when you're not around i curl up on the right side of my bed and leave room on the left. so that the memory of the first time you held me will fit beneath the covers with me.
I remember tracing you, brushing my finger down your arm, and how the way you were looking at me wouldn't stop stopping my heart.
9:23
when you're not around, i think of the way you were waiting for me in your car on my 16th birthday. You looked so beautiful - with your hands on the steering wheel and your eyes on me and it made me hesitant to open the door because i knew the further we drove, the further away i'd want to stay with you.
9:23
when you're not around i sometimes like to go for cold showers because it reminds me of the morning we stood in the pouring rain. and i close my eyes tight and listen to the lull of my own pulse and i find you in my mind. and you, you are damaged, maybe, but through your cracks and broken sutures shines a glow that’s worth the hurt seeping through. Mine seeps too. But you speak of big translucent
9:24
When you’re not around i sit with my eyes shut in the wind and remember how it wrapped the rain around us at the top of the hill that night. And they would probably say that the lights shine better with a clear sky, but i’ll always disagree because the blur of colour lit up the droplets on your cheekbones and i’ve never felt so warm in the cold.
9:24
When you’re not around i want to be alone in your house with you on an evening in January. Just like the time everyone was out of town. It was late and the combination of sea and horizon was too dark so it looked just like the end of the world. And i could hear their voices in my head telling me to grow up but all we really wanted to do was stay awake and dream. .
9:24
When you’re not around I refer to you as ‘Benjamin’ because i think it sounds nicer, like something that belongs in an acoustic song. And while i’m alone i whisper it slow and touch my lips to remember our last kiss, but you know that my hands are always cold and your kisses are warm and so it only makes me want you more.
9:24
When you’re not around i wake up alone. And all i want to do is fall back to the place somewhere between sleep and wake till you come and find me. Because the mornings when i wake to see your smile, they are the brightest mornings of all. I wish i could stay and admire each curl lit up by the light reflecting off the ocean through your window, but we just don’t have the time nor place. But someday

When you’re not around i want your fingers in my hair while i experiment with my fear before your eyes. And as while your gazes send my body into shock , every pulse beating through me causes me to wish for you to take me to that place in your mind, where she’s never been. Every part of my existence covets for you to love me. Because i'm falling in love with you.