Scratch an Itch

>Today’s a day just like any other.
>…oh who are you kidding.
>It’s the day to end all days!
>You are Anonymous, human visitor from a distant world making yourself a life among the colorful ponies of Equestria.
>Because of your size and stamina, you were a natural choice for the Royal Guard.
>It was just your luck that you happened to enroll with one of the greatest guardsmen, or ponies rather, in history.
>Shining Armor.
>He wasn’t much to look at, certainly less physically intimidating than the other hopefuls, but what he lacked in bulk he made up for in tenacity, quick wit, and magical prowess.
>There was even some talk that he would succeed the current Captain when he stepped down.
>But that’s really not important today.
>What is important is that DJ Pon-3 is going to be playing at a sold out venue in Canterlot.
>And you’ve got the day off and two tickets.
>While you’re not crazy about the whole music scene, there’s something infectious about going to a live show and there aren’t nearly enough of them for your tastes.
>Besides that, Vinyl Scratch is hot.
>Hella hot.
>Dat ass.
>Unf.
>But Shiny is a huge fan, that’s why you got the tickets in the first place.
>Just you, your bro, and more mare mosh-pit poon than either of you can handle.
>You can already see the excited hoofbump in your head.
>Ha, ha, nice.
>The sound of hooves in the hall draws you attention back to the door.
>Squaring your feet, you take a moment to dust off the front of your shirt in an attempt to look presentable.
>The door creaks quietly as it slides open.
>You lift your hand and thrust the tickets in the direction of the entering stallion.
>He pauses, cocking his head to the side in confusion.
>“…Anonymous?”
>With a smirk and a flourish, you give the tickets a gentle wave.



“Now tell me once, who’s the greatest human in all of Equestria?”
>Shining Armor looks between your face and your hand before giving a weak smile.
>“Are those… tickets to see DJ Pon-3?”
“You know they are!”
>The words escape your lips with a crow of delight.
>While you’re grinning up a storm, Shining Armor is busy shifting his weight from one hoof to the other.
>Something’s bothering him.
>He’s got that look.
>Your mirth fades as you press you lips into a thin line and squint at him.
“Shiny.  What’d you do?”
>He makes a show of rubbing the back of his head with his hoof before sighing.
>“I, may have gotten an assignment.”
>…No.
>“For the both of us.”
>NO!
>Your heart clenches in your chest as you glare at your friend.
“Bro… how could you?”
>Fully intending to give him a verbal beat down, you pause when you see a slow smile spreading across the stallion’s lips.
>“The assignment is… working DJ Pon-3’s concert.”
>His grin spits his face in half as he starts to laugh, telekinetically thrusting a pair of laminated passes in your face.
>“We’re going backstage, SON!”
>You rush across the room, grabbing the stallion by the withers and give him a firm shake.
“You’re serious?”
>His eyes sparkle with excitement as he nods.
>“As the star!”
>What?
>You’ll never understand some of these ponies…
>Still though.
>You give him another shake and the two of you start laughing at one another.
>After several minutes you manage to calm down enough to shake your head in disbelief.
“Oh, oh wow.  How, I mean, what did you have to do to manage that?”
>Shining’s expression quickly goes serious as he scowls.
>“Well, there’s the rub.  There have been some threats against Vinyl Scratch from some of her more ‘enthusiastic’ fans.”
>You manage a quiet huff of frustration.



>Understandable, of course, she’s an icon and a rabid following is to be expected.
>Heck, you’ve written a couple crazy letters yourself, though you’ve never dropped them in the mailbox.
>Well, except for that one time.
>Cap had not been pleased at all!
“So, I guess it’s not so much that we’ll be backstage as we will be watching for some pony trying to make a move on her.”
>“Yeah, but you know these things usually end with nothing happening.  Which means we can still enjoy the show.
>The two of you share a grin.
>You’re going to remember this night forever!
>
>Four hours later, you’re really beginning to reconsider your assessment.
>You’d arrived on the scene shortly after receiving news of your assignment and had spent the time in between doing the grunt work of setting up for the show.
>It’s not that bad, but you’ve been stuck hanging around pimply colts and stallions with bushy moustaches.
>And they all stink.
“Ugh, roadies.”
>You give Shining Armor a sneering grin as you settle in for lunch, which he returns with one of his own.
>“Yeah, I’ve been setting up lights all day, its boring when you get stuck doing the same thing over and over.”
>Grunting, you nod and bite into your sandwich, allowing the conversation to lapse into silence.
>Finally, you clear your throat and take a swig of water.
“So, what do we know about the threats?”
>“They’re vague…”
>You laugh and nod.
“They usually are.”
>“But from what we can tell, the suspect is a stallion, probably younger than we are, not to mention a total creep.”
“I figured the last one was a given.”
>The two of you chuckle even as Shining Armor scans the area.
“There are some ponies escorting Vinyl down here, and all the roadies check out.  If anything’s going to happen, it’ll be during the show…”



