ArrynFalco

Arryn Falco. First of all, it’s a pretty name. Arryn just flows off the tongue nicely with a light sound, ending with a with something definite which is always nice. Falco is like the last name of some superhero, which I think she is, so is fitting. The obvious parallel being a falcon, but I haven’t ever associated her name with that; she doesn’t remind me of a falcon per say. Her face is just about the most beautiful I have ever seen, the structure being perfect, her skin well shaded and blended together all perfect to be exactly moderate in the end, being a great example of the golden mean. There’s something about her scars that get me too, and it’s not because they tell a story, but because it’s like fate but them there. The two nicks off her left brow are in perfect spacing from each other relative to the distance between the closest nick to the centre of her face being her right one, and the distance between each eyebrow. The scar running across her face is one I would inflict upon myself if I wanted to be perfect, and it is almost as if it separates her upper and lower halves perfectly. If I was a sculptor, sculpt I would. If I was a painter, so too would I do that, but since none of these are available all I can do is admire, which I do, spending a large portion of my mind examining her closely as we speak, which can lead to a few certain pauses in my sentences. I want to ask Baker to draw a picture of her. Upon first inspection, she was special, I knew that. The way she spoke to me seemed so informal yet beautifully dead, and from that point I knew she had been through a lot, if not prior made obvious by her rank, it would seem many above her lack the experience she keeps. She’s muscular in the centre of her body, but elegant in her arms. This isn’t what most would call beautiful, but I would say otherwise, as it all goes back to her median. I mentioned beautifully dead earlier, and that’s important. I once saw a dying boy lying on the ground the first time I dropped, and his face is something I will never forget. Astoundingly pretty, and the reason for this was the death leaving his expression as he wheezed on the floor, a drop of blood leaving the corner of his mouth as he gave his parting breath to part his face as Falco’s scar does. I’m not sure how long I stared, but it must have been quite some time. When I speak to Falco, I can feel the death coming from her lips, and it’s beautiful. She seems dead inside, but she isn’t. I’m certain she’s still fighting. When I talked to her about fear of death, and why she hadn’t ended it, she gave me a sigh that I don’t think I’ll ever forget. She’s one not to lie very often, but I think she probably lied when she said she doesn’t ever get sad. She’s still alive, and I know it. She won’t be for long though, and it’s an odd feeling. I suppose most would try to convince her against it, but I am aware I would have no effect on her decision. I have just accepted this, unlike Baker would. I can’t help but feel relieved, because I know what’s coming, which is a pleasure not afforded to most when their mentors die. I think about it a lot. Suicide is rather romantic an idea, and it’s how I want to go, I have decided this now. I want full control over my own fate. Though I have accepted her upcoming death, it still feels like it’s not real. I know it’s real, and I don’t want it to happen. She is a gem. How could I lose her? I don’t want to lose her. I don’t want her to go. I don’t want her to leave me, but she must, and I know that. When it happens, I don’t know what I will do. I know one thing, and that’s about it. I will stare at her corpse until they drag me away from it. I will insist I prepare her body for a funeral, because I want to see it all. I won’t be able to when I’m living, because she seems like purely a conversational being for those she does not love, and she does not love me, nor will she ever. I don’t understand love, but I might love her. It’s not a sexual thing, nor a romantic one, but I really care about her. I want to know everything she knows, and I want to learn everything I can from her, not only about medical practices, but about her life. Her life has been such a story, and it makes me realize that I have had no life as long as I have lived. I want to live through her. I know what she’s going through, and she called me a friend, but I don’t think she’s told me everything. I know she hasn’t. I want to know more about Bellic through her, who was her love. So close to something, but a job got in the way. I can never be like Falco, because Arryn Falco isn’t a human, she is something much, much more that I am unable to classify, and nothing like her exists. Bellic seems like the perfect human, and though every human has their faults, I want to be that person in the stories. I probably can never be like that though, not to Falco. I’m overthinking it right now. I’ve been so bored my entire life all I’ve ever done is over think things, but no matter how much I think about Falco, I can’t think enough. It’s too much for my mind to comprehend, and I hate that feeling. When I think about Falco, I think in circles. Over and over again, around and around. I just can’t get suicide from my mind, her suicide, because it’s the thing I fear the most now, and fear is where all the pathways in my head lead. I want to tell her so bad not to do it, but I just can’t bring myself to. It makes me feel like I’m weak, but I know it’s the smart thing to do. I have a relatively high IQ, and I view myself as being smart, but being smart is overrated. I wish I didn’t have these fears and precautions of her. Essentially, I don’t want her to die, but it’s happening. You can’t get all you want in life, and this will be a challenge I’ll just need to deal with I suppose. I think when she dies, I won’t be a girl anymore, maybe I’ll be a woman. I don’t know why I write all this, but I guess it just helps me get some things off my mind even if it makes me cry a little bit, it helps. I think it might be because she’s everything I wish I was, and yet everything I don’t understand in the world. All of this after having known her for maybe a month? She’s the first person I’ve met in my life, so my mind has been running wild. I’m glad it’s her, but God is this a challenge. If you’re reading this after I die perhaps, Falco will be gone. Falco, if you’re reading this somehow up in heaven, or maybe I died before you got the chance, I guess you’ve been my life recently. I only wish I knew who you were.