Thread 13: Stories 31-45

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>SA
"Celestia"
'Chrysalis'
~~~

>Not going to lie, this is a little embarrassing.

"Ohhh, just shut up and hold me steady, I need to work back into this."

>How can you not know how to swim?

'Maybe her fat ass is acting like a gigantic sink.'

"I WILL POP THAT!"

Further down the pool, Chrysalis simply lifter her sunglasses, cocked an eyebrow, took another sip of some fruity alcohol laden drink, and shrugged before setting back into her inflatable chair.

'It's Shiny's money paying for it.'

"And for your information, I DID know how to swim! In fact, I was a blue ribbon winner sixteen times straight in the Neighvern yearly game."

'What the fuck is Neighvern?'

>A town that hasn't existed for, oh, two hundred years or so.

"I kind of stopped after that, so I'm just a LITTLE out of practice, you see. They said it's just like riding a bike, you never forget. I think they're a little off, though. I couldn't say for sure, I don't know how to ride a bike."

>...I don't know how to ride one either.

'What the fuck is a 'bike'?'

>We'll work on this later, but for now, kick, Slobberknobber, KICK!

"I'm kicking!"

'Slobberknobber?'

"...Let's, uh, let's NOT explain that one."

>Especially not to her. Now kick! Make that giant ass rock!

"Oh, you!"

'See, why do I never get sexy motivational stuff? I'd be a gold medalist if you talked like that to me.'

>Move!

"I'm moving, already!"

'Clearly not. Celly, you need to get more into it, guys don't like it when you just pretend to move like that. Especially not Shiny. How are you ever going to make him happy if you just give those half hearted little shakes? Come on, girl, shove back! Make him have to really push just to hold you steady! Work it baby!'

>...
"..."

*ZAP!*

As her floating chair sank into the shallow end of the pool, a clever foresight on her part, she just tipped her glass, leaned back, and kept that same cocky smirk as she sank beneath the waters

'Worth it.'
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>Spike
“77”
‘Applejack’
~~~~~~~~~~

‘Ah’m gonna open it!’

Far down the road from Applejack and dressed in a ‘felon orange’ jumpsuit, 77 glanced up at Spike from his position on his knees, ignoring the gun aimed pointblank at his muzzle.

“I want you to know… when I said I admired you, Detective Spike, I meant it.”

So focused on trying to see what Applejack was doing, Spike was barely paying attention to 77, though his gun arm remained taut.

>Mm.

Using her switchblade, one edge of the box was sliced, and then the other… cautiously, very carefully. She froze for only a second at the splotch of scarlet on the inner flap.

‘…that’s blood.’

“You’ve made quite a life for yourself, Detective Spike. New dragon in town, already assigned to such a case… you should be proud.”

The dull monotone that was 77’s voice finally broke Spike’s patience and he shot the bound Changeling a penetrating glare.

>Shut the fuck up already, will ya?

Undeterred, Applejack slowly lifted both ends—and bolted up on her hindlegs where she balanced out of sheer shock before thudding to the ground on all fours. Still, she continued to stare at the confines, a nauseating horror twisting at her insides.

She glanced over her shoulder at Spike and 77, the former curiously arching his head, then back to the box, her jaw rigid.

‘This… 77 has the upper hand. …Spike! SPIKE!’

She turned and tore back the way she’d came at full gallop.

“Here it comes….”

‘SPIKE! PUT YER’ GUN DOWN!’

>I can’t hear what you’re… what?

While Spike leaned closer to the approaching senior detective in an effort to catch whatever she seemed to yelling, 77 continued to stare blankly.

“I wish I could have lived like you did-”

>Shut up! What the fuck are you talkin’ about, Applejack?

“Do you hear me, detective? I’m trying to tell you how much I admire you-”

>If you don’t shut the fuck up-

“-and your pretty wife.”

>…

Every little noise in the deserted area seemed to die as Spike slowly turned to face 77. His tail whipped about once in conjunction with the sudden leap of his heart.

>What?

“Rarity.”

>…the fuck you just say?

“You know, it’s disturbing how easy it is for a member of the press to purchase information from the Royal Guards you take orders from.”

‘PUT IT DOWN SPIKE! PUT YER’ GUN DOWN!’

“I paid a visit to your home this morning. After you’d left, of course. I tried to play husband, I tried to… taste the life of the simple dragon.”

>…

‘THROW IT AWAY!’

“Unfortunately… it didn’t work out. So…”

77 turned his lackluster gaze to the Applejack, no, past her… to the box.

“I took a little a souvenir. Her pretty head.”

‘Spike!’

The called dragon barely flinched at the dust kicked up from Applejack’s abrupt halt, his mind struggling tirelessly to parse that psychopath’s damning words. Then he turned to her, elevating his gun arm.

>What the fuck’s he talking about…?

Firming herself, Applejack extended a foreleg.

‘Spike, gimme yer’ gun.’

>What’s going on over there? With the box?

Applejack quickly flung her own sidearm off to the side in a bid to settle her partner.

‘Put the gun down, Spike.’

>I saw you with the box, what was in the box?

The mounting distress in Spike’s tone was all too easy to hear and 77 continued.

“Because I envy your normal life.”

‘C’mon, sugarcube, jus’… jus’ put the gun down.’

“It seems envy is my sin.”

>Ahhhh, what’s in the booox?

‘Not ‘til ya gimme the g-’

>What’s in the fucking box, Applejack?!

“I just told you.”

>You LIE!

It was nearly spat out and in a flash, Spike was on 77, the guns muzzle grinding into his skull.

>You’re a fucking LIAR! Shut up!

‘Spike, don’t! It’s--it’s what he wants… he wants ya t’shoot him!’

Spike turned away with an enraged snarl.

>NO! No! …you tell me, AJ… you tell me that’s not true! That’s not true, is it?

“Become vengeance, Spike…”

>No, she’s alright, you tell me-

“Become wrath.”

>TELL ME SHE’S ALRIGHT!

‘…if you murder a suspect, Spike-’

>Noooo… NO!

“Such a regal mare… She begged for her life, detective.”

It was almost instinctive how quickly Spike lifted his firearm, balancing it with his other hand as he beaded it on 77.

‘Shut up.’

“Oh yes, she begged for her life-”

‘Shut up!’

“-and for the life of the foal inside of h-”

Applejack backhoofed him, nearly to the ground.

‘Said shut up!’

>…

So quick to exploding, the way Spike’s arms fell away suggested a plug within him had been forcibly yanked out, draining him, leaving him hollow. He regarded 77 with a befuddled stare.

He shook his head once… twice… but was still confused.

77 blinked, then almost chuckled as he looked up at Applejack.

“Oh… he didn’t know.”

Applejack’s eyes traced the sky for strength unfound but Spike had turned to her, his eyes beginning to glisten tearfully even while he continued to look as though clubbed with something blunt.

Then realization struck and his face scrunched up with a terrible loss. He felt nauseous, regretful, and enraged all at once.

‘…gimme the gun, Spike. Please.’