>The two of you fall silent as a creak interrupts the young stallion’s thoughts.
>Glancing back, the two of you see a young mare enter the venue, quickly closing the door behind her.
>A slender horn pokes out from under a wide brimmed hat that does little to hide the familiar electric blue mane underneath.
>You grin.
“Speaking of.”
>Exchanging a glance with Shiny, you both get up and make your way over to the DJ.
>As you approach, you see the mare arch her back and set her lips into a thin scowl
>“What do you want?”
“Miss Scratch?”
>“We’re with the Royal Guard, we’ve been assigned to see to your well being tonight.”
>Vinyl holds her glare for a moment longer before relaxing and shaking her head.
>“Sorry, it’s been kind of a crazy week.”
>Handing off her hat to one of the meatheads beside her, DJ Pon-3 cocks her head to the side and offers a tired grin as she holds out her hoof.
>“Vinyl Scratch, but drop the Miss stuff.  I’m counting on the two of you to keep an eye on me.”
>You’re quick to take it, giving it a firm shake and shooting Shiny a playful smirk.
“The pleasure is ours.  I’m Anonymous and this is my partner, Shining Armor.”
>Once again, the DJ’s face contorts as she turns her attention to the young stallion.
>And then her eyes pop open
>Vinyl’s face quickly morphs into a smile as she gives an excited squeal.
>“Oh my gosh, it’s you!”
>Eh?
>When you look back at your partner, you see he’s as confuse as you are.
>That doesn’t stop the mare from bouncing in place, showcasing a slight overbite as she gnaws on her lower lip.
>“Wow, who thought we’d meet up here, of all places?”
>Vinyl grabs for Shining’s hoof and shakes her head.
>“I mean, you probably don’t remember, but you’re part of the reason that I’m here today!”
>Well, this is awkward.



>The stallion looks caught somewhere between excitement and terror as the mare trots around him, repeating how excited she is over and over.
>You’re not quite sure what to do in this situation, but it’s probably best to get down to business.
>Clearing your throat, you draw the attention of the excitable Scratch.
“Sorry to interrupt, but how exactly do you know my partner?”
>Vinyl’s face colors as she gives a sheepish grin.
>“O-oh, right!”
>Sweeping some of her mane out of her face, the DJ shrugs.
>“Well, about five years ago I saw a performance of his, and lets just say that it changed my life forever.”
>Twisting herself to the side, the young mare showcases her cutie mark.
>Resting right on top of that broad, supple flank.
>Unf…
>She doesn’t seem to notice your gawking, too focused on Shining Armor.
>Unfortunately, the stallion doesn’t seem to know what she’s talking about.
>“A, performance?”
>He gives a small laugh and shakes his head.
>“Sorry, but the only instrument I played was a flugelhorn, and not even that well.  You must have me confused with someone else.”
>Flugelhorn?
>You didn’t know Shiny was a band geek.
>Flashing some teeth in his direction, you make sure he notices and watch as part of him curls up and dies inside.
>You’ll have fun with that later.
>Giving a knowing smile, Vinyl shakes her head.
>“No, it was you, I’m sure of it.  Like I said, I’d never forget a performance like that.”
>…This isn’t getting anywhere.
>More importantly, it’s not getting you any closer to that sweet booty.
>Best to run a minor cock blocking operation on your bro to keep everyone focused on the task at hand.
>You cough and draw the young mare’s attention.



“Well, we just thought that we would introduce ourselves and ask if you have any idea who might be behind these threats?”
>Vinyl’s expression darkens as she sighs.
>“There’s no way for me to say for sure, but there are a few ponies I’m keeping my eyes on.  All the letters were left in the dressing room so they’ve been at my shows, but the security ponies clear everyone who enters, and the letters are always in plain sight when I come off stage.”
>Shiny scowls as he glances over to you.
>“That does make things a little more difficult.”
>You nod and the stallion responds in kind as you begin bouncing ideas off one another.
“It sounds like your security may be getting paid off…”
>“If the perp isn’t a member of the security staff…”
“Though we can’t discount the owner…”
>“Or the possibility of a hidden door.”
>The DJ shakes her head and frowns.
>“None of those sound comforting.  Don’t you have any good news?”
>Fixing the red-eyed mare with a smirk, you wink.
“Yeah, we’re the best in the business.  You’re in good hands.”
>Cocking her head to the side, Miss Scratch gives a grin as you sigh and correct yourself.
“I mean hooves.”
>“Well that’s a relief.”
>Vinyl gives a short laugh before continuing.
>“Though I’m not so sure that a slender stallion and a hairless minotaur are going to be quite as intimidating as Snowflake over there.”
>As she points off to the side, you follow her hoof with your eyes before settling on an absolutely ripped pegasus.
>Your stomach flips upside down as he gives a monosyllabic grunt and hoists the speaker tower you were struggling with before lunch.
“I suppose not…”
>Shining Armor flinches as you give your flat response, but responds with a confident tone in his voice.
>“But we’re not here to deter possible threats, we’re here to put a stop to them.”



