Welcome aboard the 21st airlines. When it comes to air travel, we know you have a lot of choices, and we would like to personally thank you for flying with us this evening. For those of you on our frequent flyer program, you will be earning 45 points this evening. We would also like to remind all travelers that due to government regulations this is a non-smoking C-130. However, you are free to step onto the wing outside the aircraft at any time, - the rule is, if you can light it, you can smoke it. As we are cleared for takeoff please ensure that your tray tables are in their full upright and locked positions on the setbacks in front of you. In addition, please secure all carry-on luggage in the overhead compartments. Use of your portable electronic devices is strictly prohibited until we reach out cruising altitude of 2500 meters. This includes cell phones, tablets, portable gaming devices, laptops, and pagers. And if you still have a pager… WHY? If we experience a sudden change in cabin pressure, roof flies off, budget cuts, thanks Obama.In the unlikely event of a water landing, the person seated next to you, can be used as a floatation device. Lavatories are located at both the front, and the rear of the airPORT. When we reach our cruising altitude of 2500 meters the captain will turn off the fasten seatbelt sign, at which point you are free to move about the aircraft, should you feel the need to explore. As a last reminder, our in-flight movie this evening will be Season 7 of “Mall Bitches”. Finally, sit back, relax, and enjoy your flight. Join the Army, see new places, then bomb them.