Spike’s firing arm straightened, firmer than it’d ever been.

‘Spike… if y’all kill him… he will win.’

>But… b-but he… ah, fuck! FUCK! I… Celestia DAMN IT!

He lowered and lifted Charity a number of times, looking ill and visually struggling not to do what every fiber of his being screamed for.

Then Rarity’s smiling face flashed over his mind. And the wall of restraint shattered.

‘SPI-’

A gunshot pierced the air, cutting through Applejack’s cry, but that wasn’t enough and soon Spike had emptied the entire clip into the body of that psychopath, still robotically pulling the trigger long after exhausting his ammo.

~~~~~

When the last bullet split the air, Luna found herself propelled from the dream world with staggering force, coupled with a throbbing sensation in her forehead. As she rubbed it tenderly with a hoof, she solemnly swore never to let Spike watch any more movies of that nature ever again.

NON CANON
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>Dadling
"Bat-mom"
~~~

>Honey, really. Is the fire necessary?

"THIS ROOM IS DEAD TO ME NOW!"

>It's just some green goo, I just use it to stick stuff to the wall so I don't forget it.

"THE MEMORIES ARE THERE!"

>It's totally not toxic! Celestia was locked up in it for a while, and she came out fine.

"EVERY STEP I TAKE FROM NOW ON WILL CARRY THE PHANTOM FEELING OF THAT SUBSTANCE."

>Look, see? It dissolves just fine with... okay, so it does not dissolve with soap, and actually seems to get bigger. I might need to farm this out to a chemist.

"THE FIRE MAKES PURE. THE FIRE MAKES PURE."

>Honey, really, don't set that on fire, you won't like what you-

"OH SWEET CELESTIA THE SMEEEEELLLLLLL!"

>Tried to warn you.
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"Are you sure about this?" Pommel looked over to 32 as the changeling stood before the doors of the simulator.

"I am, I promised to tell my tale and this is the best representation of what happened," 32 gave his friend a smile as he entered the chamber, "Though I did warn you, it's far from pleasant."

The changeling stepped into the chamber, looking it over from within. Within a few moments he nodded, closing his eyes, "Begin."

The chamber was gone, replaced with the inside of a great cavern, here and there were huddled groups of Morlocks, some nibbling on morsels of meat, some watching over gaggles of their young. Where 32 stood was a small almost emaciated Morlock, sitting at the very edge of it all, glaring with critical eyes at the masses before him.

"It's time."

----------

Outside the chamber Pommel observed the events unfolding, arching an eyebrow as the Morlock stood and began making his way deeper into the cavern.

"And what do you think you're doing?"

Pommel's body went rigid as he turned his head to find himself staring into the eye of 77. The changeling looked at him sternly, eye narrowed as he advanced.

"Uh, well, you see-...he said this was the best way to show what happened!"

"What?" 77's head jerked towards the monitor as 32 in Morlock form continued his advance, eyes set in determination, "What is he doing?"

"He just got to this point in telling me what he did down in the caves and demanded to come in here. It's technically in the castle so I...well..."

77 shook his head, "Get him out of there."

"Don't you want to know, though?" Spike's voice heralded the dragon's arrival, 42, Diamond Tiara, Twilight, and Potatojack close behind.

"Know what? There's nothing about those caves I wish expanded on," 77 replied.

"This c'mon, *I* wanna know how he got to be in charge of those things and I hate bug monsters," Tiara smirked, looking up at the monitor.

"I'm curious as well," Twilight trotted over to the console, taking control away from Pommel.

"It would give us a better idea of how he fights if things go violent with him either way, I'm in favor of letting it play out," 42 nodded.

"Mrrphmpphpmrphmmph!" Potatojack concurred.

77 sighed, "Well then, I guess I'm outvoted. Fine, we'll let him play his little game and...wait..."

77's eye went wide as 32's destination became clear, on a raised plateau in the center of the cavern, sitting between between two vicious looking guards, was a Morlock of enormous size, its body flecked with blackness that couldn't be made out from far away. As 32 walked, the other Morlocks began to take notice, eyes following him as he continued to make his way to the enormous creature's crude throne.

"He's got guts, I'll give him that," Spike commented, "Half-starved, frail, and he's going right up there."

"He was feeling like everyone he ever knew and loved were dead," Pommel said, "He'd begun to think that 77 and 88 had just died like the others, that the invasion had failed and the hive was decimated. He had nothing to lose."

"That kind of thing could make anyone go mad," 42 squinted, "Hang on a minute...what is that thing wearing?"

Slowly the others began to realize what had made 77 go quiet earlier, as 32 ascended the dais the large Morlock's form became more clear. It was a gargantuan creature, all bleached muscle, ragged mane, and sickly yellowed eyes. But all these qualities paled in comparison to what was adorning its body. Wrapped around its legs were four segments of black chitin, along its back a series of ridges, and on its head was something that left no doubt as to what it had garbed itself in: the hollowed out head of a changeling.

"It's...50...that bastard is...wearing 50's exoskeleton like armor..." 77's voice was low, monotone in shock.

The Morlock smiled as 32 approached, his guards strode to stand between the two, opening his mouth to speak.

"Urkith, oblanak tyreskoth velkith."

"What?" Tiara arched an eyebrow, "What is he saying?"

"Hang on," Twilight bent over the console, swiftly pressing buttons, "And there, internal translation, if he knows what it means, we'll know what it means."

On the screen, words began to form in line with what was being said.

"[...and so the foundling stands before me. Why do you come here, weakling?]"

32 gritted his teeth, "[Your armor.]"

The chieftain laughs, "[You like it? You never got to see them, foundling. The monsters, the things that stalked the tunnels, that terrified the maggoty young of my feckless females, that killed our worthless hunters, that murdered my brother. They're all dead now, thanks to me, I followed them, I tracked them, and I killed most of them! The ones we didn't kill will have all drowned in the river, maybe those fool 'fishers' will find them, and we can feast once more!]"

"He's lying," 77 said, his voice showing no emotion, "The Morlocks attacked us first, they picked off those of us who didn't see them coming, he's making it sound like he's a hero."

"[I want it.]" 32 replied, "[And I want your life.]"

"[What makes you think you're worthy of taking it, foundling?]" The chieftain growled, "[You have shown no valor in battle, no aptitude for the hunt, you just sit far and away all day and glare. Now run along and sup at a female's teat, you obnoxious runt, I have a tribe to run!]"

The chieftain was already preparing to sit back down when 32's voice rang out through the cavern.

"[I invoke the rite of champions!]" 32 shouted, eyes narrowing.

The chieftain blinked, then growled lowly, "[Who taught you of that?]"

"[It doesn't matter, have your greatest warriors face me first, then we'll see if I am worthy to fight you,]" 32 smirked.

"[...have it your way...Yushk, end this stupidity!]" The chieftain sat as one of his guards hissed and took a step forward, lowering his head and charging at 32, legs propelling him forward with all the momentum of a freight train.