>That’s your bro.
>Eyes on the prize.
>Vinyl grins and nods before tilting her head towards the backstage area.
>“You’ve already done enough out here, leave the rest of the set up to the roadies and walk with me.  I want you to be familiar with the area before the show tonight.”
>The next hour is spent exploring the backstage.
>It’s helpful, but the real work begins after Vinyl gets called away to do a sound test.
>You and Shining Armor share a look before you glance up towards the ceiling.
“There’s a maintenance catwalk that runs along the length of the back stage area.  It’d be a good location to get an aerial view of this place, should it be necessary.”
>“Good eye, though I’m more interested in the dressing room; I’d like to check it out.”
>Nodding, the two of you make your way into Vinyl’s room.
>You do your best to keep the mess to a minimum, and Shining’s telekinesis comes in handy on several occasions where you need to pick up a lot of things at once.
>Unfortunately, neither of you are able to find signs of a secret door.
>With a heavy sigh, you lean against the wall and look to your partner.
“Well that’s a bust.  What do you think of the owner being behind this?  What’s his name again?”
>“I don’t know off the top of my head.  Most of the property in this area is owned by older stallions, but still possible he could be behind this; though I think that a member of Vinyl’s Security team is more likely as a suspect.”
“I’m sorry; did you see that hulk she has as her H.O.S.?  I wouldn’t want to be caught in a dark alley with Snowflake, much less get on his bad side.  I bet he drills his recruits harder than Cap does.”
>The unicorn stallion frowns and nods.
>“Unless it is Snowflake…”



>Ugh.
>You don’t even want to consider taking that brute down.
“Well, if we don’t get any other leads…”
>A crash outside the room draws your attention to the door.
>You hustle over, grabbing the knob and shooting a look to your partner.
>He gives you a solemn nod and you see his horn flare to life with a dull pop as the air in the room becomes saturated with his rosy magic aura.
>Taking a breath, you pull the door open.
>Before either of you can react, a silver-maned earth pony is shoved through the opening.
>She collapses on the ground with a whimper, which grows into a sharp cry as Vinyl kicks the downed mare the rest of the way into the room with her hoof.
>The unicorn DJ is wearing a dark scowl as she trots to her table.
>“Gentlecolts, I’d like you to meet Honey Bun.”
>Pushing herself back to a standing position, the cream colored mare gives a simpering snort as she glances between you and your partner.
>“Vee, baby, I thought you said we wouldn’t involve the Guard…”
>Vinyl crosses her hooves over her chest as she sits on the ground and shakes her head.
>“I did say that.  A week ago when Snowflake caught you selling your trash outside the club the first time; three days ago I said all bets were off if I heard you were out there again, and I still gave you two more chances.”
>Honey flinches and glances up at you.
>“I-I didn’t mean no harm, I swear.  It’s just some potions…”
>Slamming her hoof on the table, the DJ screams across the room.
>“You’re peddling poison to poines!”
>The mare curls up into a ball and starts whimpering, visibly shaking as she attempts to disappear into the floor.
>That does little quell Vinyl’s fury.



>“She’s part of a larger group that works with alchemists across Equestria to sell ‘feel good’ tonics.  They’ve got a presence everywhere it seems, and every time I go into a town they end up preying on ponies who just want to have a good time.”
>Something sparks in your memory and you give a quick nod.
“There has been an upswing in hospitalizations around this area over the past week.  Mostly dehydration, although there have been some cases of severe illness without any apparent cause for the sickness.”
>“Well you can thank ponies like Honey Bun for that.”
>Untangling herself from her legs, the cream colored pony whimpers and climbs back up to a standing position.
>“Vee, you promised!”
>Tears well up in her eyes as she glares at the ground, her legs trembling as badly as her voice.
>“We-we’re supposed to be friends…”
>Vinyl bites down on her lower lip and looks away.
>That’s enough of that.
>You nod over the Shining Armor and put on a smile.
“All right, we’ll take care of this.”
>You steady the peddling pony with the palm of your hand.
>The unicorn stallion trots over and gives her his best smile.
>“Come on, let’s have a chat.”
>Honey bites her lip but nods and follows him out, leaving you alone with the object of your affection, at least for the time being.
>Too bad it’s time for work.
>Crossing your arms over your chest, you do your best to adopt a casual smile before speaking.
“I guess you’re not too popular with those types of ponies, huh?”
>Vinyl makes a disapproving sound and shakes her head.
>“I’m not popular with a lot of ponies, for a lot of different reasons…”
>She glances over at you and shrugs.
>“So, Anonymous, right?  What do you think of me?”
>Well, that went off track quick.



>You feel your cheeks color a little as you scramble for an appropriate response to get back to gathering information.
“Uh, well, I think you’re… great.  Really great.”
>Snorting, the mare chuckles and shakes her head.
>Way to blow it.
>Gritting your teeth, you scramble for a more appropriate response.
“You’ve got a talent for making everything that touches your turntable sound fantastic.”
>And you’re really good looking to boot.
>Vinyl fixes you with a gentle smile, as if encouraging you to continue.
“A-And you’ve got this great attitude about you on stage…”
>“Is that all?”
>You’re hot.
>Sweat rolls down the back of your neck as you wrack your brain for something suave to say.
>When nothing comes, you offer a sheepish grin and shrug.
“I-I guess?”
>With a quiet huff, Vinyl brushes her mane out of her face again.
>After a moment of silence, she rolls her head back towards you and gives a gentle, almost teasing smile.
>“You can say I’m attractive, you know.  I get it all the time, so it’s not like it’s going to bother me.”
>Well, if she’s okay with it.
>Putting on your best stone face, you fix her with a stern stare.
“…You’re hot.  Really hot.”
>At last you get an honest laugh out of her.
>Like wind rustling chimes, it carries across the dressing room with ease.
>“Well that’s sweet of you to say, but there’s a lot more to me than just my talent and absolutely rockin bod.”
>Bringing her hoof to her cheek, Vinyl turns her attention to the far wall and sighs.
>“I don’t know if you follow tabloids at all, but most of them would have you believe that I drink cider by the pitcher and snort drugs off the records while their spinning on the turntables at a show.  And that I’m getting railed from behind the whole time.”
>Twisting her head a little, she shrugs.



