"Reap me harder", Dice cried as Xerid escalated his Scythe Beam in to her Hanger Bay.

"Oh yeah baby. Do you like my fire rate?", asked Xerid? Dice gripped his beard and screamed, "Do it! Jump my forward station! Find my beacon, you scrub!"

That was fun", said Dice, "Let's do that again some time."
"Yeah, I might need to recharge first. Feeling pretty low on Energy", replied Xerid.
"Sure thing big boy. Call me next time you get Gamma buffed."Xerid stroked his magnificent beard knowingly

Xerid almost made it to his Reaper before being intercepted by Mia.
Hey Xerid, you free later? Wanna cap my home base?
Oh, hey Mia, said Xerid. I uh… I can’t. There’s someone else now.
But Xerid! We’re engaged to be married!

“That was a stupid bar bet at last year’s crew Christmas party! You know what happens on the Alpha FOB stay on the Alpha FOB!”
Mia immediately burst in to tears and ran to the engine room.
Damn, thought Xerid, this could get awkward.

Dice could hear the sobbing through the engine room door.
What's wrong she asked Mia.
It's Xerid said Mia. Our engagement was a sham
Xerid! With you? I had no idea said Dice. We were just together
So you're the other woman cried Mia. They stared, deep

Mia gazed in to Dice's eyes. They totes had a moment. Xerid came bursting through the door and totes ruined it. Oh, he said, ladies I uh seem to be interrupting. Well, it IS my birthday. If the three of us have any issues to resolve. Perhaps in my cabin.

After a moment Dice laughed. Well, she said you are the engaged couple after all. If you're looking for someone to spice up your encounters, I might know a guy....or a girl. Xerid smirked as Dice walked away. His gaze lingering on her posterior cargo bay. The slap hit Xerid harder than a Gauss Cannon to the face. If you even think for one second started Mia but she was too angry to finish. She stomped toward the engine room screaming profanities at all the junior mechanics. Then the alarm went off. Rainbows

Xerid couldn't remember why he swapped out the standard red flashing lights and loud sirens with a robotic voice just reading Rainbows, Rainbows, Rainbows, as the ship alarm. But right now he didn't care. He was a captain. And he had enemies to rainbow.

Bursting on to the bridge Xerid demanded a sit rep. We're totally rainbowed said navigator Nessa they appeared from nowhere. Don't worry said Xerid I know exactly what to do someone call my best friend and total badass Snedge! He'll rainbow up these mofos

When last we left Xerid: Call my best friend and ultimate badass Snedge yelled Xerid. We have enemies jumping in all around us. Suddenly Snedge appeared in a blinding flash of light. Somebody call for some backup he asked? Oooh Snedge swooned Mia and Dice

Activiating dev hax yelled Snedge. Simultaneously every enemy ship exploded. Like all at once. It was pretty cool. Yeah I used to be that badass said Xerid. Until I took a Scythe to the knee. I know said Dice. Don't worry I'll make you forget all about it

The husky tones of Dice's seduction roused Xerid from his momentary shock. Mia may have left him for Snedge, but Dice was still here. Turning towards the bedroom he saw her silouetted from the glow of his TDS Reaper nightlight. It was pretty hot. Until...

The voice of douche canoe McCockblock rang out across the comms. Alarma! New enemy ship detected! Xerid invented new swear words to describe his frustration. That scythe ducking son of an overseer yelled Dice. If this is a prank I'll airlock him myself.