Act Two Diary Part Two (The Soliloquy)

13.06.07
Dear Diary,
I didn’t wanna go to class today, so I skipped out again, going to the library. The creep went looking for me and tried to start small talk. I played coy, but then saw that there was a chance he actually cared for me. This was the critical moment Lilly and I talked about: where I would have to handle that creep on my own. This was the time to make him feel fucking special. So I told him a bit about how I got my scars. I worked up the tears, some of them were almost real.  He then told me a bit about his problem. Apparently he does have heart issues. I faked a promise never to tell and we went off.
But now, I find myself wondering if this is still ok to do. I mean, if the stress is too much for his heart, he could fucking DIE! And then everyone would hate me!  And, I’m thinking…maybe I’ve lost sight of the goal. Maybe part of me actually does like him. It’s been a while since I’ve let anyone this close to me, and I never really tell people about my accident…
I don’t know what to do. This could be a very, very bad idea. I mean, what has he ever done to me to deserve this? Hell, he’s actually been pretty tolerable this past week. Part of me…feels bad for him. He’s like me: he should never have had to come here. He’s like a kindred spirit, in a way. He actually seems to care about me. No one’s ever really cared for me before…not like anyone else ever mattered, anyway.
I…I think I love him. No. It’s too soon. No one falls in love at first sight: that’s infatuation.
Yes. He’s a perfect gentleman who sees me as more than talking bacon.
No, I don’t know him at all in a week.
Yes,  He actually likes my cooking.
I…I don’t know. It’s too soon to tell.
Diary, why do you put up with me so? When no one else will?