Dear Chloe,


	I told you since we first started talking that I fancied you. I hate myself for pushing you away and for being a Luis that always fucks up everything. I’m emotionally and romantically retarded.
	I don’t really know what the purpose of this email is. It’s not to get you back, because that is beyond my control. It’s not to convince you that I’m amazing and I deserve you, because I’m not anything special. It’s not to confess my undying love, because I don’t even know what love is.
It’s not for anything in particular, but rather, everything, I guess. It’s to show you that I’m still here and even if you push me away, I’m still going to be there. I’m like a bad cough; you’re not going to get rid of me all that easily.
	Chloe Jaclyn Metcalfe, I still adore you. I know I make it seem like I have absolved myself of all feelings for you, but it’s not that simple. You know, usually, when I like a girl, I stop talking her for a week, and I completely get over her. It’s easy for me. It’s simple. It makes sense to me. We both know you’re not just any ordinary girl. You’re not. It’s something that I’ve known since the first time I talked to you. Like, when you told me you would love to dance shoeless in the forest with me, or when you said you wouldn’t care if I didn’t know how to dance, or when you said that passion is something that you love, or when you told me you weren’t like any other girls (and then you proved it), or when you said you seek adventure wherever you can, or when you said you wanted to live eternally with me, you glowed. You amazed me. You made me want to have you.
	You’re the only girl that’s ever made me want that... I know it sounds cheesy, or corny, and you’ve probably heard that a million times by now, but that doesn’t make it any less true. Chloe, I realize that I sound completely bonkers in this message. I know that you might read it and think that I’m just some other guy chasing after you, but I don’t care. I need to tell you these things because I’ve been suppressing them for a while now. You purge to feel better. I HOARD all of my emotions inside me. I keep them and bury them under work and stupid jokes until they just go away. I don’t want my feelings to go away, though. That’s the thing. That’s what I just admitted to myself.
	I don’t want you to be another girl I get over. I don’t want you to be another girl that I stop caring about. I don’t want you to just... leave my life. I hate myself right now for ... this. I hate myself for developing feelings for you. I feel vulnerable and it goes against EVERYTHING I’ve taught myself throughout the years, but darling, I can’t help it. I can’t deny what I feel and I don’t want to. Not anymore.
	Chloe, I know you’re going through things with your ex, and I will step aside and let you be, only to talk to you like a friend, for the rest of my life, if need be. I don’t want to be an obstacle between you and happiness. I would never want to be an imposition. I want you to be happy, above all else. I love it when you’re happy. It makes me happy. I told you that the first day we started talking, remember?
	My heart is also telling me, for once, that I want to be the guy that sings to you, even though I can’t sing for shit. I’m sorry for cursing. I want to be the guy that holds your hand, simply because I can. I want to be the guy that can look into your big, blue eyes and tell you everything is going to be alright. I want to be the guy that can lay down with you, for what seems to be forever, and look at you as if it’s the first time I’m looking at you. I want to be the guy that can say those magical three words to you. Not toss them around. I would never toss them around. I want to mean them, feel them, and lead them to your ears, your heart, and your soul. I want to dance with you when there’s no music playing. I want to sleep in a treehouse with you simply because it’s a treehouse. I want to cover your eyes during a scary movie, feel your breath against my neck whenever I hug you, and taste your lips when you feel the urge to kiss me or when I feel the courage I need to kiss you. I want to ride the subway with you, and keep you safe all the way through. I want you to be the first one to read a book, screenplay, or short story that I write, simply because your opinion means the world to me. I want you to be the one I wake up to and the last one I see before I fall asleep. Chloe, I want you to be my world.
	I know that’s a lot for me to say. Believe me, I feel like a madman for telling you all those things. Those are the kind of feelings that I thought only... weenies had. I thought that only stupid people could hold that much adoration for one person. I thought it was illogical to like just one person. I think that’s why my previous relationships never worked out. I always felt suffocated. With you, I don’t even think about my 2 month rule or anything of the sort. With you, everything makes sense. With you, I’m happy.
	I realize, if anything, this is only going to push you away. I’m afraid of that. I’m more afraid of living a life with you not knowing that I still have these feelings for you; feelings that burn brighter, faster, and stronger with every beat of my heart.
	This is a long fucking letter.
	I don’t want to hurt you. I know I did hurt you. I’m not going to pretend that I didn’t. I told you that I wasn’t like other guys and I let my emotions drive me crazy, and I know that was horrible. I’m like a kid riding a bike. Love is a bike for me. Hell, Love is a car for me and I can’t even ride a damn bike. I want you to be the one to teach me. Teaching someone to love is a huge job, I know, but I promise you I will love you like no one else you’ve ever met. I will be the best I can be. You know how I know that? Because, through texts, through stickam, and through voicemails, you’ve already made me a better person. I’ve grown so much since I started talking to you.
	You really do make me want to be a better person and you really do complete me. You understand my fear for commitment and you understand me, in general.
	I know I ask, and ask, and ask for a lot. I’m a broken human being. I’m prone to being selfish and stubborn. I’m also prone to hurting the ones I need the most. You’re the one I need.
	If I can’t have you, however, then I will be there whenever you need me, if you ever need me. I’ve learned that your happiness means more than being in a relationship with you does. I hope that doesn’t sound wrong, it’s not supposed to. I really value your happiness, is all. You deserve to be happy. I don’t want you to tell me that you don’t, because that’s simply not true.
	Look at you, kid. You’re perfect, OF COURSE you deserve to be happy.
	You don’t believe me that you’re perfect?
	Well, let me make a list.