>“A lot of more conservative ponies don’t like me as a result; they say that I’m corrupting their foals.  Meanwhile, I get all these trashy stallions coming up to me and treating me like I’m some disgusting party mare who lifts her tail for any male who looks at her sideways.  It’s obnoxious.”
>Pausing for several seconds, the DJ sighs and drags her hoof against the top of the table.
>“Truth is, I’m clean as can be and looking to stay that way, all I want is for ponies who come to my shows to have a good time.  But it seems that some ponies just want to make a profit peddling pleasure.”
>The mare lapses back into silence.
>You wait a few seconds more and then speak up.
“That’s why you got so upset with Honey Bun?”
>Vinyl snorts and shakes her head.
>“She and I go back a lot further than just this week; we went to school together and were close at the time, but she went her way and I went mine.”
>Cocking an eyebrow, you make a mental note to tell Shining about their history later.
“You don’t think that she’d try to hurt you, do you?”
>The unicorn mare straightens up at that, as though you’d just slapped her.
>“Honey?  No way!  She doesn’t have a mean bone in her body!”
“What about her partners?”
>The sudden burst of energy leaves Vinyl’s body.
>She taps her hoof against the table a few times before shrugging.
>“…Maybe.  I don’t know.”
>Vinyl sighs and drops her head against the table.
>“But, to be honest, they’re not the ones I’m really concerned about when it comes to ruining my shows.  You seem like you’re a stranger here Anonymous, so how much do you know about magic?”
>You make your way to the table and pull out a chair.



>It’s difficult, considering the seat is made for a creature smaller than yourself, but over your time in Equestria you’ve managed to figure out how to sit with only relative discomfort.
“Not too much, just that unicorns are the most adept at using it.”
>Giving a quick nod, Vinyl glances up at you.
>“Well, let’s just say that there are a whole lot of spells out there to cause trouble.  I was at my first live performance, absolutely killing it; next thing you know I was stumbling all over the records.  It turns out that some of the mares weren’t too happy that my talent was drawing so much male attention and I had half a dozen different spells cast on me over the course of the night.”
>She laughs and looks towards the ceiling.
“In the end, my set was a disaster and I spent the better part of a week untangling what the mares had done to me.  Mostly spells that would make me more clumsy, but there was a cramping spell in there as well.  I decided that I wouldn’t go on stage again until I was prepared to protect myself from magic like that.”
>Mares competing over limited resources; happens all the time, especially with more and more stallions heading out to the frontier to establish new Equestrian towns.
>You’re a little surprised that you don’t see unicorn mares dueling in the streets with the way things are going.
>But from what Vinyl’s saying they already are.
>Just with more subtle touches.
>You press further.
“Wouldn’t it be easier just to say not to cast magic?  I mean, that’s one of the rules for unicorns, they can’t cast magic at your shows.”
>Adopting a quiet smile, the unicorn mare shrugs and leans her cheek onto her hoof.



>“Heh, it’s nice in theory, but we’re emotionally driven creatures, Anonymous; the heart wants what they heart wants, and when it doesn’t get it things can get ugly.  When I got back on stage, I saw that the unicorns were using their magic however they pleased.”
>Vinyl gives a tired sigh and looks up into your eyes.
>Despite her energetic stage presence, from the sag of her shoulders and the hint of bags under her eyes that this stay in Canterlot is taking a toll on her.
>“They’d start messing with other ponies who couldn’t do magic and force them out of the way.  It made things a lot less fun for younger or smaller unicorns, and especially for pegasi and earth ponies.  So, I decided that instead of just protecting myself with a shield spell, I’d just dampen all magic while ponies were at the show.  Put everyone on the same level for a little while.”
>Vinyl flashes her teeth as she laughs.
>For a moment, you see a flash of an optimistic young mare reflected in the cheesy smile.
“That’s… pretty powerful.”
>It’s an understatement.
>Area of effect spells are difficult enough to learn, but the amount of energy required to cast them is immense.
>Shining’s got one he’s working on mastering now, one that will stop all incoming physical and magical attacks.
>It’s little more than a bubble at the moment, but you can see it spreading larger with every week.
>Vinyl gives a stretch and a sigh, popping her back as she smirks in delight when she sees she has your attention once more.