32 ducked forward, a mere blur of motion and it was over. The Morlock went tumbling end over end off of the dais, the surrounding onlookers scattered and regrouped to find the guard twitching on the ground, his body twisted an awkward angle from the fall, clutching the gaping slash on his throat.

32 grinned and rubbed at the small sharpened piece of flint he now held in his mouth with one hoof, flicking the blood off his primitive blade.

"[Make no mistake,]" 32 said through gritted teeth, "[You will die before I am through.]"

"...Wow," Spike said with a low whistle, "That guard never saw it coming."

The chief growled, then looked to his other guard, "[Enough of this, he's revealed his weapon, there are not surprises left in him, avenge your fool of a friend!]"

The guard gave a roar and stepped forward, plucking a wicked spear made of bone from the dirt floor, beginning to swing and jab at his smaller foe. 32 kept light on his hooves, but had to stay on the defensive, gritting his teeth as an errant swipe cut shallowly into a foreleg. The Morlock smirked, tensing for a killing blow, swinging high towards 32's neck, but the Changeling was able to regroup and duck down, dashing in and slamming his shiv into the underside of the guard's muzzle with a squelching noise. The guard went limp as a few of the onlookers muttered among themselves.

"He's quick," 42 said, eyes narrowed at the screen, "But he's fucked himself now."

"Mrrphrmph," Potatojack nodded in agreement.

32 grunted as the guard fell to the side, trying to tug his shiv out from the corpse. However it appeared to be stuck within the flesh of the Morlock, finally forcing the disguised Changeling to give up. The chieftain grinned, standing once more and striding towards 32, stepping on the spear and snapping the sharpened bone in half, he glowered down at his smaller nemesis.

"[Well foundling, I have seen your handling of my champions and I heartily accept your challenge.]"

32's retort was interrupted by a meaty foreleg clad in Changeling chitin smashing into the side of his head, sending him spiraling.

"Hm, he forced 32 to fight his guards to weaken him and learn how he fights," Twilight commented, giving the monitor an appraising look.

"Coward," 42 spat, "He's twice the size of an average stallion, he's wearing another person's skin as armor, and he still needs two flunkies to get the hard work out of the way."

The chieftain stalked 32 across the dais, his smaller opponent still attempting to regain his bearings as the lumbering brute closed in on him.

"[Die, weakling!]" The chieftain reared up, his hooves angled to crush 32 beneath them. Dust rose from the ground as the hooves hit nothing but the floor, 32 lashed out with a mule kick to the gargantuan Morlock's chin, staggering him and giving the Changeling breathing room. Turning with as much momentum as he could, 32 connected with a roundhouse punch, cutting the Morlock just below the eye before attempting to leap onto the giant's back.

32 found shaky footing on the back of the massive Morlock, as his foe began to thrash about in anger, trying to throw the other creature off in the world's most demented rodeo. 32's hooves wrapped around the neck of the chieftain, trying to choke it out, but an errant buck sent his smaller frame spiraling to the ground, rolling onto his back.

The chieftain snorted, glaring at 32's slowly rising form before charging forward and smashing into him like a battering ram, cutting into his side with the horn on its 'helmet' as it sent him spiraling to the side. 32 cried out in pain as he tumbled onto his back, panting, clutching at his bloodied side as he attempted to get up. The Morlock advanced slowly, giving a cruel kick to its downed opponent as its face contorted into a sadistic smile.

"[You were a fool to face me, runt, I'll pick my teeth with your bones!]"

Two hooves pressed to either side of 32's head, the chieftain began to slam the smaller fighter's head into the floor again and again. 32's eyes were beginning to lose focus, his body writhed in pain, his throat releasing small strangled yelps of pain.

"This is too much, we have to end the simulation," Spike spoke up.

"No!" Pommel shouted, when everyone looked at him, his demeanor shifted back to his former nervousness, "He...he wants to show us, you can't just cut him off."

"No, Private," Twilight began to input commands on the console, "This has gone on long enough, I'm pulling him ou-"

"No."

42 and 77 spoke in unison, eyes never leaving the screen.

"He went in there to prove a point," 42 began, "I want to know what it was."

"The damn fool is undergoing all the pain of his original fight for a reason," 77 continued, "If he wishes to show us the entirety of his struggle, I will not deny him."

Potatojack steely eyed expression confirmed her own agreement.

"...eh, I just wanna see how the hell he gets out of this," Tiara shrugged, "I mean he's still alive, isn't he?"

Twilight sighed while Spike crossed his arms, all eyes returned to the screen.

The chieftain was beginning to slow his assault, seeming to relish in every smash of 32's head on the ground, looking as though he was awaiting for the rewarding sound of his challenger's skull cracking.

"[Any last words, whelp?]"

"...PTEH!"

A gob of bloodied phlegm rocketed up into the face of the giant, making it back off reflexively. With a burst of energy, 32 scrambled out from under his nemesis, striking up with a hoof to the chin, making its head snap back and its body sway unevenly. 32 panted as he stood, blood trailing down his pale muzzle, he could see the lumbering brute beginning to come to, eyes slowly focusing into a feral glare.

From around the dais there began a low thudding sound, quiet at first, then growing. The crowd had begun stomping their hooves into the dirt, yellow eyes fixated on the two combatants as they began to circle one another, the hatred between them palpable in the air. The end was near, everyone in the cavern knew it, the only question remaining was which would kill the other, the towering despot or the enigmatic newcomer?

With a mutual howl of rage the two ran at each other, the large chieftain tucking his head to ram the smaller creature with his macabre helmet's horn. 32 dodged to the side, lashing out with a vicious bite into the tyrant's side, ripping a piece of flesh away as his opponent roared and knocked him back with a wild swing of a hoof. 32's momentum carried him to the very edge of the plateau, inches away from the nigh fatal drop.

"[Enough of this...]" The chieftian growled, advancing on 32 with fangs bared, in the next instant he sank his teeth into 32's neck, pulling him up like some deranged caricature of a cat carrying its young. With a swing of its neck 32 was sent flying through the air into the center of the battlefield, colliding with the ground in a heap.

The chieftain looked down at its challenger, its face breaking into a colossal smile, licking the blood from its teeth. It stood over 32's form planting a back hoof on his body and grabbing the disguised changeling's head between its two front hooves.

"[Your head...I'll take your head...as a TROPHY!]"

With a roar the Morlock planted itself and began to wrench mightly on 32's, pulling with all its ungodly might. 32 screamed in pain, hooves pawing at his foe's legs as he desperately searched for an escape.

"He's finished," Spike said darkly, "He's too weakened to fight it off."

"Huh, guess he made a mistake," Tiara muttered, "Not so lucky the second time around."

"Wait...his hoof," Pommel's eyes went wide, "Look at his hoof!"

"He stopped himself from transforming completely!?" Twilight's mouth was agape, she looked at the three changelings in the room, "You can do that!?"

"It's a highly dangerous thing to attempt," 77 answered, "The fire we use in the shape-shifting burns away the old form quickly in order to create the new one. To hold off completing a transformation or reverting to the previous form could threaten to engulf the changeling involved in a searing inferno."