1	You have a smile that can light a thousand Dark Ages.
2	You make others feel better with the sound of your voice.
3	You make me feel feelings that I never thought existed,
4	You care about the environment.
5	You love life in general.
6	You have the cutest nervous laugh I’ve ever heard.
7	You can be really cheesy.
8	You’re honest.
9	You’re loving, in a classy sense.
10	You give me hope in this generation.
11	You give me hope in humanity in general.
12	You are a ballerina.
13	I dream about you.
14	You inspire me.
15	You are modest.
16	You’re not perfect, which makes you perfect.
17	You are kinder than I can ever dream of being.
18	You’re such an emotionally strong woman.
19	You’re a strong woman, period.
20	I could listen to you ramble about your friend’s parents for hours.
21	I love your fake French.
22	You’re a dog person.
23	You think my jokes are funny.
24	You love to travel.
25	You are so young, yet so wise.
26	Whenever I woke up to your voicemail, my day was instantly brighter.
27	I’m taking the time to make this list for you, so you should just believe it.
28	You are music. (it makes sense, trust me)
29	You care more about others than you do about yourself.
30	You are a great listener.
31	You had me at hello.
32	Everytime I text you, I always write, “Hey, baby...” Then, I erase it.
33	You made me love.
34	You make French come to life, even though you can’t understand it.
35	You are sexual, but in a classy way. I can’t describe it.
36	You’re passionate.
37	You’re romantic.
38	You have impeccable taste in music.
39	You’re a flower-child.
40	You remind me of Beverly D’Angelo.
41	You turned me into a cheesy mush.
42	You make me feel so brand new.
43	I want to ride the bus with you for an entire day.
44	I don’t hate you. (I usually hate people after a while)
45	Whenever I hear your voicemail, I picture the way your lips move. I love your lips.
46	I love the East, West, North, and South of you.
47	I want to dedicate so many Frank Sinatra songs to you.
48	You make me care about you.
49	You make me love you.
50	I wouldn’t change a thing about you.


	Yeah, fifty things. I know some make no sense, but I know what I feel, I know that you’re perfect, and I know that I want you. If you don’t want me, then that’s fine. If you do want me, then that’s even better.
	All I know is that without you in my life, I... I... Well, shit, I usually have an answer for everything, but not for that. I don’t even want to think about it.
	I like you, Chloe.
	I like you a lot.
	Of all the people, in all the social networking sites, in all the world, I found you.
	It was one of the best moments in my life and I am confident to say that I wouldn’t give it up for the world.

										Whole-heartedly,
									Luis Fernando Almendarez.