My last final push:

I have been streaming full time on Twitch for almost 5 years. I have recently talked about my struggles on Twitch and on my Discord server but have not really publicly talked a lot about it since only my community knows about it.

Next year might be my last year in pursuing as a content creator on Twitch. I have been gifted so many opportunities on and off Twitch. Being part of the speedrunning community, the horror community, befriending hundreds of people around communities on Twitch, being part of speedrunning events such as GamesDoneQuick and RTAinJapan. I could go on with the amount of accolades I have in my belt, but it's just...the main ones I'm still going after are slowly becoming hopeless.

My main goal for years after affiliate was to push for partner, and every year I struggle with a Sisyphus effect. I used to have 50 concurrent viewers and now I'm down to 25-30 concurrent, and it's been stagnant for the past 2 years. Yes, I know I've been doing more niche and lesser known games, and even first playthroughs, but it defeats the purpose that I'm just not seeing changes in everything. I tried a lot of ways to make my streams more ongoing and less outrageous from the past, but it's just...hopeless; stained my reputation. It even hurts to say that the more I see some people in my social circle who has less followers getting partnered, the more jealous I get because I really just did all I could and pushed all I can, and yet I feel more defeated than ever. I should be congratulating more in people's success but jealousy hurts. In 2025, I'm going for one last hurrah, and if I don't make it, I will retire from both speedrunning and Twitch altogether.

In 2025, I'm still going to speedrun the games I want to speedrun, and I want to play games that I would really want to play on stream as a first playthrough, horror or not, but I need advices to really push myself to get partner. Yes it can also be luck dependent, but a lot of the advices I've gotten, like "stream longer so people can raid you" or "stream a single game for 3 months and people will flood in" are just...not right... I want genuine, unique, natural grown viewers. People like teddyras and Punchy are examples I look up to and I cherish what they've done with their communities a lot. It's also tough that I've thought about the bad stuff, like viewbotting or asking some of my well-known partnered streamers to raid me because viewerships from raids do add into Path to Partner now, but I don't like going on them at all; it's never worth doing such. Raids are still appreciated, but...growing independently is still my main stance to growing as a streamer. I would love to hear advices and take everything I can to be a better streamer.

I'm also going to push one last time for SAW: The Videogame to make it to onsite SGDQ 2025, and this is probably my last GDQ (unless they take me in as a remote runner in the future) ever. I feel like I'm not worthy enough to make it to GDQ at this point, and I'm someone who has been trying for 6 years and have gotten 2 mainline runs. There's a lot in me that I would really love to showcase on mainline other than the GDQ hotfix shows I've been on (thank you to people like Konception, Asuka24, Ecdycis), but I struggle so hard to go to the US even. Going to SGDQ 2024 was a struggle as well with finance and family conflicts. As to why SAW? It's the only game I would love to show to everyone on mainline GDQ. Yes, there's other games I would love to show off, like an old classic Juh0 speedrun of Remothered: Tormented Fathers, to the more new and unique speedrun of Rose and Camellia. But SAW has been my grind and my bread and butter for the past 4 years, even longer than Remothered. It is one more chance I'm going to take.

As for online speedrun events, I will still try to make an effort to participate. I will still submit to marathons like Fastest Furs, RTAinJapan, BigBadGameathon, Power Up With Pride, just to name a couple, even my Twitch team's speedrun event, Time Tick. I do want to be around the communities that I have been heavily part of for the past years and will continue to show my support in the, and I will try to submit games to more speedrunning events if I ever feel like I could put in more effort and interests, even into the smaller ones.

So my goals for 2025 are:
- Get into SGDQ 2025 with SAW: The Videogame (any other games would be fine but I really want to get SAW in and possibly retiring)
- Push really hard for Twitch Partner. Just want to really make it next year. Otherwise, I'm calling it quits and retiring overall.
- Make at least 1 documentary on YouTube. I'm thinking of doing one that's in my head for a while so it'll be put into fruition next year once I could get all the materials made.

See you guys in 2025.