Steam Boat

>my name is Steam Boat
>today was another day in the life
>I do the same thing every morning
>flex every muscle in my body, make sure nothing's gone soft on me during my sleep
>fuck yeah, I look good
>from the human pectorals to my minotaur quadriceps, I look tasty to the ladies
>after the morning ritual, I hunt for the first meal of the day
>usually, I round up some parasprites as an appetizer and a doe to roast
>does around here have fantastically flavored meat, my friend
>after that, I was invited to some football exhbition
>I crushed it
>two touchdowns, 102 yards, 40 rushing
>like a rock, baby
>didn't even drop a pass
>then, a defensive lineman decided to challenge me in boxing
>first round knockout!
>literally three seconds in
>I broke his nose too
>he was in good spirits though
>good sport
>ref laughed it off and challenged me in fencing
>c'mon, it's like he didn't learn anything from that
>21-5, I won
>finally, I've got to get myself to the Equestrian Archery Games
>I was really fucking good at this, but someone was better
>fuckloads better
>contestant 52, Venus
>she never missed the bullseye
>it made my blood boil to lose to a female
>that isn't manly at all
>medal ceremony was forgettable
>that bitch gave some speech thanking her fans
>whatever
>after that, some other muscle freak satyr approached me
>called himself Hercules, said I could call him Herc
>dude's really fucking cool in my opinion
>he invited you to go to the Crystal Kingdom with him
>said they had some killer slopes over there
>fuck yeah, you could do that!
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SU_NZ5pq8W4
>cemented as bros, you guys were gonna meet sometime tomorrow
>laying in bed now, you must tell yourself the one thing you hate about yourself
>you are the manliest gay minotaur satyr in existence
>you're the only gay minotaur in existence
>ok, maybe rubbing one out to Herc isn't too bad...