"It's a move of absolute desperation on 32's part," 42 glared at the screen, "If he does not do something immediately, he's finished."

As if in answer 32's talon lashed out towards the face of the Morlock, its eyes widened in surprise, and then-

*SQUELCH*

There was silence in the control room, Spike's mouth hung open, the color seemed to leave Twilight's face, Tiara and Pommel's hooves went to their mouths to stop themselves from vomiting, 77 and 42's expressions hardened, Potatojack swallowed her food in shock.

The silence was broken with the single most ear-shattering scream any involved had ever heard. The chieftain stumbled back and away, swinging this way and that.

And hanging on by the optic nerve, its eyeball swung too.

The assault on his head halted, 32, changed his foreleg back to its previous form as the stomping grew louder and louder. Inching himself up into a sitting position 32 watched...and waited.

The chieftain continued to roar in agony, thrashing about blindly as it bled from the gaping wound, its eyeball flailing about like some kind of deranged children's toy. In pain to the point of losing coordination, the beastly giant finally fell to its side, whimpering and clawing at where its eye had once been.

Panting, 32 slowly made his way towards the fallen colossus, standing over it as the stomping grew to a fever pitch. In one quick movement, the helmet was wrenched from the Morlock's head, leaving 32 to hold it high between his two hooves. With a guttural shout, 32 drove it horn first down into the neck of the Morlock...then again...and again...and again...

When 32 finally stopped, the crowd had gone silent, all the sound that remained was the final wheezing breaths of the chietain as it died. Letting out a few ragged breaths, 32 gently dropped 50's head on the ground, turning to look at the crowd. Fire engulfed the Changeling as he took a few stumbling steps forward, slowly revealing his true appearance.

"My name...is Changeling 32..." 32 proclaimed in Equestrian as he walked towards the surprised throng of Morlocks, "...in the name of Queen...Hive...and Swarm...in the name of my brothers...and sister who died before me...VENGEANCE! IS! MINE!"

His eyes lost their focus as the Morlocks as one let loose a loud hiss.

"End simulation."

"SIMULATION TERMINATED!"

The Gun Club and Pommel rushed over as the doors to the simulator opened and 32 staggered out. He regarded them all with a haggard expression.

"Hello...you must be the Gun Club...pleased to...meet you..."

And then he collapsed.

----------------


So keeping in line with the fights from the previous threads here are some notes on this thing.

>The Eye-Gouge finish occurred to me after deciding to rewatch a few episodes of the HBO western, Deadwood, specifically the brawl between Dan Dority and Captain Turner.

>I tried to create a contrast between this fight and the ones seen in the Gun Club tournament, with a slower more brutal and desperate style to it. More the final confrontation of a horror movie than the climactic battle of an anime or action film.

>90% was written in the wee hours of the morning on little sleep after a hard day of work, no clue if it shows.

>There was originally going to be one more story prior to this where 32 presented the idea of using the simulator, but I felt like this whole thing was sequestering from the world at large so I just took the plunge.