>“Mm, you got that right.  I put in a lot of time and practice to get strong enough to cast it; thankfully, it’s a continuous spell so I only have to refresh the spell a couple of times throughout the set and it only exists within the confines of my performance area.  But this way everyone can have a good time.  Or at least think before they decide to start something.”
“So all magic is useless at your shows?”
>The DJ’s face contorts into a sneer, and you can almost hear the ‘duh’ escape her lips before she pauses.
>Looking thoughtful for a moment, Vinyl smiles.
>“Well, I guess all is a bit of a reach.   Most unicorns don’t bother with becoming very proficient in magic, even the things they’re good at.  Telekinesis is pretty much the only spell that they use and even then only for small things.  They probably have a couple more in their repertoire to help them with daily tasks, but nothing that could interfere with the show.”
>In the same moment, she lifts a hoof, raises her eyebrow and the corner of her mouth.
>“But, if a pony had a decent level of skill in a particular spell they could bypass my dampening spell, though it wouldn’t be nearly as effective.  So, most unicorns just end up shooting sparks at my shows since it’s the only thing they can do.”
>Seeing your expression, she gives a nervous laugh and shakes her head.
>“I realize that it’s kind of manipulative for me to take things into my own hooves like that, but I really do just want everypony to have a good time, not just the unicorns.”
>You grunt and give a slow nod.
>You’d like to call her out on doing the same thing that the other unicorns are doing, but you’ve seen what they’re capable of, especially Shining Armor.
>There’s a reason you let him handle the horned hooligans after all.



>A quick rap on the door makes you glance up to see your partner enter.
>Heh, speak of the devil.
>“I had a chat with Honey Bun.  She’s agreed to leave your show alone tonight.”
>Vinyl scowls and rolls her eyes.
>“I think I’d have appreciated it more if you took her to a cell for a day or so, let her mull it over in there.”
>After a moment, her expression softens and she smiles at Shiny.
>“But, thanks for taking her aside and giving her another chance.  Though I’m sure she’ll blow it.”
“Well, we’ll see what will happen, won’t we?”
>Vinyl and Shining Armor exchange grins.
>“Yeah, we will.”
>You hold back a sigh as best you can.
>How is it that the nerdy former band geek manages to win over this mare every time he’s in the room?
“So, you want to check out the catwalk?”
>Shining Armor snaps back to reality and glances back at you.
>“Yeah, we probably should.  We’ll be keeping an ear out Vinyl, so if you need us, just shout.”
 >The DJ grins and nods her head.
>“Got it.  Just make sure and get back here before the show starts, okay?”
>The three of you say your goodbyes and you and your partner head into the upper reaches of the auditorium.
>Despite being twenty feet off the ground, Shiny’s steps are steady and self assured.
>The benefits of being a quadruped, you suppose.
>Meanwhile, you’re stuck with one hand glued to the railing at all times.
>He glances back at you, noting your hand with a broad smile.
>“So, were you able to get anything out of Vinyl about Honey Bun?”
>The world swims a little as your head wobbles about.
>You clutch your other hand to the metal for a moment to steady yourself before speaking.
“Just that they’re old friends, and she doesn’t think Honey would do anything to hurt her, intentionally.”
>The stallion grunts and nods.



>“That’s the feeling I got as well.  Too bad we can’t say the same about Honey’s partners.”
>So he’s thinking the same thing you are.
“Yeah, but even if they were going to try something, they’d have to get inside first.  From the sound of it, Snowflake recognizes most of the regulars on sight.”
>“True.  So there may be another way to get in…”
>He twists his head from one side to the other, before his eyes settle on an open window along the west wall.
>“You think we might be dealing with a pegasus?  One could slip in during a show, take this track all the way to Vinyl’s dressing room and just wait for the Security to relax.”
“It’s possible, but pegasi don’t usually pick fights with unicorns.  Stay here, I’ll take a look at the window.”
>You wince and clutch the railing tighter as the catwalk shakes under Shining Armor’s galloping hooves as he moves to investigate.
>The metal takes a few moments more to stabilize, but waiting gives you an excellent opportunity to get a birds-eye view of the performance hall.
>Unicorn technicians are doing some last minute check ups to Vinyl’s turntables and the speakers, and you can see Snowflake and other black shirted meathead ponies patrolling the doors.
>Out of habit, you search for additional avenues of escape and spot several large crates about half the distance from the floor.
>Still an uncomfortable drop, but if you threw yourself over the barrier you could land on top of them and quickly drop to the ground.
>With that thought in mind, you feel your fingers relax a little.
>Everything will be fine.
>You hear the creak of the window shutting, but before you can turn to congratulate your partner, you catch sight of an earth pony strolling through the backstage area.



>Fixing Shiny with a look, you hold a finger to your lips and motion for him to follow you.
>The two of you have been working together long enough that he knows exactly what you want him to do.
>You’re in pursuit for several seconds before he catches up to you, opting to stay quiet and leave his probing questions for a more appropriate time.
>As the mystery stallion rounds a corner you lose sight of him.
>By the time you pass the barrier wall, you watch him disappear into the dressing room.
>Shining Armor gives you an expectant look.
>You grin and nod and the two of you making your way down to the ground, settling in on either side of the door.
>Tapping your ear, you both take a chance to listen to what’s going on.
>The voice on the other side is distinctly Canterlot; refined, pompous and a little grating on the ears.
>“Miss Scratch, I must ask you to reconsider.”
>“And I’m telling you no way, you knew what I expected when we signed our contract.”
>“But, the ponies coming tonight…”
>“Will still be able to enjoy the show, unless you mean to tell me that they can’t hear without the assistance of magic.”
>“Y-you!”
>In the back of your mind you can see Vinyl smirking at the pony from her seat and amusing as the image is, you should probably defuse the situation before it gets out of hand.
>…Hoof.
>You give a nod to Shining Armor and you knock on the wall before you come around the corner, with your partner on your heels.
“Everything all right in here?”
>Vinyl seems a little surprised, but quickly flashes you a smile and trots over between the two of you.
>The unicorn jerks his head around to scowl at you, his brow furrowing as he glares.
>Black top hat, tuxedo, and cummerbund provide him with an air of sophistication.



