test

00
Saturday, 8 AM.
The girl just woke up. She didn’t have anything to do at the time, but she knew that staying in bed wouldn’t make her sleep anymore than she had the entire night before – which is, to say, nothing.
-	….
She quickly goes to the bathroom, just to wash her face in the fastest way possible. A cup of coffee, and she’s out. “No one would notice me leaving if I am fast enough”, she thinks to herself, as she quietly goes down the stars.
Then she realizes she wouldn’t be able to do anything if she didn’t have her wallet with her, or her shoes, or her glasses. Just what was she thinking?
-	….
Perhaps a more normal person would be cursing a few words here and there, while returning to their room to grab their stuff. This however wasn’t the case for Nathalie Bedford. She returning to her cold, dusty old room and having to face the others while in the way was the worst possible outcome for her – specially on a weekend day like that one. Just the thought of doing that action made her grit her teeth.
As she stood there, the early sunrays began to bathe her body whole. “This isn’t a bad weather” she thinks to herself quietly once again. Without realizing it, she already was on her way out in the streets. Surely, wandering around the neighborhood was easier for her than having to return home. Dealing with them this way was also the better curse of action.
But these “semi-thoughts” were all that she could hear inside her head. The more matured, clearer thoughts were all being washed away by her on will. This saturday took place on a weekend before her finals, and any other person would be studying if they happened to awake so early. But honestly, who cares about that when it takes all your determination just to suppress the noise inside her head?
Nathalie was used to this way of thinking. In fact, by now she doesn’t even remember when she started thinking like this – the only thing that she vaguely remembers is when she started to have an abnormal amount of nightmares, which lead her to spending more time awake than she wanted to. And even then, she’s not even sure the cause of these. But that’s fine, since thinking about these kind of things would only make things worse for her. Let down, head up.
For her, wandering around aimlessly like that was the only course of action she could take on such a good day.
-	“Morning”
She hears coming from her left. A small, young girl with black straight hair and even blacker eyes was there, looking at her with a faint smile. Somehow, Nathalie thought that that girl was watching her for a long time, despite being outside just for a few minutes.
-	“M-mor”
Raising her hand to her face with a small ouch in between, Nathalie stops her greeting halfway, due to the small wound that opened up on her dried lips. Anyone who knew her true self could tell that the cause of such event: it’s been at least one week since Nathalie was seen outside.
-	“That’s so like you. Here, use it.”
And just before she had time to gather her thoughts, her acquaintance grabs her by the hand, handing her a lip balm. The soft touch of her warm skin made Nathalie realize that she was wandering outside again. Just before her finals. And after a week of skipping classes! Her face turned even worse, after realizing that she was about to reap what she had been sowing for the past year. “But that’s fine”. She knows that regardless of what had happened before, right now, holding hands of Miki made she realize that she wasn’t alone. For the first time in the entire day, Nathalie cracked a small smile that shone on, despite the small wound or lips.
-	“Morning.”
01
-	“And then she just turned around with her face all messed up!! Can’t you believe she really just tried a bunch of make-up samples without knowing what it was!?”
-	“Yeah, that looks like something that I would do if I were there instead haha”
Even though they are complete opposites of each other, Miki and Nathalie have been friends since kindergarten. One is extremely clumsy, doesn’t talk much, never does her hair or make-up (Miki kinda realized how weird of Nathalie to say that she would  have done the same thing if she was in Lucy’s place, but didn’t bother asking), while the other one is smart, knows how to dress, is popular and has been confessed to more times than every other girl in the school combined.
-	“Well, if it were you instead I wouldn’t have left on the spot.”
I mean, Miki’s almost perfect, except for one thing: she can’t stand people. If you say the wrong thing at the wrong time even once, she WILL secretly hate you, and you’ll most likely not realize this until Miki has the chance to axe you in the right moment.
-	“I still don’t know why I hang out with these…scum. All they do is repeat the same stuff, everyday, as if looking for momentarily pleasure is the only thing they know how to do.”
-	“But we’re the same, right? We also do the same things everyday, even though we don’t really have much of a choice.”
Miki stays silent for a few moments, before she gives her reply. At times like these, Nathalie never knows what her friend is thinking.
-	“That might be so, but it’s not like we want to do the same routine forever. I mean, look at yourself Nathy! You’ve been copped up inside your room for an entire week! I know it’s difficult, but you should at least rely on me a little bit more.”
-	“…Thanks for being so concerned about me, Mi. Maybe we I could invite myself to your house for another sleepover one of these days, what about it?”
Things like these are what makes Miki like Nathalie so much. Even though she’s always out of place, she cares about her – something Miki knew other people didn’t, really. The half-japanese girl was always serious and hardworking, and because of this Miki was more eager to judge other people for their lack of commitment even at the most trivial of things. But for some reason, she knew her friend Nathalie wouldn’t hate her even after she too was judged by her cold judgement. It was like Nathalie was always looking at something else, even if the whole world was falling apart in front of her. “Maybe trying to understand this girl made me care about her without me even realizing it”, she thinks.