I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Chrysalis
"2"
~~~~

*SLAM!*

"...Not-Mom, is that blood on yer' hooves?"

>...

"Why're ya' dartin' yer' eyes like that?"

>...Story tiiiiime!

"Yaaay!"

>This is the tale of Momsie, and the stupid Swordspony.

"Ooo!"

>It all started as Momsie was walking across the vast lands of... um... Sequestria. Yeah, that works. As she walked across this beautiful land, decimating all the...NOT beautiful stuff because beautiful stuff was great and she would obviously never raze that to the ground, she got word that someone was following her! Someone had caught wind of her... er, PARTY, from the last time, and was just so jealous he swore to track her down and cut her to pieces!

"How'd she know that?"

>He caught one of her changelings and he told them so they could tell her. Well, half of her minion told her, technically.

"..."

>...B-becaaaause... that swordspony was also a wizard. Who could... specialize in making parts of Changelings disappear... WITHOUT hurting them.

"Oh, phew!"

>Phew indeed. Anyway, she couldn't have that, so she sent out a whole bunch of her best sedu- DANCING Changelings to... dance at him. He sent them back, MISSING PIECES!

"Cause o' the magic?"

>Right. Totally magic based. They were all fine.

"Why's he even need tha' sword? He's just usin' his magic."

>Because Wizard Pony was taken. And he thought being Wizard Pony 2 would have sounded dumb.

"I don't like him now!"

>Oh, that's good. Saves a looot of quick thinking in the future. Anyway, after losing so many Changelings- er, their pieces, I mean- she decided she had to handle this herself!

"GO MOMSIE!"

>And go she did! All the way to a nearby castle.

"...Huh?"

>Because you see, Momsie didn't want to get into a direct fight, so instead she convinced the guard that this mean old swords pony was stalking her and trying to kill her! Wasn't hard to do, actually. Just had to have her minions change into ponies and let the various wounds speak for themselves. So off the guard went!

"And?"

>They failed MISERABLY!

"OH NO!"

>Oh yes! So now here she was, in a castle, with no ponies there to do the fighting for her. The swordspony cut a bloo- er, scary and totally blood free path along the castle walls, until he reached the throne room where the previous royals had once been!

"Where were they now?"

>Oh vacation. But Momsie was there, and the swordspony had found his target!

"GASP!"

>Now, Momsie always had two guards with her, but just this once she told them to stand back, and let this battle simply be a one on one! In exchange the Swordspony said he would spare the guards until after the battle. Her people safe, she charged forward!

"Wow!"

>An epic battle ensued! The throne room was torn asunder as magic and blade crossed, tearing down the walls around them as if they were made of tissue paper. She took to the skies, and he launched himself to her and brought her down! He tried to hide and pull off a sneak attack, and she simply blasted the earth flat to draw him out! OH THE CARNAGE! OH THE SHEER! TERRIBLE! CAAARNAGE!

"AND THEN WHAT HAPPENED!?"

>Momsie slipped up.

"...N-noooo!"

>YES! She slipped for just a second, just a moment, and his blade was poised over her heart!

"OH NO!"

>And after he gave his last spiel, his last little monologue, he drove his sword forward, AND-

"AND WHAT!?"

>Plop. He fell to the ground, de-er, unconscious. And behind him, Momsie stood up, proud and triumphant.

"WHAT!?"

>That's riiiight! She told one of her guards to disguise themselves as her, and she hid as one of the guards! Weakened and tired, he couldn't dodge her, and down he went. Victorious, they all left.

"What happened to the Swordspony?"

>He took the fall-er, I mean, he got arrested for stabbing and taking a whole bunch of parts from ponies. With magic, I mean. That was still illegal back then, don't you know. So the bad guy got what he deserved, and momsie walked away, VICTORIOUS!"

"YAAAAAAY!"

>YAAAAAY! Alright, goodnight ya' little terror. Sleep easy.

"Hey, Not-Mom?"

>Hm?

"If a mean old Swordpony came after you, would Shiny stop him?"

>...Well, I don't want to put words in his mouth or anything, but... yeah. I think Shiny would save me.

"Mmm... I think so too. Night, Not-Mom."

>Goodnight, Not-my-kid.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"One-two-three, one-two-three," 56 muttered under his breath, looking down at his hindlegs. His wings held him mostly aloft, the buzz echoing through the clearing in the forest and allowing him to focus most of his efforts on the steps rather than balance. He took a step forward, then right, and back together. Backwards, left, and back together. He glanced around nervously, but the strings of lights that stretched from tree to tree showed nothing but fog. He looked back down. Forward, right, together. Back, left, together.

Luna, meanwhile, looked down at the scene from her veiled spot behind the moon. When she'd sensed a fear in the changeling's dream, she had expected something eldritch and monstrous. The changelings were creatures who had faced great trials for their survival at times; she hadn't expected to see an almost adolescent ball of nervousness practicing a waltz. Still, the ambient tension hadn't died off, so she remained, watching passively as was her preference in more serious dreams. Besides, none of the products she was shilling tonight would really appeal to 56 anyway.

"Dang it... this is dumb." 56 muttered, tripping over his own feet when he tried to start turning in tandem with his steps. He set up again, pointing his forehooves out at shoulder level as he restarted his rhythm. A soft giggle cut through the fog, and he looked up flustered to see none other than Luna herself, dressed in the same outfit she'd worn to the Gala.

"What troubles you, young one?" she asked, stepping into the clearing with him as he dropped back to all fours.

"Moons, I-- what're you doing here?" He blushed, backing away from her on instinct. "I... you weren't supposed to be here, I'm not..."

"Not what? Ready to dance with me 'neath the pale moonlight?" she stifled another giggle at his embarrassment behind a hoof, looking down into his eyes as she was truly upon him.

"I, uh... I was still working on that. Four left hooves, y'know?" he let out an uneasy chuckle.

"Perhaps you need a partner to practice alongside?" she prodded, looking around at the low-lit clearing. The wind was kicking up little whirlwinds of dead leaves, knocking brown ones down from their perches. "Come, now. Hooves up, back straight... and... one, two, three."

She stepped back as he stepped forward, the smallest amount of his weight on her shoulders as they stepped in a rough box shape. Her voice was low and sultry as she kept the time of their hooffalls.

"One, two, three... one, two, three..." she said it in a sing-song voice, lifting a hoof to his chin and directing his gaze to her. The longer they stared into each other's eyes, the steadier their steps got. 56 barely noticed as they started to turn while they trotted.

>"I know you,"
Luna sang, in the same cadence as her counting, slower than the song as she normally knew it, but still familiar. The changeling draped around her neck began to hum, barely loud enough for both of them to hear.

>"I walked with you once upon a dream..."
They turned again, and again, now and again the plot-loving changeling halting as she would canter in a circle away and back to him.

>"I know you, that gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam..."
the changeling let off a flash of green, and over top of the chitin a form-fit tuxedo rested.

>"And I know it's true, that visions are seldom what they seem.."
56's humming was louder now, his blue eyes clouding over with a green sheen.

>"But if I know you, I know what you'll do..."
the changeling joined her in song, the two of them matching in harmony,

>"You'll love me at once,
>the way you did once,
>upon
>a
>dream."

His eyes were fully green now, matching the glow coming off of his horn.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8waJ7W3QcJc

>"Ah~h, Ah~h, La~ah..."
Luna sang, 56 staring deep into her eyes as they stopped twirling, back to a simple box step. He gave a worried-looking smile, which she met with a beaming grin of her own. It reassured him, and he leaned in close, whispering even in the deserted grove.

"Is that... do you really...?" he choked, not able to bring himself to speak the word out loud. Neither could she, but she gave a slow nod, the echoes of the song seeming to bounce off the trees and start again.

"That's... wow," he blushed and looked down, then back to her again. He stopped his backwards step as she pressed forward against him, their faces less than an inch apart. Her midnight-blue face half-shrouded behind a veil of stars in her hair filled his vision.

She closed her eyes and leaned in, lips pursed, and he allowed himself the same pleasure. His fangs met with flesh, a metallic taste running over his lips as he buried his face in her chest. From far in the background, behind the yellow moon, he heard a wisp of wind that sounded like a gasp as his teeth made contact with something soft and a little sweet.

56 woke up screaming, a cold sweat rolling over his entire body as he galloped full speed to the bathroom before his stomach could empty itself.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Luna
"Celestia"
~~~

>Sister, we are most concerned.

"Luan? Lulu a blublu? Baby sister who I love so dear? We had a discussion about this. Remember the discussion? You should it was really short. I said 'Don't come into my dreams'. That's it, five little words, and yet here you are. Do you see the problem? It should be apparent, but I'll wait just in case."

>Well, mine sister, we would love to have this conversation face to face, but you have run off yet again to a land far away, and the portal is having a short. Maybe if you weren't so impulsive-

"Then I would currently be making this dream a reality. For you see, dear sister, hugging this gigantic teddy bear soaked in happy that is cleverly disguised as a Changeling is pretty much the only thing keeping me in check. If I wanted lip on my current resting status, I would ask Chrysalis for her opinion on being tossed out of the bed at two in the morning. Again."

>...Didn't Shining Armor specifically buy a bigger bed so you wouldn't do that?

"Yes. But what he failed to grasp is that it is necessary for me to find a groove I like before remaining still in the bed. They were in the way, and had to be gone. Not to worry, I only bit 42 in my sleep depraved state, and she's more than capable of taking it."

>Well, fine. Onto the discussion at hand, we have to address this.

"Whatever do you mean?"

>Where are we, currently?

"Why, the moon! Don't you recognize it?"

>No, no we do not. All the grass and trees and atmosphere threw us off.

"I can see why."

>More to the point, we are staring directly at the sun, and that cannot be healthy.

"..."

>...Tis' not the sun, is it?

"I call it, Sun 2.0: formerly known as the planet where all my hate lives."

>Well, we shall at least give thou credit, you saved a great many ponies and Changelings. Why them, specifically?

"They are the ones who are sane. The ones who do not bring me hate and woe. The sane ones in a world of STUPID."

>Ah. So, pretty much just who we directly know.

"Yes, and not the royal 'we', regular we. See? 56 is right there. I get he's still in grade school and you need, like, ten years or so before you can actually do anything-"

>SISTER! We have no romantic interest in him! He is a dear friend, do not project your perversions unto me!

"-point is, he's there! Yay! And Twilight's group as well, can't possibly leave without them. And I would not leave without the only competent Changelings on the planet... which is sadly, what, three? 42, 18, and 77? That other guy that arrived might be competent, but I've never met him. So into the fire he went! Just in case."

>...Why is Cadence here?

"She makes Shiny happy."

>Ahhh... We see what you did there.

"Now who's projecting. Point is, all the smart ones are here, and alllllll the dumb ones are on fire. Good day, gooooood day..."

>Just out of curiosity, are you hugging her that tightly in reality?