>The illusion is quickly shattered as his voice quivers and quakes.
>“What do you two think you’re doing back here?  This is for staff only!”
>“They’re my protection detail.  Fresh from Canterlot Castle.”
>She smirks at the stallion and raises an eyebrow.
>“I think I’ve made myself clear Mister Bibbidy.  No magic.”
>The older pony makes a show of puffing himself up and shaking his head, sending his copper colored mane flying about wildly.
>With a final glare to Vinyl Scratch, he storms out of the dressing room, shooting hateful glares over his shoulder the whole while.
>Once he’s out of ear shot, Shining ushers the mare back into the dressing room.
>“That was Hibbidy-Bibbidy, right?  The owner of this venue?”
>“Yeah.”
>While Shiny shoots you a pointed look, Vinyl grunts and slides her hoof along her leg sheepishly
>“Sorry you guys have to see me like this; I know I’m not at my best today, but it’s kind of hard to be relaxed when…”
>With a heavy sigh, the DJ lifts a hoof and shrugs.
>“You get the idea.”
“Of course.”
>Shining Armor nods in agreement and then glances over at you, tilting his head back towards the retreating stallion and raising an eyebrow.
>He’s right.
>You’ve got another suspect now, but until whoever’s behind this incident makes a move, you’re scrambling to make ends meet.
>This is quickly turning into a real mess.
>Puffing your cheeks out, you give a quiet sigh and glare at the wall.
>Your partner is quick to catch on to your distress and takes over.
>“Well, it’s about time for the show to start.”



>Vinyl grunts and shrugs.
>“I suppose it is, but we still don’t have any idea who’s been sneaking in here.  I don’t mean to sound like a pest, but after everything that’s happened this afternoon, I’m really feeling uncomfortable about going out there tonight.  The way things have been going, I really think I am going to get attacked.”
>So much for enjoying the show.
>But if you can bait them out…
“All right.”
>You slam your fist into your palm and grin.
>The ponies jump at the sound, but Shining Armor notices your expression and smiles back.
>“You’ve got a plan?”
“It’s not much, but it’s something.  Shiny…”
>Oh jeez, you’re actually suggesting this.
“You stay here with Vinyl.”
>Goodbye sweet unicorn DJ poon.
>You were a long shot, but still a shot…
“They won’t come in if they believe there’s a guard still here.  When Vinyl leaves, you’ll stay a safe distance behind her and cover her rear.”
>The white mare gives a small cough, bringing a hoof to her lips as she chuckles.
>Shining Armor just flushes a bright red.
>“Wh-what about you, partner?”
>You pound your chest and smirk.
“I’ll be on overwatch from the catwalk.  If any one tries to lay a hoof on her, I’ll be able to drop down on top of them.”
>You’re still not too keen on walking the suspension track, but you’re confident that the spots you located earlier looked solid enough to support your weight if you needed to make a quick descent.
>Shining Armor gives a quick nod and sets his lips into a thin line.
>“And if there’s more than you can handle?”
>Another smirk works its way onto your lips.
“Well, you better be quick on your hooves then, hadn’t you?”
>Looking to Vinyl, you lift an eyebrow and do your best to wear a comforting smile.



“I realize it’s a bit of a risk, but I think it’s the best way to see to your safety.  Your security can keep back anyone who tries to rush the stage during the show and your magic will take care of any spells.”
>The DJ takes a breath and then nods.
>Her red eyes flash to life with a certain excitement that comes with a risky suggestion.
>“Right.  Let’s do it.”
>You say your goodbyes and make your way up to the catwalk, sticking to the shadows as you squat on the thin metal rails.
>The crowd has already started to gather, there’s a fair amount of laughter and shoving as they jostle for position.
>Taking a few minutes to scan the crowd, you look for anyone who might be suspicious or match the sketch of the letter-leaver.
>Unfortunately, all the stallions have a certain awkward quality about them that does little to remove them from the suspect list.
>With a sigh, you settle in for your wait.
>The venue is nearly full and music already starting to thrum out of the speakers when you hear the door to the changing room open.
>Out trots the white mare of your dreams, tossing her mane from one side to the next as she looks around before making her way through the backstage area.
>Confident that Shining Armor will follow along behind, you creep your way forward, keeping your eyes towards the front.
>Or at least you try.
>Your appreciative eyes do drop to the rolling flank of the dedicated DJ.
>It’s the closest you’re getting tonight anyway.
>As Vinyl disappears behind a curtain, you hurry along to catch sight of her again.
>When you do, you see she’s already been confronted by four greasy looking stallions.
>A pegasus, an earthpony and…
>Dang.
>Two unicorns.
>One of their horns is glowing with a pale green light.
>The rest of them are grinning at her and look like they’re about to start speaking.
>Not on your watch.