-	“Maybe when my brother isn’t home.”
-	“But he’s always home. We’re kinda similar in that aspect”
-	“Yes, but you’re different. I… you’re not as annoying.”
-	“Oh c’mon, don’t say that! I know you care about him just as much as you care about me.”
The blonde girl wasn’t necessarily wrong, but the way Miki treated her brother was much different from the way she treated Nathalie. Of course, being born siblings and being the older sister, she always looked up for her younger brother, and even though he was also as good looking and smart as Miki, they were pretty much different in personality.
-	“And besides, it’s been a while since I’ve seen him. Is he playing games? Can we go inside and see him??”
-	“No…Fine, but only because he was also worried sick about you. Come.”
But little did they know going inside the Matsuhara’s house wasn’t needed, since Chris was listening to the whole conversation the two girls were having by the set of stairs. As soon he hears Miki deciding to enter, the boy pretends to open the door at the same time, as if he was going around for a walk.
-	“Oh hey siste- HEEEEEEEEEY, Nathy!! How you doin-“
-	“You were listening to us weren’t y-”
-	“It’s been a while huh? Wanna come in and play some games?? I can also make some snacks while we’re at it!! Boy it’s been just a week but you’re not gonna believe what happened at school while you’re away. Did you know that Mrs. Taylor –“
-	“Just shut up and let us inside Chris.”
This trio has been together long enough, and Nathalie honestly wouldn’t want it any other way. Sometimes she stays awake all night – on purpose, that is – wondering what kind of stuff would Chris pull out to surprise both her and his sister, and what kind of cruel retaliation Miki would do to her young brother. If she could she definitively would have moved to their house already by now. But this fleeting would be ruined if Nathalie asked the Matsuharas to do that, even though they themselves asked Nathalie to live with them.
-	“Everyone dropped their jaws when they saw the two of them making out in the classroom!! Can you even believe that pain in the ass of a teacher would have room for love within that cold heart of hers!?”
-	“Oh please, I bet it was John’s initiative from the beginning. I mean, rumors of him and another girl dating pop up every other week now. Maybe he just got tired of girls his age.”
-	“But that...Well, I can’t really blame him. Girls our age are just plain boring.”
Somehow Nathalie felt both Miki and Chris were nodding to the boy’s answer. Conversations like this weren’t common for them to have while playing M*rio Party (which is Miki’s favorite game), but both the siblings wanted Nathalie to feel the motivation to go to school – which seems to be working, as the girl silently listened to every single bit of the story.
-	“Ah little brother, but I bet you’re saying this because there’s someone else you’re interested into, right?”
-	“S-shut up, you know I only care about 2D. There’s no way I would like a real gir-“
-	“Eeeeeh, so even Chris can fall in love with real people? Who is it, who is it?”
Just to make things clear: Chris literally never pays attention to other people thoughts, except when he wants to understand that person. This too was something he and Miki had in common, except instead of hating everyone else, everyone who couldn’t keep up with Chris would eventually come to hate him.
-	“It’s no one Nathalie, you know I don’t really care about anyone else besides…you guys.”
-	“Yeah, you guys. Anyways, what about you Nathalie? Why don’t you try dating lil’ old Chris here for a change? You two get along so well.”
“The devil, she’s the devil…!” The boy did his best to hide his thoughts behind a extremely composed poker face.
-	“I don’t know, I don’t think Chris would put up with someone so older than him. Would you, Chris?”
And just a phrase that surprises both brother and sister, Chris silently averts his gaze from Nathalie, who notices it.
-	“I…I would, actually.”
-	“…Thank you, but you don’t need to force yourself man. You’re the best, really.”
Since after she had met Miki earlier that day, Nathalie wasn’t being absent minded at all. But as those words sprouted out of her mouth, Chris could see that Nathalie wasn’t rejecting him, but probably thinking that he was saying that out of pity for her. Something he would never do to someone he cares so much.
-	“I mean it, Nathalie. I really, really like you.”
-	“…Wait, really?”
By the way, this was Miki’s reaction, not Nathalie.
-	“…Yes, really. And since we’re at it, I don’t mind asking you out. Wanna…Wanna date me?”
-	“Yeah, sure!”
-	“Just how shameless can you two be!? I didn’t expect you to be so straightfowared you little runt! And what’s up with you Nathy? If you were willing to accept someone so easily, how come…”
Miki stops there, without knowing how she should finish her sentence.
-	“It’s easier to do it with someone you already likes, isn’t it? You guys know me pretty well, so it’s not that much of a big deal.”
-	“I think so too.”
Soon after that, Nathalie was readying herself to return home, as it was already becoming nightfall.
-	“S-so, why don’t you stay with us tonight Nat-“
-	“Like HELL I would let you two sleep in the same room now! I’m gonna be putting a bed for you in the corridor you dork!”
-	“Hehe, you’re all red sis. Are you sure it’s not you who likes Nat-“
“Ouch” the boy says while falling to the ground, after Miki uncontrollably punches his gut out of frustration.
-	“It’s okay, I need to go home. I’ll start showing up at school more often now. I don’t wanna be held back for another year.”