"Probably not, she's like a gigantic huggy brick."

>You'd never... actually do this in reality, right?

"..."

>...Sister?

"..."

>....We're just going to... going to go now. We'll ask you what we wished to inquire about at a later time.

"Good call. Bye bye!.... iiiiii, just want to set the world, on, fire~! Hmhmhmmmh!"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>77
“Cheerilee”
‘AJ56’
______

“Oh myyyy, a commoner like me being invited to the Canterlot Castle again!”

>Poppet, believe me when I say that you are the farthest thing away from ‘common’. You’re the glimmering jewel of my eye.

There was no hiding the blush that seeped into Cheerilee’s cheeks and she giggled, shifting a bit closer to the grizzled Changeling.

“You flatter this old mare, 77….”

>And you give this old Changeling something to live for.

77 wasn’t expecting a kiss after that remark but his cheek took it in stride as he led the renowned teacher down a few hallways and then up a flight of stairs. They came to a halt outside of a worn and notched door and Cheerilee stared up at it, obviously able to see that it was a bathroom, for stallions at that, but unable to parse why they were there in the first place.

“Hm. Dear? Do you think we, uh… might’ve taken a wrong turn or…?”

>I’d say not, poppet. When I said I wanted to show you something special, something near and dear to me… this was it.

And suddenly, that door was the most interesting thing Cheerilee had ever seen and she narrowed her eyes.

“Well, it is of a rather intoxicating make- is this mahogany? Feels smooth to the hoof!”

Luna be damned if this mare wasn’t just the most cutely accommodating thing ever. The urge to nuzzle her was almost uncontrollable but 77 managed with a soft chuckle, using a hoof to push the door open. He led the ever-amazed Cheerilee down a few stalls until they reached one without a door. One oddly decorated with flowers… lit candles… notes and cards… even a few bits sprinkled here and there.

“What… 77, what is this…?”

A cold rigidity had settled into 77’s face by the time he turned to Cheerilee who stared back, her prior excitement from before all but vanished, replaced with tender concern as she took in and processed the scene, able to quickly figure out what it all meant.

>Well, I’ve a story for you….

Talking was more troublesome than 77 expected it be, this… sharing. His throat was oddly dry and certain words, normally voiced with ease, got stuck and had to be choked out. But he told her, he told her his tale, left no facet hidden. He wanted her to know who he was, where he had come from, what he had endured, why he was like he was… he wanted her to know his everything.

As the words tumbled forth, words that wove a grand tapestry of brutality and horror, Cheerilee listened. She didn’t blink, she didn’t interrupt, she only listened, admiring 77 for his surprisingly deep vocabulary and ability to paint a mental picture so real she could almost experience the terror of it all herself.

When he finally finished, 77 felt exhausted and the space where his eye used to reside throbbed with a forgotten phantom pain. He visibly twitched when Cheerilee leaned forward and pressed her lips to that frayed eyepatch.

“That must’ve taken a lot from you, 77… to relive such atrocities again. But… I felt it. I felt it like I was right there with you during that time. The pain, the fear, the sorrow, I felt all of that… but what I felt most? What still lingers? Is the unbreakable will of a Changeling refusing to give up even as everything crashed down around him, and I think that same strength will continue to linger so long as you exist.”

It was a strange, almost frightening feeling, this sense of vulnerability that 77 felt enveloping him as he drank in Cheerilee’s soothing words, as he leaned into the hoof she held to his cheek.

>I suppose it was a good thing I didn’t succumb to the nightmares down in that hell….

“Exactly. Now you’re back amongst friends and your hive.”

>Well, there’s that… and there’s also you, poppet.

A touch of scarlet offset the purple fur of Cheerilee’s cheeks and she leaned in, lips pursed and eyelids half-lowered in such a way that 77 felt that cold heart of his throb.

>Should we… really do something of this nature right here? In this spot?

“Hmmm, maybe I want them to watch. Maybe I want them to see that you’ve found some happiness, something that you can enjoy….”

And a firm hoof to his chest slowly pushed the seasoned Changeling down. He could have resisted, he knew he probably should have resisted… but when a mare like Cheerilee was on the prowl and fixing you with that devious, dominating little smirk, well… hell.

>Comrades, wherever you are… avert your eyes.

Miss Cheerilee had only hiked her rear into the air, leaning down to cement their lips, when the restroom door flew open with a mighty bang and the sound of scurrying hooves over the cracked tiles caused both their eyes to widen.

‘HEEEEY 77! 77, you in here? I wanted to ask you a question! I had this weird dream where I bit Moons and I- UMPH!’

“EEEK!”

>…

“…is that 56, dear?”

>Indeed it is, poppet.

“Ah. And is his face in my rump?”

>Seems deeply wedged in there, yes, poppet.

“Thought so. …I don’t suppose you’d still…?”

>While I appreciate that infinitely festive side of yours, I think we should perhaps wait for another time.

“Darn.”

‘Mmph?’