“Freeze, you scrubs!”
>With a grunt you throw yourself over the railing and land on top of one of the crates.
>It gives a wary creak, which provides you with all the incentive you need to jump to the floor.
>You stand and smirk at the four stallions.
“I bet you weren’t counting on running into the Royal Guard tonight, were you?”
>Nodding to the earth pony, you glance to his Security shirt
“And after you do all this work to get close to Vinyl… maybe I should let Snowflake have his way with you instead of taking you to be processed.”
>The pony recoils, but there’s a quick laugh from one of the others.
>“Huh?  Who’s this ape?”
>The unicorn on standby smirks before he nods to the other.
>“Just blast’em both.”
>Vinyl’s head whips around, her brow furrowed even around the goggles she usually wears.
>Her lips are set into a thin line as she shakes her head, sending the eyewear flying as she looks at you with fear in her bright blue eyes.
>…wait what?
>“Anonymous get down!”
>Shining Armor roars even as pink magic bursts from his horn.
>Oh.
>Oh crap!
>They set up a bait and switch and didn’t tell you!
>Worse still, you were checking out his ass, not Vinyl’s!
“Daggum ponies!”
>You curse and move to dive out of the way, even as the magic blast washes over you.
>The hairs on your arms, legs, and the back of your neck immediately stand on end, as though the spell were an electric shock.
>Your spring came too late and now you’re caught in the middle of this green nightmare.
>While you can’t be sure what the spell entails, it’s incredibly powerful.
>At once, you feel your body go flush and your insides begin to feel like they’re boiling over.



>Dropping to your knees, you clutch at your gut and start panting.
>Sweat rolls down into your face as you stare at the ground.
>Crap.
>So this is how it ends?
>Cooked from the inside out?
>You knew ponies could be cruel sometimes but, jeez.
>At once, the wave ends and you see Shining Armor drill his hoof into the face of the casting unicorn.
>He’s grinning like a mad man.
>The other three are scrambling to put up some sort of defense, but the enraged stallion is managing to hold them off with various spells.
>In the distance, you can hear the familiar scratching of records.
>“Good evening, Canterlot!”
>As the crowd roars, the punched unicorn props himself up and stares towards the stage.
>Vinyl made it.
>Good…
>“Are you ready to get hyped?”
>Another shout from the party ponies and you feel an unfamiliar aura of magic begin to collect inside the venue.
>She’s starting her spell.
>The unicorn in front of you sneers, his horn glowing green again.
“No.”
>You hiss, stumbling to your feet.
>Your guts still feel like they’re percolating inside you, but you can’t leave this half assed.
>With a growl, you charge the unicorn stallion and bring your knee into his face.
>His head cracks against the wall, sending him into a daze.
>While you want to do more, you fall back onto your knees and just let your body hang.
>After a few more seconds, Vinyl’s spell settles in and clears your mind a bit.
>Though, there are other things you’d like to be looking at other than your crotch.
>Huh?
>You are sporting a wicked stiffy right now…
>Maybe a lust spell?
>Smirking at the unicorn, you flash your teeth and grab him by the throat.
“Oh, you cheeky colt...”
>He gags and looks at you with fear in his eyes.
>While he’s a little younger than you, he doesn’t seem like he wants to start anything, especially now that the dampening spell has settled in.


>You chance a glance over your shoulder and see Shining Armor finishing up with the earth pony and pegasus, though the second unicorn is nowhere to be seen.
>Time to get an answer or two.
“Hey.”
>Smirking, you turn back to the unicorn you have in your grip.
“Want to tell me what it is you cast on me?”
>He’s sweating bullets now as his eyes flit from one side to the other.
>“It, it was just a spell to incapacitate a pony.”
>You raise an eyebrow and he’s all too quick to add
>“By arousing them.”
>At once your junk seizes up, causing you to grit your teeth.
>He was spot on about that one.
>Deciding to leave the grilling for later when you’ve got a clear head, you clock him once upside the head before shoving him in a nearby maintenance closet.
>“Anon!”
>Glancing over your shoulder, you grin and hold the door open a moment more as Shining Armor throws the other two ponies you managed to capture in as well.
>With a flourish, you slam the door and stick a chair in front of it.
>“Good work, partner.”
>Shiny laughs and trots over, holding out his hoof for a bump, but pausing when he catches sight of your raging boner.
>Dropping his leg, he shoots you a sheepish smile.
>“I, uh, really hope you didn’t get that after watching me trot my way through the backstage.”
>Snorting, you roll your eyes and try to blow it off like it’s nothing.
“Please, like you look anything like her.”
>Smirking, your partner nods to the door.
>“The body stocking with her cutie mark was enough to fool them.”
>True.
>You glance him over again, noting that while their manes are different the form fitting white stocking adorned with her cutie mark makes him look eerily similar.
>It was a really good disguise, and he fills it out perfectly.
>Looks like his delicate figure finally came in handy.
>He even fooled you.
>Speaking of...



