Symbiote's Surprise Review

Symbiote's Surprise Review

Some little things, not really a problem so much as stylistic advice, but worth mentioning:

>"...and coating him just like it was coating his wife"
>"...were pulling him closer and closer to her body"
>"...until finally his abs were stuck to her lower back like two velcro strips"
>"The sticky goo was rushing to cover his hands..."

This structure, where you use various tenses of 'am' before a present participle conjugation of the actually meaningful action verb in the phrase, is known as passive voice. It is generally frowned upon for adding unnecessary words to prose and the fact that creates a less active tone. Sentences usually have more pizzazz when you avoid using passive voice. I noticed you started using it mostly after the first quarter of the story - I assume you already know of this rule of thumb, but it slipped your mind as you got more passionate about and into what you were writing. Again, not a big deal. Just a little observation I've made.

Aside from that, your grammar is mostly okay, though there are a few errors here and there, like missing a comma at the end of Mike's line of dialogue at the very end of the story.

About your characters:

There's three characters here: Mike, Linda, and, of course, the symbiote. Not exactly a plethora of actors in the story, so to speak. That isn't a problem. Having less characters usually works to your advantage. The issue here is that you didn't really make a meaningful effort to characterize and develop the few you had. Now, I realize by the content of this that your work is clearly intended to be fap fuel first and foremost. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that - but I examine whatever I review under the lens of a literature critic. Call me cruel if you wish, but the fact of the matter is, if your characters are one-dimensional and only exist for the purpose of fulfilling a sexual fetish, you might as well drop all the pretenses and just write a sex scene with no context.

The plot is nonexistent, as what is there is meant to be driven by the characters, but the characters are cardboard cutouts that behave in the most convenient way for the sex to progress into steadily more and more depraved acts. It feels, when reading, that they are following a script to arrive at specific points, rather than the characters acting in believable ways that would lead them to what you're planning on writing for the sex scenes.

Your sex scenes are alright. Being the main focus here, they do the job they need to do. You explore some interesting fetishes and concepts that a lot of people may not be really interested in - but I can without a doubt say that nobody else here has done anything like this before in the /wst/s. One thing: while the sex is technically hetero, a guy getting double penetrated by a symbiote is pretty nonhetero as far as the common man is concerned. I don't think putting just the hetero tag on is very accurate. The fusion section is an interesting concept, though still something that might squick out a lot of people.

It's cool that you set it in the Marvel universe, in my opinion.

Ultimately, I say it's fine as basic fap material, but basically nonexistent as a story. I give it a 2, same as Macha the Ever-Virgin: The Final Cut: Double Extra Large Mega Heresy: The Quickening: The Movie: The Game: Electric Boogaloo.

I want you to keep going and polish your style, and write a longer story with developed, meaningful characters next time. Or, hell, write a sequel to this and spend 2000 words doing nothing but have the characters go about their daily lives or talk to each other or something.