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>AJ2
"AB"
'SB'
[SL]
{SA}
~~~

>Hey Bloomy! Whatcha' in the castle for?

"Ah' actually moved here recently. Big Mac got tired o' me bein' in constant danger."

'Same, but I also think Rarity doesn't want me to accidentally shoot someone besides 29.'

[There was nothing accidental about that.]

'Didn't say there was.'

>So, what'cha doin' now?

"'[Cutie Mark Crusaders castle re-decorators!]

>...

"...We prolly ain't gettin' our cutie marks fer' this."

'I told you to use less paint!'

[Sweetie Belle, there is no paint, it's all fire.]

'I meant fire when I said paint, obviously.'

"Dang it, we ain't never gonna get our cutie marks at this rate!"

>Oh! I know! Act like Not-Mom! That'll work it!

"...Come again?"

'Not mom is bug queen, right?'

[Why would that help?]

>Cause you get your cutie mark for doin' stuff that makes you like everyone else, right? You do stuff that gives you somewhere to be cause you got a job, right?

"Sorta?"

'She's technically right, we are pretty much just deciding a job here.'

>Well, that's what I had ta' do! See, I was really scared cause I'm kinna small and it's hard to fwoosh up tall for too long, and I didn't want the other Changeling's ta' think I was a little kid or something, so I just copied Not-Mom!

"...Huh. Guess ya'll would just be, pretty much, naturally inclined ta' know how ta' copy body language and speech, wouldn't ya?"

'Biologically it's just sound for a mimicking species to copy others of a more accepted nature to fit in. She would obviously latch onto one who would attracts the least negative attention.'

>...I dunno what that means.

'Neither do I! But I keep thinking it! I think Discord fried my brain or something.'

[Wait, why'd you stop, then?]

>Oh!... actin' like Not-Mom is kinda hard, she's always sayin' mean things and upsetting ponies. But I didn't want them to think I was a big ol larva or something, so I just kept doin' it...

"...And?"

>... I started messin' up. I didn't say my words like she did, I didn't talk like she did, I didn't push ponies like she did. I kept tryin' ta' get it right, but I just kept slippin' again and again... but...

[But?]

>He didn't pick on me, or call me mean names, or push me around cause I was so weak an' small. I didn't have ta' be Not-Mom for him ta' let me hang out with him. He liked me! He didn't kick me out, he let me draw with my crayons and mess up his stuff, and he didn't yell at me for it. And I got ta' give him hugs, and he gave me marchmalleys, and he let me sleep in a real bed and didn't bite me for sleepin' in the wrong spot, and... and now he's Da-

{There you are!}

A sparkling magic surrounded her, lifting her up and carefully bringing her over to the white stallion standing at the end of the hall. Carefully, he lowered her onto his back.

{Been looking all over for you. Sorry girls, we've got to be heading home now. Any longer and we run the risk of Chrysalis getting bored and realizing she can start fires with her mind.}

>Awww...

{Oh, don't give me that. We'll come back and visit tomorrow. That sound better?}

>Mmm... Okay! I'll see you guys later! Maybe we can re-decorate Shiny's castle next!

His eyes scanned the hallway for a second, and he let out a nervous laugh.

{H-heh... m-maaaybe. Let's put that one in the maybe pile to be revisited next... year. C'mon Two!}

>M'kay, Shiny! Bye!

She snuggled into his hair, her forelegs tight around his neck as he trotted off.

"...Ah' need ta' go... do sister stuff."

'Yeaaaah... I suddenly feel very...unhugged.'

[You know what? Rainbow Dash probably counts. I'm going to go double check real quick.]

Further down the hall, headed back towards the portal that would take them home, the smaller Changeling rubbed just a bit further into his mane.

>Thank's fer lettin' me stay.

His pace slowed, just a bit.

{...Thank you for coming along, Two.}

He nuzzled up against her, and father and daughter finally went home.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A certain stallion eagerly stepped off the train at Canterlot station, his exuberant emerald pupils traveling anywhere and everywhere to take in everything. It wasn’t his first time visiting the castle but not being so used to such a bustling environment, there was always some new addition or attraction to gawk at. And this time was no different, even if the other more regally uptight ponies around thought his manner of excitement uncouth and sneered.

“Shucks, still hard to believe cousin AJ done got herself a landin’ up here! And as a princess even!” He paused, totally oblivious to the stares, and made a deal about fixing his vest, hoping to smooth out any wrinkles in the worn leather. “Can’t be showin’ up lookin’ shabby, don’t wanna embarrass ‘er….”

After smoothing out those non-existent wrinkles, Braeburn started towards the castle at a lively trot, his mind trying to figure out what was so important that his literal presence was required. Had he forgotten to send last years statements? No… he’d made sure to send it early just to show that he was still on top of things. Perhaps some village or city hadn’t received their shipment of apples? Impossible, as he’d shelled out extra bits to hire the fastest, most reliable transportation available. And it couldn’t be about any falling outs with the natives of the area… right? Far as he knew, the treaty was still in effect. No word of trouble had reached his ears and he was practically something of the mayor of Appleloosa.

So what could it-

“OOF!”

“AH!”

Pain raced up and down Braeburn’s right leg, little sharp pinpricks, and he looked to see a number of sewing needles jutting from his hoof. Beads of blood were beginning to gather but he instantly forgot his own troubles and focused on the alabaster white mare on the ground shaking her head.

“Rarity! Land sakes girl, y’all alright? Not hurt none are ya?”

He offered her his good hoof and she took it with a clearly agitated huff.

“Well, I never! Braeburn darling, you know as well as I do that you’re quite the rugged stallion and have no need to go barreling down the halls just carelessly knocking ladies to the g- mercy me, what happened to your hoof?” she suddenly exclaimed, derailed entirely as her eyes found his wounds.

In the process of snatching out each needle with his teeth, Braeburn shook his head. “S’not a big deal, ma’am,” and true to his word, once all the needles were out, he pulled a red bandana from his chest flap and tied it tight. “The real question is whether y’all’re alright, Ah bammed ya pretty hard….”

“Well,” Rarity began with a supercilious little sniff, “I *am* a bit shaken and my shoulder does sting a bit.”

Almost before the regal mare could finish, Braeburn had closed the distance between them in a single step, his sudden approach just cause for Rarity to flinch as he was indeed taller than she and her face flushed a red that contrasted her white fur pleasantly.

“B-Braeburn, really now! A gentlecolt mustn’t just accost a lady such a myse- ooooh my….”

Ever concerned, Braeburn had dipped his head to run his muzzle along Rarity’s shoulder, his motion slow and with just enough pressure to massage whatever discomfort had formed there. She shuddered as his warm breath brushed past her fur and over her skin, quickly biting into her lower lip to stop whatever unseemly noise might try to slip past.

After a couple minutes more nuzzling, Braeburn examined her face and found she looked red as a tomato. Redder than even. “Y’all okay, Rarity? Did that help the soreness? Powerful sorry again, by the way, shoulda been payin’ more attention to mah surroundings….”

“O-oh no, I… it’s quite alright, dear, but I’m really horny-IN A HURRY! Really in a hurry! Dresses to mend, needles to threads, yes, yes, all that sort, ahahahaha!”

And before Braeburn could inquire further, the seamstress had gathered up her supplies, including the needles now tinged with his blood, and had taken off past him in a blur of white.

“Well, uh… hope ya git better, Rarity!” he called after her with a hoof to his mouth but he highly doubted she caught his well wishes.

End

I was going for a 'charming Braeburn' story, no romance or nothing, but other ideas got in the way.

NON CANON
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>29
"Fluttershy"
'MM'
[ Real Fluttershy ]
{ Discord }
~~~

>Oh, Marey, I love you so, but if you keep forgetting to approve standard ordinance stuff like this, we shall soon cross blades as if we were stricken lovers.

The door suddenly slammed open, the papers on his desk rustling in the gust.

>Appointment sheet is on the outside, darling. And since none are scheduled for this moment, you are intruding in-

"Oh, I'm just ever so sorry. Have I been a... bad girl?"

He finally pried his eyes away from the paperwork at that, and his jaw nearly cracked his desk in twain.

The yellow former Pegasus he had been warned away from now stood in the doorway, dressed in a manner much more reminiscent of a secretary than a princess.

"Perhaps you just need to give me a bit of a spanking."

>...Oh, good, my heart has stopped, I can confirm I am dead now, and I inexplicably have made it into paradise. Happiness, you foreign lover you, we meet again at last.

"Mmmmm! I love it when you talk like that."

>Ooo, and milady, mine manner of speech is perfectly obliged to service your desire- wait, Discord isn't going to pop out and cut my sword of fantasy off, is he?

"Mmmmm, nooo. But if you're that worried..."

She gave a little wink.

"You can always hide it just in case."

She suddenly tackled him, straddling him in the chair.

>O-oh my! Such a vigor from one so shy, such a a passion I am all too eager to... shit.

"What?"

>Um... one of the children has just materialized in the corner.

"Children?"

>Ghost children, very traumatized ones actually. Sweetie? Could you move that book so she can see you?... thank you. See?

