a cigarette
He lit it for me
And before long, smoke flew into the air

The smorgasbord of emotions I’d had
Flew up into the heavens much as the smoke

I smoked the cigarette a while and drank the coffee
A moment passed by, and I felt as though a weight had been lifted

I kept on smoking, seeing the cigarette smolder
And remembered all this time that I had the girl’s number saved

I grabbed my phone and tried to call her
Only for it to turn out the number didn’t work
Clearly, something had changed
But at that moment, I was distracted again

I turned back to that night
Before we lay together
And thought of just how much I’d drunk

Bottles upon bottles of beer and liquor
And countless shots
They all went through me in quick succession
And they ravished me inside

This wasn’t my first time at a party
This definitely wasn’t my first time drinking
Hell, this wasn’t even the first time this had happened

But something about this night
Just felt different

I finished the cigarette
I went to ask the hipster for another one
But before I could
He’d already left

I drank the last bits of the coffee
Leaving the cafe, I walked on back
At my apartment door, I stared once again
I entered my apartment

Closing the door, I thought of what happened
I’d had another one night stand
Another one night stand that I knew I’d regret
And here I was regretting it

I put a record on to play
Its music reverberating across the room
And I thought to myself
What a day this had been

I’d ravished a girl the night before
For it to end as little more than sheer regret
And I felt played like a fiddle

The music kept on playing
And I thought back to that morning
Thinking of how low things had gotten
That I was naked in a stranger’s room

Thinking of how low things had gotten
That I let myself be used for a night of pleasure
Surely, this was not a good thing
And yet, I let myself be taken in for the ride of a lifetime

Clearly, I’d done one too many a one-night stands
Clearly, something was wrong with me

I told myself right then and there
This will be the last time this ever happens
And yet, as I said those words
I knew full well that it would indeed happen again

The music finished playing
I went on to my room
Despite the fact that it was day
A weird tiredness overwhelmed me

I turned on the TV
But I wasn’t really watching anything
It was little more than some background noise
While my thoughts raged on in the background

I decided to call a friend of mine
And tell him what I felt
And after that was said and done
I felt a bit better

I was still dealing with the hangover
So I closed the curtains
And brought darkness upon the room

I fell asleep, the TV still on

When I awoke
It was late in the night
I knew I had work the next day
I couldn’t stay up too late

And yet, a burst of energy sprung out of me
I went on walking down the streets
The streetlights illuminating my way
As I walked a while

Some time passed and while I walked
I kept on thinking of what had happened

Surely, Sam,
I said to myself
Don’t beat yourself up over it

Surely, Sam
Just let it go

And on that thought went into my mind
But the thought of it lingered
And a silencer was needed

I headed back home
And poured some wine
For whatever reason
The thought of work went away

Her charms were much too strong
Then I fell asleep

Awakening the morning after
I found my clothes strewn on the floor
My phone was buzzing loudly
And I looked at my clock

And at that moment I realized
Everything old was new again
I realized I’d just started over
Ain’t it funny how life works sometimes?
Well, it sure won’t be funny when my boss will come a-knockin’