“You could have at least given me a sign that you and Vinyl were doing a switch.  And how’d she get on stage anyway?”
>“It was Vinyl’s idea, and she didn’t want to tip off any pony who might be watching.  After I left, Snowflake and his Security escorted her to the stage around from the other side.  Mister Bibbidy probably isn’t too happy that she’s deviating from the program, but he’ll get over it.”
>So the brute came in handy after all.
“Well, as long as we’ve got the perps, I suppose we can call this mission a success.”
>Shining Armor scowls, glancing towards the far door.
>“Yeah, but one got away.”
>Shrugging, you turn your eyes back towards the stage.
>Vinyl’s thrusting her hoof into the air and bouncing with the beat of the song.
>Her flank jiggles delightfully.
>You sigh and try to ignore the straining in your shorts.
“The rest will give him up soon enough.”
>“I guess.”
>A slightly uncomfortable silence descends between the two of you.
>At last, Shining Armor gives you a curious look.
>“So, you just going to rock that thing all night, or what?”
>With a joking laugh, you quip back.
“What, are you offering to help me take care of it?”
>As you lean against the wall, you hear Shining’s voice crack ever so slightly.
>“M-maybe?”
>Your partner fixes you with a pained grin as you gape.
>“Just, the range of the spell was pretty wide and…”
>Shining Armor lifts his hoof and points to his underside.
>You can see his bloated batter blaster straining against the inside of the stocking.
>“Well, this tight clothing isn’t really helping matters.”
>Seriously?
>He can’t contain himself?
>As you move to berate him, your balls ache, reminding you of your own state.
>Vinyl’s barrier should be dampening the effects of the spell, making it at least tolerable for the time being.
>But, what about when the performance ends?



>Are you going to become a mindless machine bent on getting your dick wet?
>Attacking ponies just some poon would reflect poorly on your review next week.
>What a mess.
>You sigh and cross your arms over your chest.
“…Fine.”
>The stallion perks up a little at that and begins to shimmy his way out of the sheer white material, but you place a hand on his back.
“But you have to leave this on.”
>“O-okay…”
>It’s not the real thing
>But you may as well pretend to be coming inside Vinyl Scratch.
>
>“Ha, ha!  I knew I could count on you two!”
>Vinyl laughs and wraps her hooves around Shining Armor’s neck before doing the same around your waist.
>You and your partner smirk at one another before turning to the young DJ.
>A certain vibrance has returned to her face after seeing the three ponies being taken away by other members of the Guard.
>Maybe now she can finally relax.
>Flashing your teeth, you give a quick nod of your head.
“It was our pleasure, Miss Scratch.”
>The white mare rolls her eyes but smiles all the same.
>“Well I’m just sorry I didn’t call for help sooner.  I’m sure with time you two would have been able to figure out who was behind all this before it got out of control.”
>“It’s in the past.”
>Shining smirks and winks.
>“Besides, we got to see a really great show!”
>Vinyl’s cheeks flush as she stammers something under her breath.
>“Y-you too…”
>Shaking her head with a flourish, she reasserts her confidence and takes a step towards you.
>“Anyway, I can’t thank you enough for your help, so consider me in your debt.  If you ever need me for something, just let me know.”
>Fixing Shining with a grin, she winks.
>“That goes double for you, mister.  I owe you twice now.”
>Just as you thought.
>Not a chance in hell.



>With a tired sigh, you press your hand against the back of your partner’s heated head and give him a gentle nudge towards the door.
“Well, it was a pleasure meeting you Vinyl, and I’ll be sure to keep what you said in mind.  Stay safe at your other venues.”
>“I will!  See you later!”
>She laughs, waving as the two of you make your way out into the much cooler night air of Canterlot.
>As you stalk towards the barracks, Shining Armor shoots you a look.
>“Hey, about earlier…”
>Ugh.
>Setting your lips into a line, you continue to stare ahead.
“I thought we agreed that we weren’t going to talk about it.”
>“Well, yeah, of course, but I just wanted to…”
“Don’t mention it.”
>“But…”
“Don’t.  It’s just easier that way.”
>The stallion falls silent for a moment and nods.
>And then he asks it anyway.
>“Did you mean it when you slapped my ass and said it looked just as good as Vinyl’s?”
>Freaking.
>Ponies.
>You begin jogging to escape the line of questioning.
>Shining easily keeps pace and shoots you an inquisitive look.
>You break into a run and your partner follows suit, hot on your trail, begging you to answer his question the whole way back.
>In the end, it seems tonight really is going to be one you never forget.
>At least not as long as Shining Armor remembers.
>Despite that, you can only smile and whisper to yourself.
“This city, it’s never boring, huh?”



>
>Halfway across Canterlot a unicorn makes his way through countless darkened alleys.
>Glancing over his shoulders for pursuers, he sighs and shakes his head.
>“What a disaster, I thought for sure at least one of them had potential.”
>Running a hoof through his mane, the unicorn grunts.
>“Though, I’m not sure how I could have expected the Royal Guard to get involved.  Everything was going so smoothly until then.”
>With a heavy sigh, there’s a flash of green light and a quiet buzzing.
>A dark figure takes to the skies over Canterlot, leaving the city behind him.
>“The Queen isn’t going to like this, not one bit…”