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I opened up to the idea of having someone who actually cares about me. More than just the basic shit of regular friendships. As time passed, I grew familiar with your jokes and puns and sarcasm. I grew familiar with you, in more than just a friendly way. I wanted to know more about you even if there wasn't anything more to know. When I get upset when you leave its because of a long term insecurity I have. I don't like feeling abandoned/left and my biggest problem is feeling smaller than anyone else in the world. I feel like people never want to listen to what I have to say, even if its something minor or something life changing. It makes me feel like a tiny child incapable of anything and it causes me to just fall apart slowly at that moment, and its something that once it starts I cant stop it. I was scared to start anything because of it, I didn't want you to just leave like everyone else in my past-present. I genuinely like being around you, and even if I'm not talking I feel like I'm okay around you even when you're being stupid. You're the first person to actually give me a chance by taking time to let me adjust and express myself openly and respecting my choices in time. You haven't just left when you're uncomfortable or upset you try to talk to me or at least talk to me afterwards when you settle down. When we were first together I would get out of school and instantly think about you and talking/texting you made me smile. My depression doesn't define who I am as a person. It is apart of me and its something I battle daily. I have swings of sadness and sometimes I just cant cope and I fall apart. I cant even open up my phone sometimes and talk to anyone and its shitty but I'm getting better everyday. You just have to know that being my person requires you to walk along side me whilst on my off road trail called life and I will walk with you on yours. My "love" is not defined by words but by actions and occasionally words but I don't say it unless I mean it. I do like you a lot - love is hard for me, I've never had anyone love me. My parents say they do but they don't really show it and they never have, same with my distant family and even my sisters. My mom was abusive and my dad shut himself off from us up until a year or so ago. My entire distant family plays mind games with everyone and my grandparents are emotionally abusive to be quite honest. But you treat me like a best friend and a girlfriend and that's what I've always wanted from someone - to not just treat me like a love interest but like a good friend you can just fuck around in life with. I want someone to just have fun in life with and follow me on my journey regardless of where it takes me and I want that person to be you.