We have work because we are the only option. We deliver crappy experiences through our products and our actions. Everything we do is built upon a monopoly network. The quality and reliability of our greed is paramount. Customers pay us because they have no other option. We focus on the cash money. We make it hard for customers to not do business with us by making it really hard to switch away. We know our products and can trick our customers into thinking they need them. We focus on mis-execution. We blame others and never follow through. We know that ethics are overrated. We know teamwork is lame. We embrace diversity, at least on paper, because it is the law. We are driven by huge egos. We break commitments to each other and our customers. Our work is mud. We disrespect and doubt one another, communicating with innuendo and rumor, because it is a waste of time. We voice our opinions, unless that opinion will get us in trouble. We never elevate our discourse. We shit on the agreed upon action without offering any alternatives. I am the only one who can deliver my view or idea, because I have a better title and level. Ideas live and die by their political expediency. We believe integrity is a waste of time. It breaks trust that is critical, but we don't care. We are committed to do the easy thing and follow corrupt business practices in dealing with our customers. Our competitors are our enemies; they suck balls. We are horrible corporate citizens who want to crush net neutrality in order to leave the world worse off than it was yesterday. BIGNESS IS OUR STRENGTH. INTEGRITY IS UNIMPORTANT. We know that bigness is pretty much all we have going for us, so we pretend it is actually being the best that is our strength. Bureaucracy is all around us. We fight every day to have the bureaucracy take over everything. We are as agile as a lumbering elephant with bad knees. We see crisis as somethign to blame on someone else. We run away from crisis, screaming as loud as we can that the sky is falling. Change makes us tired. We work as little as possible, take no action and place blame for things going FUBAR on someone else. Our actions produce horrible results. Everything we do is built on this bullshit. We work maybe 3 hours a week because that is about all we feel like doing. We know doing nothing was good for today. Tomorrow will be worse. We are committed to disabling employees to unbalance the demands of work and work. That's why we offer generous paid time at work benefits and unflexibility. This way slaves can tend to work and work for less and less. What's tests? We failed to lead the world during the last great technological revolution, and we will continue to trail behind. We attribute all concerns to "whining" and disregard them. We pass the buck at every opportunity instead of helping our coworkers. Please help us make this transition successful [even if it means you can't do your job]. That's a waste of our time.