-	“…Yeah, and be sure to show up outside tomorrow too.”
With that, Nathalie leaves the Matsuhara’s house, now with a boyfriend  - “Wait, am I really dating Chris?” she finally thinks to herself – and even more good memoires of her friend Miki inside her heart. Maybe there was some good in her, she thinks.
But as soon as she sees her house in the distance, that warm smile of Nathalie disappears. She wasn’t even inside her room yet, and yet, she already knows that no matter how much she wants to, there’s no way she could enjoy such a beautiful dream.
-	“It’s already pretty dark, after all.”
The girl thinks, as she opens the door to her house.

03
“I shouldn’t have accepted that proposal.”
Nathalie actually lived a pretty normal live for a 20 years old person. She was jobless, but knew how to cook, how to clean, and  how to order food from and other everyday items from the internet. She was held off for two years, but aside from that, there was nothing unusual about her personality.
Or, so one would thought, if it weren’t for the fact that the reason why she was absent from her classes for so long was, well, her mentally unstable personality.
-	“There’s nothing interesting in TV today as well…, at least some old anime is screening”
As she eated a cup noodles lamen she had found on her cabinet unexpectedly, the happenings of that day slowy began to replay on the girls head, without realizing how happy and proud of herself she was to simply be able to leave the house for so long.
-	“It would be really nice if we got to meet each other at school monday morning.”
When Nathalie was 18 years old, her parents died in a unexpected way. No one knew why they had to die in such a “horrible way”, and no one wanted to discuss it when their teenage daughter was around. Realizing she was alone and no one would be there to take her parents place, Nathalie hid herself in her room for two whole years. There, without realizing it, the girl spent her supposedly final days reminiscing about how sweet her life was until then: her parents had more money than your usual british family, which is a lot by itself. Not only were they fairly rich, but her mother was always there to talk to her, and her father represented a figure that Nathalie once aimed to become one day. But all of these feelings eventually lost their meaning, as she tried her best to retain the happy memories of her parents. That was only six months after the couple had died, but the reason why the poor girl decided to keep herself within the walls of her house was something else.
-	“Ah, I should take a bath before going to be-“
A sudden wave of pain assailed her head. It was strong enough to make Nathalie stumble a bit, but not strong enough to take away her sense of reality. She knew exactly what was making her feel bad – she wasn’t thinking about what being in her room meant. Everything was going so well for poor Nathalie, she had completely forgotten that just talking to people was enough to make her throw up!
-	“Shoot…Now I really need to take a bath…”
As she tried her best to restrain her thoughts, the girl kept thinking about how she shouldn’t have been absent from school for an entire week. “I’m not young enough anymore.” She had thought, as she carefully combed her hair, something Nathalie wasn’t used to doing after her parents died. Despite knowing how to live by herself the girl slowly lost her sense of awareness, mostly because she honestly thought that the way she looked didn’t matter, since others opinion on her lifestyle were irrelevant.
As the hot water coming down from the shower slowy began to paint the walls of the bathroom with a comfortable amount of heat, Nathalie’s thoughts began to drift again. “So I’m dating Chris, eh. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m pretty sure Miki would support us, but…” But what? Why was she even doing that in the first place? Was she so excited to finally meet her friends after such a small period of time, her sense had completely left her when she decided to date Chris!? She didn’t even like him that much! In fact, Nathalie had long lost any interest in love stuff after she cowardly hid herself for two entire years. She didn’t want to admit to herself she was pitying Chris, but that might have been the case all along, after all. Maybe going out with him would bring the three of them together like they used to be. Memories of countless afternoons spent in an arcade that closed down a few years ago assailed her, along with a nostalgic smile that showed how much she missed her time as a kid. “Miki and Chris were always fighting each other whenever Miki lost her turn on the Xbox, too” - she finally realized she was spending way too much on the shower – “Wait, when did that change? When did Chris give up on fighting his older sister!?” she laughed. It was no surprise that the two of them would grow up distant from her, and deep within her heart she actually wanted that to happen. “No one would like such a freak like her, to begin with. And my parents death have nothing to do with this.”
Sudden mood changes like this started becoming more and more frequent to Nathalie. This is one of the many reasons why she decided to completely kill her sense of self – as long as she kept a low profile, no one would think she was crazy and send her always from her friends. And if anyone ever suspected – the first ones to realize would probably be the Mitsuhara couple – could anyone ever blame Nathalie for grieving her parents’ death? Surely not, after all she always tried her best to mask the uncontrollable melancholia within her with a smile. Indeed, her parents death had nothing to do with this.
-	“Well. Here I go.”
As she stood before her room’s door, Nathalie felt like running away. She could have accepted Miki’s suggestion and live with her and her family, or alternatively, she could have searched for medical help on her own. But none of these things would change her [self], for this [self] was something that always existed within the façade Nathalie created since she was a child. Running away from her [self] isn’t something that she knows how to do, sadly. Not while being alive, at least.
-	“I really shouldn’t have accepted his proposal.”
But there was no going back for her.
04