"Oh. Well, you can always send her away."

And just like that, his head nearly split in half.

>I can't-but oh when am I ever going to get a chance like this!-but she's got so many abandonment issues-she's not actually mine!-but that didn't matter before...

"Well?"

>...NNN....NGGGGn......NGGGGGNNGGGNNNGGGGG.... DAM- I mean, SHOOT! SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT THE DONKEY IN THE HOOF!... no. No, we can't do this. I am so... heartbrokenly... mind tearingly... regret buildingly... sorry. But I can't send her away.

"Oh..."

She suddenly gained a wicked smirk.

"Well, she could always join in. Mistress says the more the merrier, and I agree. I wonder what a ghost would feel like back ther-"

For half a second, all of Ponyville shook, and every inch of the town glowed green.

'What the hell was... HOLY SHIT MY ROOF! You could drive a train through that! And- OH SHIT 29 WHAT DID YOU DO!?'

>MM, I am in need of a favor, get a shovel and start preparing an... alibi.. oh, never mind, I guess blowing an alicorn's head right off their shoulders equals sparkles. Yeah, that makes sense.

In a burst of confetti and that plastic grass that comes with cheap Easter baskets, two more occupants suddenly entered the room.

[WHERE IS SHE!?]

>...Uh...

{No need to fret, dear, seems this fellow has taken care of her.}

>I, er, um... s-sorry for shooting you in the head?

[You shot me in the head!? Why!?]

>I-uh, well, you see, the ghost was... erm, it's a little complicated to explain...

Oblivious to his stuttering, Discord suddenly erupted into a giggling fit.

{You don't say? And his face looked like WHAT!? Oh, adults are so silly, aren't they my dear?}

A Phoenix feather flavored lolipop materialized at the snap of his finger, and the treat was soon floating in the air, slowly being devoured.

{No need for anger, dear Fluttershy! For once, this poor chap doesn't quite deserve a beating.}

>...Yay?

{Yay indeed!}

He patted the changeling on the head, unconsciously changing his chitin to a polka dot pattern.

{Good boy! Come, Fluttershy!}

[O-oh, um, thank yo-]

A tuba playing in reverse went off, and they were gone before she could finish.

>...

'...So, should I ask what-'

>Never speak of this again.

'...'

>...Never... again.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Twilight
"Shining Armor"
'Chrysalis'
~~~
"Twily, you said you had some news on Two?!"

'Huh? Weird, she told me she had news on Cordyceps cure.'

>Both... Actually.

'Oh! I get it! Two must be immune!'

"Oh, thank Celestia's mom."

>Yeah... and it's about how she's immune.

'Well, don't leave us in suspense.'

>Dragon's blood...

"What?"

>Two is, like Chrysalis, technically half-changeling in that her father was not another changeling.

'Well, makes sense, not uncommon, but seriously, a dragon? So we gotta bloodlet Spike?'

>No! No, it needs to be blended with changeling DNA like in Two's case, so I'm cloning her blood samples for mass production. But, the odd part is that the Dragon DNA is in my database.

"Twily, what are you getting at?"

>I have no idea how, but according to tests: Spike is Two's biological father.

'Holy crap, he finally took my advice and accepted Polyurethane as legal! Wait... Applejack and Rarity aren't Changelings...'

>That's.. the other part... Her mother's DNA... Matches 42's.

"'... We never speak of these results again.'"

>Agreed.

NON CANON
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Twilight
"Bat-Mom"
'Dadling'
~~~

>Okay, I don't want you to freak out, but-

"OH GOD I'M GONNA DIIIIIIIIE!"

'MY SPAWN WILL WREAK HAVOC ACROSS THE LAND!'

"HE'S GONNA EAT MY CHEST LIKE A GIANT FLESHY TWIZZLER!"

'I MEAN, I ADMIT THAT WREAKING HAVOC THING SOUNDS KIND OF COOL, BUT-'

>A-HEM!

"..."
'...'

>...I was just saying, my Ultrasound can't see your baby is all. It just means that either A, my equipment can't register chitin all that well, or B, they're secreting that weird green fluid you guys spray everywhere, and it's messing with my scans. But I can detect a steady heartbeat, there is nothing clogging up your blood flow, and I can confirm the umbilical cord is processing nutrients just fine. In short, the baby is perfectly fine, I just can't see it.

"...Oh."

'That's good, I guess.'

>Something wrong?

"...Well, it's just, I got images of a big legendary rampage going off, and, well..."

'This is a little disappointing in comparison.'

>...

"But good!"

'Yay!'

>This is going to be a long, unsettling pregnancy, isn't it?

"Every morning I wake up and double check that there isn't a tiny screaming monster popping out of my stomach."

'I lose my shit every time she has heartburn.'

"Pretty sure I had a heart attack when it started kicking."

'I've started laying plastic down everywhere just in case.'

"My last will and testament was written up two weeks ago."

'Likewise, I promised my stuff to Applejack 25. I don't know him all that well, I was just hoping he would take the hint and start brushing his teeth.'

>...Huh.

"Yeah, that's pretty much every day with us."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Shiny
"Sombra"
'Mane-iac'

>There you are, Sombra, where have you been these past few weeks?

"Ah, Armor, an excellent question, one I am most certainly NOT going to answer."

>What? Why!?

"Because it's none of your business, it's nothing malicious, I assure you, well it doesn't lead to anything malicious at any rate."

>...can I ask one question?

"Possibly."

>Where'd your crown and all that other stuff go?

"Uhhh..."

'AETHERIO, THERE YOU ARE!'

"Oh dear."

>...

'I HAVE RETURNED FROM THE PATHETIC HIDEOUT OF THE CLEANER CREW WITH YOUR COSTUME! LET US RETURN TO OUR CRIME SPREE! AHAHAHAHA!'

>...Sombra...the fuck.

"What can I say, I'm a sucker for a free spirit. AETHERIO AWAAAAAAY!"

>...and the amount of sane people around here just went down a level.
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>Applejack
"Celestia"
~~~
>Howdy, Princess, got somethin' ta ask-

Celestia assumes a "Karate Stance"

"HOOHAH! GYM KATA! DON'T TEST ME, ASSPLEJACK!"

>Huh, 'Assplejack', never heard that one before.

Celestia relaxes and sighs

"Look, just, whatever it is, give it to me, okay? I'm too tired to even play evasive right now."

>Well, Ah finished up mah paperwork early an' me an' tha ol' gang were gonna be given special preview tour o' Pinkie an' Cheese's new theme park.

"...There's a land survey involved, right? Faulty one? Like Pinkie and Sandwich built the place over an Buffalo burial ground? Gas chambers below? Evil mascots?"

>Nope, just want'cha there as a friend.

"Like... Like a friend?"

Applejack smiles and shakes her head

>Not like a friend. AS a friend.

"..."

Celestia suddenly pushes past Applejack running

"I CALL SHOTGUN IN THE JUGGERNAUT AND PICK WHERE WE EAT!"
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