clueless Niffty part 1

from /hhg/ Hazbin hotel general #797
part 2: h ttps://pastebin.com/RdZp4TQv
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>Niffty is straight
>Lived in a time and place where they barely even acknowledged the gays existed, let alone tolerated them
>Is clueless, cheerful, and sociable
>She can't get her empty little head wrapped around the fact that Charlie and Vaggie are a couple
>Thinks they're just really good friends
>Tries to gossip about boys with them
>Tries to help them attract guys
>"That temper of yours is going to make it really hard on your husband someday, Vaggie"
>"You have such nice legs Charlie, why don't you ever wear skirts? The boys would be lining up around the block if they saw you in a pleated mini"
>Charlie thinks it's quaint how much of a ditz she is
>Vaggie is inching ever closer to snapping every time that pint sized stereotype opens her stupid mouth
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Must Protect!
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>"LISTEN"
>"TO"
>"ME"
>"YOU AIRHEADED MARTINI-CRAZED WALKING EPISODE OF I LOVE LUCY"
>"I'M NOT 'ON THE PROWL FOR A MAN'"
>"NOT EVERYONE IS CONSTANTLY ON PATROL FOR A CCK TO SIT ON"
>"I'M NOT EVEN SINGLE!"
>"I'M A LESBIAN!"
>"A LEEESBIIIIAAAAAN"
>"DO YOU HEAR ME?!"
>"L-E-S-B-I-A-N!"
>"I'M A LESBIAN DAMN YOU!"

>..."a what now?"

>"AAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH"
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>"Vaggie's Greek? I thought she was Mexican!"

h ttps://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lesbos
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>"Husk, did you know that Vaggie's a lesbian?"

>*eyeroll*
>"Did you not?"

>"Well she really doesn't look Greek to me but I guess..."

>"Niffty-"
>*sigh*
>"Yeah she's Greek. That's definitely what she meant."
>"Are you going to clean the ice machine today or what?"
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>"Happy birthday Vaggie~"
>"I got you a little something to remind you of home."
>"Don't ask how, all I'll say is that I had to call in a ton of favors to get a bottle of this stuff down here."
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>"Why the fk is the trash can full to the brim with empty phyllo dough boxes?"

>"I'm trying to make baklava"
>"Miss Vaggie seemed upset that I didn't know she was from Lesbos and I want to make it up to her"
>This recipe is kind of tricky though"

>"For ship's sake Niffty that ain't what she meant when she said she was a lesbi-"
>"Baklava?"
>"Nevermind, carry on"
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>"I'm a lesbian"
>"Well that's ok, I'm not rcist!"
>"No, I mean I date women!"
>"Me too! I used to go on all sorts of dates with my girlfriends when we needed to get away from our husbands."
>"UGH! NO! I MEAN I DON'T HAVE SX WITH MEN!"
>Oh my gosh, I sure hope not! Sx out of wedlock is a sin!"
>FOR FCK'S SAKE-- I EAT PUSY!"
>"I hear that's a delicacy in China, but why are you bringing up cultural dishes? Weren't we talking about relationships?"
>Charlie walks in, "What's wrong, Vaggie?"
>"Charlie, will you PUH-LEASE explain to this WALKING TROPE what a lesbian is!?"
>Charlie crouches down and whispers into Niffty's ear
>"... YOU CAN DO THAT???"
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>>>Niffty starts asking all kinds of painfully out of touch questions about lesbian relationships
>>>Not mean spirited in any way, she's totally earnest, but boy is she clueless here

>"So when you guys dance, who leads?"
>"Charlie, right?"

>"Are you assuming she leads just because she's the one wearing pants?"

>"No!"
>"...yes"
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>"So when you go to a restaurant who orders for who?"

>"We each order for ourselves."

>"But where's the romance in that?"
>"It used to be that your boyfriend was supposed to learn what you liked and order for you."

>"I'm afraid that whole concept is pretty much dead, Niffty."

>"Do you still hold the door for each other?"

>"Well of course people still do that."
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>"Ok, I think I'm starting to get it... but... which one of you does the housework and which is the breadwinner?"
>"That model doesn't really work anymore, so we divide the chores and each have a job so-"
>"THAT'S SO AWFUL, YOU MEAN YOU BOTH HAVE TO SACRIFICE YOUR TIME OFF OF WORK TO CLEAN? WHAT KIND OF DYSTOPIAN NIGHTMARE IS THIS??"
>"Niffty, we literally live in Hell."
>"Oh yeah.."
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Based clueless Niffty